White Oblivion

by Amirah Bellamy

  “What do you mean by that babe?” I asked.

  “You’ll soon see,” he replied and with that Doran went into the kitchen to wash his hands and grab a glass of water.

  22

  Over the next several weeks a lot had changed. For starters, no one was being permitted to go in or out of the major cities or anywhere else that was primarily occupied by blacks.

  That meant that for blacks the whole going to work thing had virtually become obsolete. No one was really working unless they were one of the ones who had a business within the barrier, particularly businesses selling goods that were basic necessities.

  So if you owned a gas station you were still in business as well as a grocery store owner. Businesses like mine and Doran’s had taken a hit. No one was in the mood nor had the resources to spare for yoga classes.

  Doran wasn’t able to make any of his booked photo shoots. What he did instead was take a more journalistic approach to his craft often going out and shooting images of the white-washed world. His photos were definitely telling a story. A few of them he was able to sell to newspapers and magazines.

  Since a lot of people within the barriers could not get to work a large community of people had started to barter. The lockdown made it very difficult to get the basic necessities. There weren’t a lot of stores in the inner cities and the military was not allowing any supply trucks to pass through. All of this meant that food and other resources were quickly becoming scarce.

  We had always been quite the frugal ones so considering everything we actually weren’t doing too bad. Having been a single mom for so long I had always been an extreme couponer and stayed prepared for anything.

  So I always kept a fully packed pantry. You name it we had loads of it. The only thing that we were short on were fresh, whole foods which were a large part of our diet as vegetarians. Nonetheless, I made the best of what we had which were plenty of canned and dried beans, rice, frozen tofu, canned mock chicken and veggies, a freezer full of frozen veggies, flour, nuts and seeds and dried fruit.

  We still ate quite sparingly than usual in order to make our supplies last.

  We were however, growing increasingly more concerned about the utilities going out soon so Doran suggested I start getting used to cooking on the grill. Meanwhile, he and J were stockpiling water. They would go out and collect as many empty jugs and bottles that they could find.

  Alot of those among us who were originally black actually started to really come together. Unlike how things were previously where we were always so divided and acting like crabs in a barrel robbing and stealing from one another we were actually helping one another out and ensuring that every family had what they needed.

  At first there was a high incidence of robberies and the drug addicts were out of control becoming enraged and desperate for a fix once they ran out of drugs and pharmaceuticals to make more. However, before they got too out of hand other brothahs like Doran banned together to get them clean and back on track. Within no time the black community was tighter than ever. I figured that if barricading us in was supposed to be a test that we failed, then the examiner must have been sorely disappointed because we were definitely winning.

  Doran said that whatever the plan was it was like all the others, a total bust so in the end none of it mattered. He said that in all of this our focus needed to remain on us and our own evolution.

  So that’s what we focused on, all of us. A lot of others thought just like Doran and so there was a general consensus throughout the community. Thus, we focused on ourselves and continued to evolve.

  Though what followed was yet another very strange phenomenon.

  23

  We had been barricaded in for months and by then it was dead of winter. Most of the resources had run out. However, luckily we were all still bartering to make do.

  Our utilities had been shut off so we were using the water that we had stockpiled very sparingly. I was cooking the meals on a wood-burning stove, which doubled as our heat source, that Doran had bartered in exchange for a couple of our chairs.

  Doran and J had done a pretty good job sealing the windows so the house stayed fairly warm. As for electric, some of the brothahs had invented some way to still get it. Also, they’d cut off our access to cell phone towers and internet. Nonetheless, some of the tech savvy brothahs had devised something for that as well, which allowed us to access it for short periods of time throughout the day.

  By then the military had gotten a lot more aggressive because hardly no one turned themselves into the CDC for ‘testing.’ That was probably because we all knew that the so-called ‘request’ to do so was a bunch of bull. Moreover, we knew that if we turned ourselves in that would have been the last that anyone would ever again see or hear of us.

  There had already been several reports that many among us had come up ‘missing.’ Of course the media tried to put a negative spin on it saying that a lot of black men were folding under the pressure and abandoning their families. We knew that was a lie. They were kidnapping our men as an attempt to weaken us. It was an old tired play that had been played many times before.

  So suffice it to say that things began to get very tense throughout the city. Collectively we started to band together more. Though we had to because there were more and more reports of military, police and government violence against us.

  With regards to the actual white people who remained inside of the barrier with us it seemed the government had decided to sacrifice the many for the few because they weren’t given any passes either.

  Meanwhile, life went on as usual for the actual whites in other parts of the world where they were the majority. Oddly enough, blacks tended to stay close so it wasn’t too difficult to barricade us in.

  I often thought that interesting especially given our history of division. For centuries, Christians blacks disliked muslim blacks, light-skinned blacks disliked dark-skinned black, black men disliked black women, West Indian blacks didn’t like American blacks. This list of division among us was endless. Though, with all the division that existed among us we still managed to somehow stay within close proximity of one another.

