A Blast from the Past (A Second Chance Romance)

by Cummin, Sharon

  "I never told you this, but you were my first," he said.

  "Shut up," I said with a laugh. "Do not lie to me, Z. I wasn't blind you know. Those girls were always chasing your ass around. You know you were my first. I knew better than to think I was yours. I knew you had been with several girls. You don't think they bragged about it with each other. I got sick of hearing about it."

  He brought his arm from behind his head and took my chin in his hand. He held it still and looked into my eyes.

  "You were my first, Livie," he said. "I was so damn nervous that night. When I heard him talking shit, I knew I needed to make sure you were okay. I saw you out here and knew I wasn't waiting a moment longer to have you. I will never forget that night. It was one of the best moments of my life."

  "Seriously?" I asked. "Are you telling me the truth?"

  "I've never lied to you, Livie," he said. "I never will."

  His fingers ran up and down my arm. When he began tracing the scar on my arm, I knew he was going to ask.

  "Tell me about your life, Z," I said, trying to avoid it for as long as I could.

  "There's not much to tell. I work, pick up food on the way home, and workout," he said. "That's about it."

  "What about the ladies?" I asked. "There is no way you're alone with a body like that. I bet they are just like they were in high school."

  "I don't want to talk about that," he said. "I don't do relationships. I'm not interested in being tied down. I'm not proud of myself. I don't want you to think I am. I meet up with a woman when I want to go out for a night or when I feel the need to be with someone. I don't get connected to any of them. They don't sleep over, and I don't stay with them. You're the only one I've ever slept next to. I've never done anything unprotected before. I'm always safe. I'm clean. I know it sounds bad. I've never found anyone in New York I've wanted to build a relationship with."

  I was trying to comprehend what he was saying. That woman I saw him with was just a booty call or something. She wasn't his woman.

  "The girl I saw you with?" I asked.

  He nodded.

  "We were just going out for the day. I can't believe it was really you. When I looked again, you were gone. I thought I had imagined it like all the other times. You were everywhere I went, Livie. When I found out you were marrying him, I went off the deep end for a few weeks. It took all I had not fly back here and drag you off with me. I knew I couldn't do it. You had chosen him. My mom told me how in love you were. It broke my heart."

  "Your mom told you I was in love with him?" I asked. "She was the one that was pushing me to be with him. I didn't even want to date him, but her and my mom kept telling me to just give him a chance. He wasn't the one I wanted. I thought your mom was looking out for me. I've thought that all these years. I can't believe it. When I found out he was going to propose, I had so many doubts. I wanted to go to you. I had this crazy thought that you would pour your heart out to me and tell me you wanted me. We'd live happily forever. When I got back home from seeing you with her, it didn't even matter anymore. Mike was nice to me. He didn't treat me like my dad treated my mom. I accepted his proposal. There was no reason not to. I shouldn't have done it. I know that now. At the time, I didn't care. It would get me away from my dad. He had a home and a job. Your mom even told me he was the best I was going to get. What more could I ask for? He was probably my best option, so I accepted and married him. It wasn't until later that I realized I would've been better off alone than with my best option."

  I could feel the tension in his chest. When I moved to get up, he pulled me closer and held me tight.

  "We're not done talking," he said.

  I wasn't sure he was prepared to hear the truth about what he was going to ask me. There were things he didn't know. Z was always protective of me. I wasn't sure how he was going to react.

  Chapter 16

  Zander

  The more I traced her scar with my finger, the more I knew I needed to know what happened. She needed me, and I wasn't there. I thought everything was going well for her and her family and had no idea she was getting a divorce. The thought of what caused the scar scared the shit out of me. It looked like it was a deep wound. Who would have done that? Was it an accident? Could Mike have done something on purpose? I couldn't stand the what if's that were running through my head.

  When I found out she was marrying him, I knew I couldn't hear her talk about him and how happy she was. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for her. She had found someone she loved, and my mom said he made her happy. I just didn't want her to tell me how amazing he was. I thought if I cut her off, I would be able to get over her and move on. It didn't work. She was always on my mind.

  "Where did this come from?" I asked.

  Her body tightened up in my arms. I had to know. If it was Mike, I wasn't sure I could take it.

  "It's nothing," she said.

  "Don't lie to me Livie," I said.

  "Can't we just enjoy this time?" she asked. "It's in the past, Z."

  "I wasn't here. I need to know. Was it Mike?" I asked.

  "Do you really want to know?" she asked, and I nodded.

  When she pulled out of my hold, I held her tighter.

  "Let me up," she said. "I need to be sitting up when I talk about this."

  Oh shit! What the hell happened to her, I wondered?

  "Promise not to run," I demanded.

  "I won't run," she said. "You know how they say girls look for men like their fathers?"

  I nodded and released my hold for her to sit up.

  "I was looking for the opposite of mine," she began. "I used to tell you my dad was mean to my mom and sometimes to me?"

  "Yes," I answered.

  "You just told me something about your past. I'm going to be honest about mine."

  I nodded again. What could she be talking about, I asked myself.

  "There were times I would step in between my parents when my dad was hitting my mom," she said.

