Furious

by Jill Wolfson

  Her sentence fades out. A frown. A flash of resentment.

  I swivel to see the cause. Someone is coming up behind me. I take in the determined look on Ms. Pallas’s face, the unblinking blue of her eyes, the swish of her iron-colored clothes, the way she’s floating a few inches above the floor. Blink. Of course she isn’t floating. In her hand she carries a long baton with a gold knob at the top, which makes sense only because she’s the faculty advisor of the color guard that practices during lunch.

  “Take my seat,” Ambrosia offers with too much politeness. “I was just leaving.”

  Only that said, she doesn’t get up. First she licks two fingertips and smooths the sides of her hair into place, even though it’s already perfect. Then, very slowly and deliberately, she separates trash from things that can be recycled, returns the book to her backpack, arranges and rearranges the contents. She pulls out her iPod, debates between several songs, and slips the speaker buds into her ears. She takes her time doing all of this, while Ms. Pallas is forced to stand and wait.

  “All yours,” Ambrosia finally says, and way too loudly. I have the definite sense that the music’s not blaring and that she is shouting on purpose to be rude. To the rest of us, Ambrosia mimes talking into a phone, thumb at her ear, pinky at her mouth. Her lips move, pomegranate red, and I read them: I’ll call you.

  When Ambrosia is out of earshot, Ms. Pallas sits and says, “We have openings in the color guard. The three of you would be—”

  Alix practically spews out her milk. “Me? Marching? Tasseled boots?”

  Stephanie hands Alix a napkin. “Sorry, Ms. Pallas. No disrespect intended, but I definitely move to a different drummer.”

  Our teacher turns to me, the color of her eyes so unsettling I can’t look away. She asked me to join the guard yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. At first I was kind of flattered and told her that I’d think about it. But she’s gotten so pushy. Why does she keep asking? Can’t she take a hint? What am I, her personal mission? Why doesn’t she back off?

  The bell rings and I’m glad. Saved again.

  “Sorry,” I mumble, and hurry off. “Guess I’m not much of a joiner.”

  * * *

  Ambrosia texts each of us about when to meet (right after school) and where (at the cliff with the statue overlooking the famous surf spot). I’m first to get there, so I lean over the rail. My thoughts, as I sort through all that’s been happening, feel as churned up as the ocean below. I’m hoping that Ambrosia will clear things up. Obviously she knows a lot more that any of us do. I wonder if there’s some simple, logical explanation for everything that’s been happening. Somehow I don’t think there is. I have a feeling that what Ambrosia will tell us is more complicated than I can imagine.

  I hear something that makes me turn away from the surf. My name, deep as a foghorn.

  “Meg!”

  A little down the path, someone waves. My name again, and out of the gray the figure comes toward me, walking and then jogging a little. It’s Stephanie and her mouth is moving. I assume she’s already talking about Ambrosia and Ms. Pallas and He-Cat, everything that’s been happening. How could she be thinking about anything else? Only when she reaches me, she points an accusing finger to where a thick metal pipe juts out of the cliff, like the cigar in the Monopoly tycoon’s mouth. A stream of gunk-colored water spews out of it and into the ocean. “The color of that ocean foam! Can you believe it? That’s not from any natural causes.”

  When a wave hits the beach, it leaves behind a jagged line of foamy crud. Stephanie keeps talking, too outraged to take a breath. “Runoff. All kinds of crap—cigarette butts, dog shit, lawn fertilizer—washes right into the gutters and directly into the ocean. An otter can’t shower off. Can you imagine the germ count right now? You have to be a nut to be in the water.”

  We turn together to watch the nut, suddenly visible in the haze, paddling hard through what I now imagine to be a wave of skin-eating bacteria that look like jaw-snapping Pac-Men. Of course, the surfer is Alix. She must have cut her last class to get here early. Her arm shoots into the air and we wave back, and soon she’s washed onto shore, climbing the cliff, and standing next to us. I’m freezing just looking at her, but she doesn’t seem to mind the weather.

  “Think she’ll show up?” she asks, and when Stephanie doesn’t answer immediately, Alix turns on her. “Well, do you?”

