Going Deep (Imperfect Love Book 2)

by Nikki Ash

  “I’m here when you’re ready to talk,” he murmurs against my lips. My throat clogs with emotion. How did I, Giselle Winters, the woman who spent the last year selling her body for money, get so lucky to end up with a man like Killian Blake? I don’t deserve him.

  “Thank you,” I murmur against his lips.

  The elevator dings and we enter Fresh Designs. I take my messages from the receptionist and head back to my office. I unlock the door and have a seat behind my desk. Setting my coffee and breakfast down, I pull my laptop out of my bag. I open it up and press the power button to turn it on. Killian falls into the seat across from me, and I realize he’s followed me in.

  I can’t help but laugh. This isn’t the first time he’s done this. Although, the last time he did it, it was because he had an appointment…Oh, Jesus. The screen comes to life, and I click on my schedule. Sure enough, my ten o’clock appointment is with Killian Blake.

  I glare, and he laughs.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I demand, humor seeping out of my words. “Your condo is done.”

  “Our condo is done,” he corrects me. I roll my eyes. And then it hits me…

  “Killian, we didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement.”

  He gives me an odd look.

  “You know…a document that protects the rich people from being screwed over by the poor people they married when shit goes south.” It’s kind of a joke, but it’s still true. Killian doesn’t take it that way, though.

  “That’s not funny, Giselle. I’m not having you sign a document that specifies what you get or don’t get in case we divorce. We aren’t divorcing, ever.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but he gives me a look that says he’s not playing around. “Now, I’m here to hire your services.”

  “Okay.” I laugh. “What would you like me to decorate now, Killian? Your locker room?”

  “No, smartass. Our house.”

  “Killian, I seriously have a lot of shit to do today. As much as I love having you in my office, I need to get to work.”

  “And that includes decorating our place.” He pulls a sheet of paper out of his pocket and pushes it across the desk. I take it and read over it. It’s a house listing. The address looks familiar. Where have I seen it? It’s a five-bedroom, four-bathroom house with a three-car garage. An indoor/outdoor pool, a huge backyard according to the images. When I see the name, I remember where I’ve seen this street name.

  “This is Olivia and Nick’s house?” I ask, confused.

  “No, it’s ours. It’s two doors down from Nick and Olivia.”

  My eyes volley between the paper and Killian. “You purchased a house on the same street as Olivia?” Oh my god! This man!

  “We did. I had you sign the papers in Cozumel. You just didn’t realize it. Everything is ours. And the house has a mother-in-law suite in the back. Your mom will have her own place. Bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. She’ll even have her own sidewalk so she doesn’t have to walk through our house if she doesn’t want to.”

  My jaw drops as I flip through the pages, reading all the details confirming what Killian said. He bought us a house…no, a goddamned mansion, two houses down from my best friend in Park Slope. I spring from my seat and fly into Killian’s lap. He laughs as I straddle him and pepper kisses along his jaw, over his cheeks, his forehead, and lastly to his lips.

  “Thank you,” I murmur. “We don’t need a house that big, but thank you. For the mother-in-law suite and moving me near Olivia. Thank you.”

  Killian kisses me tenderly. “You’re welcome. I would’ve moved us directly next door, but the old lady living there refused to sell.” He mock-glares, and I laugh. “Once you’re done decorating it, we’ll move in. Think you can have it done before your mom gets out?”

  “Yes!” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

  His phone starts ringing, and I remember we’re in my office, so I climb off him. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and answers it.

  “Hey bro, what’s up?” He pauses then grins. “No shit? Yeah, we’ll be right there. Do Christina’s parents have Julia?” He listens to his brother. “All right, see you soon.” He hangs up.

  “Everything okay?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, Christina went into labor this morning. They had to deliver the baby early, but he’s perfect. Why don’t we go visit them at the hospital then we can head over to the house so you can check it out?” He stands, ready to go.

  “Umm… well…” I try to think of a reason I can’t go, but the truth is, I have no reason. My appointment this morning is with Killian and he knows it.

