Dirty Angel (The List #2)

by N. K. Love

  Just as I’m coming back down to earth, I shoot back up, just as I feel that orgasm dying down a tidal wave tips me over again. Peaks and troughs of a magical euphoria. A cluster of orgasms tattooed with our names. I thought this type of multiple orgasm was an urban legend. Well, that was before I met Jaxson.

  My uncontrollable moans and breathless curses are quickly joined with the sounds of my name as Jax reaches his climax too and I feel him contracting deep inside me, only serving to signal a final intense ride on these waves, bringing us crashing back down on the shore together. Sprawled out and spent.

  Miss Alter Ego is doing bodybuilding poses in the mirror whilst Miss Sensible is booking us all a weekend Yoga retreat to get over all this intensity and climaxing. Ahhh… pleasure on pleasure beyond belief.

  Catching our breaths, he slowly guides my legs back down, bending with me. My thighs are still trembling so I use the wet tiled wall as support. The rough grout making welcome contact with my sensitised skin.

  Jax starts to ease out slowly with extra care, heeding my reaction from last time, whilst delivering heartfelt kisses all over my face. I automatically stop him halfway, holding him there with my hands on his hips.

  "Wait Jax...Please."

  I plead against his lips from a confused and vulnerable place inside. I don’t want this moment to end or break the connection in the fear that he may be slipping through my fingers or that it’ll never feel this good again. It’s the fear of the unknown, it’s daunting, terrifying.

  I see his brow furrow, trying to understand me. I focus my gaze on his lips, worried that if I look into his eyes for too long he’ll know. I don’t want him to, it’ll make the expiry date that’s hanging over us imminent. Telling him that I’m head over heels in love with him is the equivalent to saying goodbye.

  Jax deepens his kiss with such reassurance and tenderness I can't stop the silent tears streaming down my cheeks. Fuck! My lip quivers as he leans back, concerned, studying my face. I turn my cheek away this time but he quickly tilts my chin back with the crook of his finger.

  I’ve never cried tears of happiness and sadness at the same time before. Happiness because being together feels so incredible that I never want it to end. Sadness because I know that it will, which is a hard pill to swallow.

  My optimism fights its way to the surface. After what we’ve just experienced, I chastise my negativity for nearly sabotaging what I do have with him. I replace my sadness with an appreciation for this moment and all that may follow. I silently thank whatever higher power diverted our paths to cross. I give thanks for bringing Jax into my life. Hopefully the reason why he’s only on loan to me will become apparent eventually and that may help me accept my long term future without the man I love.

  The last of my pessimism is kissed away by Jax without him saying a word. I bring our mouths together and taste my tears on him. He holds my jawline and soothingly runs his tongue along each of my lips, instigating a genuine smile from me. He reciprocates but I still see the worry behind his eyes. This is crazy, I’m holding his dick captive inside me as though if he stays there long enough he’ll reciprocate my love too.

  Jax never rushes me. When I’m ready, I ease the hold up on his hips and unclench my thighs. He kisses the tip of my nose, then my forehead and holds my head into his chest as he releases himself. Our breathing synchronises together and calms me more. With my head on his chest I listen intently to the beautiful sound of his lonely heart. Words flow through my mind but I doubt I’ll remember them to capture them on paper later.

  Standing here

  Two hearts beating

  Knowing here

  One day we’ll part

  Loving you

  Whilst you’re with me

  Wishing this

  Was just the start

  It’s not my time for the stereotypical happily ever after that I’ve dreamed about. I won’t let my feelings for him become a dark and dirty secret—even though that’s what they probably will be—I will continue being positive and appreciative because, aside from the he-will-never-love-you bullshit, this is still a fucking amazing fairy tale. Full of beautifully captivating magic and feeling spellbound. He makes me feel like an enchantress that makes him devote himself to me sexually, making me feel as though I’m irresistible.

  I intend on making the most of whatever’s left of our journey together. He is going to try and be more open. He said ‘…you make me want to find the words.’ I hope I can help him enjoy life a little more and shine some light into his shadows.

  Jax leans forward, puts the shower on and I hear him flick the top on my shower gel and then rub his palms together. Next comes his silky lathered touch as he starts working it into my back and massages my shoulders. Ah… Those qualified hands, his talents are endless.

  The cocoa butter scent blends with the steam to fill our lungs. I sigh out loudly in pure bliss. After rubbing down my back, shoulders and arms, Jax spins me around and I lean my back against him.

  “I love your hands on me. I feel protected when you’re near me.”

  “Good. I want to look after you.”

  I wave at the sensor and he flicks the lid on the bottle again. I overlap his cupped palm with mine and catch the gel instead with the intention to return the favour. But Jax has other plans; he puts the bottle back on the shelf as I use some water to lather up. I go to turn back towards him but I'm stopped in my tracks. I look up at him quizzically, I really want to feel his body beneath my lathered palms.

