Solitude (Cunningham Security Book 4)

by A. K. Evans

  My face had been planted against his throat when his hand stopped moving in my hair. He opened the space between my face and his throat by pulling back. He looked down at me and asserted, “Trust me. I’ve always been good at what I do. Do you think now when I’ve got someone I want to spend my life with, that I’m going to let anything happen to me?”

  “No,” I replied softly.

  Lorenzo moved close again and held me. We were in silence a bit before something new replaced the thoughts in my head. “Why did you lie to me?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “You didn’t tell me the truth about the accident. I just don’t understand why you’d hide something like that from me?”

  “Jolie.” He sounded a bit irritated.

  “What?”

  He was silent a moment.

  “Baby, go to sleep.”

  “It was just a question,” I said softly.

  “Yeah, but it’s a ridiculous one. One that I shouldn’t even have to explain to you,” he retorted.

  “I’m just saying that for someone who says they want to spend their life with me, lying doesn’t seem to be a good way to do it.”

  “Jolie, I didn’t lie to you.”

  “You kept the truth from me. That feels a lot like the same thing,” I explained.

  Lorenzo rolled away from me, sat up in the bed, and turned on the light. “So you think I’m a liar? You don’t think I’ve had any justifiable reason to keep the truth of what happened from you for the time being? The thoughts that ran through my mind when I heard you’d been hit by a car…fuck, I can’t even describe it. It was like being stuck with a knife in my gut. My goal in not telling you had nothing to do with lying to you. I haven’t said anything because I don’t want you overworking your mind right now. I want you to heal, baby.” He paused, taking in a deep breath, trying to regain his control. When he continued, he completely shattered my heart. “This is fucking why I kept myself secluded. Because the second I think I figure it out—the second I finally believe in myself enough to know I’ve got what it takes to go the distance with you and not become the man I despise—you prove to me that I was right to be alone since I’ve obviously hurt you. You sat there and called me a liar, Jolie. How is it even possible that you don’t know how much you matter to me that I’d do anything I could to protect you?”

  The sound of his voice held more than an edge of hurt. Pain sliced through me knowing I’d made him feel that way. He’d spent years secluding himself from the possibility of finding love and when he opened his heart up to me, I proved that living in solitude would have been safer. Because, in that moment, no matter how much my head hurt or how many bruises covered my body, I knew it paled in comparison to the hurt I’d just unloaded on Lorenzo.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, realizing just how big of a mistake I’d made.

  He sighed. “It’s fine, Jolie. Just go to sleep.”

  On that, I didn’t say anything else. Sadly, it wasn’t easy to fall asleep because I knew, despite what he said, that it wasn’t fine. So, while my mind was no longer on the hit-and-run ordeal, which was a huge plus, this was worse.

  With the pain in my head not subsiding, I did my best to try to relax. Eventually, still unsure if the pain I felt in my heart was worse than that throughout my body, I drifted.

  A week & a half later

  “Hey,” I said into the phone, trying to be chipper.

  “I’m heading there now. I should be there in about ten minutes,” Lorenzo replied.

  “Okay, that’s perfect timing. Kendall was just about to head out.”

  “See you in a few,” he returned, disconnecting the call before giving me an opportunity to say anything.

  I pulled the phone from my ear and looked at my sister. I’m sure my expression told her everything I was feeling.

  “Something is definitely wrong,” I shared. “He didn’t tell me he loved me. He didn’t even say goodbye. He just hung up.”

  Her face changed, but the words she spoke next didn’t match the dread I saw there. “I’m sure everything is fine. Maybe he didn’t want to be driving and talking on the phone,” she suggested, attempting to brush it off.

  My eyes welled with tears. “I miss him, sissy,” I croaked.

  Kendall pulled me close. “He’s here with you every night,” she reasoned.

  I shook my head as I held on tight to her. “He’s here, but he’s not. His mind is somewhere else.”

  “Tell him, Jojo,” she urged me. “Tell him what’s upsetting you. You’re the outspoken one. Maybe he’s feeling things, too, and he doesn’t know how to talk about it. You’ve got to open up and talk to him about what’s on your mind.”

  I nodded. “I will. Tonight, I will.”

  “I have to go,” she began. “If you need me, though, you call. You know I’m always here for you.”

  “I know, Kendall, thank you. Love you.”

  “Love you, Jo.”

  After my sister left, I thought about everything that was going on in my head.

  It had been more than two weeks since my accident. A lot had happened in that time.

  From a physical standpoint, things were much better for me. My face had no remaining scrapes or redness. The cuts and scrapes on my arm had completely healed. The severe bruising on my shoulder and hip was nearly gone and I was finally walking on my own again without crutches. Even though I was getting around better, I hadn’t yet returned to work because of my knee and ankle injuries. I was still dealing with quite a bit of soreness and fatigued easily if I stood for too long, so I continued to do some exercises to help strengthen the muscles and regain my range of motion.

  The dizziness I experienced not long after the accident hadn’t returned, which was great, but the same couldn’t be said about the headaches. I was still occasionally having them, though not nearly with the same frequency I had within the days following the accident.

  So, physically I was on the mend, but emotionally I wasn’t doing well at all.

