Kat, Incorrigible

by Stephanie Burgis

  I forced the words out anyway. “There’s been a mistake.”

  “Indeed there has,” Sir Neville said. “Will you confess the truth to your poor stepmother, or shall I tell her myself?”

  “Someone tell me what has happened!” Stepmama said. She turned to Sir Neville’s brother. “Mr. Collingwood, I take it that you rescued Kat from the dreadful highwayman. I am so sorry if she has misled you into any—”

  Sir Neville laughed. At the sound, the prickles intensified against my skin until it burned. “I’m afraid you have quite mistaken the matter, Mrs. Stephenson. You see, Miss Katherine never did require rescuing.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Stepmama collapsed onto the closest couch. “I don’t understand. I saw—”

  “You saw, as we all saw, the results of a despicable ruse, and one that has brought dishonor on both our families.”

  “Neville—,” Mr. Collingwood began, in a strangled tone.

  Sir Neville ignored him. “I’m sure you must have thought your stepdaughter admirably brave when she rushed to save her oldest sister from the highwayman’s clutches. But what neither you nor I realized at the time, ma’am, was that Miss Katherine never stood in any danger from him. You see, she had been his collaborator all along.”

  “What?” Stepmama’s mouth dropped open. If I’d ever looked at her with such an expression, she would have told me off sharply for such unladylike gaping. “But that can’t be.”

  “That is an utter lie!” I said. “I didn’t even know who he was until—” Standing behind Stepmama, Angeline closed her eyes with a look of pure agony, and I stopped myself too late. “I mean—that is to say—”

  “How could you have met such a person?” Stepmama wailed. “I know I’ve allowed you too much freedom, but still—”

  “She met him in Lady Graves’s own gallery, at the same moment that you yourself made his acquaintance,” Sir Neville said. “I told you, did I not, that tonight has brought dishonor on both our families?” He stepped aside to point directly at his brother. “Behold the highwayman. I may safely say that I have never felt such bitter shame in my life.”

  “Ohh!” Elissa staggered and fell onto the couch beside Stepmama. It was as if the only thing holiding her up until now had been her hope that Sir Neville might not know the full truth.

  Angeline gripped the top of the couch with white knuckles. “What a very dramatic scenario you’ve concocted for our entertainment, Sir Neville,” she said. Her voice was as dry and amused as I had ever heard it, but I could see her knuckles, and I wasn’t fooled. “I daresay you must have some evidence to back up this wild story?”

  “Indeed I do,” Sir Neville said. “Your sister’s own confession, overheard as she made plans with her collaborator to return him to the house unsuspected.”

  “Overheard by you,” said Angeline. “And you expect us to believe—”

  “Overheard by myself, certainly,” Sir Neville said, “and also by Major Connors and Mr. Green, two highly respectable gentlemen. Will you try next to tell us we imagined everything? Or shall you attempt to use witchcraft on me? That is your usual method of persuasion, is it not?”

  Angeline stiffened. Elissa’s eyes flashed open.

  Stepmama let out a muffled shriek. “Has everyone gone mad?”

  “Why, have your stepdaughters kept it secret from you, ma’am? Miss Angeline has been a practicing witch for some time.”

  “Angeline,” Elissa whispered.

  “That can’t be,” Stepmama repeated helplessly.

  “I say, Neville,” Mr. Collingwood began.

  “Stop it!” I cried.

  But it was Mr. Carlyle’s voice that cut through it all. “That is more than enough, Sir Neville,” he said. He stepped forward, so that he stood partly shielding Angeline from Sir Neville’s gaze. “We have all listened to your story about tonight’s robbery, and if you do have the others’ words of honor on what you overheard, then we’ll deal with that matter as we must. But you go too far when you start flinging around wild accusations without proof. Once you’ve apologized to Miss Angeline, we can—”

  “What a forgiving attitude,” said Sir Neville. “You set an example to us all, Mr. Carlyle. Have you forgiven her so quickly for what she did to you?”

  Angeline made a choked noise. Elissa looked as if she might be ill. Stepmama’s eyes widened with a look of horrified realization.

