The bell above the door rang, causing Lila to look up at the two guys coming in. She felt all of the blood drain from her face. Brent and Cade, two of Tyler’s oldest friends and baseball teammates, stood just inside the door, laughing at some joke they’d made right before they’d come in. Lila ducked down behind stacks of sugary baked goods and put one hand over her mouth. She felt her heartbeat thunder inside her chest.
The guys made their way over to the coolers at the back of the store. Lila poked her head up over the aisle, risking a quick look outside. No sign of Tyler or his car in the parking lot. Maybe he wasn’t home yet. She walked quickly over to the front counter, slapped thirty bucks down and walked out the door, not bothering to wait for change. She was halfway across the parking lot when she heard her name being called.
“Lila!”
Turning, Lila felt her heart plummet to somewhere beneath her feet. Tyler had come around the corner with a bag of ice in each hand. He wore a hard smile when he met her eyes. She cleared a throat suddenly gone bone dry. “Tyler.”
“Back in town for the holiday, huh?” He took a step closer.
Lila took a step away, determined to keep a constant distance between them. She nodded, carefully watching his expression. She’d always been pretty good at reading his moods, especially when doing so spared her pain. He seemed relaxed, but that could just be from being back home. He’d always been a big fish in this little pond. Things hadn’t gotten really bad until they were away at school.
“Yeah.” She looked over at the car, where Gretchen was finishing up. “I’ve got to go.”
“Don’t be like that.” He dropped both bags of ice. “I just want to talk.”
His hands were free. That was never good. Lila walked backwards, angling toward the car, but kept her eyes on Tyler. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
Tyler closed the distance between them before Lila had only been able to go a few steps. He grabbed her upper arm in a crushing grip. “But I just want to talk to you. Why are you being like this?”
“Why have you been calling me?” Lila gritted out, her teeth clenched in pain. Tyler had gotten stronger. Now that he was up close, she could see he’d put on even more muscle. His shoulders had gotten broader, his chest wider. But his eyes were still the same maelstrom of anger she remembered.
“I miss you.” His smile faded. “And I keep what’s mine.”
“Hey, ASSHOLE!” Gretchen’s voice echoed off the blacktop of the parking lot. “Get your hands off her!”
Tyler’s grip slackened and Lila pulled away from him. “Don’t call me anymore, Tyler. Don’t try to talk to me. We’re done.”
She ran over to Gretchen before the blonde could get far. She took her by the elbow and used her momentum to hustle her roommate back to the car. “Let’s just get out of here,” Lila whispered, wanting nothing more than to be home and surrounded by four walls and a roof.
“Did he hurt you?” Gretchen tried to pull back so she could see Lila’s face, but Lila kept her moving.
“No. Now come on!” She got in the car and slammed the door behind her.
Gretchen went around to the driver’s side and got in, keeping an eye on Tyler the entire time. Lila followed her friend’s gaze. Tyler had picked up the bags of ice and disappeared inside the store. Lila ran a hand—only shaking a little—over her eyes. She sighed with relief when they pulled out of the parking lot.
“You should report him,” Gretchen said after a few silent minutes had passed. “Go to the cops and get a restraining order.”
“Yeah, that’s not really an option.” Lila looked out the window.
“His father can’t really fire your mom,” Gretchen said. “He’s a lawyer—he’s too smart for that. She could sue.”
She wished her roommate would just drop this conversation. Rubbing at the part of her arm that Tyler had grabbed, Lila calmly said, “Let it go, Gretch.”
Gretchen slammed her hands into the steering wheel. “Doesn’t it bother you not to stick up for yourself? Don’t you get tired of him running your life? I mean, you’re not even dating him anymore!”
Lila glared at her. “What do you want me to do, Gretchen?” she yelled. “What would you do if you were me—if Shonda started knocking you around?”
“Not this, that’s for sure!” The blonde shouted back. “Aren’t you angry that he keeps treating you like this?”
