Becoming

by Chris Ord

  The moments spent with Aran had stirred something inside her. Feelings she had not felt before, feelings that confused and frightened her. She wanted them to go away, tried to smother them, but could not. They kept returning. Gaia needed to control these emotions, but all thoughts kept returning to his smile, and they would churn and flare up inside her. The acid in her stomach would rage and spit as though it were about to erupt from her throat. She tossed and turned with the tingling and burning, the warmth for Aran, and burning hatred of Kali.

  There was a tap at the window behind her. Gaia sat up and turned. There it was again, a gentle rap, maybe nothing. It came again, faint, not wanting to be heard. She stood, pulled back the corner of the curtain and peered out. The night was black, but for the soft light from the thinnest of crescent moons. Gaia peered over the ledge and saw Aran, his back pressed against the timber wall of the building. He peeked out and cast the briefest look up at her, pointed to the window, and gestured to her to open it. Gaia waved her hand at him to leave, but he twisted his face and shook his head, repeating the mime with more urgency. She mouthed the words ‘No. Go away!’ There was a silent plea, a begging look, and a pause. Aran shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, miming a sigh, and folding his arms.

  Determined to end the charade, Gaia frowned and loosened the old iron latch. It was tight and almost rusted on. There was a creak as it came free. There was a pause as Gaia listened, fearing someone might stir. Sure there was nothing but silence she opened the window, just enough to speak through it. Lowering herself to the crack Gaia spat at him in an angry whisper.

  ‘What are you doing here? You know what’ll happen if we’re caught!’

  ‘I need to speak with you. It’s important. Can we talk?’

  ‘Are you mad? You’re taking a big enough risk just being here. Get back to your dorm before you get us both thrown in the shed.’

  Gaia tried to close the window, but Aran grabbed it. The whisper was louder, his voice becoming more desperate.

  ‘Look, I wouldn’t do this unless I had to. It isn’t safe to speak in the day. You’re being watched. Please Gaia. It’s important.’

  ‘What could be that important at this time of night?’

  ‘It’s about escaping the island.’

  Gaia struggled to breath. This was not what she had expected at all. To meet Aran was risky and complicated, but this was too intriguing. She had to hear him out at least. Gaia’s mind raced, thinking of all the complications, the possible dangers. There was the leader’s room at the end of the dorm. She would need to get past that and out of the door without being heard. The door would be locked. There would be serious consequences if they were found. Then there were the night birds. These were large, shadowy creatures that patrolled the skies at night. Some said they had once been bats, and the poison had changed them, deformed them like the rats. Others claimed to have seen them, but sightings were rare and unreliable. There was very little light on the island after dark, as the old streetlights in the deserted village no longer worked, and there was no mains electricity. All power came from generators using fuel which was rationed, and it was considered wasteful to use it on night lights. Some thought the night birds a myth, something spread by the leaders to control them, to instill fear and stop them from leaving at night. At first Gaia preferred to believe this, as it made more sense to her, but there were the noises. Lying awake at night, her mind churning, she had heard things outside, flapping sounds, along with a strange clicking. These were rapid and loud at times. Gaia was convinced there was something sinister out there, creatures in the pitch black of the night skies, waiting for them. Gaia feared the night, the darkness, and the night birds. Aran reached up his hand and passed something through the window. It was a key.

  ‘Here. This’ll get you out of the dorm. I won’t keep you long I promise. Just hear me out. Please.’

  Gaia hesitated, but took the key and closed the window. She could regret this, but something urged her on. Perhaps this was the mystery, the story he was hiding. Aran had said she was being watched. What did he mean? Gaia had to find out.

  Gaia dressed and reached under the bed for her boots, carrying them to the door, tiptoeing past the other bunks. She paused, grabbed the handle and eased the door open. There was a faint creak, but no-one stirred. When there was just enough room, Gaia squeezed through into the passage. Her leader was Hakan who was not as strict as the others, but would still see an attempt to leave as a serious offence. Her best chance was that he was preoccupied and distracted. It was often so. There was much talk about Hakan, along with some of the other male leaders, whispers of their behaviour with and power over some of the girls. Gaia knew it happened. They all did. She had heard girls creeping out of the dorm at night. They would leave when they thought the rest were sleeping, and return just before dawn. Everyone knew where they were going and why. It was another of the things unspoken. They were all targets and potential victims. If you were chosen there was little you could do to avoid it. There was a conspiracy of silence, a layer of hypocrisy that drew a veil over the unsavoury and unforgivable. It was the darkest of secrets, smothered to maintain a fractured veneer of honour and respectability. A bridge of lies between the adult world and the young, between those that had, and those that were yet to become. The becoming was the time the young would cross the bridge to be one of them, when they would discover their world of deceit. Gaia hated the leaders, feared them, but she was at their mercy, like all the others.

