Retribution

by K. A. Robinson

  “It seems like these last few months have been extremely difficult,” Dr. Wilson said after I’d finished telling her my history with Robert and Cooper.

  “My entire life has been difficult,” I told her pointedly.

  “Yes, that’s true.” She glanced at the clock. “I think that’s enough for today.”

  “So, you’ll sign off on my release?” I asked.

  She smiled kindly at me. “Give me one more session, Claire. Just one more.”

  “When?” I asked, suddenly annoyed.

  “Tomorrow. When the session is over, I’ll sign off.”

  I frowned. “That wasn’t the deal.”

  “Humor me,” she said.

  I sighed. Fighting with this woman would get me nowhere, and we both knew it.

  “All right. One more day, and then you’ll sign off. I won’t do this again though. You can’t keep putting it off.”

  “You have my word. I’ll see you at noon tomorrow.” She stood and walked me to the door. “Have a good evening.”

  “You, too,” I said before I left.

  The next day, Dr. Wilson was already sitting in her chair when I walked in. She smiled as she motioned for me to take my seat.

  “Good afternoon, Claire. I spent most of my evening reviewing my notes from our session yesterday. I would like for you to start where you left off, if that’s okay with you.”

  “You want me to talk about what happened in that bedroom,” I said, resigned to my fate.

  She nodded. “I do. I think we can cover all of it today.”

  I was silent for a moment as I wondered where to even begin. I decided to start with the dinner with Robert. I told her how he’d acted strange when he came home and how it had gotten worse once Cooper arrived. I explained how I’d started to feel sick right after Robert had called Cooper and me out on everything. I’d assumed that it was nerves and fear then, but I had known better. Robert had drugged not only me, but Cooper as well.

  “Then, I woke up in Cooper’s bed, bound and completely naked,” I said after a few moments of silence. “Cooper was bound next to me. He was still passed out from the drug Robert had given us.”

  “What did you do when you woke up?” Dr. Wilson asked, interrupting me for the first time.

  I held up my arms so that she could see my bandaged wrists. “I tried to get loose. I tried so hard that I’ll have scars for the rest of my life. When Cooper woke up, he tried to break free, too, but it was no use. Robert had tied us too tightly to ever escape.”

  “When you both realized that you couldn’t get free, what did you do?”

  “Robert came in around that time. A man I’d never seen before was also there—Isaac. I knew the moment our eyes met that he would be the one to kill me. His eyes were so cold. It was like he was dead inside. When Robert started speaking, I knew it was all over.”

  I hated how my voice shook, but I forced myself to continue.

  I knew it was time I dealt with what had happened. I was just thankful that I could do it without Cooper around. If I lost control, I didn’t want him to see. He would only blame himself for something he couldn’t have controlled.

  “Robert calmly explained how Isaac was going to rape me while Cooper watched. Then, Isaac was supposed to kill both of us. Robert gave Isaac the go-ahead to approach me, and he moved toward the bed. I’ve never been so scared in my life. He was going to rape me, and there was nothing Cooper could do to save me.” I swallowed roughly. “When Isaac climbed on top of me, I felt him pressed up against me. I think that was when I vomited.”

  “What did you feel when this was happening?”

  “Everything—fear, humiliation, anger, sadness, disbelief. I tried to fight him, but I knew it was pointless. I will never forget the feel of his body on top of mine, no matter how long I live.” I shuddered.

  The room filled with silence as I relived the most horrific moments of my life. Terror swept through me again as if I were still tied to that bed, and tears started to slide down my cheeks.

  “The worst part is that Cooper blames himself for not doing anything to stop it. He tried. God, he tried so hard, but he couldn’t break free.”

  “You’re crying,” Dr. Wilson pointed out.

  Thank you, Captain Obvious. “I guess I am.”

  “Have you cried about it in front of Cooper?”

  I shook my head. “No, except for when it was happening. I think we’re both avoiding it. I don’t want him to see me cry over it. He already blames himself when he shouldn’t.”

  “You’re right. Cooper should not blame himself. But you can’t stay silent for fear of upsetting him. It sounds to me like Cooper loves you very much. I don’t think he’d want you to suffer through this alone, Claire. It isn’t good for either of you. If you let it, this will drive the two of you apart before you have a real chance to start over.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “Intimacy, Claire. I’m talking about intimacy. Let me ask you this. If Cooper were to approach you right now to ask for sex, what would your response be?”

  My stomach instantly rolled at the thought, and I shuddered.

  “If that’s your physical response, I can only imagine what your mental response would be,” Dr. Wilson said kindly.

  Humiliation flooded me. I loved Cooper, but the thought of being with him turned my stomach. That wasn’t a natural response.

  “I love him,” I said.

  “I know you do. That’s why you need to sit down and talk about this with him. He has to understand what you’re going through, Claire. That’s the only way he can find a way to help you.”

  “He’s going to think I’m crazy.”