  He gives me a concerned look. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Sure, we can go by there on the way to the house. I just have an appointment this afternoon, so we can’t stay too long.”

  “Okay.” He smiles and takes my hand. “Grab your coffee and breakfast. You can eat on the way.”

  We arrive at the hospital, and after showing our identification, the receptionist gives us visitor passes and sends us up to the maternity ward. The door is open, so Killian knocks once and then we enter.

  Dylan is sitting in the chair next to Christina’s bed. She’s holding their baby and they’re both speaking to him. They look up, and Dylan stands and walks over to us. He gives me a hug and then Killian.

  “Congratulations, bro,” Killian says before walking over to Christina. He leans over the bed and gives her a kiss on her forehead. “He’s beautiful,” he tells her. “Looks just like his handsome uncle.” He shoots me a playful wink, and my stomach plummets.

  I stand frozen in place as I watch everything like an outsider. Killian sanitizes his hands, and Christina hands him the baby. He holds him in his arms like a pro as he walks over to show me him.

  “His name is Kyle,” his brother tells him.

  “Hey there, Kyle,” Killian coos. “How much does he weigh? Ten pounds?” he jokes.

  Christina laughs. “Funny! Seven pounds, four ounces.”

  “Nice! Kid is going to be a linebacker.” Killian grins. Dylan laughs.

  “Well, don’t hog him, Kill,” Christina chides. “Let Giselle hold him.” Killian looks up, and before I can get my facial expression under control, he sees the truth in my features. He flinches, suddenly realizing why I struggled to come here. He looks like he’s trying to make up an excuse as to why I can’t hold the baby. His gaze filled with apology. I look around and see Christina and Dylan watching us. Not wanting to seem rude or have to explain why I don’t want to hold their baby, I walk over to the sink and wash my hands.

  Killian whispers, “Are you sure?” and I nod.

  He places the baby into my arms. He’s so tiny. I lift him up to my nose to see if he smells like Reed did when he was born. He does. He smells like a tiny little miracle. My throat begins to close, and it becomes difficult to breathe. Tears blur my vision. Killian notices and steps forward, ready to take Kyle from me. Suddenly, I feel sick to my stomach. I hand him back the baby and dart to the bathroom, just making it to the toilet in time.

  I throw up everything in my stomach as Killian holds my hair back for me. When there’s finally nothing left to throw up, I stand and wash my mouth out in the sink then wash my hands and face. I glance in the mirror and see Killian watching me. Concerned. He’s always concerned.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He shakes his head. “No, I am. First the comment about being a stay-at-home dad, then taking you to Julia’s birthday party, and now bringing you to see a baby. I know I’ve never been in a relationship before, but damn, I’m sucking at this.” He chuckles humorlessly.

  “Kill…”

  “No, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong yesterday at the party. I’m such an idiot.”

  “No, you’re not. This is my problem, not yours. This is your family. Julia is your niece. Kyle is your nephew. Olivia and Nick have Reed and soon will have another baby. It’s something I’m going to have to get used to…but you don’t h
ave to.” I close my eyes and shake my head. When I feel Killian’s hands on my hips, I open them back up. “Do you think maybe we rushed into things?” My eyes fill to the brim with tears.

  “Baby, don’t do this,” Killian pleads.

  “It’s just…” I can’t even get the words out. I don’t want to say what I’m thinking. I’m being selfish being with Killian. He deserves more. To be with a woman who isn’t as broken as I am. To become a father. I’m bringing nothing to this marriage, while he’s bringing everything.

  “Giselle, please,” he begs. “Let’s go take a look at the house, okay?”

  I nod my agreement, not wanting to disappoint him.

  He has me wait for him outside the room while he tells his brother and Christina I’m not feeling well. The ride to the house is quiet, both of us lost in our own thoughts. When we arrive, the home is beautiful, but I can’t find it in me to get excited. I go through each room, taking measurements and making notes. Killian and I discuss what each room could be: a gym, office, reading room, guest room. But the entire time I keep thinking, if he were with someone else, the rooms would be labeled completely different: nursery, play room, library, game room.