“No, Gretchen, I absolutely love that he still thinks he can run my life and put his hands on me whenever he wants! I’m fucking ecstatic when he crank calls me at three in the morning! I dream about the next time he puts me in the hospital! I’m so happy that he’s still stalking me that I’m planning our damn wedding!” Lila saw Gretchen staring at her with her mouth open in shock.
She turned around and stared back at the window, watching as the houses became more and more familiar. Then Gretchen turned down her street and Lila’s breath caught in her throat. There was her house, a clapboard ranch with the circular drive in front. Her mom had had the black shutters touched up and they stood out in sharp contrast from the creamy ivory siding. The front door was still the same apple green.
Lila had the passenger door open before Gretchen had even brought the car to a full stop. She reached into the back seat and pulled out her bag. Gretchen leaned over and said, “Lila, I’m sorry I….”
“I’ll talk to you later,” Lila said, shutting the door and turning her back on her roommate. Her body quivered with reaction; seeing Tyler and then the argument with Gretchen had her keyed up and twitchy. She walked up to her front door and managed to get the key in the lock on her second try. She heard Gretchen pull away.
“Mom? Josh? I’m home!” She closed and locked the door behind her. “Anyone here?”
“In the kitchen,” her mother’s voice came drifting from the back of the house.
Lila dropped her bags in the foyer and made her way to the kitchen. Her mother was elbow-deep in flour, rolling out pie dough for Thanksgiving desserts. She gave her mother a half-hearted hug, then asked, “Need help?”
Her mother nodded. “Get some water on to boil in that big pot there. Josh should be home from practice soon and then we’ll have dinner.”
Lila did as she was bid, filling their giant pasta pot with water and putting it on the stove. She missed the easy way she and mother had always been with each other before Tyler when in this room. She’d loved cooking with her mom. Now, things felt stilted. They walked on eggshells around each other, using her brother Josh as a buffer. It was always easier when he was home. He was a walking, talking Switzerland.
“How is school?” her mother asked, placing the rolled out pie dough into a dish and pricking it with a fork.
Lila brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. Talking about classes was safe for them. “It’s good. My exam schedule shouldn’t be too bad. A couple of papers due.”
“That’s great, sweetie.” She smiled.
Lila took a moment to observe her mother. She looked older than she had before. Lila wondered if things were bad at work. Lila’s mother had been gorgeous in her younger days, a black-haired Irish beauty. There was still a loveliness about her, even as she aged, but it had been eroded by the passing years and by the stress of money worries and raising two children on her own. Now Lila just thought she looked sad a lot of the time.
“I started playing again,” Lila said, casting about for a topic that was unlikely to lead to unpleasant places. “And singing.”
“Really?” Her mother wiped her hands on a spare kitchen towel. She reached for the bowl of cherries that she’d pitted earlier. “How does it feel?”
“Good. I may even start singing a little with a band.” Lila grinned. “Well, it’s really just two guys with guitars, but it might be fun.”
Her mother put the pie crust in the oven to blind bake. “That’s terrific. Maybe I’ll come see you.”
“It’s not like that.” Lila shook her head, remembering the feeling of singing in front of t
he few people in the café. “It’s just open mic nights.” She pushed her finger through some of the flour that decorated the small island. “How’s work going?”
Her mother’s smile vanished. “Oh, you know.” Lila heard the strain in her voice, hard as she was trying to hide it. “Same old thing every day. Nothing really new to talk about.”
Suddenly Lila needed to talk. She wanted her mother to know what had happened. Even if there wasn’t anything they could do, Lila still wanted to give voice to what Tyler had done. “I saw Tyler at the BP on Coleridge,” she said before she could stop herself.
Her mother’s hands stilled on the towel she was holding. The room felt too close, like the ceiling was lowering on top of them. Lila moved to the tap and poured herself a glass of water, her mouth dry. She glanced at her mother and saw the tight look on her face.
