As I walk away, I can feel her eyes on me.
My phone rings as soon as I’m in my car.
“Let me guess,” Linus says. “That was Zoe?”
I laugh. “Someone was spying on me.”
“You were right in front of the store.”
“Yeah, that was Zoe. And she’s not Zeke’s biggest fan. Or mine, for that matter.”
“Go figure. Hey, just a minute.” He sets the phone aside as he helps a customer, and then a few moments later he picks it up again. “Okay, so the store’s slammed, and Mark called in sick. I have to work late tonight.”
“Tonight?” My shoulders slump, and I lean my head against the headrest. I go home tomorrow. This is our last night together. “Really?”
“Sorry, Riles.”
Despite myself, I smile at the nickname. “Can I see you after?”
“I was hoping you’d want to. I get off at nine.”
We plan to meet in front of the store, and though we don’t mention it, I know it’s because we both don’t want to miss a minute.
***
Our last date ends up being takeout Chinese food in the park. It’s not terribly romantic, but it’s somehow perfect. The street lights are on, but there are very few people out on this late Thursday night. We sit on the top of one of the picnic tables. I push my empty carton aside, and stretch my hands behind me on the table.
I can’t believe this is it.
“What time do you leave tomorrow?” Linus asks.
“I have an orientation in the afternoon, so I need to leave in the morning.” I don’t say while he’s at work, but we know.
We know.
Linus hops off the table to throw our containers into the nearby trash can. “Are you excited?”
Excited to start college? Sure. Excited to leave Linus. No.
“A little,” I say.
We’re quiet, and it’s like we’re already drifting apart. Linus rests one knee on the bench and leans into me. He traces my fingers, unusually quiet.
After several moments, I clasp our hands together. Quietly, I say, “It doesn’t seem fair.”
Linus meets my eyes. “Do you regret it? Regret us?”
“No.” I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him close, resting my head against his chest. “But I just wish…”
I don’t know what I wish. That he was going to my university? That I was going to his? That’s not even an option. I looked up his school online. It’s some exclusive college for people who excel in math and science. Linus is in the chemistry program. Even if I decided to change my major, which I don’t want to, there’s no way I’d get in. I suppose I could go to CU, but I’m not ready to leave my family or Lauren.
So where does that leave us?
It leaves us with this. Tonight. The end of the summer.
We end up walking around the park, talking about things that don’t matter: video games, movies, soap, music. Everything except goodbye.
Still alive? Aunt Marissa texts at midnight.
I frown at my phone. I guess this is it. I’ll be home soon.
“I, uh, gotta go.” I can’t meet his eyes.
Our hands are clasped between us, and we stare at them instead of each other. A cool breeze comes down from the mountains; the promise of autumn is in the air.
“I bet it’s pretty here in the fall,” I say.
“It is.”
Silence.
“What about in Colorado?”
His thumb rubs my hand. “There’s not a lot of colors in the city, but it’s only about twenty minutes from the mountains. The trees are pretty awesome when the leaves begin to change.”
I almost say I’d like to see it, but that won’t help, so I keep it to myself.
Linus clears his throat. “I’m glad I met you, Riley. I’m glad we had this.”
My eyes begin to sting, and my chest tightens. “Me too.”
“Maybe we could email—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “Don’t promise when you know we won’t. Sure, we’ll exchange a few, and then things will get busy, and the emails will be fewer and fewer. And then we’ll stop altogether. Later, when we think of each other, we’ll wonder what happened, but we’ll be so busy that it will only be a fleeting thought.” I finally meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to be a fleeting thought. I’d rather go home and feel like part of me is missing than slowly draw apart.”
Linus doesn’t argue, though I can tell he wants to. And you know what? I want him to. I want him to declare his affection, insist that it won’t happen to us.
But he’s not. Because he’s realistic and so am I.
