Under the Skin

by Kannan Feng

  The buttons above his interface were surprisingly hard to undo. He reminded himself that it was just one more piece of tech, just as inert as any of the machinery that lined the walls, but he couldn't convince himself of it. It might be metal, but it was him.

  He undid the final buttons, exposing the interface to the cold light of the room. He forced himself to breathe slowly. When Minoru and their hostess turned back to him, he could almost call himself calm. He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, trying not to flinch whenever someone's hands came too close to his interface.

  Spidering software would get him into Inoue security systems, remove what it found there, and destroy any copy left behind. It was incredibly effective, and even possessing it was a misdemeanor, with greater penalties for selling it or buying it.

  The conversation between the woman and Minoru got increasingly intense. The translation program spat out words from time to time, and as much as he told himself that it was only a faulty download, another part of Padraic knew that he was just lying to himself. His hardware would need attention, and need it soon, but then Minoru turned around to introduce him to Yuuka.

  Padraic tried not to stare at the electric blue orbs that had replaced her eyes. They wired her to a network of cameras and visual imaging devices all over the world. The feedback must have been intense, but she nodded at him calmly enough.

  "She says it's nice,” Minoru translated for him. Padraic tried to smile, but then her fingers were trailing over the inputs in his breastbone, causing him to shudder involuntarily. Bio-jacks never really healed up thoroughly, and the small amounts of static that radiated from her fingers—scoping radiation? Simple magnetic fields?—made his skin tingle unbearably.

  The pads of her fingers were rough and calloused, and when she ran them against skin that was already overly-sensitive, he wanted shake like a dog just to get her off. Padraic thought that he had been in hardware design too long; an attractive person touching his chest was making him feel tampered with instead of aroused. Her touch was more violating than he thought it would be.

  Minoru said something to her sharply, and when she ignored him, he gently but firmly took her hand and pulled it away from Padraic's chest. Padraic felt his hands unclench and let out a breath that he hadn't been aware that he was holding.

  "I'm sorry,” Minoru said in annoyance. “She is very good at what she does, but she does not always remember that people are connected to her precious toys."

  That sounded more than a little ominous to Padraic, especially when Yuuka handed him a small black lead. At Minoru's nod, he plugged the lead into the input jack in his chest, flinching a little at the buzzing sensation. After a moment, the buzz resolved to a more bearable hum, and he relaxed. His neural net was designed for data storage, but for actual software installation, he could expect a wait.

  After a few hushed words and some money pressed into her hands, Yuuka walked out the door, leaving Padraic alone with the Inoue heir for the first time.

  Gingerly, Padraic sat down on a narrow workbench that was shoved against the wall. His weight on the bench caused it to shift slightly, and a small stack of comic books that had been leaning against it went sliding down to the ground. Before he could reach for them, Minoru was kneeling on the ground, fastidiously stacking them up again.

  "You shouldn't move, you might dislodge the lead."

  "Can't have that,” Padraic muttered, and even he was surprised by how irritated he sounded.

  Minoru regarded him a little warily.

  "If you had a problem with this course of action, you should have said something earlier..."

  "I don't!” At Minoru's eloquently quirked eyebrow, Padraic sighed.

  "I really don't,” he insisted. “I just don't see why it's necessary."

  When Minoru tried to speak, he cut him off.

  "I mean, I know why this is going to prove to your family beyond a shadow of a doubt that they want this software, but I just don't see why this has to be so difficult. You and Jenner seemed to figure it out quickly enough, and even if you aren't the one running things, I would have thought that people who really knew about these things would figure it out, too..."

  "But you didn't know,” Minoru pointed out. “I seem to remember your bodyguard saying something about you planning it for in-house data transfer...?"

  "Yeah, but I'm just a hardware junkie.” Padraic gestured emphatically, causing another tower of comic books to waver. Minoru caught it handily and propped it back up, even straightening it a little before taking his hand away.

  "It's about potential, Mr. Dahl,” said Minoru softly.