  Gaia crept through the hall to the door. It was locked, as expected. She placed the key in the lock and turned, easing the mechanism. There was a slight kick, and a clicking noise that echoed in the empty hall. She paused, stopped breathing and listened. There were noises from Hakan’s room, mumbled words, a faint laugh. Gaia waited to be sure, opened the door and slipped outside, closing the door without locking it. There was a noise in the trees. Aran stepped forward from the shadows. The crescent moon was hanging in the sky, a thin curved arc of light smiling, and providing just enough light to cast playful shadows. He gestured to follow him, and she made her way across the patch of grass to the trees. As Gaia approached the trees something flew across the beams of moonlight. It was something dark, just a shadow. Neither of them noticed it, but there was another, along with a clicking sound, and the faintest echo of flapping.

  Aran welcomed Gaia with a delicate touch of her arm. There were no words as he led her through the trees. They veered right towards what looked like a dead end. It was pitch black under the canopy. She stayed close. He stopped before a bush and pulled back some branches. The blanket of foliage concealed a narrow passage, an archway was formed by the bending boughs. Aran lit a candle and gestured through. They moved a short way into a snug inner chamber covered by a ceiling of branches. It was high enough to stand in, and there was ample room for three or four people to sit. The candlelight cast a feeble glow, just enough to see the few logs scattered on the ground.

  Aran sat on one of the logs and Gaia took another. They waited within the wall of silence. Gaia was convinced there were footsteps outside, that they had been followed. Despite the chill in the air, beads of sweat trickled down her forehead. Her heart raced, and she could taste the staleness of her breath. She could wait no longer, and broke the silence in a low whisper, her voice still bold and commanding.

  ‘Let’s get this over with so we can get back.’

  ‘I’m going to escape the island and I want you to come with me.’

  There was a gasp.

  ‘Are you mad?’

  Part of Aran’s face was lit by the faint flicker of the candlelight, but most was cast in shadow. There was the slightest glimmer in his eyes.

  ‘I’ve seen you on the beach. Watched you in tasks and discussions. You’re angry and restless, I can tell. You don’t want to be here any more than I do. You do know they’re watching you? I don’t know why, but they’re keeping a close eye on you for some reason.’

  She felt a mixture
of anger and alarm.

  ‘So you’ve been spying on me, but expect me to escape the island with you? Why should I trust you?’

  ‘Look I’m sorry. I know this is a shock. But I only followed you when I was convinced you might be up for this. I could see you were pissed off with the leaders, but I couldn’t be sure. You and Kali clearly have some issues.’

  The fury was now bubbling up and boiling inside. Gaia wanted to slap his face, but she needed to remain calm, and find out more.

  ‘Let’s suppose I overlooked your snooping about, and we assume I did want to escape the island. It’s near impossible to get off here. So come on, humour me. What’s the big plan?’

  Aran laid the candle on the floor between them. There was just enough light to highlight part of their faces, while shadows danced upon the rest. She could see his sharp features wrapped in the soft golden glow. He looked down at the floor, playing with his hands, then stared at her, an intense look on his face.

  ‘Everyone thinks the only way on and off the island is by boat. It’s an island, of course and we’re surrounded by sea. Why would you question that? Well, it’s not the only way. For the most part we’re cut off, but not always.’

  Gaia was alert now, a tingle of excitement rippled through her. She had always assumed that escaping the island would mean stealing a boat. Swimming would be treacherous, suicidal. There were strong currents, the creatures in the water. Gaia had been developing wild and creative alternative ways of escaping for some time, but she knew most were fanciful. Her plans had reached a dead end, and as the becoming neared she was resigned to her fate. This had stirred the excitement again.

  ‘Go on then. Tell me.’

  ‘On the far side of the island there’s a causeway. It’s why we’re restricted from going there. At low tide you can see it. It’s only there for a few hours until the tide rises. It’s narrow, and is about a mile long. It was built in the old days, for vehicles. It’s just a road really, lined with rocks, but it’s pretty solid still. It was the main means of getting to and from the island in the past. Now, it’s a weakness and the best means of escape. They don’t want us to know about it.’

  ‘So how did you find out about it?’

  ‘A couple of years ago, I became friends with an older boy. He told me he was planning an escape, and asked me to go with him. I reacted just like you, but he told me about the causeway. I was tempted, but I wasn’t ready. I was too young and scared.’

  Aran paused. They both listened to the silence beyond the leafy walls of the lair. They were both nervous, still checking they were alone.

  ‘Let’s just say I’ve had enough now. I need to get out of here. The boy told me there’s a community in the hills, and that the rumours were true. He had proof and was going to find them.’

  Gaia could feel the heavy thud of her beating heart. Her voice remained just a whisper.

  ‘So what happened to him?’

  ‘He and another boy took off, but I never heard from them again. I’ve no idea if they made it, but they never came back and there was never any mention of them here, or of their escape. You might remember them disappearing when we first arrived from the mainland.’

