by E. L. Todd
“That’s the only reason why I didn’t call.”
His anger was back instantly. “And your lab doesn’t have phones? Are you totally archaic down there?”
“I don’t know anyone’s number by heart. Who does?”
“You could have looked up the phone number to my office on your computer.”
“And you really think I should have called your office about something like this? In the middle of the workday?” That would be even worse, if you asked me.
“You know you come first, so don’t pull that shit with me.”
I was really sick of all the cursing. He never did it to me before, and I realized how much it bothered me. It reminded me of the way my dad used to yell at my mom. “I know you’re mad, but enough with the cussing. I’m getting sick of it.”
“Enough with Ryker,” he snapped. “I’m sick of that.”
At least he didn’t cuss again. “He told me he needed to talk about something with me. At first, I said no, but then he asked a few more times. He seemed really down, so I agreed.”
He shook his head, his jaw clenched. “Did he get down on one knee too?”
I ignored his comment. “At dinner, he told me about his dad.”
“Yeah, he died six months ago. Get the hell over it.”
I knew Zeke didn’t mean that. If he lost his father, he would be devastated. So I let that one slide. “He told me a lot of things that went on during our relationship, things I wished he’d shared with me at the time. Basically, he explained why he pushed me away and why he dumped me in the end.”
“And then he apologized, and you forgave him...shocking.”
“He did apologize, and I did forgive him.”
Zeke’s eyes narrowed like he wanted to destroy his entire kitchen just to channel his rage.
“And then he told me he loved me.”
Zeke’s hands balled into fists, and he gripped the counter with one hand, his veins protruding out. He took a deep breath like it was all he could do not to knock his refrigerator to the ground.
“He told me he wanted to get back together, and he would do anything to make that happen.”
“And what did you say?” He finally looked at me again, already assuming what my answer would be.
That hurt most of all. “What do you think I said, Zeke? I told him I was in love with you, that you’re the love of my life, that one day I’m going to marry you. That’s what I said. And he accepted that.”
His look changed instantly. The rage left his face, and his blue eyes possessed their innate light once more. He stopped gripping the counter, and his hand fell to his sides. His breathing returned to normal, and he shifted his weight, caught off-guard by what I said. “You said that to him?” His voice came out as a whisper.
“Of course.” My eyes bubbled with tears. “How could you possibly think I would say anything else?”
He stared at me, speechless.
“I know we haven’t said that to each other, but I thought those feelings were obvious. I’ve loved you since...the first day. And I know you’ve felt the same way. I don’t need to hear you say it to know it’s true. And you don’t need to hear me say it either.”
Zeke bowed his head and couldn’t look at me anymore. His hands covered his face, and he took a deep breath before he slid his hands back through his hair. He touched the strands before he interlocked his fingers together behind his neck. He finally looked at me, a million emotions in his eyes.
“I’m hurt that you didn’t trust me. I’m hurt that you thought I would leave you for Ryker. I’m hurt you thought I would ever cheat on you. I know jealousy is a deadly thing and can make us do stupid things, but...you know we’re meant to be together.” I don’t know how I went through so many years not realizing it. I loved Ryker with my whole heart, and if he hadn’t left me, we’d probably still be together right now. But with Zeke, it was a completely different experience. He made me feel whole, giving me everything I’d been missing my whole life. There was no comparison. “I understand you were mad, but you should have had faith in me.”
He closed his eyes and breathed a deep sigh. “You’re right... You’re right.”
I was tired of the distance between us. Now that he’d calmed down and didn’t look like he wanted to punch anything, he was himself again. I moved into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist.
He opened his eyes and immediately hugged me back, squeezing me tightly like he’d never let me go. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I love you so much, Rae. It feels so good to say that.”
“I know you do...and I love you.”
He took a deep breath like the words stung him. “It feels even better to hear you say it back.”
I looked up at him, seeing the man I’d fallen in love with. “Ryker’s gone forever. Now we can be happy again.”
He rested his face against mine and closed his eyes. “Yeah...”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Rex
Finally, everything was good again.
Zeke and Rae made up, and our lives were back to normal. Ryker was an ex-boyfriend from the past and nothing more. Now Zeke and Rae would be annoyingly affectionate and happy, and I didn’t need to concern myself with their business.
Zeke invited me over to watch the game, so I walked inside with a case of beer in my hand. “Yo, it’s me.”
“Hey,” he called from the living room.
I shoved the beer inside the fridge and grabbed two bottles. After I popped off the caps on both, I walked into the living room. “Who’s winning?”
“Warriors.”
I handed the beer over then sat on the opposite couch.
Zeke wasn’t watching the screen. He stared at his bottle without taking a drink. His head was bowed to the floor, and even though an amazing three-pointer was just made, he didn’t seem to care.
“You alright, man?” Last time I checked, Zeke and Rae had made up. She came back to her apartment the other night with a spring in her step. The storm had passed, and now there was nothing but sunshine.
“Yeah...” He picked at the thin label glued to the bottle, pulling it off just for something to do.
No, he didn’t sound alright. “Did you and Rae get into another fight?” What the hell was there to fight about? Kayden and I did nothing besides eating and fucking. We never got into arguments because we just clicked. I thought they were the same.
“No.” He finally took a drink, downing nearly half the bottle before he put it down.
“Then what’s your deal? You look sick.”
He rested his elbows on his knees then dragged his palms down his face. He released a heavy sigh, his shoulders slouching forward.
“Dude, what is it?”
He grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. Then he tossed it on the other couch. “I did something really fucking stupid.”
“What?” Did I really want to know?
“That night I went out drinking...”
Fuck, this wasn’t good.
“I thought Rae and I were done. I thought she picked him over me. I thought...it was the end. So I got really drunk. I mean, really drunk. And I hooked up with some woman I met at a bar. I can’t even remember what happened. I woke up in her bed the next day and realized the stupid shit I just did.”
Oh my fucking god.
This could not be happening.
Goddamn nightmare.
I had to set my beer down for this one.
Fuck, I didn’t know what to say.
“I came home, and Rae was here... She told me she loved me.” He winced and closed his eyes, fighting the pain that was blaring in his chest. “She told me she wanted to marry me. She told me Ryker was just a guy from the past. And I realized I made the stupidest fucking mistake of my life.”
“Zeke...” I couldn’t think of anything better to say.
“I don’t know what I was thinking. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking at all. With that amount of alcohol, I would have slept with
a dude.”
I shook my head.
“She didn’t mean anything to me. I don’t even remember her name. I woke up and got the hell out of there.”
Fuck, this was bad.
He stared at the floor and couldn’t meet my look. “When Rae told me all those things, I was so goddamn happy...but then so miserable. After seeing the two of them hold hands and Ryker kiss her knuckles...I really thought we were over.” He ran his hands down his face again. “Punch me, Rex. Beat the shit out of me. Make it count. I deserve it.”
There was no physical pain I could cause him, not when he was already screwed up emotionally. “I’m not gonna punch you, man.”
“If I were any other boyfriend, you would. So just do it.”
“But you aren’t any other boyfriend, man. I know you really love her.”
He sighed and stared at the floor. “I love her more than words can say. I love her...more than anything. I’d ask her to marry me right now if she would say yes.”
I believed him.
“She’s gonna be heartbroken,” he whispered. “I don’t want to hurt her. I know this will kill her.” He leaned back into the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. He finally looked at me, a man who lost everything.
I drank my beer then set it on the coffee table. “You want my advice?”
“I’ll take anything I can get at this point.”
“Don’t tell her.”
Both of his eyebrows shot up, and he stared at me in shock. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “What?”
“Just don’t tell her. It’s not going to do anything but hurt her. It’s never gonna happen again. It’s not like you’re a cheater, Zeke. It was a messed-up situation, and emotions were high... Just forget about it.”
He continued to stare at me like I was crazy. “You want me to lie to her?”
“Not lie. If she asks you, then you have to confess. But she’s never going to ask because she has no idea.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think I can do that...”
“Come on, man.”
“If she found out some other way, and I never told her the truth...that would be even worse.”
“How is she gonna find out?” I asked. “The only people who know are the woman you slept with, whom you can’t even remember, and me. And I’m not gonna tell a soul. That awful night dies with the three of us.”
Zeke shook his head again. “Rex, I love this woman. How can I not be honest with her? How can I hide this from her? I respect her as a friend as well as the love of my life. How am I supposed to pretend nothing happened?”
“Dude, listen to me.” I leaned forward. “I’m her brother. I’m her flesh and blood, man. And even I’m telling you not to do it. If this were a different situation, I’d be telling you otherwise. But nothing good will come from telling her. You love her, she loves you. Ryker is finally out of the picture. Just be happy. We know you guys are gonna go the distance. I can see it.”
“I know,” he whispered. “But how can I look at her every day knowing I wasn’t honest with her? When I told her I loved her, I meant it. I love our relationship. I love the fact that we can tell each other everything. What I did was stupid, but it’s forgivable. But to lie to her...that’s not forgivable.”
I wanted to strangle him. “Trust me, man. Rae will never forgive you. She sees in black and white when it comes to stuff like this.”
“I know it’s gonna hurt her. It hurts me just thinking about it. I know she’ll be mad and she’ll need space for a while...but we’ll work it out. We love each other. It’ll work out.”
His wishful thinking was just stupid. “Zeke, listen to me—”
“I can’t lie to her.” He held up his palm. “I understand what you’re saying, but I can’t do it.”
When Zeke committed his mind to something, he didn’t change it. There was nothing else for me to do except watch their relationship fall apart. “I hope you understand that by telling her, you’re probably going to lose her forever. I just want to make sure you get that.”
He stared at the ground and was quiet for a long time. “Yeah, I understand the risks. But how can I say I love her and not prove it? How can I be the guy she deserves if I’m not honest with her? How can I look at her every day knowing I deceived her? There’s a possibility I might lose her. But I really think we’ll work through it.”
I ran my fingers through my hair and felt my heart fall into the pit of my stomach. Life as I knew it was about to change forever. The dynamic of our friendships would be different too. Nothing would ever be the same. “I strongly suggest you take some time to think about it. I promise you, you’ll regret this.”
Zeke sighed. “I’m gonna wait a week. You know, spend time with her and enjoy her. Maybe I can make her fall harder for me. Maybe I can make her realize she can’t live without me. And then when I tell her...we’ll be more likely to work through it.”
I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Rae would be too devastated to ever look at him the same way. She was fiercely loyal to the people she loved, and this would be seen as pure betrayal. It didn’t matter how much she loved him.
She would walk away.
The story concludes in Book 5, Ray of Heart.
Dear Reader,
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E. L. Todd
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Ray of Love (Ray #3)
Ray of Time (Ray #4) (Coming Soon)
Ray of Heart (Ray #5) (Coming Soon)
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Time Stands Still (Forever and Ever #51)
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