  "Is that your polite way of saying that I'm short-sighted and lack ambition?” Padraic laughed self-consciously. “It's been said before."

  It had, and it had been screamed at him as well. His aunt was never very shy about saying what a waste of breath Padraic was, but it was nothing compared to the hurt that he had felt when Arch said it.

  Arch was Arch, and even if he delivered it with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, he could be relied on to spit out something like the truth.

  "You're not going anywhere,” Arch had said with complete candor, and even all those years ago, Padraic had known that he could only hang his head and agree. Other people traveled fast, moved forward, and to some extent, Padraic always knew that he was going to be left behind.

  Arch had also said that Padraic had a way of laying himself on the chopping block for any handy executioner to come by.

  Minoru sighed and crouched down in front of Padraic. He had taken off his jacket and his tie, and his shirt sleeves were shoved up, showing forearms that were hard with muscle.

  "Has it? It would not surprise me in the least.” Minoru smiled, and Padraic realized that it was a private smile, one that he could never have imagined Minoru using in front of the Inoue company, or even in front of Jenner.

  "You have a habit of discrediting yourself before others can do it."

  Padraic wanted to laugh nervously, but it caught in his suddenly dry throat. What could he even say to that?

  "I imagine it happens to you a great deal in your life,” Minoru continued seriously. “Both professionally and personally."

  Padraic attempted a laugh that sounded tinny even in his own ears.

  "That's... astonishingly direct of you."

  "And true, I imagine."

  Minoru reached out a hand and touched the lead running to Padraic's chest. He didn't touch the skin, but he might as well have, and Padraic stiffened at the altered vibration that coursed through his body.

  "I imagine,” Minoru said deliberately, following the cord up to the input, “that you have often asked your lovers why they are with you."

  The truth hurt, and it was enough to jar Padraic from the sensual spell that Minoru had created.

  "So?” he asked, more coolly than he thought he could have.

  Minoru seemed to know that he had made an error because he took up Padraic's hand and started nuzzling the palm. The gesture, sweet and surprisingly gentle, made Padraic catch his breath, and that was before Minoru grazed the sensitive skin with his teeth.

  What else does he see? Padraic wondered, trying not to float away on the soft pleasure.

  He wondered if Minoru could really sense every wound, every small hurt that had driven Padraic into living underground, only coming up for the latest tech news and spare parts. He wondered if Minoru knew anything about lonely days and even lonelier nights that were as much a part of him as his height or the color of his eyes.

  Padraic wondered if Minoru knew what those gentle, soft kisses were doing to him.

  Padraic whimpered through gritted teeth. He knew that he should push Minoru away, but he didn't think he could stand it if the other man stopped touching him. He didn't know if he could stand it if Minoru kept it up.

  "You should never say such things,” Minoru said, almost casually. “When you invite people, particularly your lovers, to doubt you, they will."


  Minoru's hand paused, and then he traced one clean fingertip to the edge of the metal input, where it met flesh. This time, Padraic did whimper, and Minoru smiled a little at the sound.

  "If you didn't tell them to doubt you, doubt your expertise, your designs, your good looks, they never would."

  "What... what are you doing?"

  Minoru's fingers left off playing with the input and started wreaking a different kind of havoc by scratching gently down Padraic's bare chest, leaving pink marks on the fair skin.

  "I suppose you could say I'm proving a point,” Minoru mused. “Or you could simply stop doubting me and let me do exactly as I please."

  With no more warning than that, Minoru leaned in and kissed Padraic flush on the lips.

  Padraic heard a soft moan and realized that it had come from him. His hands were rigidly planted on the bench, but his whole body leaned in for more.

  Minoru tasted surprisingly sweet, and he seemed to have no problem taking his time. His inquisitive tongue was exploring Padraic's mouth with a shocking thoroughness, and the thought of that deliberate, careful mouth traveling elsewhere made Padraic squirm.