  I said, “Stop it! You can arrest me. I don’t mind. Just don’t—”

  “Miss Angeline hasn’t done anything to me,” Mr. Carlyle said. “And if you continue to slander her in this fashion—”

  “No? Then tell me: How much of the last week do you remember?” Sir Neville asked.

  Mr. Carlyle blinked. “How did you know—?”

  “Has no one told you what a fool you made of yourself, following her everywhere, even to Grantham Abbey, to propose marriage at every turn?”

  “I—,” Mr. Carlyle began. I could see his chest rise and fall with his breath. When he spoke again, his voice sounded lost. “I did no such thing. Did I?”

  Stepmama’s voice sounded more helpless than I’d ever heard her. “He said he’d walked all the way across the country to find us. But that was to study with my husband, not—”

  “Oh?” said Sir Neville. “And was it your husband he was most anxious to meet? Tell me, how long after his arrival did he wait before proposing marriage to Miss Angeline, whom he’d never met before in his life?”

  “Please!” I said. “Can’t we just—”

  “He didn’t wait at all,” Stepmama said blankly. “He proposed the very moment he first saw her.”

  Her words dropped into the air and were swallowed by it. I felt the pressure mount around us, like a storm gathering. It took all of my strength to look across the room at Mr. Carlyle’s face as he turned to stare at Angeline.

  “You wouldn’t—tell me you didn’t—”

  Angeline’s dark eyes glittered with tears. Her voice cracked as she spoke. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to—”

  “She didn’t accept any of your proposals,” I said. “No matter how often you asked, she never took advantage of you, she said it would be too ridiculous—”

  Elissa shook her head sharply at me, and I stopped. Mr. Carlyle was still staring at Angeline.

  “You never took advantage of me,” he repeated flatly. “How grateful I must be. I wonder why nobody told me until now what a fool I’d made of myself over you.”

  “You didn’t make a fool of yourself,” Angeline said. “It was me. I was the fool.”

  “Apparently not the only one,” Mr. Carlyle said. He backed away from her, shaking his head. “And I thought—” He cut himself off as he jerked his gaze off her to look at the rest of us. “All of you saw, and knew….”

  “It wasn’t your fault,” I said. “Honestly, it wasn’t even all that bad. It was quite funny, really, if you just—”

  “Kat!” Elissa hissed.

  Angeline’s tears brimmed over and slid down her cheeks in a silent stream. Mr. Carlyle swung back to face her.

  “So you all thought I was ridiculous,” he said. “A proper laughingstock, following you around and making a nuisance of myself. You must have enjoyed yourself so much as you laughed about me.”

  “Angeline didn’t laugh,” I said. “She thought it was terrible. It was only—”

  “Thank you, Miss Katherine,” Mr. Carlyle said coldly. He didn’t even look in my direction as he spoke. “I think you’ve clarified everything quite nicely now.”

  “Oh, don’t think too hardly of Miss Katherine,” Sir Neville said. “If it weren’t for her intervention, you’d be under Miss Angeline’s love spell even now. It was Miss Katherine who set you free with her own magic.”

  “I did not!” I said. “I mean, I suppose I did … but that wasn’t proper witchcraft with spells, that was only—”

  “Far more powerful magic,” Sir Neville finished for me. “You see, mere witches like
Miss Angeline require spoken spells to enchant a man. You, on the other hand, are something far more dangerous and uncontrollable, and you require no spoken spells for your magic. Have you not found that to be the case, in your numerous experiments over the past few days?”

  “I believe I am going to swoon,” Stepmama announced. “Katherine—Angeline—”

  “I shall leave you to your privacy,” Mr. Carlyle said. “This is a family matter, after all. Ma’am. Sir Neville Collingwood. Miss Stephenson, Miss Katherine … Miss Angeline.” He bowed stiffly to her. “I can only give you my most heartfelt apologies and promise not to bother you again. You must be very tired of my attentions by now. Please convey my apologies to your father. I shall leave for Oxford immediately. If you would be kind enough to see that my belongings are packaged, I shall send for them by post, and then you needn’t be inconvenienced by my presence any longer.”

  He pivoted on his heel and stalked out of the room. The door swung closed behind him.