“Did he…?” her mother trailed off, as if not sure what to ask. “You look okay.”
Lila flinched without meaning to. She looked okay. There wasn’t a visible bruise so she must be okay. “He grabbed me.”
Her mother came around the counter and put a hand to Lila’s cheek. “Show me.”
Lila raised the sleeve of her shirt up. Bruises had blossomed on the pale flesh of her upper arm in the shape of Tyler’s fingers. She kept her eyes on her mother’s face while she looked at her boss’s son’s handiwork. Her mouth was a tight line, her dark eyes—so like Lila’s own—hooded and dark.
Pulling her sleeve back down, Lila shifted on her feet. “I told him to leave me alone.”
“Has he been bothering you at school?” Her mother’s voice echoed empty, a husk of sound.
Lila leaned against the counter. “He’s been calling. I keep my phone off at night now. And he showed up on campus one weekend for a football game.” She paused, debating about what she should tell her mother next. “I can handle it.”
Her mother pulled her into a tight hug unexpectedly. Lila wrapped her arms around her mother tightly, her eyes wet with tears. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to be held, how much this comfort meant to her. “You shouldn’t have to,” her mother whispered into her dark hair. “I should be protecting you.”
Lila didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to say. Tyler was a town legend. His father was a well-respected lawyer, a friend to the police chief. If she had gone to the police, no one would have believed her. Her mother would have lost her job. He would have ruined Lila’s reputation, not that he wasn’t trying to already.
But she leaned into her mother, grateful for the simple support of touch. Lila admitted to herself that Gretchen’s words stung her, hurt her, but her roommate didn’t know what living through this was like—and Lila hoped she never would. It was easy to toss off you should do this or that, but they didn’t have to live with the consequences. Lila did. Everyone had advice for her, but none of them really knew what it felt like, to doubt yourself constantly, to look back and wonder why it had happened to you. Had she done something, had Tyler seen something inside her that made it okay for him to do those things to her?
The door opened and her brother Josh yelled out, “I’m home!”
“Kitchen,” their mother called, letting go of Lila and wiping her eyes. Lila turned her back to the door and tried to get herself together. She brushed away the tears with the back of her hand.
Josh knew some of what happened to her, but Lila had tried to keep him out of everything that happened between her and Tyler. He still had to go to high school where Tyler was worshipped as a baseball god. She didn’t want to risk him being bullied by the jocks intent on defending their predecessor’s reputation. She had to protect him.
“Hey Mom, hey Lila!” He barreled into the kitchen and wrapped them both in a hug. He gave the best hugs. He was on the wrestling team and was all wiry strength and muscle. “I’m starving.”
Lila extricated herself from the family group hug and dumped a box of pasta into the now-boiling water. She busied herself making the sauce while Josh filled them in on the details of his day. “We got bread?” she asked.
“Freezer,” Josh supplied.
“Thanks.” Lila took out sliced garlic bread, ripped open the package and found an unused cookie sheet. “Dinner in ten.”
“I’m going to shower real quick,” Josh said, diving in to give Lila a peck on the cheek. “Glad you’re home, sis.” He fled to the back of the house where his bedroom was.
Lila blinked. Her brother had never been overly affectionate. Usually he did his best to ignore his not-sporty sister. But ever since she’d been in the hospital, he’d made more of an effort to be close to her. It still caught her by surprise sometimes. “Wow,” she murmured, rubbing at her cheek absently.
Her mother grinned. “He really does, you know. Miss you.”
Dinner was an informal affair with the three of them gathered around the coffee table since the kitchen table was still littered with the detritus of Thanksgiving prep. Conversation was easy, spent catching up on family news. They had Mom’s sister and her kids driving in tomorrow for an early dinner so they talked about cousins and friends. Lila helped Josh clean the dishes, then went up to her room to unpack, feeling strangely wrung out and exhausted.