  Minoru kissed the point of Padraic's jaw and then his neck before running soft lips across Padraic's pulse.

  Together, or so it seemed to Padraic, they counted out three beats of his heart before Minoru was sucking on the skin there, hard enough to make Padraic flinch, before nipping firmly.

  "You're lovely,” Padraic managed to say fearfully. He was terrified of breaking the spell that Minoru had woven, but Minoru only chuckled, grazing Padraic's erect and aching nipples with a gentle sweep of his palm.

  "I should be saying the same thing to you,” Minoru murmured between soft bites.

  Padraic would have laughed at the idea of anyone calling him lovely, but then Minoru was trailing soft, wet kisses down his chest. Padraic shivered and tentatively reached up to stroke Minoru's hair. It was thick and coarse, and his gentle touch made Minoru growl..

  "Oh, you can be much rougher than that,” Minoru murmured. When Padraic tugged timidly, Minoru responded by biting more firmly at his chest, hard enough to make Padraic squirm on the hard bench.

  He could also hear the hitch in Minoru's breathing. That sound, almost more than the touching and the kissing, made him hard. Minoru wanted him, and that halting breath told him that fact more clearly than anything else had.

  "Data upgrade's done,” Jenner said casually, and Padraic pulled away.

  Padraic might have dislodged the cable entirely, but Minoru held it in place as he rose gracefully to his feet. Before he turned away, Padraic saw an unmistakable bulge in the other man's pants and blushed with desire and arousal.

  Somehow, Jenner had gotten back into the apartment without either of them noticing and was wedged between two stacks of comic books, flipping through something that featured a lot more tentacles than Padraic was comfortable with.

  "I'll let Yuuka back in,” Jenner said, putting the comic book back carelessly. “I just figured I'd wait until the two of you were done."

  "We're done here,” Minoru said with a finality that was oddly crushing. Padraic watched as Minoru shrugged back into his suit jacket, checked the glowing screens on the desk, and essentially did everything except meet Padraic's gaze, even when Jenner was answering the door.

  There was nothing in the younger man's manner that even hinted at what a good kisser he was, or that just moments before, he had been on his knees.

  The disappointment that Padraic felt irritated him, and he drummed his nails against the bench impatiently.

  "So that's all that I need, huh?” he asked. Yuuka detached the lead from his chest, and Padraic flinched. It hurt more than he was used to, and he rubbed the area around the input absently, jerking his fingers away when he found skin that was still damp with Minoru's spit.

  Yuuka nodded and spoke a few words to Minoru.

  "I think we'll be all set to show you off to the company tomorrow,” Minoru said with satisfaction. “Just make sure that you get some sleep."

  * * * *

  Minoru escorted them back to their suite without a word. Jenner said that he had some calls to make and disappeared into his room.

  For few moments, Padraic contemplated taking a drink from the restocked mini-fridge before pushing the thought away with disgust. Though it might serve him right to drink himself maudlin and earn a hangover, the thought simply did not appeal.

  He realized that some small, silly part of him still wanted to remember Minoru's kisses instead of blotting them out, and he could have slapped himself.

  How many times did he have to go through this before he learned? How many people had to walk all over him before he stopped lying down for it?

  His dreams that night were darker.

  As he had in Yuuka's apartment, Minoru brought Padraic in for a kiss, his fingers lightly pressed over Padraic's interface. This time, though, he dug his clean fingernails into the plastic edges, at first just pressing, but then tearing.

  "We'll get rid of this,” Minoru was saying, “and then you'll be fine."

  No, no, Padraic wanted to say, It's the only damn thing that makes me any good at all..

  "Stop doubting me,” Minoru muttered. He tore out the interface entirely, making Padraic's body arch with pain and wringing hoarse sob from his body.

  "There now,” Minoru said, pushing Padraic onto his back. “Now we'll get to what we really want..."

  * * * *

  "So are you ever going to get up?"

  Padraic jerked up, aware of a low, dull heat that threaded through his body like veins of tin, and a thudding in his head that would not stop.