  A sob escaped Angeline’s throat. I started toward her.

  “We are not yet finished, Miss Katherine,” Sir Neville said. “As regrettable as that little interlude may have been …” His lips curved into a smile. “We come now to the crux of the matter.”

  “What, more?” Stepmama gestured limply. “What could be worse?”

  “Nothing,” Sir Neville said, “could be worse than the behavior of two of your daughters, and of my own brother. But it remains to be decided how we shall deal with the matter. As I see it, we have two choices.”

  Angeline opened her mouth, as if she were about to speak. But only a sob came out. She pressed her lips tightly together and turned away to hide her face.

  “What can be done?” Stepmama said. “The scandal—oh, my heavens, what people will say and think of us!”

  “Precisely,” said Sir Neville. “Our first option is to follow the course of strict justice, which will entail enormous scandal. My brother shall be sent, as is only right, to the gallows for his crime; Miss Katherine must be tried as his accomplice; and the truth of both her and her sister’s shocking magical proclivities must be made public knowledge as protection against the entrapment of any other unfortunate gentlemen.”

  “No,” said Elissa. She was staring outright at Mr. Collingwood now, her blue eyes swimming with tears. “You cannot—you must not—”

  “No?” Sir Neville said. “Well, perhaps not, after all. I should hate to bring distress to such a charming young lady, especially when she has done nothing to deserve the suffering her sisters’ actions would heap upon her. So there is one other option we could take.”

  “Oh?” Stepmama sat up straighter.

  “Indeed,” Sir Neville said. “If all the conditions of my second option were met, I might choose to rescue my wretched younger brother from his well-deserved punishment and merely banish him to the Continent to avoid embarrassing my new wife further.”

  “Yes!” Elissa said. “Please, Sir Neville. Please do rescue him. No matter what conditions there might be—”

  I interrupted her. “Your new wife?” I said. “What new wife?”

  “If Miss Elissa Stephenson will do me the honor of accepting my hand in marriage,” Sir Neville said, “as her husband, I should assume full responsibility for her two younger sisters.” His smile at Stepmama showed all his teeth. “Under my protection, ma’am, I believe I may safely promise that they shall give us no more trouble.”

  Twenty

  “No!”

  Three of us spoke the same word at once: Angeline, me, and Mr. Collingwood, whose shouted “No!” overpowered all the rest.

  “You must not, Miss Stephenson,” he said. “I beg you. You cannot sacrifice yourself for me!”

  “Not even for Kat,” Angeline said. “We’ll find another solution.”

  “There is no other solution,” Sir Neville said. “Unless you wish me to go back into the salon now and announce the truth of this sorry matter to the rest of the assembled company? In which case, I may safely promise you that not only will my brother lose his life, but none of you will ever find a husband, much less pay off your brother’s debts. Miss Katherine may go to Newgate prison for her crime, your father will certainly lose his position for the scandal, and the rest of your family will end together in debtors’ prison.”

  “That’s blackmail!” I said.

  “Katherine,” Stepmama began. Her voice sounded unusually tentative. “If Sir Neville really thinks it best …”

  I ignored her. “Elissa, you can’t listen to him! He’s only trying to bully you.”

  “But there’s no need,” Stepmama said. “He was going to marry Elissa anyway—that is, as soon as he made the offer—”

  “I think you’ve missed the vital point, ma’am,” Angeline said. “He doesn’t want only Elissa. He wants all of us.” Her eyes narrowed. “All of Mama’s daughters, in fact. And perhaps even—”

  “The magic books!” I said. “You were the one who ordered the burglary, not Mr. Gregson after all!”

  “Why on earth should Mr. Gregson burgle our house?” Stepmama said. “We had never even met him when it happened!”

  “I just said it wasn’t him,” I said impatiently. “I only thought it was. But it was actually Sir Neville. I can see that now. Mr. Gregson was right. The magic books are in danger!”

  “Don’t be absurd. Sir Neville is one of the wealthiest gentlemen in England. He hardly needs to go about burgling houses!”

  “He would if he wanted Mama’s magic books,” I said. “And the spells she wrote inside them.” I frowned at him. “But what did you want them for?”