I get another text from my aunt, this one reminding me to drive carefully. I shove my phone into my pocket and throw my arms around Linus, squeezing him tight, memorizing the smell and the feel of him.
“I’m not going to say goodbye,” I say against his shirt. “I’m just going to turn around and go. I don’t want to say goodbye.”
He hugs me right back, burying his face in my hair. “Okay.”
I don’t kiss him—I can’t.
Abruptly, I pull back and walk away. Tears stream down my cheeks before I even get to my car. I glance at his silhouette. He’s there, standing in the dark, waiting to make sure my car starts all right before he leaves. I hurt so badly I feel as if I cut out my heart. I can’t breathe, can’t think.
I have never in my life felt like this. It’s the most atrocious thing, like there’s a gaping black hole in my core, and I’ll never be whole again.
He turns as I pull onto the street, as if he too can’t bear to watch me leave.
Oddly, only one thought swirls over and over in my mind. I should have gotten the tattoo. Now I’ll have nothing to remember him by.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
It’s raining, which seems fitting. It’s as if the sky is crying for me.
I hug Aunt Marissa goodbye, thank her for letting me stay here for the summer.
“I’ll miss you,” she says. “The house will be too quiet without you here.”
After hugging her a little too tightly, I hold her at arm’s length. “For the love of all things fluffy, please adopt a cat.”
She gives me an incredulous look. “And be a crazy cat lady?”
“Fine. A dog then.”
“I’ll think about it.”
I open my car door. “You better, because if you don’t have one by Christmas, I’m going to show up with a package with breathing holes.”
“Don’t you dare,” she says, but she’s grinning as if she thinks it’s a joke.
It’s not.
“Say hi to your parents for me.” She pushes her hair behind her ear. “Let them know I’ll be up for Thanksgiving.”
We say the rest of our goodbyes, and then I’m on the road, headed for home. I have just a little over two hours by myself, and by the time I pull into my driveway, I’m so sick of my own company I could scream.
I’m back, I text Lauren.
My text is answered with a string of smiley faces and several party poppers.
I draw in a shaky breath. I miss him.
Is it a chocolate swirl kind of miss him? Or a rocky road?
Definitely rocky road. I wipe away a tear, irritated with myself.
Sit tight, she writes. I’ll stop by the store and be right there.
***
We lie on my bed after stuffing ourselves with obscene amounts of ice cream. Well, Lauren ate obscene amounts. I stirred mine around a bunch until it melted.
It’s a sad day when ice cream won’t cure your troubles.
“You know we have to go to the orientation, right?” she says as she checks the time on her phone.
“Yeah. I know.”
She hops up and opens my closet door. “Come on. I’ll find you an outfit.”
I let her dress me up—not because it helps but because I don’t want her to leave. I’m not sure what she told Harrison, but he hasn’t so much as texted her, which is abn
ormal, to say the least.
We go to the orientation, which is exciting and scary and new, but I don’t remember half of it. On the way home, I stare at my schedule.
“How are you doing?” Lauren asks.
“Did it hurt like this?” I whisper. “When Harrison was dating me?”
She glances from the road and then looks back. “Not like this, not exactly. If we’d been together, then yeah, it probably would have been this bad.”
“I’m sorry.”
“We’ve already been over this. Water under the bridge and all that.” She pushes one of her curls behind her ear. “My house or yours?”
“Yours,” I automatically answer. “What’s your mom making for dinner?”
Lauren gives me a sympathetic smile. “Anything you want.”
***
Brandon flops down on the couch and drops an arm around my shoulders. He just got back from a basketball game, and he smells like deodorant and sweat. Oddly, It’s not a bad smell. But he’s not the boy I want.
“How about this,” he says. “Me and you: we’ll go to a movie, eat some popcorn. We’ll even make out a little bit, just for the fun of it.”
I jab him in the ribs. “What? So, you can pretend I’m Harper?”
“Ouch!” He grins. “I give you permission to pretend I’m Linus.”