  Gaia had a vague recollection of something. There were rumours all the time about young people going missing. Some would say they had tried to escape, others suggested more sinister things. She tended to ignore them, as the possibilities were too disturbing.

  ‘So you don’t actually know if this causeway exists or not? You’ve only got his word for it.’

  ‘No. I was curious about it, and wanted to see it for myself, so one afternoon, in free time I ran across the island to find it. I followed the beach. It was a bit of a hike and it was a tight thing getting there and back in time. I only just made it. I was sure they’d rumble me, but I got away with it.’

  ‘So you saw it and it’s possible to cross?’

  ‘Yes. From this side getting across doesn’t look too bad. It’s all about the timing cos of the tides. We’d need to make sure we have enough of a head start. The last thing we want is the leaders finding out we’re missing before we reach the mainland. Once we’re across and the tide is in again we’d have a good lead on them. The plan is to make for a river and follow it upstream to the hills.’

  Aran paused again, and gave her time to take it in. Gaia was cooling now, and heartened that he had chosen her. That he trusted her. He continued.

  ‘If we get to the hills there’s a chance the other community hiding there will find us. It’s risky, I know, but there’s a chance. What’s the other option? If we stay here we’ll spend the rest of our lives under their control. Who knows what’ll happen when they ship us off to the haven. If we make it we get a chance to build our own lives.’

  Gaia put her head in her hands. This was a lot to process and her brain was burning with energy and excitement. For a long time her plans had been just dreams, and of late they had been crumbling in despair. This changed everything.

  ‘OK, so you know there’s a causeway. It sounds as though we’ve got a chance if we can get there. But I can still pick a load of holes in your plan. I mean there’s how and when we get away from here, making sure we don’t get found before the tide is in. It needs a lot of thinking through. This causeway. Why didn’t they use it to get us here? I can remember the journey from the schools on the mainland. We reached the island in a boat. I’m sure of it.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘You could tell. You could feel it.’

  ‘Exactly. They had to do that so no-one realised. The best way of keeping us here is for us to think there’s no way to escape. This whole place is a lie built to control us. The causeway is just another part of it.’

  Something else was troubling Gaia.

  ‘This other community in the hills. How can you be so sure they exist? We’ve all heard the tales about the place, but it could be just wishful thinking. What if we get all the way there and there’s nothing?’

  There was a long pause, then Aran leant forward close to her face.

  ‘I know it exists. I’ve seen proof.’

  Gaia was struggling to contain herself now. A midnight candlelit conversation in a hidden camp in the woods was turning her world upside down. All she had hoped might be possible was becoming real. She tried to keep her voice down and suppress her emotion.

  ‘So show me!’

  ‘When I knew the boy was planning to escape I followed him here to the camp. I came back when he wasn’t here, and found some stuff hidden. There were some papers, maps, letters. One of the letters was from the community. I’ve still got it here. Look.’

  Aran stood and moved to the back of the camp. The candle was still flickering by Gaia’s feet, casting the same discerning glow. She was nervous and excited, trying to process all that had been thrown at her. There was some shuffling, a pause, then Aran appeared and sat in front. There was something in his hands which he handed to her. As Gaia moved it into the glow of the candle she saw a small piece of folded paper. It looked grubby, and felt damp. Aran spoke.

  ‘Go on. Read it.’

  Gaia unfolded it, struggling to see in the dim light. The hand-writing was rough, difficult to read, the letters were large and flowery, ornate. She tilted the letter further towards the light, her eyes squinting:

  ‘Dear Savas

  Hopefully you will get this letter. Everything is in place as planned. We are waiting for you. Just head to the hills and we will find you.

  Good luck

  M’

  Gaia read it again, her heart fluttering and hands trembling. She paused, took a deep breath, attempted to compose herself, needing to think this through. This was all that she had dreamt of, but this needed to time. There were many risks to consider.

  ‘I guess it looks genuine. I assume Savas was the boy you spoke of.’

  ‘Yes. I don’t know how he was communicating with them, or how he got the letter.’

  ‘Let’s say this all stacks up.
We’ve got the causeway as an escape route. If that comes off, and it’s still a big if, then we have to find our way across the mainland, somewhere we know next to nothing about. We have to find a river, follow it to the hills, and hope this community will find us. All on the strength of a note for someone else that’s now a few years old. And you can guarantee the leaders will send out a pursuit party with dogs to track us down. Not to mention any other delights waiting out there to surprise us. And there’ll only be the two of us! As plans go, it doesn’t sound the best, does it?’

  ‘Look I know it’s a long shot, but there won’t be just the two of us.’

  Gaia twisted her face, leant forward, drawing closer.

  ‘There are more?’

  ‘Yes. I’ve asked a few others.’

  She snarled, spitting the words out.

  ‘How many? Who?’

  ‘If they all agree, there’ll be four of us. I’m not saying who though. I want to protect everyone. I’m the one taking the risk at the moment. If we’re found out before we manage to get away I don’t want to drag others into it. This is the best way. Trust me.’