  “Not at all. He was there when you were assaulted. He’ll understand.” She paused. “The next few months are going to be very hard. You’ll not only have to deal with your inner demons but the demons around you as well. Your husband was a public figure, and his death will draw every reporter, every nosy neighbor, every person you can think of. You’re going to hear a lot of negative things from people who do not know the whole story. Cooper is going to have to deal with the same. You need to be there for each other through everything.”

  I looked down at my hands. “You’re right. Avoiding it isn’t going to help either of us. I need to talk to him.”

  She smiled as she pulled a piece of paper out of my file and handed it to me. “I think this belongs to you.”

  I took the paper from her. “What is this?”

  “That’s me signing off on your release. You cooperated with me through both sessions, and I think that benefited you greatly. I feel you’re emotionally stable enough to leave. I do have one suggestion though.”

  “What is it?” I asked as I read over the paper.

  “I would like for you to schedule appointments with me for a few months. You’re a strong young woman, Claire, but I think that talking with me will help.”

  I nodded. “All right. I can handle that.”

  She smiled. “Good. Our time is up now, but I’ll see you in two weeks. In the meantime, talk to Cooper. You both need to clear the air.”

  “I will,” I promised. I stood and shook her hand.

  After a brief good-bye, I left the room and headed back upstairs to my hospital room.

  I was released from the hospital the following evening. It was almost six by the time I finally escaped. Cooper had tried to talk me into staying at a hotel instead of going back to Robert’s house, but I’d refused. That house was the only home I had, and I wouldn’t let Robert’s ghost scare me away from it.

  The drive back to our house was quiet. While I had been at the hospital, Cooper and I had continued to keep our conversations light, neither of us touching on what we had been thinking about. I planned to talk to him about all of it once we were home. I didn’t think that a hospital room was a good place to have that kind of conversation.

  When Cooper parked his car in the garage, my eyes instantly went to Robert�
��s black SUV. It was parked in his usual spot. That bothered me. After everything that had happened, it felt too normal. I shrugged off my weird train of thought as I climbed out of the car. Cooper met me by the door leading into the house and took my hand in his. Together, we walked back into our very own personal house of horrors.

  The quiet of the house had never bothered me before, but it did now. It seemed to press against me from all sides as Cooper led me into the living room and sat me down on the couch. I tried not to show how bothered I was by being back in Robert’s space, but from the look on Cooper’s face, he saw right through me.

  “We don’t have to stay here,” he said quietly as he sat down next to me.

  “I’ll be fine. I won’t let him control me anymore, Coop, even if that means staying in this house.”

  He shook his head. “You’re so stubborn.”

  I smiled. “I am, yet you’re still here. I think you secretly like it.”

  He grinned. “Maybe I do.” He traced my fingers with his own. “There are lots of things I secretly like about you.”

  “Like what?” I teased. “My wonderful singing voice? Or maybe it’s my amazing ability to constantly find myself in trouble.”

  “I’ll never tell.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but movement from the kitchen doorway caught my eye. I whipped my head around to see who was standing there. I froze when I saw her watching us.

  “Ellie!” I cried. I stood and ran to her.

  As soon as I was within reach, she grabbed me and pulled me to her in a hug that nearly cut off my air supply.

  I saw Cooper stand up and cross the room. He stopped a few feet away from us, looking unsure of what to do about the two crazy women who were hugging and crying like they might die if they let go.

  “Get over here, Cooper,” Ellie said when she noticed him.

  Without a word, he stepped forward and wrapped both of his arms around us. We stood together like that for minutes or maybe even hours or years. The world stopped moving for a little while as we clung to each other. We were survivors. All three of us had escaped Robert together. The bond that had formed between us was deeper than any friendship we’d had before. We were bound by our memories, our loss, our truths, and our love.

  Cooper finally released both of us. Ellie and I slowly pulled away from each other. I wiped my wet eyes on the sleeve of my shirt.

  “I hope it’s okay that I’m here,” Ellie said after a moment. “I don’t want to intrude. I just…Cooper called and told me that he was going to bring you home. I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

  “You’re always welcome here, Ellie. You know that,” Cooper said before I could answer. “This is your home, too, as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Thank you,” she said quietly.

  I took a moment to look at her, really look at her. She looked horrible. There were bags under her eyes, and she looked as if she’d lost ten pounds in the five days since I last saw her.

  “Ellie, how are you holding up?” I asked as I led her over to the couch.

  We sat down side by side as Cooper sat in the chair across from us.

  She tried to smile at me, but it was weak. Finally, she stopped trying. “I’m not okay, Claire. I’m not okay at all.”

  “I figured as much,” I said sadly.

  “I saved your life by shooting both of them. I’ll never regret saving you, but I don’t know how to live with myself now. I took two human lives. I can’t seem to get over that,” she said.

  “That’s not something you just get over,” I told her. “It’ll stick with you forever. You just have to learn how to live with it. You killed to save us, Ellie. That doesn’t make you a murderer. It makes you a hero.”

  “She’s right. We owe our lives to you,” Cooper spoke up.

