Canyons, Caravans, & Cadavers

by Tonya Kappes

  Canyons, Caravans, & Cadavers

  A CAMPER AND CRIMINALS COZY MYSTERY

  Book Six

  BY

  TONYA KAPPES

  Canyons, Caravans, & Cadavers

  “Scott? You awake?” I knocked on the door of the little traveler camper, feeling pretty confident he was since the light inside of the camper were on. “It’s Mae West. I brought you something to eat and wanted to discuss my plan for the six weeks in your class,” I said to the closed door.

  Fifi stood next to me, wagging her little tail and looking up at the door too.

  I put my ear up to the door and I could hear the record player. It was another touch I added to the vintage camper. I’d gotten a record player and bought a selection of music genres to add to the collection, so each camper had their taste represented. The record player was always a hit on the surveys from the past guests that stayed in the camper.

  “Scott?” I knocked a little harder, so he’d hear me over the music.

  The door slightly cracked, Fifi pushed her way in.

  “Fifi, no!” I scolded her and watched her little fluffy white body run in, knocking the door open more. “Fifi, come back!”

  The music was much louder after the door opened and was no longer a shield. Fifi’s bark was loud and piercing.

  I took a step inside.

  “Scott!” I screamed. All the muscles in my body relaxed, the plate of food dropped and splattered all over body of Coach Scott Goodman and the arrow stuck in his back.

  CONTENTS

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  RECIPES AND CLEANING HACKS

  SNEAK PEAK OF SCENE OF THE GRIND

  About the Author

  Also by Tonya Kappes

  Copyright

  ONE

  “Welcome!” Mayor Courtney Mackenzie wore a t-shirt with the logo of Normal, Kentucky, and a pair of capri-length khakis, appropriate attire for the warm spring night we were having in our tourist town embedded deep in the Daniel Boone National Park. “I’d like to welcome everyone to the Happy Trails Campground on behalf of Mae West. We are here to honor her with a key to the city for her hard work over the past year to boost Normal’s economy.”

  My chin dropped to my chest, causing my long, curly brown hair to fall over my shoulders and shield my red face from all the eyes on me.

  “ “I know that we usually have these at our Tuesday Chamber of Commerce meetings, but I wanted to host this ceremony here at the campground since not all of our local town folk have had a chance to visit Happy Trails since it was renovated.” The Mayor was doing a great job talking up the campground that I’d spent a lot of time – and money – fixing up and modernizing in the short time I’d owned it. “Mae has opened up a few campers for your viewing pleasure and to show you that Happy Trails isn’t just a campground anymore, but a glampground.” The Mayor laughed at her own joke. “Get it? Glamour and campground mashed up .” She shrugged and moved side to side before continuing. “Mae has taken your basic mini-campers and RVs and transformed them into a very glamorous experience, whether or not you like hiking and camping.”

  Hank Sharp put his arm around my shoulder, resting it on the back of the chair. He leaned over and whispered, “You should be enjoying this.”

  I lifted my chin and looked at him. He smiled. His beautiful bright teeth were perfect and so were his green eyes. I couldn’t stop smiling back at him. He curled his hand around my arm, tightening his arm around me and squeezing me to him. His lips met my temple with a soft kiss that made this day even more perfect than it already was.

  “Mae West!” The Mayor had finished her speech.

  The crowd of locals that’d come to the campground to see me receive the key to the city were clapping from the rows of folding chairs behind me. When I stood up, I turned around and waved to them.

  I took in the lake behind us and all the campers and the manicured lots the campers sat on that were situated around the lake. The fountain in the middle of the lake spilled over in a magnificent water feature as it aerated the lake. The Tiki Hut next to it was open for business to the campers. This is where campers could pick up some food from Normal’s local restaurants.

  “Mae, if you would join me and Principal Bass from Normal High School up on stage, we’d like to present you with your key now.” The Mayor waved me up.

  On my way up to the stage, I glanced over at Mary Elizabeth Doyle, my adopted mother. She was tapping her index fingers on the corners of her mouth, which was her way of telling me to smile.

  “Shoulders back,” she mouthed, still trying to get me to use all the techniques I was taught in etiquette school over twelve years ago.

  “Mae West!” The Mayor put her hands out towards me like I was a prize on the Price Is Right show. “Mae,” she said my name again when I stood next to her. “Principal Bass is here not only to help me honor you with a key to the city, but to also invite you to teach a six week class to economics students about the economies of small towns and how small businesses can bring so much to small rural towns like Normal.”

  “I’m so honored.” I looked back and forth between them. “But I don’t have a teaching degree.”

  “That’s okay.” Principal Donald Bass stepped up to the microphone and handed me a diploma. It was something they gave to all the people who received the key to the city, even though I didn’t graduate from there. “As Principal of Normal High School, we are giving you an honorary diploma. We are truly grateful for your knowledge and business sense that you’ve brought to our town. It gives our children encouragement today that will help bring change to Normal tomorrow.”

  I stood there in shock and it must’ve shown on my face because Mary Elizabeth got my attention by clearing her throat. I looked at her and she used her hand to gesture to me to shut my gaping mouth.

