Beyond Intent

by Karice Bolton

  “Just tired…mostly.” I smiled. “Now let your boss finish her mocha in peace.”

  Emily laughed and got up to wipe down the tables. My cell started ringing, but I wasn’t sure where I’d last placed it. I glanced at the counter with the register and didn’t see it.

  “It’s by the espresso machine,” Emily said, grinning. “I know because I splashed a tiny bit of milk on it, but not to worry. I got it all off.”

  I laughed as I reached for the phone barely in time.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey,” Jason said. His voice was somber. “I spoke with Felicia, the caseworker.”

  “She called?”

  “She did.”

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  “Everything’s fine, but I’d like to see you in person.”

  “Okay. I can meet you at the house.”

  “I’ll come by and pick you up,” Jason said.

  “Okay. That’ll work too.”

  It was one of the rare spring days that didn’t involve rain or overcast skies so Jason rode his bike in today. I almost rode mine in, but I was too tired from the back-to-back trips.

  “Okay, babe. I’ll probably be there in about an hour or so.”

  “As long as you make the next ferry,” I teased.

  “Exactly.”

  “Drive safe. Love ya.”

  “Love you too,” Jason said, and he hung up the phone.

  I turned to look at Emily. “Well, that’s a bit unnerving.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “He finally heard from the caseworker, but he wants to tell me whatever it is in person.” I filled up my water glass and drank the entire thing without thinking.

  “That’s odd, isn’t it?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. A little.”

  Whatever he found out he felt was important enough to tell me in person, and that had me extremely concerned.

  “Don’t spend your time worrying about it,” Emily said. “That’s not going to get him here any faster or give you any answers.”

  “I absolutely hate being in the dark. It doesn’t matter if it’s a wrapped present sitting on a table or a secret a friend won’t share, they both drive me insane.”

  “I gotcha,” Emily said, grabbing the Seattle Times and handing it to me. “But why don’t you focus on catching up on some of the local news while you’re waiting.”

  I laughed. “I doubt I have a choice.”

  Opening the paper, I was immediately drawn to the adopt-a-pet section. Tomato and Sunny loved each other tremendously, and I often wondered if they’d like a sibling, just one more to snuggle in with.

  Oscar looked rather debonair. He was described as frisky, fully potty trained, and in love with life and long car rides. He sounded like my kind of partner.

  I kept scanning the pages, skipping over the local politics and landing on the lifestyles section. That was a private little dream I carried, to be featured in the Seattle Lifestyles section. I had many years ahead of me to try to butter up the right people for inclusion.

  I immersed myself so deeply in local news the only thing that interrupted me was the loud rumble from Jason’s motorcycle engine. I hopped up and folded the paper in a neat stack. There was something about seeing Jason on that bike that made my insides ignite. A plume of dust was settling behind his bike as I said my goodbyes to Emily and grabbed my bag.

  Jason parked his bike right in front of the bakery and removed his helmet. My body revived at the sight of him as he dismounted the machine. His body was built for riding. His lean muscles and amazing core strength nearly toppled my imagination and made me forget why he made the trek back to get me in the first place.

  “Ready?” he asked, handing me a helmet.

  He placed my purse in the saddlebags and turned to help me with my helmet before I even had a chance to snap it in place myself. His eyes fastened on mine as he adjusted my helmet. There was an interesting mixture of worry and fascination resting behind his gaze.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  He nodded. “I think it will be. We’ve got a lot to discuss when we get to the house.”

  “Well, I have to tell you the suspense is killing me.”

  “Sorry. I’m not trying to be all dramatic. I just don’t think this is a conversation that we can have sitting at the bakery or over the phone.”

  I took his word for it as he mounted the bike. I swung my leg over the back and securely fastened myself behind him, slipping my arms around his waist.

  The engine revs put me in another place and time; one when things were so carefree, and he wasn’t living with such a heavy burden. Jason merged onto the main road, and my thighs squeezed the bike as he increased its speed along the windy road to home. My mind wasn’t able to slow down on the ride home. Instead it sped up, trying to arrange and rearrange everything I’d learned in the last week.

  We pulled down the driveway and into the garage. Jason made the right decision. Being home was where we needed to be. I threw my leg off the back of the bike and unfastened my helmet. Jason dismounted and removed his helmet and gloves, balancing them on the seat, while he removed his black leather jacket. My eyes skated across his chest, which appeared taut under his black t-shirt. He must’ve been lifting some heavy frames at the shop or something. Jason smiled as he caught me ogling his physique.

  “It’s not my fault,” I said, laughing.

  He took a step forward and enclosed me in his embrace. I felt his steady breaths as he held me tightly. His hands glided along my back, resting along my shoulders when he moved forward slightly and pressed his forehead against mine. His amber eyes were filled with an apprehension I’d never sensed before.

  “What’s going on?” I whispered. “You know you can tell me anything.”

  He let out a deep breath and kissed me softly as he if he wanted to capture what our life had been. My heart sped up as our kisses became a hungry search for answers that we might never find and fear began to fill my body. The cement floor was no longer solid ground for me to feel secure. Jason’s hands slipped through my hair as the coolness of his lips traced my mouth, and I leaned my body against his for support. His kisses slowed and as we parted, his eyes locked on mine.