  I wrapped my arms around her waist afraid of what I was about to hear.

  "Some of those times, I got hit instead of her. He didn't like when I got in front of her. If I did, I got it instead."

  "What?" I asked. "How did I not know about this?"

  "Do remember those times I was sick and took a few days off? My mom wouldn't let me go those days. I had to wait for the marks to go away before I could go back. She didn't want people to talk. It would embarrass her. That was what she would say. I never understood why she stayed. Your dad said stuff to you, but he never hit anybody. My dad did. I know now that my mom had no place to go. She stayed so I had a roof over my head. She always told me to stay out of the way or come out here if he was doing that, but there were times I just couldn't take it."

  By the time she was done, I was up next to her with my arms around her. I felt the emotions run through my body even though I tried to control them. I didn't want to upset her. If I did, I would never get as far as the scar. I had a feeling what she was telling me was leading up to that.

  "Your mom let him hit you. She never took you away. How could you not have told me, Livie? You were my best friend."

  "What was I supposed to say? I wasn't at school because my dad hit me. People didn't just talk about that stuff. What if the school found out? What if they took me from them? I wouldn't have had you anymore. I was worried if I told you, you wouldn't talk to me anymore. There was no way I could have lost you. You were the only one I had. You were my everything, Z."

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  "The only reason I'm telling you now is that it doesn't matter anymore. We aren't best friends, and we don't talk. I lost you anyway. You're going to leave and go back to New York, and I'm going to be here running my bakery."

  I put my forehead against hers.

  "Livie," I said.

  "What?" she asked.

  "Tell me about your arm."

  "Do you promise not to say anything to anyone?" she asked.

/>   "How can I do that?" I asked. "You haven't told me. I can't promise you that."

  "Look, Z," she said. "When you leave, I'm still here. Everyone around me will still be the same people. I can't have you flying off the handle and causing a scene. If you went to jail, your mother would never forgive me. I still have to live this life while you're off doing your thing."

  "Fine," I snapped. "Tell me."

  She looked down and refused to look into my eyes.

  "I married Mike to get away from my dad. He had a house and a job. I thought he was fine. He never got mad while we dated or anything. The first years of our marriage were fine I guess. Then I got pregnant and had April. Things were okay. I worked at the bakery a few hours a week. It wasn't much. He wanted me to work more, but I wanted to be home with her. When I got pregnant with Jack, he was mad. He said he didn't want another child so quickly. I hadn't planned it or anything like that. It happened. The doctor said something about me being on antibiotics and my pills not working. Mike blamed me. He was no peach to live with, but he was far from my father. After I came home with Jack, things began to change. He insisted I work more hours. My mom came to our house to watch the kids. It gave her something to do. She could think about something besides my father passing away."

  She let out a long breath before continuing.

  "He expected me to work, keep the house perfect, and have a nice dinner waiting for him when he walked in from work. It wasn't possible. He was yelling more than he had before. I noticed he had also been drinking more, which upset me. I was working more hours for him to blow it on alcohol, but I never said anything. One night, he came home all pissy about something that happened at work. Dinner wasn't ready yet. I had just fed Jack. He was only seven months old and needed to eat. Mike got mad and stormed back out. When he came back, the kids were in bed. He took a beer from the fridge and sat down at the table. I heated up his food and set it in front of him. He took one bite and threw the plate across the room. It shocked me, and tears streamed down my face. When he turned to me, I saw something different about him. He slammed his beer down on the table, and the bottle broke. Without a word, he was out of his chair and had me back against the wall. He started yelling about his food being cold and me being a horrible wife. His arm was up against my throat the same way you were holding him before. I reached up to grab his arm because I couldn't breathe. When I grabbed him, he reached up and slid that bottle across my arm. I think he was trying to grab me away from him so he could hold me there. I'm not sure he even realized he was cutting me."

  "Fuck," I snapped and tightened my hold on her.

  "He backed up as soon as he saw the blood. I watched him walk toward the door. He told me to have everything cleaned by the time he got back. There was no concern about the blood dripping from my arm. The minute the door shut, I wrapped something around my arm, grabbed the kids, and took off for my mom's house. She ran the kids next door and asked your mom if she could watch them for a bit. Then she took me to hospital. I went back to the house to get the kids things and some of mine. That was it. I moved in with my mom and have been there ever since. I filed for divorce with some of the insurance money my mom got from my dad's passing."

  I sat silent, but I knew she saw the tears in my eyes. She turned to face me and looked into my eyes.

  "I can feel your arms shaking, Z. Stop it. Do you want to know something? I don't regret that day. Not one bit. Do you hear me? Look at me, Z."

  "I'm going to kick the shit out of that fucker," I said, as I looked into her eyes.

  Her hands came to my face and held my cheeks.

  "This scar on my arm gave me back my freedom. It gave me back my life. I didn't love him. I was never in love with him. I was with him because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Do I regret marrying him? I don't. If I hadn't married him, I wouldn't have those two amazing children. We couldn't even get along. I was miserable and couldn't stand it. When he got home each night, I couldn't wait for him to leave again. I never thought he would do anything to hurt me. When he touched me that day, it gave me the kick I needed to get the kids out of there. There was no way I was going through what my mother did. My children were going to be safe."