  When we’re done, he drops me back off at the office, and for the first time since we’ve been together, when we say goodbye, we don’t kiss. As I walk to the elevator I wonder if maybe it’s a sign of what’s to come.

  Twenty-Nine

  Giselle

  Everyone is standing in the church watching Reed get baptized. Nick and Olivia are all smiles as they watch their son squirm while the pastor says his speech. He dips his fingers into the holy water, then rubs it along Reed’s forehead. Reed giggles and everyone laughs. Everyone is watching but Killian. Because the entire time I can feel his eyes on me. He’s worried I’m going to lose it. When I agreed to be Reed’s Godmother, it was before I learned my mother’s condition could be hereditary. I considered telling Olivia I couldn’t be who she needed me to be, but when I tried to make the words come out, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t disappoint her. What are the chances something happens to them anyway? The Godparents only come into play if both parents die, right?

  Killian and I step forward and repeat after the pastor, promising to guide Reed in his spiritual journey. The pastor sets him down and Reed toddles over to me, lifting his arms up for me to take him. So, I do.

  “Gi Gi!” he squeals and everyone laughs. His tiny hands land on my cheeks and he squishes my face, placing a big wet kiss on my lips. My eyes, of their own accord, meet Killian’s. His facial expression is caught between smiling and frowning. Jesus, I’m so fucked up, and now I’m fucking up my husband too.

  Like the toddler Reed is, he squirms to get down, and I set him on his feet. He runs over to his dad, and Nick picks him up. The ceremony ends, and Olivia announces everyone will be meeting at the restaurant down the street for lunch. Needing a moment, I excuse myself to use the restroom. I’m washing my hands when the door creaks open and in walks Killian. He locks the door behind him and stalks toward me.

  I don’t even get a word out before he’s lifting me onto the sink and spreading my legs. His fingers enter me as our lips crash against each other. It’s been almost a week since I’ve felt this connection with Killian. A week of sleeping together yet feeling like we’re a million miles apart. Every night I can tell he wants to say something, but he’s waiting for me. And I have no clue what to say.

  He adds another finger and then another, pumping them in and out of me until I’m soaking wet. He pulls my top down and his lips wrap around my nipple. Licking and sucking on it. And then he’s pulling my panties off my body and lifting me into the air. My back hits the hard wall, and he thrusts inside me. My arms wrap around his neck as my husband fucks me like a goddamn madman—punishing thrust after punishing thrust, not once slowing down or relenting. I find my release within minutes, Killian’s following shortly after.

  We’re both breathing heavily, but he doesn’t set me down. Instead, with his semi-hard cock still inside of me, his mouth smashes against mine with such force, I’m almost certain every emotion he feels is being projected into that one kiss.

  “This has to stop,” he demands.

  “What?” I try to get down, but he won’t release me. I feel his cum dripping out of me.

  “Pushing me away. Thinking you know what’s best for me. I want you, Giselle. Baby, no baby. I don’t give a fuck. It’s you and me. So whatever you’re thinking, get it the hell out of your head. Got it?”

  I nod in understanding.

  Killian walks us back over to the sink and sets me down, spreading my thighs and using a wet paper towel to clean me up. I watch as he takes care of me. He always takes care of me.

  “I want to take care of you,” I blurt out. He gives me a quizzical look. “You always take care of me. I hate us being so uneven. You give me so much, and I give you nothing.”

  Killian shakes his head and sighs. “If I have to spend the rest of our life explaining to you just how much you give me, I will. You give me so much.” He lifts my necklace. “Your heart.” He kisses my temple. “Your mind.” A playful smirk splays across his lips. “Your body.” He grabs my panties from the corner of the counter and puts them back on me. “Our life together has only just begun,” he tells me. “Neither of us are experts at this, so how about we just learn as we go, okay?”

  “Okay,” I agree.

