A Beautiful Lie (Playing with Fire, #1)

by Tara Sivec

  I always thought your mother was the love of my life—my everything. The day she died, I wanted to die right along with her. I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and change things. I should have done better by you. I should have been the father you deserved. I should have loved you better. The truth is, you’re mother wasn’t the love of my life, not really. She was my wife, and I always have and always will love her. But you, my Annabelle, my daughter, YOU are the love of my life.

  Be happy, Anna. Take the time to enjoy life, never take anything for granted, and do the exact opposite of what your old man’s done.

  I love you. Always.

  Dad

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Garrett powered off his GPS as he pulled into the driveway of the small two story home in Manchester Township. The rental car already in the driveway and the light on in one of the front rooms made him nervous and excited all at the same time. He’d felt empty for the past two months, like nothing in his life meant anything, and he did nothing but exist day in and day out. Being this close to Parker right now, knowing she was within an arm's reach made his heart beat faster and his hands sweaty.

  He turned off the engine and made his way up the front walk to ring the doorbell. Within seconds the door opened and he forgot how to breathe. The last time he saw her she was covered in bruises and dried blood and a machine was breathing for her. The faint yellow color of the fading bruises around one eye and her cheek made him remember just how long it had been since he last saw her.

  Parker had been asleep, curled up in a ball in her father’s chair with tears dried on her cheeks and the letter clutched to her chest when the doorbell rang. She had stumbled across the room and flung open the door without even checking to see who it was. Nothing could have prepared her for the shock of seeing Garrett.

  She had purposely avoided newspapers and televisions after she recounted all of the details of their mission to Agent Charles and a member of the Navy legal team recorded her sworn testimony for court from her hospital bed. Due to her condition, she was given a special medical waiver so she wouldn’t have to testify in court. She washed her hands of the entire situation after that and wanted nothing more to do with it. The nightmares were bad enough. Watching the trial day in and day out and knowing Garrett was there and not with her would have killed her. Fernandez had robbed her of too much. The fact that the trial against him took Garrett away from her was more than she could handle.

  Due to her self-imposed ignorance, she had no idea the trial was over, though she did find out about Fernandez from Agent Charles. It was the one and only time she was happy to see the agent in her hospital room.

  “Can I come in?” Garrett asked.

  Parker suddenly felt nervous and awkward. She’d wanted Garrett there, wished him to be close enough for her to touch for weeks, and now that he was there, she didn’t know what to do. All of the pain and anger she felt back in the Dominican when Garrett got mad and stormed away came rushing back to the surface. She remembered finally letting her walls collapse, allowing her reservations to crumble to the ground, and letting herself love Garrett with everything she had. She remembered finally feeling truly happy for the first time in her life. And then he turned his back on her.

  Parker tackled one demon by coming back to her father’s house, but now another one stood right in front of her.

  “Yeah, sure,” Parker muttered as she opened the door wider and stepped back out of the way so he could enter.

  Garrett walked past her and out of habit she breathed in deep, the smell of his cologne wrapping its way around her and intoxicating her.

  She closed the door behind him and took a few deep breaths to steady her racing heart before turning to face him. Parker found him staring at her when she turned.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” she told him, trying to keep the edge out of her voice.

  “I can’t believe it took me so long,” he replied with a sad smile.

  Parker nervously picked at her fingernails and then caught herself, quickly shoving her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and out of the way.

  “You’ve been crying,” Garrett stated, taking in the tear streaks on her face and her red, puffy eyes.

  Parker looked down at her feet, nodding her head. “My dad left me a note.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Parker looked up at his face and could see the concern and worry there. It only made her angrier.

  “Sorry for what? My dad dying? Not being here when I needed you? Or walking away from me because you didn’t trust me enough?”

  Parker had rationalized with herself for weeks in the hospital that she knew Garrett would have stuck by her side if he could. Even though there was a sensible reason for his absence while she healed, she realized now that it didn’t take away her feelings of abandonment. Lashing out at him just proved how upset she was and how much she hadn’t forgiven him for not trusting her and leaving her alone—in the hospital and with Milo.

  Garrett broke eye contact, looking away in shame.

  “All of the above,” he replied with a sigh. “If I could have been with you these last few months, you know I would have. It scared me to death not being there and not knowing what was going on or if you were okay. I would have given anything to not have to leave your side, Parker.”

  She closed her eyes to ward off any more tears at the sound of her name on his lips.

  “I know that. Logically, in my head, I understand you had a job to do and it couldn’t be helped. I shouldn’t make you feel guilty about something you couldn’t control.”

  Parker left out the fact that her head and her heart were currently at war with everything that happened. She knew the reasons for the choices he made, and yet, her heart couldn’t find any reasonable explanation for the pain he’d caused her.

  The silence stretched between them and Parker wondered if they’d ever get back to the easy nature they used to have. In all the years they’d known each other they’d never been at a loss for words. They were always talking, laughing, or pissing each other off.

