The Uncertain Years

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘Keep together!’ the sergeant bellowed above the roar of engines. ‘The ARP will direct you to where you’re needed.’

  The door next to Becky opened and the sergeant jumped in, pushing her over to make enough room for himself. He glanced at her briefly, and then turned his attention to Pete. ‘Put your foot down.’

  ‘I’m going to.’

  The scene was one of organised chaos. Trucks and lorries were coming from all directions and heading for the gates. Men could be seen running to scramble on to the moving vehicles, and the blackout had been forgotten.

  ‘Hope they have the sense to douse those lights once we’re out of here.’ The sergeant settled back, moving Becky over more so he could get comfortable. ‘This could be nasty,’ he told her.

  ‘I know. My family are there.’

  ‘Where you from?’

  ‘Stepney.’

  ‘Me too.’ He closed his eyes. ‘It’s going to be a long night.’

  No more was said until they were on the outskirts of London, where the smell of burning and the glow in the sky held them mesmerised. By the time they reached Hammersmith, Becky’s insides were churning. Please be underground, she silently pleaded. It was about the only place her family would be safe in this mayhem.

  They were waved on until they reached Wandsworth, where the police stopped them. The sergeant jumped out, ordering them to stay in the lorry. ‘I’ll see where we’re needed.’

  ‘Everywhere, by the look of it.’ Pete peered through the windscreen trying to see just what was going on.

  The ambulances and fire engines were soon on their way, heading towards the raging fires. Orders by other officers had the men jumping out of their lorry and piling into another one.

  ‘Right.’ The sergeant climbed back in the cab. ‘We’re heading for the docks. The all clear has gone and people are going to need all the help we can give them. Temporary centres are being set up in schools and church halls for the homeless, and our job will be to pick them up and take them there.’

  ‘What are the troops going to do?’ Pete asked, as he set the lorry in motion.

  ‘They’re going to be looking for any trapped in the rubble. It won’t be easy getting to where we’re needed. Roads are blocked by fallen rubble, and in places the fires are so fierce it will be impossible to get near them.’

  Without saying a word, Pete backed and turned as he tried to find a way through, and Becky was relieved she wasn’t driving in such terrible conditions.

  The next few hours were a nightmare. Becky spent her time ushering people into the lorry, talking calmly to shocked families, and comforting frightened and bewildered children. Many were coming out of the Underground stations to find that their homes were no longer there.

  Dawn arrived, and although Becky appeared outwardly calm, inside she was sick with worry. The three of them were tired and filthy as they accepted a cup of hot tea from a WVS van. The Women’s Voluntary Service was out in force, offering refreshments to the exhausted rescue services.

  The sergeant downed his tea in a couple of gulps, then said, ‘Right, we’ve done all we can here. Let’s see if we can get to Stepney. I’d like to see if my house is still standing. I expect you’re anxious as well.’

  Becky nodded. ‘Thank you, Sergeant.’

  After much turning, backing up and directions from Becky, they managed to reach the sergeant’s street. ‘Well, it’s still here,’ he said. ‘Not a window left, by the look of it. Thank heavens my wife and kids are in the country.’

  Pete then drove them to where Becky lived. It wasn’t possible to get all the way, and she was soon out of the lorry, running as fast as she could, jumping and scrambling over rubble. It looked bad, and her heart was thumping.

  When she turned the corner, she stood there clutching her sides in horror. There was a great hole where their three houses had been. She recognised bits of furniture scattered around, and even a fragment of her bedroom curtains. But it was the mangled pieces of motorbike that brought bitter tears to her eyes. What fun they’d had with that old bike. Her breath was ragged, unable to believe the scene in front of her. The destruction was so complete. Everything she had known all her life was gone.

  Pete placed a hand around her shoulders. ‘This your place?’

  She nodded, still unable to grasp that their home was no longer there. But as devastating as that was, the fact that the bricks and mortar were no longer there meant little to her. Her thoughts were only for her family and friends who had lived there.

  Through the mist of shock she heard the sergeant shout, ‘Do you know if anyone was in these houses?’

  A policeman came over to them. ‘We’ve found two bodies at the moment, mate.’

  Becky snapped back to awareness with a crash. ‘What were their names?’

  ‘Don’t know.’ The man gave her a sympathetic glance. ‘You’ll need to go to the church hall in the next street. They might be able to help you.’

  As she spun round, intent on going to the hall, she saw four people in front of her. For a moment her mind didn’t register who they were. Her eyes were full of moisture and she was so frightened it was hard to think straight. After wiping a hand across her eyes, she stared again. It was Bob’s parents … and her own.

  ‘Pat and Harry have been killed, sweetheart,’ her father said as he hugged her. ‘We’ve just identified them.’

  ‘Jim’s parents.’ Becky almost doubled over in pain. ‘What were they doing in the house during such a terrible raid?’