  “I love you more than anything, Gabby. But I don’t want my life issues to dictate yours. You have a choice. Remember that. No matter what. Okay?”

  His statement scared me beyond belief. I knew his intentions were well founded, but the words coming out of his mouth caused an emotional collapse deep inside my soul. He was preparing for the worst, and I knew what our worst would be.

  “Please don’t assume. Just tell me,” I whispered, feeling his arms tighten around me.

  “Bethany had a child when she was fifteen. I’m an uncle.”

  My world stood still. It was exactly like Jason described, the cycle continuing over and over again. I didn’t know how to react so I just stared at him. It probably wasn’t the best reaction, but it was all I could do. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

  “She’s in foster care,” Jason said. “She’s four.”

  “Are you serious? Where was she when this happened to her mom?” I asked.

  “She’s been in foster care since she was born. My sister refused to give up parental rights so she’s bounced from home to home. There was one family interested in adopting her, but when they couldn’t, the state moved her on because of attachment issues or something.”

  “I can’t believe this,” I whispered, shaking my head. “The poor thing.”

  Jason’s gaze connected with mine. “I know.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Katie,” Jason said.

  “That’s a pretty name,” I said, completely parched yet again. “I need some water.”

  “Let’s go inside.”

  I nodded, following Jason into the house. Tomato and Sunny were already alerted by the sound of Jason’s bike and were patiently waiting for us in the foyer. Jas
on walked down the hall toward the kitchen as I bent down to pet them, but the quick movement made my head rush, and I nearly fell. Reaching for the wall to steady myself, I took a deep breath in and squatted instead to finish rubbing the girls’ backs.

  As I sat in the quiet of the entry, my mind circled back to the little girl who’d been bounced around from place to place. My heart ached as I thought about the instability in her life that matched Jason’s when he was young. I stood up and walked into the kitchen where Jason handed me a glass of water.

  I slid onto the stool at the counter and took a sip of water.

  “That’s a lot to take in,” I said, our eyes connecting.

  “It is.” He pressed his lips together as I studied the strength and resolve in his expression.

  “My heart aches for her.”

  He nodded. Leaning against the wall, he crossed his arms in front of his chest as he watched me and waited for my reaction. For some reason I didn’t have one to give. I was in shock. There was a moment when we were at dinner with Sylvia and Nick when I saw Nick’s expression change as he stared at his phone, and I wondered.

  I thought back to everything Jason and I had gone through together, and our resilience and ability to stay close no matter what life handed us was unmatched as long as we stayed committed to the same life goals. I touched my chest remembering back to the revelation that nearly tore us apart. Again, one life was lost and another emerged. I was alive because his fiancée didn’t survive. It was hard to miss the parallels.

  Jason’s eyes fell to my hand that I’d placed on my scar and he nodded.

  “Hard not to think about everything that keeps coming our way,” Jason said.

  “So much is beyond our control, but when we have the ability to make someone’s life a little better…” my voice trailed off, unsure of what I really wanted to say.

  His gaze flashed to mine; an intense curiosity sat behind his expression.

  “What are you saying?” he asked.

  “Is there really a choice?”

  “There’s always a choice.” His expression sincere, but I knew him better than that, and a unexplainable laugh erupted.

  “Not with Katie. You knew the answer the moment you got that call,” I whispered, holding out my hand. His fingers entwined with mine and he brought me to my feet.

  “I can’t ask you to do this,” he whispered, bringing me into his embrace.

  “I’d never make you ask. We’re a team, and I can’t imagine living a life with you and without this little girl if that’s what’s been presented to us. We can’t turn our backs on her, and I can’t turn my back on you.”

  “You’re a loving woman, Gabby Sullivan,” Jason said, as we stood holding one another in the kitchen.

  “I’m not promising I’ll be any good at it, though,” I laughed. “So don’t go getting too happy about anything just yet.”

  “You’ll be amazing.” I felt his smile as he hugged me a little tighter, and I attempted to imagine Katie’s arrival. I had no idea what to expect, but a wave of anxiety pulsed through me as I thought about screwing her up, like literally screwing her up. Would I know what to do or not do? Would she like me? Dogs usually loved me, but I wondered if that applied to kids too. What if she hated me?

  “I better make the call before Felicia goes home for the night,” Jason said, as I took a step back. “Time difference and all.”

  I nodded and glanced at the clock. “Should I call off dinner with everyone tonight?”

  Jason shook his head. “I think it would be nice to see our friends, especially tonight.”

  “Then I’ll get to marinating the chicken. I might want to make tonight’s meal extra special for them if we’re going to start buttering them up for babysitting duty.” I smiled.

  The pale light of the sun filtered into the kitchen, catching the dazzling flecks in Jason’s eyes, and I caught a flicker of amusement run through his gaze.

  “Probably a good idea.”

  “Let’s not mention anything until after Aaron brings us up to date on everything. I don’t want to overshadow everything he’s excited about.”

