The Journey Home

by Linda Ford

  “Gone back to the Hawkes’,” Martha said. “Says he promised to break some horses for Jed.”

  Charlotte thanked God she would get another chance.

  Kody sat at the table when she returned from the hospital that afternoon.

  “We must talk,” she murmured.

  “Nothing left to say.”

  “I think there is.”

  He simply shook his head.

  Martha hurried in from the front room. “There’s a letter for you.” She handed it to Charlotte.

  Charlotte recognized Harry’s writing and opened the envelope, pulled out the sheet of paper and unfolded it. She read the message twice, wondering that she felt nothing.

  “Let me guess,” Kody’s voice rasped. “He still doesn’t have any room for you.”

  “Listen to what he says. ‘We’ve found a house finally. I’ve enclosed a money order for a ticket for you to join us. We’ve missed you. The children ask after you constantly.’” She shook the envelope and a money order fell out.

  “You’ll be leaving, then?”

  She stared at the letter she’d been waiting for since she’d been abandoned.

  “I miss the children.” She could go and help Nellie, make herself indispensable, as Mother had advised. Certainly Nellie would appreciate her now. “Listen to the rest. He signs himself, ‘Lovingly, Harry,’ and ‘P.S. Nellie is expecting another baby.’” She slowly folded the page and returned it to the envelope, along with the money order.

  She waited for Kody to say something, anything to convince her she shouldn’t go, but he stared into his cup of tea as if he hoped to discover all the secrets of the world there.

  “Kody, can you give me one reason I shouldn’t buy a ticket and leave?” She loved him. Guessed he must know it by now. But her love meant nothing unless he returned it.

  Slowly, he brought his head up and stared at her, his eyes dark, revealing nothing. Nothing at all. Finally he shook his head. “You should go to Harry. It’s what you wanted from the start. It’s where you belong.”

  Her insides tensed. She gathered up every ounce of her courage. “I could belong anywhere I’m wanted.”

  “He’s family. Where else should you be?”

  His words swept clean her heart, cleansing it of hope, leaving her empty and hurting. She pushed back from the table and fled to her room, where she stared out the window. She tried to pray, but her empty heart yielded no words.

  “Supper,” Martha called up the stairs, and Charlotte forced resolve into her heart. She could face this. Wasn’t Kody always telling her she was strong?

  Her head high, she marched into the kitchen and took her place, thankful Leland was full of talk about a visit he’d had with the church elders, arranging for him to resume his role as pastor.

  The meal over, Charlotte rose to clear the table.

  “Ma, Pa.”

  The sound of something both hard and reluctant in Kody’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

  “I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning.”

  “Leaving?” Martha sounded surprised.

  “For Canada.”

  “But I thought…” Leland grabbed Kody’s arm. “After…” He struggled to get his words out. “Sunday. I thought you would be staying.” Leland sent Martha a pleading look.

  Martha nodded and voiced the words Leland couldn’t pull from his shocked mind. “We both thought you had accepted who you are, who God made you to be.”

  “I can’t deny my faith. But my reality is still the same. I don’t fit.”

  Charlotte gripped the plate she held so hard her fingers cramped. She wanted to grab him, shake him hard until he admitted he was accepted by some, not by others. But what mattered most was what he thought of himself.

  “Kody, my son—” Martha’s voice rang with pain “—when will you ever forgive those who have been cruel to you?”

  He pushed from the table. “Ma, I can forgive them all I want, but it won’t change them. I can handle what they say about me, but—” he shot Charlotte a look so full of pain she almost cried out in protest “—I won’t let others be branded the same way. This is goodbye. I’ll be gone before anyone is up tomorrow.”

  “No,” Charlotte called, but he slipped out the door before she could say anything to change his mind. She wanted to say she didn’t care what people said. She loved him enough to ignore it. People who mattered knew he was a good man.

  Martha took Leland into the front room. They spoke quietly, but Charlotte didn’t need to hear their words to know they sought ways to deal with Kody’s impending departure.

  As she washed dishes, she sought her own way. Found nothing to ease the twisting of her insides. She didn’t cry, her pain beyond tears. Somehow she had to go on from here. She could only do it with God’s help. She remembered Leland’s sermon. She had only to trust God one day at a time.

  Charlotte lay in bed. Kody had ridden away yesterday morning as she’d watched from her bedroom window. He’d glanced back, seen her there, gave the barest tilt of his head, then kicked Sam into a gallop.

  She moaned. The house shuddered. She smiled crookedly. Even the house missed him. She bolted upright. The house rattled. She raced to the window. The air looked gray as shameful laundry. The northern horizon rolled with a gigantic black cloud.

  Kody was out there somewhere. She prayed he’d found shelter.

  She tried to block out the sound of the wind as she prepared for work.

  It blew all day, through the night and all the next day. Charlotte thought of the Eaglefeathers and prayed they would be okay. She thought of the people living in the drought-stricken area and prayed for their safety. She tried not to remember stories of people lost in such a storm. How their bodies had been found buried in dirt. She shuddered. What an awful way to die. She wouldn’t think Kody could suffer such a fate. He knew enough to find shelter. But what if…? She wouldn’t let her thoughts go there and prayed even as she helped clean the hospital.