  To me that said a lot. It meant that deep down we still had love for one another. Thus, I knew that when the time came that we needed to band together we would. There was an unseen force, a certain magnetism that would not allow us to separate and that to me was the true source of our power.

  Meanwhile, the longer they had us barricaded in the stronger we became. Like many things in nature there was an unseen power in our numbers. It was likely the reason that there had always been so many agendas to keep us divided in the first place. Thus, the very thing that Doran eluded to when the barricades were first put up was exactly what happened.

  Then, like the initial transformation, I was the first to experience the next phenomenon. It happened one evening after dinner while we were all in the living room. I was talking to Doran and J while Ina was deeply engrossed in a book. The next thing I knew Doran looked at me and though I could see his lips moving I couldn’t hear any sound come out. Then in what seemed like an instant I noticed Doran, Ina and J staring at me with expressions of shock.

  Startled I yelled, “What’s wrong?”

  No one answered and they all just stared at me open-mouthed and wide-eyed. It seemed that they couldn’t hear any sound coming from my mouth anymore than I could from them.

  Within seconds my own attention was diverted from them to myself. To my own disbelief I was levitating. However, it wasn’t my white self, but my original self. I was me and I was levitating and sort of glowing. Besides that something felt different. It was a familiar feeling like the feeling I had that day at the time of my meditation experience. I felt lighter than usual, almost as light as a feather one could say.

  Then in my peripheral I noticed something strange so I turned my head to the side and saw that I had wings! I actually had wings!!! Suddenly, no sooner had I noticed that did I experience the most o
verwhelming feeling of euphoria. I felt the most intense feeling of peace. I was sort of devoid of any emotion. It was almost as if all feelings, including emotions had been weighing me down and I was finally free.

  I looked down at Doran then Ina and J and I felt love, pure love. It was a love unlike anything I had ever before experienced. It was a knowing, not a feeling. It wasn’t the feeling of love that we experience as emotion. It was love in it’s purest form and it was intoxicating. I closed my eyes and as I did I could feel myself ascend higher.

  Before long I blacked out. I had no memory of what happened during that time. When I awakened I was back on the couch as my white self. Doran, Ina and J were all hovering over me trying to shake me awake. I opened my eyes and smiled at them.

  “Wow mom! What was that?” Ina winced. I could tell that whatever it was had frightened the daylights out of her.

  “I don’t know Ina what did you see and why are you all hovering over me?” I asked sitting upright.

  “You were…. you were…. floating mom!” Ina said as if still in disbelief.

  “Yeah and you were you again. Well at least kind of. You weren’t exactly like you though. You had wings,” J added with hesitation as if afraid to speak the words aloud.

  “I know I saw it too. I was there,” I said trying to add some humor to lighten the mood.

  Doran sat quietly taking it all in before breaking his silence, “I know what’s happening. We’re coming into another stage of evolving. It’s speeding up so what just happened to you briefly will soon be what happens to all of us permanently. Everything that has happened to you thus far has happened to all of us. We are returning to our original form and that’s what they’re afraid of. They’re afraid that they’ll no longer exist. Originally they weren’t here. So it all makes perfect sense now,” Doran explained as we each listened intently.

  “You’re exactly right dad!” J chimed in. “The man who drove the car into the Johnson’s house was shouting something strange that eluded to that. He said, “You’re one of them. I know you! I know you!” At the time I just thought he was some crazed white man angry about no longer being perceived as the ones in power. But that wasn’t it at all. They knew who we were this whole time. Now it’s over for them and they know exactly what’s happening. But how did they know before we did?”

  “That’s a good question J. I have no idea. But it’s no secret that they stole and thoroughly studied much of our ancient text, which predicted a lot of this. It’s what gave them the upper hand all of this time. It’s how they manipulated us into trading places with them,” Doran continued to explain.

  “Yeah you’re right baby I definitely believe that. However, now that we’re coming into remembering who we are what does that mean for us? What happens now? What are we gonna do with these newly remembered memories, so to speak?” I probed.

  “That too is a good question and the way that I see it we have a choice between making this place a more suitable place to stay, minus the parasitic control or we destroy it and start over fresh. To me it’s really that simple,” Doran answered.

  “In theory that sounds pretty accurate especially if we evolve into who our ancient text says we are... but what if we regress instead like your girl Connie said at that workshop you were telling me about?” J questioned.

  “Well son if that happens then we’re screwed anyway because we would have gone backwards rather than forward and we would have played right into their hands. That’s what they want us to do. That’s what the barricades, the martial law, the police brutality, the injustices. They’re doing all of this to push our buttons to make us regress, but its time we stop giving them what they want. It’s time we turn the tides. The brothahs and the sistahs just need to get on the same page about whatever the plan is because either way you spin it things are changing and their changing quickly. Those who aren’t on board will just get left. It’s time to wake up. They got no love for us and every chance they get they try and destroy us. Yet time and time again we keep sparing them. We’ve had plenty of opportunities to take them, yet our own division so clouded in backstabbing, mistrust and self-hatred has prevented us from taking that shot when we’ve had it,” Doran responded sternly.