  “Do what?” Stephanie’s eyes keep returning to the pipe that’s coughing out the pollution.

  “Ambrosia! She can’t say the stuff she said and not explain.”

  Stephanie turns back to the pipe. “That’s disgusting. Criminal!”

  Alix pulls off her neoprene surf hood and shakes her head. Her saltwater-caked hair spikes out like underwater snake creatures, their hungry mouths probing the air in search of food for their insatiable appetites. “I’m with you on that. Think what it’s like surfing out there, getting a mouthful of that crap every day.”

  Stephanie, her jaw clenched: “The people responsible? They should be forced to drink it.”

  From behind us then, a disembodied voice: “Wanting revenge but being helpless in the face of injustice. I know the unbearable ache of that.”

  We see her now, Ambrosia, a figure in the fog in a black raincoat, her hair hidden in a man’s-style hat. She’s standing at the surfer statue and runs her fingernails along the bare metal feet. I notice that one of them, the pointer finger on her right hand, is painted black while the others are red.

  No hello, no small talk, just:

  “You three want to know what you are? I’ll be direct. I’ll say what I know. And if you look into your hearts, you already know it, too.”

  Something shifts in the light. I can’t see the ball of the sun, but the rays must be bending through the nasty-looking clump of clouds to produce so many sparks of gold, orange, pink. The Prince of the Waves takes on a sickly greenish glow. If this were a disaster movie and the ocean and sky looked like this, everyone would be yelling and crawling over each to get to high ground fast.

  Ambrosia rubs her hands together like sticks for making a fire. She shows us the palms. In the unnatural light, those hands appear to have no love lines, no life lines, few lines at all. Her words seem to emerge from some bottomless pit: “O Furies, born of sky, ocean, earth, and blood, mothered on foul human emotions, nursed on the tainted milk of greed, hate, and delusion, nourished with an appetite for ancient, twisted karma. Those Who Walk in Darkness, ceaselessly hunting and haunting those who have gone unpunished. Ferocious, powerful, unstoppable.”

  Alix’s legs start vibrating and she drums her hands against the thighs of her wet suit. She’s either freezing or unnerved. I know I am. Both. Her lips drain of their ordinary color, turning blue.

  Ambrosia addresses her directly: “Alecto the Unceasing. Restless, endless maker of grief who revels in war and quarrels.”

  She faces Stephanie: “Tisiphone the Avenger. The retaliator who punishes those who harm the guiltless, the vulnerable, the innocent.”

  She swivels and her eyes lock onto mine like suction cups.

  “And Megaera the Envious…”

  Not me.

  “Angry, untrusting, resentful. The undisputed master of holding a grudge.”

  Everything on the periphery of my vision—the pelicans overhead, the crashing waves, a hunched-over man walking his dog, the surfer statue—disappears into even thicker fog. I feel light-headed, like the time I guzzled wine on an empty stomach. This is a dream. I’ll wait until I wake up, I tell myself. Only, a dream has a certain quality to it, and it’s not like this. This is real. This is happening.

  Overhead, the strangled cry of a gull. Within me, something peeks out of its dark hole and demands to be acknowledged.

  Angry, resentful. Yes. Underneath, that’s what I am.

  Ferocious, powerful, unstoppable. That’s what I want to be. I’d give anything to be that.

  Ambrosia breaks eye contact. The world returns
. A seabird drops like a dagger to snag an unlucky fish.

  “There you have it, ladies. Ring a bell?”

  11

  What are you supposed to do with information like that?

  Alix, Stephanie, and I explode in laughter. Ambrosia just told us that we aren’t ordinary human teenage girls with massive social problems and some of the worst frizzed-out hair at Hunter High. We are straight out of mythology, goddesses who avenge, retaliate, punish, haunt, hunt, and don’t stand around being victims, but make things happen. We are kegs of untapped, unstoppable power. What else did she say? We walk in the dark, or something insanely insane like that.

  It’s so ridiculous that I start pogoing around the surfer statue. I don’t believe a word of it.