  Next morning people suffering dust pneumonia started to flock to the hospital. The wards were full of coughing. Charlotte raced from patient to patient with water, urging them to drink more. She spoon-fed broth to those too weak to help themselves. She stayed late, knowing how desperately these people needed care.

  Long past dark she made her weary way home. Martha had left a plate of food in the oven for her. She tried to eat it, but hardly had the energy to lift the fork to her mouth.

  She dragged herself upstairs and sank onto the edge of the bed. Her gaze fell on Harry’s letter. He’d asked her to join them. She shook her head. She couldn’t leave Matron and the nurses when they needed every pair of hands they could find.

  They needed her. It felt good, but it had nothing to do with her need to be needed. This was about doing something of value. She sat straighter. What she did had importance. She considered the idea. For the first time she considered who she was, what she wanted.

  She’d been raised to think she must trust Harry to take care of her. She must work to ensure he would, but she didn’t need Harry’s protection. She’d proved it. She didn’t need to kowtow to Nellie in order to have a home. She’d found a perfectly good home here. And even though she couldn’t expect to continue to live with Martha and Leland, she could move into the nurses’ residence. She had value and purpose. Right here—she pressed her hand to her chest—in her heart, accepting the life God so graciously provided her. God, thank You for who I am.

  If only she could tell Kody. Please keep him safe wherever he is.

  Renewed, she quickly penned a note to Harry saying she couldn’t leave her job. She put the money order and letter in an envelope and sealed them. She would mail it tomorrow.

  Smiling so hard her cheeks hurt, she prepared for bed and fell asleep instantly.

  When, next day, she mentioned moving to the nurses’ residence, Martha and Leland begged her to board with them. She agreed readily.

  Her newfound joy filled her with a bubble of continuous l
aughter the next few days, marred only by missing Kody and her wish that Star could see the special doctor. Often she gazed to the north, wondering how far Kody had gone. Would he ever stop running? Would he ever come back?

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kody had every intention of riding hard and fast for Canada when he left Favor, but he had one thing to do first. He rode to the reservation to say goodbye to John and Morning and to give Star one last hug. It took every ounce of his strength to keep from showing any emotion as he held his little daughter. He would never see her again, but he could do one last thing for her. He unlaced those hateful, hurtful boots and tied them to Sam’s saddle. “I’ll dump them in a ravine somewhere.”

  He squatted before Star. “You be happy, hear?”

  “I don’t want you go.” She sobbed. “Why you have to?”

  “It’s for the best.” Seems he had to say it so often when it should have been obvious to everyone. “I have to go.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  He brushed his hand over her hair and stroked her cheek, then pushed to his feet and nodded a last goodbye to Morning and John. But when he returned to the main road he stopped. Somehow, despite his determination to ride fast and far, he couldn’t head north. Instead, he turned south, rode a mile, then chose a road to the west. He needed a place far enough from town he could disappear for all intents and purposes. Yet he could be close enough to keep an eye on both Charlotte and Star. And he knew just the place. The Widow Murphy needed a man.

  He rode until he reached the Murphy place. Widow Murphy hired him instantly, accepting him without reservation. He chuckled. He like the old lady. Admired her spunk. But it was way past time for her to give up her hard life. He said so every chance he got. She was so crippled she could barely walk. He carried water to the house for her. She moaned as she hobbled to the stove.

  “Ma’am, why are you clinging to this ranch? Sell it and move to town, where you can have a few comforts.”

  “Can’t, boy. Who’d I sell it to?”

  “Lot of people would be glad of this place.” It was a beautiful ranch with lots of grass and water and a big log house her husband had built. “This house is way too big for one woman.”

  She sighed. “We planned to fill it with kids. Didn’t plan for Cyrus to get hisself killed.”

  “So let someone else fill it with kids. Ain’t it time to let it go?”

  “Boy, I vowed I would keep this ranch after my good man died. I haven’t quit anything in my life. Figure I ain’t going to now.”

  “Sometimes it’s okay to change your mind.”

  “Next you’ll be telling me I’m too old to run this place.”

  He gave her a hard look. “You are too old. Stop being so stubborn.”

  “I ain’t old if I don’t want to be.”

  He snorted and stalked from the room. How could she be so blind? She seemed to figure if she chose to believe she wasn’t old, she wasn’t old. But pretending it wasn’t so didn’t change the facts.

  He faltered on his next step as one thought caught another and twisted together like tangled rope. Widow Murphy ignored the fact of her age. Kody Douglas ignored the fact people cared about him despite his heritage.

  He took an uncertain step. He knew Charlotte cared for him. He cared for her. He loved her.

  But did she love him enough to face prejudice? Accept his uncertain heritage? Did he want to face it? He knew people could be cruel. Who knew what sort of people the future might bring into his life?

  Pa’s words blasted through his mind. Joyfully take what God gives us today. Let Him take care of yesterday and tomorrow.

  Kody’s today included a woman he loved and who, he hoped, loved him back.

  It included a little girl he wanted to be there for.