  "Na-ah, you’re still a little dirty—Angel.” He smirks with a wickedly cheeky smile. “We can’t forget some of my favourite parts of this beautiful body."

  “Is that right? Well, you made me dirty and actually—I much prefer it. I thought you did too.”

  “Touché. How about we clean you and then when you get fed up of being clean, just let me know and I’ll—rectify the situation for you?”

  “In that case, clean away.”

  He starts to use my hands, like wash mitts, to continue cleansing my body. He leans over my shoulder watching our hands as he caresses them all over my skin with the elegance of an ice-skater gliding over the rink; it’s effortless. I look up at his facial expression and it's not sexual desire anymore, it's adoration. The kind of look that gives me a warm ball of loveliness in my stomach. Not so long ago I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this at all but with Jax I’m confident with my body and sexuality. He is very thorough; making sure that no pore is left untouched and I appreciate every second.

  Letting go of my hands, he spreads my palms across the tiled wall with my legs apart. He bends down and thoughtfully pays special attention to my thighs and backside by massaging with kisses thrown in for good measure. Note to self: Suggest this aftercare treatment to Jax as a permanent feature of all future sexual activity! It’s completely lush!

  Finally, I get to have my turn, so I worship his amazing body with equal attention to detail and mentally count my blessings as I appreciate every single defined inch of him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jax

  When we get back home I tell her how I’d left straight after her, followed her and parked outside to make sure she was okay.

  I understood that she needed space but there was no way I was going to let her drive around alone at that hour. I had no intention of disturbing her workout or her thinking time, but as I waited I couldn’t help re-reading her words over and over.

  They make me realise that she gets me more than I ever gave her credit for because I’m always too busy quashing any thoughts of that even being a possibility.

  Different lines jump off the pages;

  ‘Just enjoy the moment before the bubble goes ‘pop’’

  ‘If we lined up every man, I know who I’d pick’

  ‘It’s time to accept it’s just fucking and friendship,

  That’s what he wants, no strings, no relationship.’

  Does this mean that at some point she’s imagined us being mo
re? It confuses me because I thought she just wanted to gain her confidence and enjoy being single, giving relationships a break. I thought we wanted the same thing, albeit for different reasons. But I suppose it’s good to read that she’s accepted we can’t ever be more.

  ‘We lose ourselves so that we can be found.’

  Sex has always been my escape from reality. But with Beth that notion is completely reversed; it’s like she is my reality. It’s an unsettling, dangerous thought that I’ll have to work on shaking off.

  With our earlier conversation I was worried I’d scared her off, I needed to know. So when her text message came through, I followed her lead—acting on impulse. I pocketed a condom from my glovebox, which I’d thankfully restocked when I planted condoms all over the house—including the gym! No more getting caught out.

  I made my way inside. I’d already clocked that there were no other women in tonight, which isn’t unusual, so I told Tony on the door not to let any in. He’s a smart guy so no doubt put two and two together and knew not to question me.

  I let myself into the changing room with my master code and dead locked it from the inside just to be sure. I could hear her echoed counting, she was already on 30. I kicked off my trainers and stripped silently in record speed, leaving the floor strewn with my clothes. Armed with nothing but a condom and a body full of emptiness, I strode into the showers and stopped the second she came into sight.

  Standing naked with her back to me, still counting. Her curvaceous lines drew me in. I took a frozen second to capture this picture perfect scene. I wish I could be the happily ever after she’s fantasized about since her teenage years. She deserves to find happiness, to find a man that will devote himself to her, to cherish her.

  After walking out on me, I needed to take my sweet time with my sweet B and try to show her that I don’t want to upset her or confuse her or make her mad. Her mouth-wateringly juicy peach entices me closer, a silent footstep at a time. The rest is a blurry whirlwind of the raw, intense sex. Watching her pussy take my cock is always a spectacular sight.

  Beth gives me the best sex I’ve ever had by a country mile.

  She seems content now. We both know that what you see is what you get with me, nothing more nothing less. But I meant what I said, I do want to try harder with her, for her… maybe for me too.

  We will make this shit work because our bond is too epic to deny us. Our ‘sexclusivity’ agreement gives me the peace of mind I need too.

  Once upstairs I discover that she’d got Pineapple Express setup ready for us.

  Fucking Pineapple Express! This woman is something else. My Little Miss Contradiction never fails to throw me a curveball. There was a trayful of essentials lying on the end of the bed; partly smoked spliff, bag of weed, cigs, lighter, ashtray, sweets, chocolate and a pack of three condoms. She had the cheek to stand in the doorway looking shy and embarrassed, as though her more daring alter ego was the one responsible.

  Beth is truly a badass. This girl is incomparable.

  I grabbed some beers so we put on the DVD. Shortly after the start she leaned over and whispered in her sultry husky voice, ‘I’m fed up of being clean now…’

  She didn’t have to say another word.

