by E. L. Todd
“Well...no.” Zeke and I had never exchanged the L word once. “But I know how he feels about me. And I’m pretty sure he knows how I feel about him. He doesn’t need to hear me say those words to understand how I feel. And I don’t need to hear him say it either.”
He kept his eyes glued to the window as he pulled his hands away. He was closed off again, hiding his vulnerability once more. He shut down completely, keeping me out.
The conversation had been heartbreaking and heavy. Ryker poured his heart out to me, and I had the displeasure of rejecting him. I wished things could have been different, but there was no way around it. I’d fallen in love with Zeke the first day we were officially together. I’d thought about wearing a white dress and meeting him at the end of the aisle. I thought about being the mother of his children. Now, I couldn’t picture doing those things with anyone else.
It took him a few moments before he could look me in the eye again. “If Zeke weren’t in the picture, would you give me another chance?”
“I...” He put me on the spot, and I didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know.”
“I need to know.”
“Ryker, I don’t know. I’m not in that place right now. Zeke is the only person I can picture myself being with. So, I can’t give you a good answer.”
His eyes burned at the answer. “Then do you forgive me?”
Now that was a question I could easily answer. “Ryker, of course.”
His eyes finally softened again. “You have no idea how much I wish I could turn back time and change things. You have no idea how much...I want you back. You’re all I ever dream about. You’re all I ever want. And I had you...but I threw you away.”
I bowed my head and broke eye contact, unable to handle the sadness in his eyes.
He looked out the window again, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his grief. He sighed quietly and crossed his arms over his chest. It didn’t seem like he had anything else to say. He’d poured his heart out and did his best, but nothing could be done. Nothing could erase everything that happened in the past.
There was nothing more to say. The tension rose between us, the mutual sadness that neither of us could erase. Naturally, I wanted to comfort him, but I knew nothing I did would ever make him feel better. My touch, my comfort, would only remind him of what he lost. And there was no way I could tell him I was in love with another man and make it painless.
So, I rose from the table and shouldered my purse. The food hadn’t been brought out yet, but it would be pointless for us to eat. Our conversation was over, and there was nothing else to be said. We weren’t friends before, and we could never be friends now.
I walked to his chair and leaned down to hug him. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I rested my chin on his shoulder.
He took it one step further and pulled me onto his lap, situating me across his knees. He hugged me tightly and buried his face in my neck, his grip unflinching. Despite everyone watching us in the restaurant, neither one of us pulled away. He breathed deeply as he held me, treasuring me for the last time.
“Rae?”
“Hmm?”
“You don’t owe me anything, but I want to pretend, for just a moment, that we are what I want us to be. I want just a moment of what I want, a moment of what we could have been if I didn’t ruin it.” When he blinked, I could feel his eyelids brush against my skin. The scruff of his chin rubbed against me at the slightest movement. “I want to say I love you. And I want you to say it back. Please.”
I gripped him tighter, on the verge of tears once more. “Okay.”
“I love you.” He breathed deeply into my neck, his words a whisper.
My voice shook as I said it back. “I love you too.”
Chapter Twenty
Rex
“I really think you need to calm down.” I watched Zeke’s knuckles turn white as he gripped the steering wheel and drove twenty miles above the speed limit to the restaurant in downtown Seattle.
His voice was low but full of bitterness. “Would you calm down if this were Kayden?”
I wasn’t great at combating my emotions, so probably not. But that admission wouldn’t help the situation. “But this is Rae we’re talking about. She’s the most honest and loyal person we know. I can promise you, she would never betray you.”
“Then why is she having dinner with him in the first place? Why did I have to find this out from you? Why is she even talking to him after the stunt he pulled at the charity gala?” He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and killed the engine. “I was able to let that go and move forward because Rae smoothed things over. But to spend time with him alone like this—”
“They aren’t alone. They’re in a restaurant full of other people.”
“You know what I mean.” Zeke gave me a terrifying expression, like he wanted to kill me as much as Ryker.
“It’s not like they went back to his apartment. If they did, I’m all with you on this one. But they didn’t. Look, I want this relationship to work as much as you do. You think I want some other guy to end up as my brother-in-law?”
He stared straight ahead.
“No. I want it to be you. So, don’t walk in there and make a scene. You’re gonna look like an idiot.”
Raindrops started to sprinkle the windshield, making gentle splattering sounds. Zeke stared at the oncoming rain, and he seemed to be calming down. When he turned back to me, he had a whole new expression on his face. “Let me ask you this. If some other guy was trying to get Kayden back, would you just walk away?” He pointed to the entrance to the restaurant. “We both know exactly what he’s doing right now. Am I supposed to just trust her and look the other way? No, I’m not a pussy. My girlfriend isn’t available, and her dance card is full.” He shoved the door open and got out.
I ran around the Jeep and came to his side, keeping in stride with him. “I’m not saying Ryker’s behavior is okay—”
“He basically called me a pussy the last time I saw him. He insulted me, and said I wasn’t good enough for Rae.” He paused by the door. “And then she has dinner with him? What the hell? You think I’d have dinner with Rochelle after what she did to Rae? Yes, Rae did betray me, Rex.”