  Jenner stood there, fully dressed, hair still damp from the shower, with a speculative look in his eyes.

  "I... um, yeah."

  Padraic started to step out of bed until he realized that he was still naked, and he wrapped a sheet around his hips instead.

  "Funny,” Jenner remarked. “I mean, you don't mind shouting the house down, but you won't flash a little bit of skin."

  "I was what?"

  "Shouting. Moaning. You know, fuck me, fuck me harder, that kind of thing.” Jenner smiled gamely. “You're kind of a one-man show."

  "Christ, I'm sorry.” Padraic pressed his hand against his throbbing temple hard. “I slept really... badly."

  Jenner took a closer look at him and lost the smile.

  "You look like shit."

  "Well, thank you..."

  "Go look in a mirror."

  Something about Jenner's tone made Padraic look up, and he staggered to the bathroom. The harsh fluorescent light in the bathroom wouldn't have done anyone any favors, but it washed his skin out until it was just a few shades more lively than the minty green toothpaste.

  "Oh hell."

  "Say that again,” Jenner agreed tersely. “Crap, and we've got another meeting with the Inoue today."

  "But I thought that—"

  "Open your mouth."

  He did, but Jenner didn't bother looking into it. Padraic realized that Jenner was just getting him to shut up without saying so for the microphones, and reddened with embarrassment.

  "I'm worried about that hardware of yours."

  "Well, we all are..."

  "No, seriously worried. It's been acting up since you tried to do that Japanese language download."

  Padraic thought back and remembered the sparks that had filled his head.

  "My head's been aching on and off ever since,” Padraic admitted. Not all the time, his mind amended, but Jenner didn't have to know that.

  "You're lucky it didn't hollow you out,” Jenner said bluntly. “We've got to tell Inoue."

  "Minoru... wait...” His head was aching badly enough that his vision was trying to double, but he still managed to grab Jenner's sleeve.

  "It can wait. I can take some time, look at it. I can fix it before Minoru has to hear about it..."

  Jenner gave him a rather prim look.

 
"We need to be honest about this,” Jenner said clearly. “His reputation's on the line, and he needs to be able to decide whether he wants to keep pushing this one. The Inoue aren't a nice family, okay, Padraic? Nice bites, by the way. Inoue does good work."

  Padraic looked down and noticed that the sheet was puddled around his ankles. By the time he looked up, Jenner was out the bathroom door, closing it gently behind him.

  "Get cleaned up as best you can, and whenever you're ready, meet me and Inoue at the door."

  Padraic sighed and wished the throbbing in his head would go away. He slumped against the door of the bathroom and quickly became aware of a different kind of throbbing. His whole body was sore, and all he wanted to do was go back to bed, but he already knew that the adrenaline in his system wouldn't allow it. If only his head would stop hurting.

  He brushed his teeth, turning off the lights because they were too bright for him and simply standing for a moment in the darkness. Now he could feel but not see the inputs that were planted in his chest. Placing them on his chest had allowed him to work on them without reaching awkwardly for ports on his neck or in his skull, but there were drawbacks.

  Hesitantly, he brushed his fingers over them. For such new implants, they had healed fairly well, but he knew that if he tried hard enough, he could dig his fingers into the hard plastic edge and tear it out, dragging out the half a yard of connection that was connecting it to his brain. Of course, when the pull got to the cerebral net that was in place, that would be...

  "Fatal,” he whispered.

  Padraic shook his head and stumbled into the bedroom, finding his clothes by feel and practically tripping into them.

  * * * *

  He knew that he was pissing off both Minoru and Jenner, but when push came to shove, he flat-out refused to let either of them handle his tech.

  "I cannot believe that you expect to handle this yourself,” Minoru said with frustration. “If something should go wrong, you'd be dead in a matter of minutes."

  "I can,” Jenner said in exasperation. “Fucking techies, love their toys, love getting their fingers into ‘em, can't wait until they short themselves out."