  “On behalf of the citizens of Normal, I’d like to honor you with the key to the city.” The Mayor handed me a wooden plaque with a small gold key fastened to it. A small gold plate was inscribed with my name, the data, and the name of our town.

  I faced the crowd and smiled as I looked out at all the applauding people that I had come to know and love since coming to Normal. There were a few faces I didn’t recognize, but based on where they were sitting they had to be teachers from the high school. I was grateful they had come out to the campground to see me receive this honor.

  “Thank you,” I spoke into the microphone once the applause had died down. “There are so many people I’d like to thank. This wouldn’t have been possible if Normal’s shop owners hadn’t taken a chance on me and donated goods to the campground for me to promote their shops.” I named off the key people who took a chance on me when they had absolutely no reason to trust me.

  In fact, they had all had a reason to want to run me out of town when I drove my rundown RV across the town limits. Today I could look in the eyes of all the people who didn’t want to trust me and stand proud of what I had accomplished.

  Of course, this ceremony wasn’t as quite as simple as I’ve made it out to be. Mayor Mackenzie had agreed to hold the ceremony at the campground and not the courthouse under one condition. This was how she got elected, by wheeling and dealing and playing nice.

  “We’d also like to take a moment to honor another wonderful citizen in Normal who has also had a great impact on our community. If it weren�
�t for her, our little town would’ve taken an economic hit if the world had thought Normal was unsafe.” The Mayor wasted no time knocking me out of the limelight when my fifteen seconds of fame were over.

  Although, I have to say those fifteen seconds were glorious and that I was really looking forward to six weeks to whip the minds of these little hooligans into shape. I zeroed in on Principal Bass’s son, Davey. Davey and I had a little history together. At the beginning of spring, Davey and his friends stole an RV from guests at my campground and did a little partying in it at Kissing Point, a remote area in the national park where kids went to do what kids like to do.

  The judge had ordered Davey to do community service and all of his work was at the campground. Now I’d be able to keep an eye on him at school.

  I’d made it a mission to not make his life so easy because his little joyride had nearly caused me to lose my campground and go bankrupt.

  “Violet Rhinehammer is not only the new Editor in Chief at the Normal Gazette, she has been awarded the National Park Magazine Reporter of the Year Award with her coverage of the prison break that put Normal in the national spotlight.” Mayor Mackenzie smiled at Violet.

  Yep. In order for the ceremony to be held here at the campground, I had to agree to share the limelight with Violet Rhinehammer, a big pain in my you know what. At least I wasn’t likely to see her after today unless she was doing a segment on Channel 2, where she was a regular contributor.

  “As the principal of Normal High School, we’d like to honor you by giving you an honorary degree in journalism and extend an offer for you to mentor our young adults on the NHS Telegram for six weeks.” He was talking about Normal High School’s student-run newspaper.

  “I’m just so shocked.” Violet flipped her long blonde hair to the side, letting it cascade down one shoulder in dripping curls. Her perfectly lined red lips exposed gleaming teeth that exuded charm. Her bright eyes twinkled as she bounced with giddiness.

  Although I wasn’t paying much attention to her, I thought it sounded like she got more applause than I did.

  “Did he just tell her she’s going to work at the school too?” I leaned over and asked Mayor Mackenzie, gripping my key to the city and diploma so tight that my hands started to hurt.

  “Yes.” Mayor confirmed with a nod and then shushed me like I was ten.

  I jerked around and put a smile on my face while they gave their closing remarks.

  “Be sure that you stay for the reception. Just like Mae always does, the local restaurants and business have graciously donated not only their products, but their time to come out and support our two wonderful citizens.” Mayor stepped back and gave us one last round of applause.

  As soon as everyone stopped clapping, I high-tailed it down the steps of the stage, passing Ethel Biddle on the way down.

  “I hope you don’t mind” was how Ethel started her conversation with me, “I took Rosco down to your RV and your door was unlocked.”

  “You opened my door?” I questioned.

  “Mmmhhh,” she ho-hummed, seeing nothing wrong with her actions. “Rosco wanted to visit with the mother of his children. So I let him go right on in.”

  Rosco was Ethel’s dog. He and Fifi, my former prize-winning poodle, had done the unthinkable and Fifi had gotten pregnant, stripping her of her award-winning heritage.

  At the time it seemed like one of the worst things that could have ever happened, but in the end and like most things, it all turned out fine. Fifi came to live with me and Roscoe and Fifi became parents to the cutest babies. Soon after I made sure that wouldn’t happen again and had Fifi spayed.

  “If you’ll excuse me, my public awaits.” She picked at her neck skin. “Me, me, me, me.” The pitch in her voice moved up an octave with each me. “Me, me, me.”

  I moved out of the way of the banjo player and fiddle player to make room for them on the stage. Ethel wasn’t just the owner of Smelly Dog Grooming, the only pet groomer in Normal, she was also the lead singer of Blue Ethel and the Adolescent Farm Boys.

  They were actually pretty good and everyone who stayed at the campground loved them, so it had been a no brainer to book them for the monthly themed party I had at the campground. Since we were celebrating my – I mean, my and Violet’s – honor, I had decided to hold the monthly party today.