  Killian helps me off the sink and it’s then I remember we’re in a church. “Oh my god! We just had sex in a church!”

  Killian throws his head back with a laugh. “It’s a good thing we’re married.”

  * * *

  “Giselle! Sweetie, you look so good.”

  I’m standing in the facility staring at my mother, only it doesn’t feel like it’s my mother. She’s glowing. She’s dressed in a pair of jeans and a fluffy sweater. Her hair is straightened. She looks beautiful.

  “I look good? Mom, you look amazing!” I try to keep the shock out of my voice but even I can hear it. My mom laughs. Laughs! And it’s not that crazy laugh she used to give us. It’s melodic and genuine.

  Killian and I are here to pick her up. The house is ready to move into and it will be our first night spending the night there. I was terrified of how it would go. That she wouldn’t be ready. But she looks so healthy. Is it possible? Is she fixed?

  “Where’s Addy?” Mom asks.

  “She’s meeting us at the house,” I tell her. “She’s bringing her girlfriend, Kassie, with her for everyone to meet. But if you think it might be too much…”

  “No.” She smiles. “I’m so glad you both have someone.” Tears prick her eyes, and I freak out.

  “Mom, don’t cry.” My eyes dart around the room for the doctor, my heart picking up its pace. Damn it! She’s going to lose it. “Excuse me, Dr. Burns!” I yell when I spot my mom’s doctor. He gives me a concerned look and comes over.

  “She’s crying,” I point out, and my mom laughs through her tears.

  “Sarah, you’re leaving today.” Dr. Burns gives her a hug, ignoring the fact my mom is crying.

  “She’s crying,” I say again.

  “Giselle.” Killian wraps his arms around me. “Your mom is crying because she’s happy, baby,” he whispers.

  “But she’s…”

  “It’s okay,” my mom says, “Killian is right. I’m crying because I’m happy, but after everything I’ve put you through, I don’t blame you for freaking out. I think it’s going to take some time for everyone.”

  Dr. Burns nods in agreement. “We’ve found a therapist for your mother to see three times a week near you guys. Maybe you will consider going with her one day a week to talk things out.”

  “That would be great,” my mom says with a smile. “Now, let’s go home. My son-in-law told me all about this beautiful mother-in-law suite. I can’t wait to see it.”

  The drive home is spent with all of us talking about everything that has been going on. Olivia being pr
egnant, Killian and my wedding and mini-honeymoon, my job and the possibility of getting a promotion soon. And then she brings up my dad.

  “How is your father?”

  Killian and I both go silent. She just got out. I can’t tell her about my dad’s other family.

  “Giselle,” she pushes, “I know.”

  My head whips around to her. “You know what?”

  “About his other family. His other children.”

  “Should we maybe go back to the facility to discuss this?”

  Mom laughs. “No, I’ve known for years. I’m sorry I never told you. He came to see me and told me you knew. I know you’re angry with him, but I need you to know I forgive him. What I put him through…” She shakes her head. “My being sick isn’t what he signed up for.”

  Killian clears his throat. “While I think it’s great you forgive him, I beg to differ. He married you. When he said those vows, he signed up for better or worse. Those times were the worse.”

  Mom grins wide a watery grin then leans forward and whispers, “He’s a keeper.”

  I get choked up. I try to keep the tears from falling but they spill over anyway. “Yeah, he is.”

  “You’re right, Killian, we did make vows, and we did say for better or worse. But we fell out of love many years ago, and instead of letting him go, I held onto him. I was sick and depressed. Scared. He deserves to be happy. And I’m ready to move forward. So please don’t be too hard on him. He tried. We tried. We didn’t make it.”

  We arrive at the house and show her around. She loves the mother-in-law suite I decorated. Shortly after, Addy arrives with Kassie, and then Nick, Olivia, and Reed come over with dinner. At some point in the meal, my eyes find Addy’s and she gives me a soft smile. Words don’t need to be spoken. This meal, this moment with our mother, was exactly what we prayed for, for so many years. And it’s because of Killian it was even made possible.

  Thirty