Just his name makes my chin tremble, and Brandon realizes his mistake too late. Lauren glares at her brother and tells him to get lost. He doesn’t need the prodding.
Lauren sits next to me and sets her huge manicure kit on the coffee table in front of us. She’s already going through colors. “Toes first?”
“Sure.” I hold in a hiccup.
She pulls out a tangerine polish. “This is a happy color.”
“Happy’s good.”
I can tell she’s worried about me because she puts in a sappy movie that she hates. As we watch the opening credits, she starts on my toenails. Knowing Lauren, I’ll probably end up with daisies and swirls and who knows what else.
“I almost got a tattoo,” I say as I stare at the television.
Her hand goes still, and she looks up. “How close is ‘almost?’”
“The guy was holding the needle-wand-thingy an inch from my skin.”
She blinks at me owlishly. “Wow.”
“Yeah.” I lay my head back against the couch. “Wow.”
Lauren goes back to her project, and Penelope, Lauren’s fluffy white cat, jumps on my lap, demanding attention. I hold her a little too tight, taking comfort in her silky fur and soft purr. She’s just drifted off to sleep when my phone rings, and it startles her so much she jumps down.
I stare at the screen, and the emptiness swells up, making me ill. “It’s him.”
“Answer it!” Lauren hisses.
Gulping, trying to steady my voice, I push the green button and hold the phone up to my ear. “I don’t think—”
“I just drove two hours to see you,” Linus says in a rush. “Please say you’re available.”
A lump forms in my throat. “Where are you?”
“Well, judging from the size of your hometown, no more than thirty minutes from wherever you are. Hopefully closer.”
Unbidden, tears prick my eyes. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, and I’m with Lauren right now…”
Lauren pokes me in the leg and scowls at me. I make a face at her, but she’s obstinate. “Go.”
“Okay,” I finally say, more to Lauren than Linus. Then I take a deep breath. “Yeah, okay.”
I give him directions to Lauren’s house, and Lauren hurries to finish my toes so she can usher me upstairs and help me with my makeup and hair.
To say I look like a train wreck would be an understatement. My hair is twisted on the top of my head in a floppy knot, my makeup has long since run down my cheeks, and I know I have major raccoon eyes. A few minutes ago, Harrison wandered into the living room from the guest house out back, took one look at me and the tissues littering the couch, and made a hasty getaway.
“Careful as you walk upstairs,” Lauren instructs as she pulls me off the couch.
My toenails are bright tangerine, still wet, and they’re super happy, just as Lauren promised they would be. One look at them and I burst into tears.
“Oh, Riley…” Lauren’s face crumples, and she squeezes my hand. She looks like she’s going to start crying with me, and I choke back my tears for her sake.
I have got to pull myself together. This is insane.
“You love him,” she whispers, her eyes glossy.
It’s undeniable at this point. I’ve never, not in my life, ever been this torn up about a guy.
Nodding, I grab another tissue and blow my nose in the least pretty way imaginable. Because she’s Lauren and we’ve been friends forever, she doesn’t even cringe.
“Come on,” she says. We’ve got to hurry. We have no idea how close he was when he called.”
Apparently, he was really close because just as she finishes the sentence, the doorbell rings.
Lauren looks at me, horrified. “Run upstairs, splash some water on your face, and brush your hair. I’ll let him in.”
I hobble up the stairs, trying to be careful not to smear tangerine nail polish on Lauren’s mom’s carpet. Lauren stands at the door at the base of the stairs, hurrying me along with her hand. But I can’t do it—I can’t go hide away when he’s right there. I stop at the top, needing to see him.
Lauren, thinking I’ve darted around the corner, opens the door.
And he’s there, on Lauren’s doorstep. There are dark shadows under his eyes like he didn’t sleep at all the night before, and he looks exhausted.