  “I met your friend Olivia,” Garrett said after a few minutes.

  “She’s not my friend. She was just my nurse,” Parker quickly corrected.

  “She definitely acted like a friend. She’s a bulldog, that one. Very protective of you.”

  “That’s just Olivia’s nature. I’m sure she’s like that with everyone. I think history has proven I don’t do well with friends,” Parker explained.

  The ease with which she said the words and the conviction in her voice saddened Garrett and angered him all at the same time. Parker didn’t deserve any of the things she had to deal with over the years. She deserved to be loved and cherished and taken care of. The fact that Garrett had a hand in the way she felt now broke his heart. If he hadn’t let her down in the Dominican, if he had trusted her love for him, she might still believe in friendship. She might still believe in him.

  “You do very well with friends. Better than anyone I’ve ever known. The ones you had just never deserved you,” Garrett told her softly.

  He didn’t need to include himself in that statement, it wasn’t hard to deduce that it was implied. Garrett failed her. He knew that and he lived with that fact every single moment of every day since they left the Dominican.

  Parker never actually thought about what she would say to Garrett when she saw him again. She thought just being close to him would push her anger and disappointment down so far it wouldn’t matter what happened as long as they were together. She realized now though, it wouldn’t be so easy to let it go.

  It was time to meet the next demon head on.

  “After what happened between us, I still don’t understand how you could look me in the eye and not know what you meant to me. How you could honestly believe I was such a horrible person that I would throw away everything we shared for a man I never really loved.”

  Each word Parker spoke was like a knife to Garr
ett’s heart. He wished he could deny what she accused him of, but he knew every word of it was true. He hadn’t known what he meant to her. He hadn’t believed she would stay with him if Milo were still alive.

  Garrett’s head would still be in the clouds about that now if Brady hadn’t stepped in and set him straight the day the trial ended.

  “So, you’re going to immediately go find Parker, tell her you love her, and ride off into the sunset with her, correct?” Brady had asked with a laugh as they made their way to the underground parking lot of the court house.

  “I don’t think it’s going to be that simple,” Garrett had replied with a sigh as he tried calling Parker’s cell phone again. “I don’t know if she’s going to want anything to do with me now that all of this is over. What if she’s going to pretend like nothing happened between us? Hell, she’s probably mourning Milo all over again. He was dead, he came back to her, and now he’s dead again and she’s the one who had to do it.”

  Brady stopped walking suddenly, and Garrett took a few steps before he realized his friend wasn’t right next to him anymore. He turned around to see Brady standing in the middle of the garage with his mouth hanging open.

  “What’s wrong?” Garrett asked.

  “You have got to be the dumbest fuck in the entire world,” Brady muttered as he pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and started tapping keys furiously.

  “What are you talking about?” Garrett questioned as he walked back to where Brady stood.

  “You honestly think Parker is going pretend like nothing happened? That she could even if she wanted to? How are you so intelligent when it comes to your job and a complete moron when it comes to that woman?”

  Garrett stood next to Brady staring at him in confusion until he pressed one final key and then held his cell phone up in the air closer to Garrett.

  “Remember the day we bugged you two when Parker’s dad came knocking? How she never took the bug off and it continued to record? This, my friend, is from right after your jealous ass stomped away like a two-year-old.”

  Within seconds Parker’s voice rang out, echoing through the parking garage.

  “Milo, stop. Just because you’re here, and you’re claiming to be one of the good guys, it doesn’t mean that we can all just go back to the way everything was. It’s not the same anymore.”

  “But it can be.”

  Milo’s voice argued.

  “We were going to get married and have a life together. I still love you. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you or wished I could be with you. If you can just forgive me, we can go back to that.”

  The pleading in Milo’s voice made Garrett sick.

  “No, we can’t. Milo, we’re in the middle of trying to take down the leader of this country, someone who has been exploiting teenage girls for his own gain for God knows how many years. And even if that wasn’t the case, even if we were home and you suddenly showed up out of the blue, it still wouldn’t change anything.”

  Garrett could hear Milo’s shuffled footsteps and knew he was pacing back and forth near Parker. He remembered the video he’d seen of Milo drugging Parker and clenched his fists in anger, wishing for the thousandth time that he would have stuck around to protect her.

  “Okay, I get it. You need time. You need to let things calm down and then we can talk and work things out.”

  Garrett was amazed at the nerve Milo had to say something like that to Parker. It brought back so much jealousy that Garrett almost couldn’t see straight.

  “Milo. I don’t love you. Not that way. Not anymore. Maybe not ever.”

  Garrett hated hearing the sadness in Parker’s voice. He hated that on top of everything, she had to deal with Milo doing what he could to win her back

  The silence on the recording ended abruptly with a loud, disbelieving laugh from Milo.

  “Brady, that’s enough. What the fuck does this have to do with anything? I don’t want to hear this,” Garrett complained as he turned away, not wanting to listen to anymore. He didn’t like feeling jealous. He didn’t like remembering what it felt like when he believed Parker would choose Milo over him.