  Lorenzo had been wonderful with me. Whether it was making meals or driving me to my doctor’s appointments, there wasn’t anything he hadn’t done for me. And while I appreciated all of it, there was still something lingering. Ever since the night I learned the truth about the hit-and-run not being an accident, but rather something intentional, I’d been feeling all sorts of emotions. Sure, I was frightened about what they would find and it made me nervous to think that someone had targeted me, but what bothered me the most was the fact that Lorenzo and I never spoke again about the conversation we had later that night after Dom and Ekko left with the kids.

  I never thought he’d explode the way he did, but I guess it never really dawned on me why he had kept the truth from me. Now that I’d had time to think about it, I realized that his reasons for keeping it from me were justified.

  And I hated what I’d done to him.

  Despite me calling him a liar that night, he never faltered in showing me just how much I mattered to him, doing anything he could to help my recovery.

  I wanted to talk about it with him. No. I needed to talk with him about what happened. He deserved to know that I understood why he’d done what he’d done, and most importantly, he deserved an apology from me. I needed to do that now because it would be impossible to build the life that I wanted to build with him otherwise. There were just too many things about him that told me he was the kind of man I’d been searching for all these years. I wasn’t prepared to give him up.

  So I had to do something about it.

  Because what was happening between us right now was not working. At least, not for me. And I hoped it wasn’t something he was okay with either.

  Lorenzo ended up going back to work a week and a half ago. For the first few days, he did that from my place since I was having trouble getting around. He spent time on his phone, making calls, or working on his computer. I didn’t want to interrupt him while he worked, obviously. And when he finished working, he didn’t se
em to be in any mood to discuss much of anything.

  While we weren’t arguing with each other, there was a definite shift in our moods. I’d been particularly quiet, which was completely out of character. Lorenzo was quieter than was typical for him. We’d fallen into a routine.

  Work for him.

  Lounge and rest or therapy for me.

  Eat.

  Watch TV.

  Sleep.

  I couldn’t handle it any longer and decided that I was going to be doing something about it today.

  My sister had come over this afternoon to hang with me while Lorenzo ran out. I assumed he had a few things to take care of at work, but didn’t know for sure since he hadn’t said exactly where he was going. I had shared with Kendall everything that I’d been dealing with over the last couple of weeks and she’d insisted that Lorenzo and I were just being stubborn. If we simply communicated what we were feeling all would be right between us.

  I wasn’t a total fool and knew this made complete sense. But something about the way he’d been lately was keeping me from doing it. That and the fact that I was embarrassed I’d been so foolish. Embarrassed that I called the man I loved a liar when he was anything but.

  But today it had to change.

  Because I just couldn’t allow things to continue like this between us.

  I loved him and I needed to make things right.

  So, I was going to make dinner for us tonight and I was going to apologize. Hopefully, from there, things could be worked out.

  I was out in the kitchen, looking in the refrigerator for something to make for dinner when I heard Lorenzo come in and call, “Jolie?”

  “In the kitchen,” I yelled back.

  I had closed the refrigerator door and opened the freezer door when I heard him walk into the kitchen. As I thumbed through the contents of the freezer, I started speaking, “Hey, so, I was thinking I could make dinner for us tonight. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I have some things I need to say.”

  I heard a small cry from behind me and froze.

  “Jolie, turn around,” Lorenzo instructed.

  I closed the freezer door and turned around. My jaw dropped.

  Oh.

  My.

  God.

  Lorenzo was standing there, smiling brightly at me, as he held a pure blue French Bulldog puppy in his hands.

  “You got a puppy?”

  He shook his head and grinned at me. “No, baby, you got a puppy.”

  My mouth still hadn’t closed as I walked toward him and the pup.

  I reached my hand out and ran it over the puppy’s soft, wrinkly body. “She’s so cute,” I marveled.

  “He.”

  “What?”

  “He’s so cute. It’s a boy,” he clarified.

  My heart squeezed. He was the most adorable little thing I’d ever seen. “How old is he?”

  “Seven weeks,” Lorenzo answered. “Would you like to hold him?”

  I bit my lip and nodded.

  Lorenzo passed the little guy over to me and I instantly fell in love. He was the cutest and squishiest pup I’d ever laid my eyes on.

  And he was mine.

  I cuddled him close, gave him kisses, and told him just how much I already loved him.

  I looked up at Lorenzo, feeling the happiest I’d been since my accident, and asked, “Why did you do this?”

  “That look on your face right now,” he stated. “I’ve missed seeing you smile all the time, so I wanted to do something that would cheer you up. I wanted that dimple back.”

  “Lorenzo,” I whispered as I leaned into him, my emotions getting the best of me.

  My big guy wrapped his arm around my shoulder and offered gently, “I know, baby. I had originally planned on getting him for you for Christmas, but it’s been rough these last few weeks and I couldn’t handle going another day without seeing a smile on your face. I miss you, Jolie.”

  I sagged in relief against him. “I just told Kendall the same thing about you.”

  He gave me a squeeze and ushered me into the living room.