  But at the same time that I don’t believe it, I do believe it. I want to believe it. It explains not just about He-Cat and all the strange things at school but something even more important. It means that everything I want to believe about myself, what I hope for and pray for, is true. I am blossoming. There’s something strong and powerful ready to come out. A me who can stand up for herself and who can right wrongs and who never has to be afraid. The real me, a Fury me.

  I think that Stephanie and Alix are also bouncing between the two poles of not believing a word and total certainty. We keep dancing and shrieking a thousand oh my Gods, and under a darkening sky we pump Ambrosia with questions:

  “Are you nuts?” (Alix)

  “What exactly are the Furies?” (Stephanie)

  “How do we use this power?” (Alix again)

  “If we are Furies, who are you?” (me)

  “Who else knows about this?” (Alix again)

  Ambrosia gives us one straightforward and four not-exactly-straightforward answers:

  “No.”

  “You have a lot of soul-searching to do to answer that question.”

  “You harness it.”

  “I am the one who called you out of your sleep.”

  “Me and a certain busybody.”

  Ambrosia hands us each a few sheets of paper. “Your job description. FAQs about Furies. For future reading,” she says. “But now, dance, celebrate! Enjoy the cosmic moment.”

  So that’s exactly what we do. By the time the sun sets, I’m charged with an exciting new energy, a sense of hope and optimism that maybe my life truly has been turned upside down. I am not who I think I am. We aren’t who we think we are.

  What do we do next? What happens after you get information like this?

  “You’re not putting us on?” Alix asks again.

  “Don’t take my word for it,” Ambrosia says. “See for yourself. You need to test your powers, play with them, learn what they can do.”

  “I have another question.” Stephanie’s dreads are puffed out, like they gorged themselves on salt air and our energy. “Is anyone else starved? I mean, really starved?”

  “Yeah,” Alix agrees. “I gotta get home and make dinner for my little brother. It’s burrito night, his favorite.”

  This doesn’t seem like an appropriate ending to a day like this one, but I guess it’s what happens after any event that blows apart what you think you know about life and about yourself. Everything changes. Maybe we really are Alecto, Tisiphone, and Megaera.

  But right now we are also Alix, Stephanie, and Meg, who have chores and homework. I, for one, am going to get in massive trouble with the Leech for being so late.

  We wind up doing what ordinary girls do. We promise to call each other. We make plans for tomorrow and then, after one more squealing oceanfront dance, we head off in our different directions to think about what just happened.

  * * *

  I can’t go to the Leech’s house yet. I’m not ready to face her. This is too wild not to talk about. I duck into a deserted playground, sit on the bottom of a slide, and phone Raymond. Even though he’s coughing and his ears are clogged, I make him shut up and listen. My words gush out. I know I’m not making total sense.

  “It hasn’t sunk in yet, but I think it’s true,” I say.

  “What hasn’t sunk in?”

  “What I just told you! What Ambrosia said.”

  “Slow down, Meg! She said what?”

  “I’m the undisputed master of holding a grudge.”

  Cough. “You?”

  I pace the playground. I need to keep moving. Too much energy. “She said that I have to practice more than the others because everyone boils at different degrees. When it comes to fury and outrage, Stephanie and Alix are hotter cauldrons than I am.”

  “That’s for sure.”

  “But I’m at a breaking point. Plus, I have all the raw talent. Nothing to worry about. She said so.”

  “Gee, that’s a relief.”

  “Are you being sarcastic?”

  Sneeze. He changes the subject. “Ambrosia’s role in all this is…?”

  I sit on a toddler rocking horse, some sort of made-up creature, part dinosaur, part giraffe. It’s purple with big yellow spots. “She’s the one who called us. That’s what she said. Plus, she’s in charge of the paperwork.”

  Raymond snorts, and I get a flash of irritation. He’s already made up his mind and thinks it’s all a crock. “Don’t snort! You think this isn’t possible!”

  “I don’t think anything yet. I don’t have all the evidence.”

  “You think Ambrosia’s messing with me! You think I’m gullible. You think I’m what you see is what you get.”

  “Meg, calm down. I’m trying to keep an open mind without my brains spilling out. By the way, that wasn’t a snort at you. It was a big hunk of phlegm.”

  “Gross.”