  We spent the next couple hours smoking, eating and fucking—in that order—on rotation, until our three condoms had fulfilled their destinies. Only then were we sated. Although with Beth at times it feels like that’s an impossible goal. What more could a guy want? It’s like the perfect blend, not to mention the fact that Beth is always wonderful company regardless.

  For once, we didn’t go for anything new off her list either, being too tired and stoned. Actually being stoned, she can get rid of that from her list at least. We flipped plenty of positions tonight but having her ride me is a definite favourite where we can both set the pace yet I have the perfect vantage point for my eyes and hands to explore her body.

  A voice did try and niggle away at me every now again, telling me to back off but I was too high to care. High off weed, off sex—high off Beth.

  Beth fell asleep as dawn broke through the windows. As much as I enjoy the smell of our sex in my room, I can’t sleep with this marijuana cloud hanging around so I wafted it out via the balcony, before gathering Beth’s sleeping body in my arms and drifting off to sleep myself.

  I think about how I’d answered her questions downstairs earlier and wonder if it was the right decision. Only time will tell but somehow, what we shared in the shower seems so much more significant. I hope that it was enough for her to realise that my secrecy is nothing to do with not trusting, respecting or caring about her.

  For now I am reassured that I did what I believed was right, plus she’s still here with me. I haven’t lost her, not yet. She’s wrapped up in my arms, she’s safe but the clock is ticking.

  11:34pm

  Beth

  I went into work today, having had barely any sleep but I still feeling good. I needed a change of scenery. It was a great distraction and satisfying to see that my presence isn’t a permanent requirement because the place is ticking over brilliantly with me tackling my responsibilities from behind a computer screen or over the phone.

  At the moment, this arrangement is suiting me perfectly but I know it can’t last forever. I’m surprised how well I’ve adjusted and it’s given me ideas of behaving more like the owner of a company, looking for expansion opportunities or sister stores. I’ve already started looking into it and doing research. I’ve always wanted to make the best out of my grandmother’s shop and do her proud. But perhaps now I’ve achieved that, I need to start looking further afield. That seminar I signed up to will hopefully be an eye-opener too. They haven’t released the schedule yet but there’s usually some great inspirational speakers over the two days and plenty of opportunities to rub shoulders with similar small business owners, make connections and do some networking.

  As it stands though, if Eddie decided to up and leave right now, any ideas for expansion would be screwed. I have asked him to start giving Holly some additional responsibilities to help ease his workload. Holly has been working here long enough and I’m sure she’ll jump at the chance for further development, not least because she blatantly has a crush on Eddie.

  During a quiet period I stood in the shop window mesmerised by the broad range of passers-by; from the suited and booted businessman desperate for success and recognition, to the slippers-and-rags clad homeless man desperate for a meal and a wash. I’m reminded of how lucky I am and how we shouldn’t take this beautiful life we’re blessed with for granted.

  I stand by my convictions from the early hours of this morning. All that happened with Jax yesterday—and this morning—was a game changer. I have finally accepted the depth of my feelings for him but I’m not naïve in thinking that this changes the course of where our relationship is inevitably heading. He has changed me forever but I’d be a fool to believe the same is possible for him.

  Our friendship has bought us closer but we’re still getting to know each other. I’m not ruining things, not this time. We’re going to enjoy each other. It’s got to be as simple as that. I intend on making the most of whatever’s left of our journey. Why should I complicate things by dwelling on reaching out for the impossible? That’s not living in the moment, that’s resurrecting the part of me I’ve let go.

  Before locking up, I nipped across the road to give the homeless man a tub of tuna pasta, some snacks from the vending machine and a hot cup of tea. I don’t know his story, I haven’t seen him around here before but all I know is that it is the least I can do.

  I locked up and went out the back of the shop to my car, pondering on the belief that if everybody made a small act of random kindness every day, the world would be a better place. It’s so pathetically simple but yet so ridiculously true. I love the concept of paying it forward, whatever ‘it’ may be. Whether it’s tuna pasta or a hug or a smile or master classes in orgasms from Jax…

  On the way
home I decide that I need to make my last night at Jax’s place special. I know he has to go out and see whoever it is he was supposed to see last night, but I figure we can have another late night. It’s his last day working from home tomorrow so we can both enjoy the flexibility that that brings by staying in bed until breakfast becomes brunch or maybe even lunch.

  Wills’ flight isn’t due back until the evening. My period is due tomorrow and I’m usually like clockwork so I want to make the most of tonight for sure.

  I arrived back to Jax’s place not long after 5pm and he’d cooked a steak dinner but barely touched it himself, seeming agitated. I had two important calls to make that had been playing on my mind all day anyway, so I gave him a wide berth and went upstairs.

  Biting the bullet, I called Mendacious Mike hoping that he’d actually answer this time. In all honesty I just wanted to hear what he had to say to me. Fair enough he didn’t answer when I called him last Saturday, it was probably too soon. But deep down I’m surprised that he hasn’t tried to contact me at all since then.