I didn’t have a comeback to that, so I watched him walk inside.
We moved past the hostess podium and immediately stepped into the restaurant. I wanted to stop this before it happened, knowing Rae would be ticked Zeke overreacted because of his jealousy. But not even a mountain could stop Zeke.
We both spotted their table instantly because it was against the back window. And what we saw made us both freeze on the spot. Their hands were held together on the surface of the table, and Ryker grabbed each one and pulled it to his lips, giving her a soft kiss on each knuckle.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Rae stared at him with an emotional expression, unable to take her eyes off him.
Zeke was frozen to the spot. Instead of storming across the room and breaking Ryker’s face, he remained by my side. His chest rose and fell with exaggerated breaths, and he suddenly broke out in a sweat. Without warning, he turned around and walked back out.
I followed him and returned to my argument of logic. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
Zeke spun around, standing in the rain. “Doesn’t mean anything?” He was practically screaming outside the restaurant, the customers waiting for a table squeezing farther underneath the overhang. “They’re holding hands and kissing.”
“No, he was kissing her hands.”
He threw his arms down. “Whatever, Rex. He said whatever she needed to hear, and now they’re back together. Next time I see Rae, she’s going to be dumping me—plain and simple.”
“Zeke, that’s not going to happen.”
“Oh, shut up.” He shook his head, his jaw clenched. “Stop trying to make me feel better. Sugarcoating the situation is not helping. What kind of best friend are you?”
“I know you’re upset right now.
” I took a step closer to him and ignored the rain as it fell on my head and shoulders. “I know the situation looks bad. But anything could have happened, Rex. Maybe he just told her his mother passed away, and she’s trying to be a friend to him. It’s not like they were making out. You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
He laughed like a psychopath. “Blowing this out of proportion...”
“I’m telling you, when you talk to Rae, she will have an explanation.”
“I’m tired of her goddamn explanations. I’m tired of walking into a room and seeing them slow dance together, Ryker looking at her like she’s his. I’m tired of walking into the conversation and seeing him trying to make a move on her. Rex, I’ve been understanding up until this point, but I’m done. She shouldn’t be in that restaurant with him right now. If I were pulling that shit, she would have dumped me months ago.”
I couldn’t reason with him. He was too upset.
“We’re over,” he said. “Plain and simple.”
“Zeke...”
“I should have known this was too good to be true. I thought she was finally mine. After all these years of wishing I could have her... I’m just the rebound. I’m the fucking rebound.”
“That’s ridiculous, Zeke.”
“Now she’s going back to the guy she really wants. I’m kicked to the side like an old pair of shoes.”
“Again, you need to calm the fuck down. You’re making all these assumptions based on just a glimpse of their conversation. You won’t know what they said until she walks out of there. So, just give her the benefit of the doubt.”
“Fuck no—”
“As your friend,” I said calmly. “Give her the benefit of the doubt as your friend.”
He stared at the ground, his clothes soaked now that we’d been standing in the rain for so long. He dug his hands into his pockets and pulled out the keys. He tossed them at me. “I shouldn’t be driving.”
“Yeah...” I stuffed the keys into my pocket, grateful he was becoming logical.
“I’m gonna get wasted. I’ll see you later.” He walked away.
“Whoa, what?” I walked after him. “Let’s just wait for Rae.”
He kept walking. “If she wants to dump me so bad, she can come find me.”
“Zeke!”
He crossed the street and turned down another road, disappearing from my sight. I continued to stand in the rain, feeling the freezing moisture soak my clothes. Now, I didn’t know what to do. Should I wait here or should I go after Zeke? Should I drop off his Jeep at the house?
I didn’t have a fucking clue what to do.
Chapter Twenty-One
Rae
I took the stairs to my floor and walked to my apartment, my mind and heart drained from the painful conversation I’d just had with Ryker. Saying no to him hurt far more than I expected it to. There was no vengeful joy in my thoughts. All I felt was heartbreak.
I approached my apartment and spotted Rex sitting in front of it. His back was against the wood doorframe, and his arms were across his chest.
“What are you doing?”
He rose to his feet, looking irritated the moment he saw me. “Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
“I dropped it in the toilet today at work.” Shit, now I’d have to get another. I hoped it wouldn’t be too expensive. “What’s up?”
“What’s up?” he asked with a laugh. “You need to talk to Zeke. He’s out of his mind right now.”
“Why?” What happened?
“He knows you had dinner with Ryker, and he’s insane. I’ve never seen him this pissed off in my life, Rae. This is serious.”
I got the door unlocked and walked inside, so we wouldn’t have this conversation in the hallway. Safari greeted me with a wet kiss then pawed at my legs. “I meant to call him, but my phone was at the bottom of a piss bowl.” I dropped my purse on the counter and unzipped my jacket.