He notices me immediately—tear-stained eyes, messy hair, and all—and he looks stricken. “Riley…”
I choke back a sob and run down the stairs, right into his open arms. I can’t help it; I start crying against his T-shirt, and his arms clamp around me, holding me tight.
“I’m sorry,” I say, but I don’t make any attempt to move.
“I drove over as soon as I got off work,” Linus answers. “We can’t leave things like we did.”
Lauren shifts, uncomfortable. “I’m going to…be in my room.”
Harrison, probably having heard Linus pull into the drive, wanders into the entry. When he sees we’re not fighting (and he doesn’t, by duty as Lauren’s boyfriend, have to kick his girlfriend’s best friend’s ex out), he sets his hands on Lauren’s shoulders. “I could use your help in the garage.”
She jumps at the offer, and Linus says to me, “How about we go for a drive?”
“Let me run upstairs first.” I grab Lauren and drag her with me for damage control, leaving Linus and Harrison in the entry.
“Did you see how horrible he looks!” Lauren exclaims as if it’s a good thing. “He loves you too, Riley. I know it.”
In my heart, I know it too.
But where does that leave us? There’s no way this night can end any differently than last night. I don’t know that it was a good idea to replay it. The first time was horrible enough. Why would Linus want to relive it?
I wash my face as Lauren brushes out my hair. In the past, she’s always been gentle, but now she’s in a hurry, and I wince as she hits several snarls.
“Sorry,” she murmurs, but she doesn’t slow down.
Two impressive minutes later, Lauren has twisted my hair in a casual updo, and she’s spraying it in place. I’ve managed to wash the smudges from under my eyes, and I’ve quickly added a little blush, dabbed on concealer to cover the horrendous, dark circles and blotches, and swiped on a few coats of mascara.
Before I step into the hall, Lauren spritzes me with a light, fruity perfume. I give her a withering look, but she answers it with a hopeful smile.
Apparently, we’ve traded places for the evening. I’m usually the romantic, not her.
“You’ll figure something out,” she promises.
When we come downstairs, Harrison and Linus a
re deep into a conversation. Harrison leans against the wall, the picture of ease, but Linus’s shoulders are hunched over, and he looks dejected…but still adorable. And he’s supposed to be mine. In a perfect world, he would be.
We say goodbye to Lauren and Harrison and, after driving around for nearly an hour, end up at a casual barbecue restaurant. It’s a favorite of Lauren’s family, and I realize the moment we walk in that I’m starving. I haven’t been able to eat anything all day.
After we order our drinks, I set my menu on the table, already knowing what I want. “So, what are you doing here, Linus?”
He meets my eyes, and I have no idea how I used to think he was average. In the restaurant’s subdued lighting, his eyes are more gray than blue or green. His hair has grown out the slightest bit, and it brushes the tips of his ears. I want to run my hands through it.
“You mean, why am I prolonging the inevitable?” he asks.
I nod. Now that we’re together, I don’t have that constant lump in my throat; I just ache.
He pulls his eyes from mine and intently studies the menu. “I come back for Thanksgiving and again for Christmas. And I’ll be back for spring break, too.”
Linus is quiet as he waits for the words to soak in.
Long distance—that’s what he’s suggesting. But what happens when some adorable, nerdy science geek girl starts flirting with him? Because it’s bound to happen. He’s just too cute and sweet and funny to not attract attention.
“I don’t know—”
“Why?” he demands, but his voice is soft. “Why not give it a try?”
“Because that call will kill me,” I whisper.
He leans forward, looking perplexed. “What call?”
“The one where you tell me you’re really sorry, but you found someone else…that the distance is just too hard.”
His expression turns to incredulous. “You’re worried about me finding someone else? What about you, Riley? You’re the gorgeous one, the cheerleader. The one who could have any guy she wants, and yet for some reason, you want me. If anyone should be worried about getting that call, it’s me.”
Shine and Shimmer (Glitter and Sparkle #2) Page 16