  “What… you think suddenly becoming parents might do that?” Jason laughed.

  The word—the actual word—kind of freaked me out. A parent. I was about to be a parent. I let out a deep breath and laughed.

  “You okay?” Jason asked, dialing his cell.

  “Totally,” I said, walking to the fridge. “Just a lot to absorb. But I know we’re doing the right thing.”

  Jason strode to the great room and sat on the couch while making his call. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I was scared to death. This was a life-changing event. One that would forever alter the course of our relationship, but as I glanced at Jason I knew there was nothing I’d rather do. I’d follow this man to the ends of the galaxy and back. There had never been any guy in all my existence who made me feel as much of a woman as he did. The way he supported my dreams and talked me off ledges, plural, wasn’t a trait I’d ever experienced before. It didn’t matter what type of day I’d had, he’d listen to me intently as if what I said was the most fascinating thing in the world.

  I’d be the first to admit that not every recipe disaster at the bakery was all that interesting, but he treated it as if it was. Moreover, he still did all these things even as he was secretly dealing with all of these family issues. He was a phenomenal man. We were a family, and if it happened to grow overnight, then that’s how it was meant to be. No trying to overthink fate or trick destiny because both would always come knocking.

  Somehow I’d managed to slice all of the chicken and place it in the bowl without even remembering doing any of it. That was a little too much on autopilot for my liking. I needed to make sure I kept all my fingers and toes. Jason hung up the phone and came back to the kitchen.

  “It’s going to be quite the process so it’s good we got it started,” Jason said.

  “Like what?” I asked, having no clue what the process entailed.

  “For starters, we have a lot of paperwork to fill out. It’s lucky we have an appointment on Monday with Stanley. They have to transfer Katie’s case from Alabama to Washington, which takes a lot more finagling than one would think. Once her transfer is approved, things should go a little more quickly.”

  “Where will she be while all of this is happening? Can’t we have her here?” I asked. “I bet she’d like it here better than Alabama. We have Tomato and Sunny here.”

  “I tried to work that angle, but I guess we have to get our home approved. CPS will come out and make sure the home is safe, and the environment is a good one for her.”

  An odd sensation took over, like a cross between possessiveness and indignation. Of course our home would be suitable for Katie. We were her family.

  “I guess there’s an in-depth interview that we’ll each have to go through as well,” Jason continued.

  “How long does the process take?” I asked.

  “Well, Felicia promises me that they’ll try to expedite it as best they can.”

  “That’s not likely to speed things up much, though, is it?”

  Jason shook his head. “Doubtful.”

  I didn’t like the idea of Katie being in some stranger’s home. I was grateful to whoever it was that was watching her, but I’d seen enough Datelines to make me a nervous wreck. I wanted her here with us. Now.

  “I wish we could just go bring her home now,” I said to Jason.

  “Really?” he asked, his eyebrow lifting slightly.

  I nodded. “Yeah. I don’t like the idea of her being out there somewhere without any family. Has she ever met her mom?”

  “Felicia said that my sister visited her a few times, but that it never registered with Katie that is was her mom visiting.”

  “That’s sad,” I said. “Does the family Katie’s living with now live near Bridgeport? Is that why your sister had a receipt from there?”

  Jason nodded. “Yeah. Katie’s ab
out twenty minutes from that town.”

  “I wonder what kinds of things the interview covers? Do you think my transplant is going to be a problem?” Dread filled my veins as my mind raced to all the things that might not be perfect in the eyes of the state.

  “That won’t be a problem,” Jason said, flashing the most adorable smile. “You’re perfect. There’s nothing for you to worry about. Maybe we’ll butter them up with some of your cookies though…just in case.”

  “Whatever’ll work,” I teased.

  Jason walked over to the windows that overlooked the Sound and stood, leaning against the sill.

  It was like everything in our world was slowing down into a series of questions and unknowns that neither of us could really voice. We didn’t know what to expect. We didn’t know how to prepare. All we could do was wait. I walked over to Jason and slipped my arm around his waist and tilted my head onto him.

  The silence between us lasted several moments as I watched the surface of the water ripple from the strengthening breeze. The trees gently swayed and the bushes shivered as the wind increased. There wasn’t any news of a storm on the way, but our weathermen weren’t known for being the most reliable.

  I took a step back and studied the man standing before me. Jason’s dark hair was shoved back, and his bronzed skin accentuated his chiseled features. But his rugged good looks did little to camouflage the worry that was edging its way into his expression. This was a lot for one person to handle, and I hoped that having me by his side would help.

  “You’re doing the right thing. It may not be the easy thing, but it’s the right thing to do.”

  His gaze fastened on mine and he gave me a slight nod. “If I didn’t have you…”

  “You could do this with or without me,” I assured him. “But I hope I make it a little easier.”

  “You make my life a hell of a lot easier in more ways than I can count. You know that don’t you?” he asked.

  “I’m beginning to believe it,” I whispered. “You had me worried there for a couple of minutes.”

  He laughed. “I learned my lesson, Gabby. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. I promise I thought I was only shielding you. I never expected this to happen, though. There’s no shielding you from this.”