Rex pulled out his phone and set it on the counter. “Then call him from mine. He was so pissed that we went down to Oliver’s so he could beat the shit out of Ryker. But when we walked inside, the two of you were holding hands, and Ryker was kissing your knuckles and shit.”
Rae’s eyes snapped wide open. “Oh, no...”
“Rae, what the hell happened?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “Honestly.”
“It didn’t look like nothing. I tried to keep him calm by saying there was a logical explanation for what we were looking at, but honestly, I didn’t even believe it myself. If I saw Kayden doing that, I’d be livid.”
“It wasn’t as bad as it looked.”
“Oh, really?” he challenged. “Zeke is fed up with this Ryker bullshit. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. And I can’t say I blame him. It’s one thing after another.”
Guilt was officially hammered into me. “I know, okay? But it’s over now.”
His mood shifted. “It is?”
“Yes. Ryker told me he loved me and asked me to take him back.”
Rex clenched his jaw. “Fucking asshole.”
“I told him I was in love with Zeke, and I’m going to marry him.” I’d never forget the devastation on Ryker’s face. It seemed like he’d lost the entire world. A part of me wanted to tell him what he wanted to hear just to make him happy.
Rex released a sigh of relief, like he’d been expecting me to say something else. “Call Zeke, and tell him that. Right now.” He grabbed the phone and shoved it into my hand.
“Where is he now?”
“I don’t have a fucking clue. He gave me his Jeep and walked off. He said he was going to get wasted.”
That was never good. I took Rex’s phone and made the call. It went straight to voice mail. “He turned it off.”
“Motherfucker.” He snatched the phone back and tried to call him himself. He must have gotten voice mail too because he growled before shoving the phone into his pocket. “This is a fucking nightmare.”
“I’m sorry I made Zeke so upset, but I wish he didn’t jump to conclusions.”
“Like you wouldn’t have,” he snapped.
I looked him in the eye. “I wouldn’t. I know Zeke. He would never do something like that to me.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Go to his place and wait for him. Get this straightened out as soon as possible. The guy is barely functioning right now. I’ve never seen him so low in my entire life.”
Now the guilt felt worse. I hurt two men I cared deeply about, and now they were both suffering alone. “Okay, I’ll head over there now.”
“Good. Stay there until he comes back.”
“Got it.”
“I’ll look after Safari.”
Without changing, I grabbed my purse and walked back out.
***
It was one in the morning, and he still hadn’t come home. His Jeep was parked in the driveway, where Rex had left it, and there was no sign of his return. I started to get worried as the hours stretched by. Unfortunately, I had no way of contacting him.
By three, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I did my nighttime routine at his place since most of my things were there. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and put on one of his shirts before I got under his covers. Instantly, I fell asleep.
Even though I went to bed late, I was still up by nine. Automatically, my hand shot out to the other side of the bed, hoping he’d slipped into bed with me whenever he got home. But the sheets were cold because not even Safari was there.
I went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee and felt my heart race with terror. What if something happened to him last night? What if he was mugged and beaten on the street? Just when those thoughts began to suffocate me, the key rattled in the front door and he walked inside.
He didn’t notice I was there, probably expecting the house to be empty. He locked the door behind him and ran his fingers through his hair, looking like he’d had a rough night. He tossed his keys on the counter and missed. They fell on the floor
.
“Hi...”
He jolted when he heard my voice, his eyes moving to my face instantly. He wasn’t angry a moment ago, but now, he looked furious. It didn’t matter that I was standing in just my underwear and his t-shirt. He still looked at me like he hated me. “Have a good time last night? Did you guys split an appetizer?”
I’d never heard Zeke talk to me like that. The condescension in his voice was unheard of. I didn’t even know he was capable of it.
“Or did you save room for dessert?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned my hip against the counter. It was obvious he was still a little drunk from his night on the town. “Let me explain what happened—”
“I’m sick of your fucking explanations.” He stepped toward me, his arms tensing by his sides. His shoulders expanded with the breaths he took, and he looked like a madman about to rip me apart. “I’m tired of this little goddamn love triangle we’ve got going on. I’m tired of just letting this bullshit slip by. You want to be with him? That’s fine by me. Go ahead. I guess I’m okay with being your little rebound.”
“Rebound?” I couldn’t stop the hurt from escaping my voice.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I am, so let’s not sugarcoat it. I’ve made my peace with it.”
I shook my head because this was worse than I’d imagined.
“So, I’m gonna save you some time. Instead of dumping me, I’m dumping you. So you can run off with Ryker and start humping like rabbits in spring.” The vein in his forehead was pulsing, and the kind eyes he once possessed were nonexistent. “There, I did your dirty work for you.”
“Zeke, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Oh, I do?” he asked sarcastically. “Because all the hand-holding and kissing were pretty clear. And you really thought I wouldn’t figure it out? When our group does nothing but trade each other’s secrets?”
“First of all, I told Jessie I was going to call you when I got off the phone with her—”
“Then you chickened out because you knew I would say no.”
“No. I dropped my phone in the toilet.”
Zeke’s face turned blank.