  He raced back to the house. “I’ll be gone a day or two, but I’ll be back.” He carried in enough water to last Widow Murphy while he was away and filled her wood box to overflowing. “Don’t do something stupid while I’m gone, like climb into the loft to see if it needs repair. I’ll look after everything when I get back.”

  He reached Favor at suppertime, turned Sam into the little corral and hurried to the house. He hoped he wasn’t too late to stop Charlotte from leaving to join Harry.

  He burst through the door.

  Three pairs of eyes jerked in his direction. “Ma, Pa, Charlotte. I’ve come back.” He saw only one face—Charlotte’s. Something sweet and joyous and completely welcoming flared in her eyes. He couldn’t believe how close he’d come to riding away from that.

  She set a place at the table for him. Ma and Pa plied him with questions he hoped he answered in a reasonable fashion. He wouldn’t be able to think straight until he dealt with two important items.

  After supper, he waited until Ma and Pa had left the room before he said to Charlotte, “Did that special doctor come yet?”

  “He’s coming tomorrow.”

  “Good. I want to take Star. Will you come with me to the reservation to get her?”

  She nodded.

  “I’m going to tell her I’m her father.”

  Charlotte laughed. “Thank God. One prayer answered.”

  “One?”

  She ducked her head. “I have more, but let’s deal with this first.”

  He agreed, even though he wanted to sweep her into his arms and declare his love right there on the spot. But he wanted to do it right. He wanted to allow her to see exactly what he was and have a chance to decide how much it mattered.

  Charlotte had the day off, so they left early next morning. He wanted to get Star to the doctor as soon as possible.

  It wasn’t until he stopped the car at the Eaglefeathers’ home that he realized he had no idea what to say. He said as much to Charlotte.

  “Seems to me the plain and simple truth is best.”

  He nodded. He took Morning and John aside first and told them his plan. John squeezed his arm. “It is for the best. We have hoped you would do this.”

  But Kody feared his confession would upset Star. After all, he intended to turn her world upside down. He grabbed Charlotte’s hand as he went to face his daughter.

  Charlotte squeezed reassuringly. “I’ll pray,” she whispered.

  He had her support and God’s help. He could do this.

  He sat cross-legged in front of Star, liking how she looked in the dress Charlotte had made her, seeing her light eyes, knowing they set her apart, yet her eyes were beautiful. He would teach her to be proud of how she looked and her heritage. Just as Ma and Pa had taught him. It had taken a while for it to get through his stubborn resistance, but it finally had. He took a deep breath, glad when Charlotte stood close by, offering encouragement yet understanding he and Star had to deal with this alone.

  “Star, I have something important to tell you.”

  She squinted at him. “No more boots.”

  He laughed. “This isn’t about your foot. It’s about who you are.”

  “I am Star.”

  His bright, shining child. He wanted to hug her close, but needed to face her to make this announcement, needed to give her room to react however she chose. “Star, you have light eyes because your mommy had light eyes.”

  She stared at him.

  “Her name was Winnoa and she died when you were a baby. That’s why I left you with Morning and John.”

  She didn’t blink. Her intense gaze made his eyes sting.

  “I am your father.”

  Her eyes widened. She looked to John and Morning. “They are my momma and poppa.”

  “They both love you very much and will always love you. But I am your father.”

  “Why you leave me?”

  All his arguments became dust before her accusations. “I thought it best.”

  “Not best.”

  “I know that now. I want to take care of you. I want you and I to be together.”

  She nodded. “Like a real father?”

  “Yes. Like a real father.”


  Her smile rivaled the sun for brightness. “I like that.” She shifted her gaze back to Morning and John. “I not want to leave my momma and poppa.”

  “You won’t have to until you’re ready.” He didn’t have a place for her yet. There were so many things to work out.

  Star scrambled to her feet and threw her arms around his neck. “My real own daddy.”

  Behind him, Charlotte sniffed.

  He laughed and hugged his little daughter. “I love you, Star Douglas.”

  She hugged her arms around his neck so tight he almost choked, but he didn’t mind. Not in the least.

  She leaned back against his arms. “I know’d you was my father.”

  “You did? Who told you?”

  “Nobody. I know’d ’cause you made me wear bad boots. Only a father would make a little girl do it.”

  He crushed her to his chest. “It is because I love you.”

  Her warm little arms stole around his neck and she pressed her face to his cheek. “Me, too.”

  Charlotte, eyes gleaming, knelt at his side and patted Star’s back.

  After a few minutes he shifted Star so he could look into her face. “Because I love you, I have one more thing I want you to do.”

  She nodded slowly, her eyes so full of trust it hurt his heart.

  “I want to take you to see a special doctor who might be able to fix your foot.”

  “Will it hurt?”

  “I can’t say. You’ll have to ask the doctor.”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  Kody didn’t want to rush away, but Morning and John encouraged him to get her to the doctor.

  Charlotte led them down the hall of the hospital to the waiting room.

  A nurse rose from behind a wooden desk. “Why have you brought that child in here?”

  “Nurse Sampson—” Charlotte began.

  Many grown men quaked at the way she spoke. He was finished with quaking and running and for Star he would face someone ten times Nurse Sampson’s size and noise. “My daughter needs to see the doctor.”