  “I don’t give a shit whether or not you WANT to hear this. Don’t take another fucking step, Garrett. You NEED to hear this,” Brady threatened as he fast forwarded the recording a little and turned the volume up on his phone.

  “I’m not stupid you know?” Milo’s voice rang out.

  “I saw the two of you. You were holding hands when you got here. Whatever you’ve done with him while I was gone, it’s okay. I don’t care. You were lonely and he was there. Now that I’m back, you don’t have to do that anymore.”

  Garrett growled in anger at the words Milo spoke.

  “Milo, listen to what you’re saying?” Parker’s soft, calm voice took over. “Nothing is okay between us and it never will be. I love Garrett. He’s not just someone I passed the time with after you were gone. I know this isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, but I’ve loved him from the first moment I saw him. It’s always been Garrett and it always will be. You were my best friend, and I thought I was doing the right thing by staying with you and planning a future with you. But it wasn’t fair to either of us when my heart always belonged to someone else.

  Brady had clicked off the recording and both men stood in the quiet parking garage staring at one another.

  It had taken everything in side of Garrett not to break down, scream in rage, or punch a hole in something. All this time, all these years he’d loved Parker, and it turned out she’d loved him right back. He hated himself more than ever for what he’d done to her. He had thought her declarations of love in the Dominican were because of the heat of the moment, not because it was something she’d felt from the very first time they’d met. He'd always known it would take a miracle for her to forgive him for letting her down.

  “I deserve every bit of anger you have and more,” Garrett told Parker, bringing himself out of his thoughts away from the recording Brady had let him hear. “You have no idea how much I wish I could go back and change everything.”

  Parker laughed and shook her head sadly.

  “But you can’t. You can’t change anything, Garrett. It was always you. I knew from the very first moment that I could love you like no other, that you would make me feel things that scared the hell out of me. I tried to push them aside, I tried to do everything I could to ignore those feelings, but I couldn’t. They were always there, always lurking no matter what I did to escape them. I never wanted to love so desperately like my parents did. I never wanted to get lost in someone and forget who I was. But I did it without even knowing it was happening. I never, for one minute regretted what happened between us in the Dominican. I never doubted you or what you felt for me. But you did. I gave up all of my beliefs and all of my fears about love and jumped in head first. For you. But you walked away.”

  Garrett brought his hand up over his mouth, the guilt and shame overwhelming him. Out of everyone in her life to let Parker down, he never though his name would be added to that list. He swallowed the lump in his throat and knew it was time to stop being a fool. It was time to stop the lies and the pretending.

  He let his hand drop back to his side and took a step closer to Parker. He couldn’t stand being so far away from her. Even if she turned him down, told him she hated him and kicked him out, he wasn’t leaving there without trying.

  “This one day, a sweet, beautiful girl walked into a coffee shop and my world came to a standstill. She was shy and had a smile that could light up a room. But there was something in her eyes that made me want to take away all of her pain. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak…I just wanted to know her. But I had a friend who had a rough life. He was always getting pushed aside and struggling to be happy. I saw him make that beautiful girl laugh, and I knew I needed to step back. I knew I needed to let him grab onto that happiness once and for all.”

  Parker stood unmoving and unblinking
as Garrett told his story and laid his heart out on the table.

  “I stepped aside and I watched them grow together and love together and each and every moment it tore my heart in two. I wanted it to be me. I wanted to be the one to love her. So I did,” Garrett said with a shrug of his shoulders. “She just never knew it. I thought that friend was good for her, would treat her better than I ever could, would love her as much as she deserved. I did everything I could to get her face out of my mind, to get my feelings for her to disappear, but nothing worked. Nothing could ever stop me from loving her and wishing she was mine.

  When something you’ve wanted for as long as you can remember is finally yours, you have a hard time believing it’s real,” Garrett said softly as he moved closer to Parker and her body angled towards him. “You find yourself wondering if it’s just a dream and in one careless moment it will all be taken away from you.”

  Garrett’s voice cracked with emotion as he took another step closer to Parker, bringing himself near enough to feel the heat from her body and see the speckles of gold in her green eyes.

  “I had everything I ever wanted right in the palm of my hand, and I thought it was too good to be true. Suddenly, I didn’t deserve that girl. I didn’t deserve the way she looked at me, the way she touched me, and the way she loved me. The bad stuff is always easier to believe. So I walked away before I could get hurt. Before I could find out if the words she said were true and she’d really chosen me.”

  Parker struggled to see Garrett’s face through her tears. They were both crying now, standing a breath apart, and it suddenly felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. She’d been alone for so long trying to get passed what happened to her in that basement and trying to come to terms with the things she’d done. She’d been so focused on getting rid of the nightmares that she’d lost sight of her dreams. Every word Garrett spoke reminded her that he was her dream. Her father’s last request was that she be happy and not take anything for granted.