  “I feel you on that dad. But this time is different. All that they’ve done this time has made us tighter than ever. The old divide and conquer play ain’t gon work this round. So now I guess they figure they gon just get gangsta and take us. So that means we gon have to get gangsta and street justice is gon have to prevail over those who ain’t down. I mean look around… things aren’t getting any better. So why aren’t we doing anything now dad? What are we waiting for? They made a move and we’re just sitting here,” J said getting more worked up.

  “I hear you son, but things have to be done at the right time and in the right way. It ain’t time to respond and we’re not ready. You think brothahs sitting around cool seeing their babies starving? You think brothahs are cool watching their queens suffering. This ain’t okay son by any means, but acting prematurely ain’t gonna do nothing put us all at a much worse disadvantage. Son you gotta always consider the bigger picture and from all angles. Some big moves are about to be made and we’re probably only gonna have one shot at this, which means we have to do things the right way,” Doran explained.

  Ina and I sat quietly listening to Doran and J planning and philosophising. They could go on that way for hours. I did so enjoy seeing Doran hand down his wisdom to J though. As a single mom wise counsel from a male perspective was never something that I could offer J. So when Doran came along it was a godsend.

  24

  Around 3am the next morning there was a banging on our door. Half asleep Doran and I looked at one another as if wondering if the other knew who it could be.

  Doran got up to go see who was at the door as did I after putting on my robe. Having heard the knocking from his room in the basement J had come upstairs to see who it was also. Doran went to look through the peephole with J and I trailing closely behind.

  Then, abruptly turning around Doran signaled for me to go get Ina and go to our room. Meanwhile, he and J stood by the door giving each other eye signals.

  Quickly I ran upstairs to retrieve Ina then took her into our room as Doran had ordered. I then came back to the top of the stairs to see who was at the door. Doran opened the door and there two policemen who looked like they were SWAT or something. I wondered why they were knocking on our door

  “Good evening sir. How’s it going?” One of the cop’s said.

  “What can I do for you?” Doran replied calmly.

  I noticed that J was not around so I figured that Doran must have told him to go hide somewhere.

  “There have been quite a few disturbances reported. I’m sure you’ve been seeing the news by now and are aware of what’s been going on. So we’re just going around checking things to make sure things don’t get out of hand,” the cop answered.

  “Oh well actually I’m fine here. I didn’t report anything. In fact, I was just about to sit down for lunch,” Doran responded.

  “Oh are you here alone?” the other cop asked surprised.

  Then before Doran could respond, the other cop interrupted and asked, “Mind if we take a look? From our experience you can’t be too careful. We’ve had reports of people hiding out. Even had quite a few kidnappings.”

  The truth was there hadn’t been any such reports. In fact, things were totally to the contrary. The community was tighter than ever and doing everything in it’s power to avoid giving the cops an excuse to harass us. As for the kidnappings we had begun hearing some talk of that. Though it was suspected that the cops and military were the ones doing the kidnapping. It seemed that anyone who hinted at being any type of organizer was suddenly coming up missing. So for that reason, Doran and others like him were taking care to lay low.

  It was clear that the cops were up to something. Somehow they had to come to view Doran and the rest of us a threat and it looked lik
e they were there to see that we too came up ‘missing.’

  My mind started racing. I had to do something. There was no way I was going to let them take Doran or the rest of us. I knew Doran’s plan was to sacrifice himself so that we could get away safely, but there was no way I was about to lose the love of my life.

  Still maintaining a calm demeanor Doran responded to the cop saying, “I do mind. As I told you nothing to report here and I was just about to have a bite to eat. I have seen the news, but as I’m sure you know this neighborhood has been pretty quiet so I think I’m all good here officers. I do feel better knowing that you all are on the job though so thanks for stopping by now,” Doran said waving and moving to close the door.

  Just then one of the cops stuck his foot in the door while the other grabbed hold of his holster posturing to force his way in. Suddenly, I had a flashback of what happened to the black guy outside of Everlasting Life Cafe the day I had my first date with Doran. I saw a flash of every black boy the cops had brutally and maliciously murdered that year.

  It was happening again, but this time they were walking right up to our doors and doing it. I refused to allow Doran to be one of those statistics! I remembered that Doran had stashed lots of weapons throughout our house as if expecting something like this to happen. So I stood up to go grab a couple planning to go help Doan when suddenly I was grabbed from behind.

  25

  I quickly turned my head to find that J had grabbed me from behind, covered my mouth and was dragging me into our room with Ina, who looked terrified.

  Whispering J said, “Ma, Ina we have to get out of here. I need you to stay calm and do as I say. We gotta climb outta here onto the roof. We’ll have to go this way,” he said pointing to the window near where we were standing. “Those cops will be up here any minute so we don’t have time to discuss it. I need you both to just do as I ask,” he continued.