  My body was shaking. I wanted to move her away and go find him. I wanted to tear him in two. I was so angry at so many things. My mom should have told me what happened, but she never said a word. Mike should have never touched her. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to say that stuff at the funeral home. He shouldn't have been there. The only reason he came was to mess with her. I was angry with her for marrying him. I was angry with myself more than anything. She shouldn't have had to tell me something like that four years after it happened. If I hadn't cut her off, I would have known. I would have been there for her. He wouldn't have gotten away with it.

  "Look at me, Z," she whispered. "Stop it. I know what you're doing right now. You need to stop. It's not anyone's fault but Mike's. He shouldn't have done it. I don't think he did it to hurt me. He was having a hard time and didn't handle himself well. I've not done the best for myself, but I think I did pretty well. I live with my mom because she helps me with them and she needs the help. I bought the bakery. It was always my dream. You know that. I used to tell you I was going to own it one day."

  "Are you happy?" I asked.

  "What do you mean?" she asked.

  "The one thing you always said you wanted to do in life was own that bakery. You have it. It's yours. Are you happy?"

  "I get to spend time with the kids. That's what makes me happy. You know how much I love baking. It relaxes me. I get to bake any time I want. I feel good about what I accomplished," she answered.

  "Does knowing you own the bakery make you feel like all your dreams came true?"

  She moved over and leaned back on the blanket, looking up at the stars.

  "No."

  That was all she said. I fell onto my back and pulled her against me. We looked up at sky for at least an hour. I never wanted to let her go.

  "What about you?" she asked. "You wanted to go to New York and be a doctor. It was your dream. Now you have that. Are you happy?"

  "No," I answered. "I like where I live. It's really nice. I really like helping people. It makes me feel amazing when I can deliver good news to people. It's what I always wanted to do. I've done well and made my dreams happen, but I'm not happy."

  I held her tight and ran my fingers up and down her back.

  "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, Livie. I'm so damn sorry. If I had known, I would have been here in a second. I hope you know that. I'll make it up to you. I'm sorry I let you down."

  "I'm not your responsibility, Z," she said. "It's not your job to take care of me. You need to live your life. It wasn't your job to save the day. It was my life, and I needed to take care of it. I'm fine now. That's what matters. I don't want you saying anything to Mike. Do you hear me? It was four years ago. I need you to let it go."

  "I can't just let it go, Livie," I said. "I won't say anything to him. I won't do anything, but I can't let it go."

  She stood up and got dressed. I followed her. There was no way she was going to stay with me all night. Her daughter needed her.

  "I want to check on April before I go home, if that's okay," I said.

  "You don't have to do that. You've done so much already. I don't know what I would've done without you earlier. I can't believe I got so upset."

  "You would've taken her to the doctor. I didn't do anything special."

  "Yes, you did," she said. "You calmed her down and made her feel okay while you took care of her. I've never seen her cuddle into a man like that before. You did a lot for her. No more taking care of my doctor bills either. I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe the insurance always covered things. You can't do that. It's time to live your life for you, Z. You need to stop trying to save the day here. Your life is in New York."

  She was wrong. My life wasn't in New York. My life was right there with me. It al
ways had been. I just never took the steps I needed to take. She had no idea how wrong she was.

  I took her hand and walked toward her house. We walked in quietly. Her mom was sitting on the couch reading. I walked to Livie's room and checked on April. Everything was going fine. I was sure her cut would heal without stitches.

  "I'll come and change the bandages tomorrow. Have her leave them on until I do. I don't want it to split open again. If it does, we'll do stitches. She should be fine though. It's probably still sore," I whispered to Livie.

  I leaned in and kissed her cheek.

  "I'll see you tomorrow."

  Chapter 17

  Olivia

  I watched him walk home from my window just like I used to. My stomach felt like butterflies were taking over. I felt like a little girl with her first crush. When he turned and looked up at me, I almost jumped back and hid. Why was I being so silly? The man I had cared for since I was a young girl was looking up at me. That same man would be walking out of my life again in just a few days. I knew there were tears in my eyes as I waved to him. He smiled and waved back before disappearing into the house and closing the door.

  I was kind of close to my mom. We had gotten closer in the four years I had been living with her. She was always truthful with me. I really needed someone to talk to about all of the things going on in my mind. I had never known that Z helped me. He paid my medical bills. We didn't go that often, but that didn't matter. I knew he was also paying his mom and dad's as well. It made me wonder if there was anything else I didn't know about.

  I thought he had cut me off completely and wanted nothing to do with me. All those years, I thought he was with someone and never really cared about me. It made me think about the fact that he was there, I just didn't know it.

  When my mom looked up from her book, I sat down next to her.

  "I need to talk to you," I said.

  She looked over with a smile.

  "Does it have anything to do with Zander?" she asked, and I rolled my eyes. "You two were always something else."

  "His mom doesn't think I'm good enough for him. Did you know that?"