  “Her spells?” Stepmama’s voice spiraled up to a wail. “But—”

  “Pray don’t worry yourself about such nonsense, ma’am,” Sir Neville said. “Your stepdaughters only need a firm hand on the reins. I shall make certain no rumors of their activities reach the public, and you will feel much more comfortable with all their mother’s leftover belongings safely out of your house at last.”

  “I don’t understand!” Stepmama said. “Why would you even want such dreadful things?”

  Mr. Collingwood shoved past Sir Neville to drop down on his knees before Elissa. “You must not marry my brother,” he said. “Forget me—choose someone, anyone else to make you happy—but you cannot marry Neville. If you had seen the way he treated poor Sarah, only for the scandals he imagined she might somehow cause …”

  “Poor Sarah,” Angeline murmured. “Let me hazard a wild guess, Sir Neville. Was poor Sarah from a family of witches as well?”

  “How very clever you are, Miss Angeline,” Sir Neville said. “I am not at all surprised at how much trouble you have caused for your poor stepmother. You and I shall deal very well together.”

  “Sarah was from a family of witches,” I said, thinking it through. “And Elissa is from a family of witches. That’s why you were interested in her, despite the lack of dowry. Wasn’t it?”

  “But …” Mr. Collingwood frowned. “That can’t be right. Our mother—”

  “As charming as this conversation may be for the rest of you,” said Sir Neville, “it grows tiresome to me. Miss Stephenson,” he said to Elissa, “I’m afraid I must press you for an answer. Which shall it be? Will you give in to your sisters’ stubbornness, or will you save your entire family from debt and despair as well as saving my worthless brother’s life?”

  “Don’t do it, Elissa!” I said.

  “Don’t be a fool, Elissa,” said Angeline. “Of course she won’t do it,” she said to Sir Neville. “We won’t allow it.”

  “As close as you may be to your sister, I’m afraid it is hardly your decision to make,” Sir Neville said. “The only person in this room who could force your sister in this matter is your stepmother, who would hardly be so foolish as to oppose my offer. Would you, ma’am?”

  Stepmama opened her mouth. Then she shut it again. For the first time since I’d met her five years ago, she looked positively haggard.


  “I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t understand any of this!”

  “You will not stand against me, then,” Sir Neville said.

  Stepmama looked from Sir Neville to Mr. Collingwood to Elissa. “I don’t understand!” she repeated.

  “Indeed.” Sir Neville yawned. “As I said. Your stepmother desires you to accept my offer. Now—”

  “No!” Stepmama said. Then she blinked, as if she’d startled herself as well as the rest of us.

  “I beg your pardon?” Sir Neville said.

  “I said no,” Stepmama repeated. She turned to face Elissa. “I will not make this choice for you.”

  Sir Neville’s voice hardened. “Perhaps you do not yet understand the position your family is in. But if I might clarify the consequences for you—”

  “Debtors’ prison,” Stepmama said. “Yes. I heard you. But I never believed the rumors about your first wife, and now your brother says they were true. I owe a duty to my stepdaughters no matter how ill they might behave.” She took a deep breath. “You must make your own decision, Elissa.”

  “Thank you!” Angeline said. “You’ve done the right thing, ma’am.”

  Stepmama ignored Angeline. She took Elissa’s hand and looked into her eyes. “Listen to me, child,” she said. “You must do what you truly think is best for your family, and not let any of us change your mind.”

  “No!” I said. “Don’t listen to her, Elissa!”

  “Oh, damnation,” Angeline said. “Elissa, don’t—”

  “I shall,” Elissa said. She lifted her chin. Her pale face looked exalted, like a holy martyr. “I shall do what is best for my family.”

  “Miss Stephenson, I beg you!” Mr. Collingwood said. He snatched her free hand. “If you care even the slightest bit for me—”

  Elissa pulled away from Stepmama and rose to her feet. She gazed down at Mr. Collingwood’s tormented face and smoothed back the jet-black hair from his forehead. I could have sworn I saw a glowing halo rise around her as she spoke. “You must forgive me, my love, and learn to forget me, for my sake.”