  “Imagine what it tastes like. Tell me more about the paperwork.”

  I move to a bench with an overhead streetlamp and read something random from a section titled “Anger Exercises.” The typeface is small and tight. “If you feel your mind softening or taking pity, don’t listen to it. Don’t sympathize.”

  “Why wouldn’t you listen to your own mind? What’s wrong with sympathy? Why would…” Another sneeze.

  Another flash of irritation. I shouldn’t have to explain this to Raymond. A best friend should understand without me needing to spell it out. “I shouldn’t listen because my mind keeps telling me to put up with being treated mean and unfairly.”

  “That’s not what I—”

  “Because if people do something wrong, they should feel guilty about it. They should be punished.”

  “Of course! But—”

  “But not by me? That’s what you’re saying! You don’t think I have any special power.”

  “You think you do? You actually believe what Ambrosia says?”

  I hate Raymond’s tone. I don’t like it at all. He can be such a know-it-all. That’s why he gets on everyone’s nerves. And his sarcasm! He’s making fun of me. He’s putting me down. When I don’t answer right away, he changes the question: “Do you want to believe what she says?” Pause. “’Cause Meg, if you do, I want to believe her, too.”

  And just like that, the anger drains out of me. It’s gone. My pulse settles down. I move from the bench to a swing, wondering why I got so pissed off at him. How did that happen? It came on so fast, flared up, and I felt so right and justified. But then he said the right thing in the right way, and it all evaporated. I’m so glad. I don’t want to be mad at Raymond, not ever. He’s my best friend. He’s there for me. He wants what I want.

  “You still there?” he asks.

  “I understand why you’re skeptical,” I say, my voice softer. “I’m skeptical, too. I’m not a total fool.”

  “Of course not!”

  “We’re not supposed to take Ambrosia’s word for anything. She did her part by calling us together, but now it’s up to us. We need to play with our power on our own, test it, figure it out.”

  “She said that?”

  I nod even though he can’t see me. “She said that’s the only way we’ll really accept who we are and what we’re capable of
doing.”

  We talk a little more, and then after saying good-bye I inch my toes behind me on the swing. I let the momentum take me, just like a ball in the Newton’s cradle on Mr. H’s desk. Only I don’t bang into anything, except gravity. My energy is all mine. It carries me forward, and at the highest point I pump my legs to go even higher. I tilt backward, practically hanging upside down. The ground whooshes up to meet me.

  * * *

  Luck is with me tonight. I get into the house without a Leech attack, sneak into the bedroom, and lock the door. She hates locked doors and will probably come pounding on mine soon, but right now I don’t care what she hates. He-Cat is curled up on my pillow. Poor thing. Mistreated little guy. I bet he hid out here all day to avoid her nasty temper. It’s so unfair. When I sit on the bed, the cat snuggles closer and turns into a purr machine.

  I eat some peanut-butter crackers, brush the orange-colored crumbs off my lap, and boot up my computer. I’ve never been this excited about homework. I’ve never had homework that has so much to do with my life.

  Internet search: The Furies.

  Definition: In Greek mythology, the Furies are female earth deities of vengeance and supernatural personifications of the anger of the dead. From one website, I learn that they are also called the Erinyes, which translates as “the angry ones” or “the avengers.” Avengers! From another website, I discover that they are sometimes referred to as “infernal goddesses” who pursue, persecute, and represent regeneration and creation. In the Iliad, they are described as “those who beneath the earth punish whosoever has sworn a false oath.”

  The pictures I find are especially awesome. It turns out that the Furies are all over classical art. On some statues, their heads are wreathed with snakes and their eyes drip with blood. On one old vase in a museum, they have the wings of bats or maybe it’s birds; on a piece of pottery, the artist portrays them with the bodies of dogs.

  There are so many cultural references to the Furies.

  They are major characters in the final part of the Oresteia, a trilogy of Greek tragedies written by Aeschylus, which concerns the end of the curse on the House of Atreus. There’s a film, a Western from the 1950s, called The Furies, and a 1976 historical novel by someone named John Jakes. And it’s the name of the newspaper of The Furies Collective, a Washington, DC–based organization. I’d like to know more about that.