She dumped her dirty clothes into the hamper and put her clean clothes in the dresser. As she got ready for bed, Lila took another look at the bruises decorating her arm. She turned her arm in the mirror, getting a view of it from all angles. She could swear she still felt Tyler’s hands on her and it made her shudder. She didn’t want to think about him anymore.
But just because she didn’t want to didn’t mean her mind listened to her. Lila’s thoughts kept straying back to the beginning of her freshman year of college. That was really when anything physical started. His sense of humor had always bordered on the dark and cruel side, but it was only after they’d left town that he started anything more. Tyler had been frustrated a lot during pre-season practice. He’d started training on the baseball team before classes had even started. He hadn’t been used to not being the star player on the team. He’d always been the leader; now he was just another guy trying not to ride the bench. The other freshmen were just as good, if not better than Tyler, and he was having a hard time adjusting.
When move-in day came for Lila, she was excited to see Tyler again. She’d missed him, even though the weeks leading up to his departure had been rocky. She’d hoped he had settled in and was enjoying getting to know his new teammates. She’d sent Tyler a text letting him know she’d gotten there and her mother had left.
His reply came a few minutes later. He gave her his dorm name and room number and told her to come see him immediately. Lila did.
If she’d been expecting a heartfelt reunion, she was doomed to disappointment. She’d barely gotten in the door when Tyler had pushed her back up against the door, locking it before his hands wrapped around her waist. His mouth was on hers in a feverish kiss, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth. He boosted her up, urging her legs to wrap around his waist.
Lila pulled her mouth away from his and attempted to slow the pace. “It’s nice to see you too,” she gasped, pushing at his shoulders. Had he gotten bigger since she’d last seen him? It had only been a few weeks.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered against her neck, His hands worked at the fastenings of her bra. When he’d unhooked it, he pushed her shirt and bra up, bringing his mouth down to her breasts.
Lila had wriggled in his grasp, uncomfortable. She and Tyler’d had sex before, including a few quickies, but this didn’t feel like that. She pushed his head up and away. She wanted to talk to him a little bit before they got to the christening of his room or whatever he had planned. “Hang on a sec, Tyler,” she began, but his mouth on hers stopped her words.
He lifted her up and carried her over to his bed. It squeaked when he set her down, following after. His hands were on her skirt, lifting the hem of it to her waist, then pulling down her panties. She squirmed, trying to get awa
y but his body covered hers. She wasn’t ready and she wasn’t in the mood for any of this. She just wanted him to stop.
“Stop, Ty,” she said, her hands pushing at his biceps. “Wait!” Her words ended on a pained gasp as he pushed inside her before she was ready.
It hurt.
Tyler didn’t stop. He thrust into her, dropping his head down to the space between her shoulder and her neck, moving her body where and how he wanted to. Lila felt like she might as well have not been there; or worse, that she could have been anyone. He wasn’t interested in her at all.
The only thing Lila was grateful for was that it was over quickly.
He finished, falling forward onto her chest. Lila stiffened, hiding a flinch as he slipped out of her. It had been painful and she knew she’d be sore later. She closed her eyes and hoped he would get off her.
He brushed damp hair from her forehead. His green eyes were half-lidded and sleepy looking. He leaned in and tried to kiss her, but Lila moved her head to the side so he only got the corner of her mouth. “You looked so beautiful and I couldn’t wait,” he said by way of an apology.
Was that supposed to make her feel better? She felt like she might be sick. He’d never made her feel like just a piece of ass before, but now she quelled the urge to vomit. Lila rolled out from under him and worked on getting her bra back in place and fastened. Tyler got up and got a hand towel from his closet. He wiped himself off, then tossed it on the bed. “You can use that to clean yourself up.”
Lila flinched at his words. She stood and used the towel to wipe herself before pulling up her panties. She dropped the towel on the floor. She adjusted her clothes until she thought she looked close to presentable again.
Tyler pulled on a pair of jeans over his boxers. “Let’s go get something to eat,” he said, his voice easy and relaxed. “I’m starving.”
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