  Ellie quickly wiped at her eyes as if she hoped we wouldn’t see her tears. “I love you both so much. I hope you know just how much.”

  “We do,” I told her as I pulled her in for another hug. “And we love you just as much as you love us. I promise you that. We’ll find a way to get through all of this, and we’ll do it together.”

  “The next few months are going to be a nightmare.” She sighed. “My lawyer said there’s no way that they’ll convict me, but we still have to go through the process. Everyone in town is talking about what happened. My daughter was even approached by a few people, asking for the real story.”

  “We’ll just be hermits here until it settles,” I said, “I have no desire to interact with humans—at all.”

  She chuckled. “I think I’ve had enough interaction to last me a lifetime.”

  “You two are depressing,” Cooper piped up.

  I shot him a glare, but he wasn’t looking at me.

  His eyes were on Ellie. “Let’s watch a movie or something. Anything is better than listening to this.”

  “That would be wonderful. Why don’t you pick which one to watch, Claire?” Ellie asked me.

  When I saw the relief on Ellie’s face, I understood Cooper’s plan. He didn’t want Ellie to dwell on what had happened. He wanted to get her mind off of everything even if it was just for a few hours.

  And just like that, we were watching a movie in the house where Cooper and I had almost died and where two very terrible men had lost their lives.

  Close to eleven, Ellie finally decided that it was time to go. She hugged both Cooper and me for an eternity. It seemed that she didn’t want either of us out of her sight for long. The feeling was mutual.

  Once she was gone, Cooper turned to me as we stood in the foyer. He took my hand in his and squeezed it once. I tugged on his hand as I led us back to the couch.

  “Are we sleeping down here?” Cooper asked.

  I shook my head. “No, I want to talk to you before we go upstairs.”

  We sat down together with our legs touching.

  “About what?”

  I took a deep breath as I tried to prepare myself for what I was about to say. Once I felt courageous enough, I spoke, “I want to talk about Isaac…and the fact that he almost raped me.”

  My words were quiet, but Cooper’s response was that of someone who had been screamed at. He jerked away as if I’d slapped him. He kept his focus on anything but me.

  Still, I forced myself to continue, “I’m not okay, Coop. I want you to know the truth.”

  “No one would expect you to be okay after that,” he said roughly.

  “No, they wouldn’t. I know we’ve been avoiding this, but we have to talk about it. What Isaac did really messed me up. I know it messed with you, too. When I went to see that therapist, she thought it would be best if I talked with you.” I swallowed roughly. “And she asked me what I would do if you asked me to have sex.”

  “Claire…” He trailed off.

  “When I thought about that, it made me sick,” I said before I lost my nerve. “I love you more than anyone else in this world, but the thought of you touching me makes me physically ill.”

  He just stared at me, completely at a loss for what to say. I could understand that.

  I stood and pulled him up with me. “Nothing about you or what we have should make me feel that way. I won’t let what happened destroy us.”

  He followed me as I walked up the stairs. I kept one hand in his and one on the railing to support myself. My entire body was shaking by the time we reached the second floor.

  “Claire, where are we going?” he demanded.

  I turned down the hallway that led to my old room and his room. “My room,” I said.

  I didn’t dare look in the direction of his bedroom as we passed it. I couldn’t. Tomorrow, I would. Tonight, I wasn’t ready. One step at a time would have to be enough.

  When we reached my bedroom, I pulled Cooper inside before closing the door behind us.

  “What’s going on?” Cooper asked me.

  “I’m going to make things right—for both of us,” I said as I pushed on his chest until he started wal
king backward.

  He realized what was happening a split second before the back of his legs connected with my bed. He tumbled down onto it.

  “Claire, stop,” he said. “We don’t have to do this.”

  “But we do. I won’t let him ruin us, Coop. I won’t let what happened symbolize what sex is in my mind. I can’t live that way.”

  I pulled my shirt over my head, careful not to jostle my injured arms. I tossed it aside before pulling off my jeans. When I stood in only my bra and underwear, I moved forward and slowly undid the buttons on Cooper’s pants. My hands were still shaking, but I never once wavered. Cooper and I would conquer this—together.

  Cooper finally seemed to realize that I was serious. He helped me as I pulled his pants down his legs. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

  “You have to do the rest,” I told him quietly.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, fear evident on his face.

  “I am. I trust you more than anyone else on this earth. You’re the only one who can help me heal.”

  He nodded as he stood and carefully picked me up. His movements were gentler than normal. It was as if he were afraid of scaring or hurting me. He lowered me onto the bed and removed my undergarments. His eyes never left mine as he slipped his boxers over his hips.

  “I love you, Claire.” He climbed into the bed and moved his body so that it hovered over mine.

  He held himself up so that not even an inch of our skin touched. It didn’t matter. I still felt the terror starting to pulse through my body as he tenderly kissed me.

  I forced myself to relax as his kisses deepened, and he slowly lowered his body down on top of mine. He was careful not to move too fast.

  It’s Cooper. It’s Cooper. It’s Cooper, I repeated over and over in my head as his kisses grew feverish.