  We sat on the couch and I put our puppy on my lap. He stood up, looked at me curiously with his big, blue eyes, and walked over to Lorenzo’s lap.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered. “He prefers you over me.”

  Lorenzo laughed. “I have a bigger lap, that’s all. Give him some time; you’ll be his favorite soon enough.”

  “You think so?” I asked, looking up at him.

  His face softened and he assured me, “I know so. You’re my favorite, too.”

  Dropping my head to his chest, I sighed, “I’m so sorry, Lorenzo. I was wrong. So wrong to say what I did to you.”

  “It’s okay, Jolie.”

  I pushed back from his chest and sat up to look at him. “No,” I insisted. “It wasn’t okay. I was hurt that you kept it from me, but I should have approached the situation differently. I never should have called you a liar or made you feel the way that I did.”

  “I appreciate the apology. I need you to know that I never planned to keep that information from you indefinitely, though. You were still having headaches, you were still napping regularly, and the doctor hadn’t yet cleared you to resume the most basic of activities like watching television for prolonged periods of time. My biggest concern was making sure your head was in a place to heal, not to be filled with worry over who caused the accident. I would have told you what was going on, but I wanted to give you some time to recover physically. Bottom line, I knew you were here, I was with you, and you weren’t in any danger as long as that was the case, so I made a judgment call to not dump something on you that would have hindered your recovery.”

  I had been such a fool.

  “So, I screw up, make you feel like crap, and you buy me a puppy?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Let it go, baby. We talked, you’re smiling, and I’m happy. It’s done.”

  I reached over and scratched my puppy behind his ears. While I admired the little guy, I called, “Lorenzo?”

  “Remember when I told you that I felt lonely when you weren’t here at night?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I know you’ve been here with me every night since the accident, but I’ve been so lonely.”

  “Jolie…” he trailed off.

  “It’s okay,” I assured him. “I just wanted you to know that I’m happy we worked it out and you’re here with me now.”

  He brought his hand to the top of our puppy’s head and gave him a good rub. Then, he took in a deep breath and declared, “No, it’s not okay. You went through some serious trauma, you were trying to heal, and when stuff happened, I didn’t help you. I let you live feeling sad and hurt. That’s not what I want for you or for us. So this doesn’t all fall on you. I’m not sorry for not telling you everything I knew about the accident, but I am sorry for letting too much time pass before working it out with you.”

  Dropping my head back to his shoulder, I sat there next to him thinking about everything.

  Eventually, I declared, “He needs a name.”

  “You choose,” Lorenzo urged. “Whatever you want to name him.”

  Lifting him from Lorenzo’s lap, I held him up in front of my face. After giving him kisses, I set him down on the floor. Secretly, I was hoping he’d do something that would give me an indication of what his name should be.

  He offered no help.

  The little pup scurried around, his tiny body bouncing, as he sniffed everything and explored. I couldn’t help but laugh. He was so adorable.

  “We should probably go and get him a bed and food for tonight,” I suggested.

  “I already took care of it,” Lorenzo started. “I figured it would be fine for now and if it’s ultimately something you don’t like, I’ll take it to the office. I’ll use it for when he’s there with me.”

  I raised my brows in question. “You’re going to take him to work?”

  “Not now, but when you g
o back to work. There’s always someone there, so even if I needed to run out for a case and couldn’t take him with me, he’d be taken care of.”

  My heart melted. He didn’t want the little guy being left alone. “Oliver’s the luckiest pup in the world,” I proclaimed.

  Lorenzo’s eyes came to mine. He cocked an eyebrow and repeated, “Oliver?”

  Nodding, I added, “We can call him Ollie for short.”

  Lorenzo grinned, pulled me close, and kissed me on the forehead. I tipped my head back a bit and gave him my mouth. Lorenzo didn’t hesitate to take what I was offering. It was clear he had missed this part of us at least as much as I did.

  With my head being cradled in his hand, Lorenzo slanted his and took our kiss deeper. We hadn’t had sex with each other since before the accident. And with the way things had been between us since I’d called him a liar a week and a half ago, this kind of affection had been lacking. Finally feeling his mouth on mine, having that intimacy between us again, I was quickly turned on. I moaned into his mouth, as his free hand traveled up my thigh, squeezed, and continued moving up along my side. His thumb had landed at the underside of my breast and had just swiped over my nipple when we heard the yapping.

  Breaking the kiss, I pulled away and looked at Ollie. He was barking at us, clearly upset we weren’t paying him enough attention, and he wanted to make sure we knew just how he felt.

  “He’s not very happy with us,” I pointed out.

  Lorenzo made a sound and huffed, “Well, the feeling is mutual. I haven’t kissed my woman like that in a long time and I missed it. He just put an end to that.”

  I looked at Lorenzo and smiled. “That felt nice to have again,” I said softly.

  “Yeah,” he returned.

  “I should make us some dinner.”

  He gave me a nod and explained, “While you get that started, I’ll take Ollie out. We’ll get his things out of the truck and I’ll let him walk around out there for a little so he can relieve himself. When I come back in, I’ll help you with dinner.”

  “Okay, boss.”

  It was only when we stood from the couch that Ollie stopped barking. Evidently, he realized he was getting his way.