  “Congratulations, May-bell-ine.” My foster brother turned adopted brother Bobby Ray Bonds gave me a good smack on the back with his free hand while the other gripped a beer can. “Can you believe it? From the foster care to the key to the city. You sure have done well for yourself.”

  “Thank you, Bobby Ray.” I noticed his thinning hair covered by a ballcap and that he was still wearing his greasy mechanic overalls. “Just getting off work?” I asked.

  There were small clusters of folks gathered around, eating and drinking. In the background I could hear the band plucking on their instruments to get in tune.

  “Yep. I didn’t have time to change.” He gestured down to the far side of the lake where I had small bungalows for rent for those that didn’t like to stay in campers. “I went home to change, but someone was parked in my spot. I figured it was a guest, but come to find out it’s that archery feller from the school.” Bobby looked down at me from underneath his brows, looking for an explanation as to why the high school economics teacher, who was also the coach of the Rifle and Archery Club, wasn’t living at home with his wife.

  “Bobby Ray, you lived with Mary Elizabeth too long.” I tsked, referring to how nosey and gossipy Mary Elizabeth was.

  “He didn’t live with me long enough.” Mary Elizabeth came out of nowhere. “You did mighty fine up there with your speech, but you’ve got to remember, tits up and shoulders back,” doing the motions as she said it.

  “Thank you for coming,” I reached over and hugged her, ignoring her critiques. “I’m going to get me some food.” My stomach grumbled from the delicious smells coming from the campfires in the stone firepits that I provided at each lot. “Want some?”

  “I’m so hungry my belly thinks my throat’s been cut out.” She snickered, nudging me.

  On our way around the campground, I made a quick pit stop at my little RV and let out Fifi and Rosco. Both darted out with their noses up in the air as if they were running to the smell of food. They were on a mission.

  Even though today was a day of celebration, I kept the rules of the monthly theme party the same. If you were staying at the campground and wanted to participate, I asked you to make some sort of food to share with the group. Each person got a plate and walked around the campground, taking a little from each campfire stove to fill a plate.

  Along the way, they got to know their fellow campers so they wouldn’t know just me and Dottie Swaggert, the campground manager.

  “Campfire chili.” My mouth watered just saying what the first camper had made. “Do you want some?” I asked Mary Elizabeth as I took a bowl for myself.

  She was too busy talking to the campers and bragging on how I was her adopted daughter, so I left her behind and started making my way around the campground. When I got to the bungalows, I noticed Coach Scott Goodman and a few of the students in his club were having target practice with foam targets for their arrows. His Normal High School Archery and Rifle Club track suit showed he was proud of his job as a coach.

  Coach Goodman stood about six foot one inch tall with a nice head of blond hair that had a wee-bit of a wave to it. By the way he filled out the track suit, I could tell he took care of himself.

  “Hi, Coach. Do you want some chili?” I asked him, holding out the bowl for him to take. I noticed that he was wearing his wedding band.

  “Nah. I’m not hungry. Just enjoying the kids. But I might have to get some of that later.” He nodded and eyed my bowl. “I guess we will be working together for a few weeks. Congratulations.” He folded his muscular arms across his chest and stood with his legs spread in a stance.

  “I’m excited. I’ve got a few ideas. May
be I can run those by you later.” I watched as one of kids drew her bow back. She used a steady hand and carefully looked down the arrow at the target.

  When she let go, the arrow whizzed through the air with ease, hitting dead set in the center of the target.

  “She’s one of the best.” He shook his head. “Got a good chance for a scholarship.”

  “Is that right?” A deep voice came up from behind us. “Ken, Ken Patterson.” He stuck his hand out for me to shake. “My son is Sam Patterson. He’s the one who should be getting scholarships.”

  “Mr. Patterson, I’m not going to talk with you about Sam’s future outside of school. I’m more than happy to talk to you with Alena Russell present, but not here,” Scott said sternly, very clear about where he stood.

  “You’ve not heard the last of me, Goodman,” Ken warned him before stalking off.

  “I can never escape the classroom.” Scott sighed, staring Ken down as he walked away. “Some parents think their kids deserve the world when they don’t.” He leaned in a little closer. “Between me and you, I’m not planning on being around here long enough to care what happens to Sam.”

  “Mae! Skillet brownies!” Mary Elizabeth bounced on her toes in delight and pointed to another camper’s delicious treat over their firepit. Vigorously, she waved me over.

  “I guess you must love brownies.” Scott smiled, trying to put on a good front, but I knew it was a cover for something deeper going on in his life.

  I knew. I’d done that for a long time myself.

  “If you need anything while your renting the camper, let me know.” I pointed to the small white travel trailer that I’d converted a single camper.

  I made it cozy by upgrading the kitchen and installing gas heaters in each room for really cold nights. The living room had a large leather couch, a reading chair, a fireplace, and a TV from the 1980s. This particular trailer also had both an indoor and outdoor shower, beautiful antique decor, and heavy vintage flannel blankets and bear skins for staying super cozy. From the looks of it, Scott Goodman felt right at home.