  Her mother then held her tightly, both of them shaking. ‘Pat wasn’t feeling well. She kept being sick and said she couldn’t possibly come to the shelters in that state. She said she was going to have a night in her own bed. Harry stayed with her, of course.’

  ‘Jim must be told.’

  ‘We’ve given the authorities all the necessary information, and they’ll get in touch with him,’ Sally, Bob’s mother, said, her voice shaking with grief, ‘We should be the ones to tell him – it would be kinder – but that’s impossible. We don’t even know if he’s in this country. We’ll go ahead and make the funeral arrangements, and hope the army can get Jim home in time.’

  ‘What are you doing here, Becky?’ her father wanted to know.

  ‘We’ve been working in London all night,’ the sergeant explained. ‘This is my home as well, so we came here as soon as we were free. I’m dreadfully sorry you’ve lost your homes and friends. Is there anything we can do for you?’

  ‘You can take us to the nearest rest hall where we can get something to eat, and try to sort out what we’re going to do.’

  ‘There will be people on hand to help you with temporary housing, and any immediate needs you have,’ Pete told them.

  Becky gazed at the place where their homes had once stood. The devastation was total. ‘It’s hard to believe everything’s gone.’

  ‘Things can be replaced, people can’t.’ Her father rubbed a hand over his face, looking exhausted.

  ‘Come on, folks,’ Pete urged. ‘The lorry is just around the corner.’

  ‘Move out of London,’ Becky urged as they made their way along the street.

  ‘We’ll probably have to,’ her mother told her. ‘I don’t suppose there’s much left around here to rent.’

  ‘I wish I could stay with you, but I’ve got to get back to camp.’ Becky helped them all into the lorry. She squeezed her mother’s hand. ‘You’ll let me know what you’re doing and when the funeral will be, won’t you?’

  ‘As soon as we know ourselves.’

  The sergeant scribbled a number on a piece of paper. ‘You phone that number and we’ll see your daughter gets any messages you leave with us. It will be quicker than the post.’

  ‘Thank you, Sergeant, that’s very kind of you.’

  The centre they took them to was crowded, but they were given a warm welcome. Reluctantly, Becky had to leave them, but she knew they would help and support each other through this tragedy. They were l
ifelong friends, and it had always been the six of them.

  Now there were only four.

  Chapter Fourteen

  ‘It’s good of you to come, Alice. After all, you didn’t know Jim’s parents, but I’m glad to have you along.’

  Alice slipped her hand through her friend’s arm, well aware of the ordeal this was going to be. ‘I feel as if I do know them. I’ve seen photos and listened to you talking about them.’

  Becky smiled sadly. ‘It’s awful, but we’re not the only ones dealing with tragedy. Just look at the place. I grew up here and I hardly recognise it. Mum said the church has lost most of its lovely stained-glass windows and part of the roof, but the Rector is carrying on as if nothing has happened.’

  ‘That’s all any of us can do, Becky.’

  She nodded in agreement. It had been a difficult ten days, but at least her parents had found a house to rent in East Sheen, and were sharing it with Bob’s parents. She would have liked to see them move further away from London, but her father insisted that he still needed to get to his work. The factory near the docks was still standing, by some miracle, and working day and night to turn out parts for the fighter planes. It wasn’t going to be an easy journey for him, but at least he would be coming out of the danger zone at the end of his shift, and she was grateful for that.

  ‘I hope the boys have been able to get home for the funeral.’

  ‘They’ll be here if they possibly can, Becky.’

  She fought back the tears that were threatening to spill over. ‘At least we’re able to hold a proper funeral service for them. Not everyone is able to do that. Many just disappear …’

  ‘That must be dreadful.’ Alice took a deep breath, not mentioning David, as that would only upset her friend more. ‘Oh, look, there’s quite a crowd outside the church, and I can see army and navy uniforms.’

  ‘Thank God! All the boys are there.’ She glanced at Alice. ‘This isn’t how I wanted you to meet my family.’

  ‘Never mind. I’ll be pleased to meet them anyway.’

  After quickly introducing her friend to her parents, Becky went straight to Jim. She had hardly recognised him. He was lean, tanned to a dark brown, and his expression showed anger simmering under the surface.

  ‘Jim, I’m so sorry …’ She reached out to him and was startled when he stepped back. Her hands dropped to her sides. They had always been such good friends, but now it seemed as if he didn’t want to know her. She realised it was his reaction to shock and grief, but it still hurt her.

  ‘This is Becky’s friend, Alice,’ her father told Jim, breaking an awkward silence.

  Alice held out her hand until Jim had no choice but to shake hands with her. ‘I’m sorry this is such a bad homecoming for you.’

  Something seemed to snap in Jim, and he said angrily, ‘Why don’t you all stop mouthing empty words of regret? You’ve got no idea how I feel!’

  ‘They’re not empty words,’ Bob told him. ‘We all share the grief.’

  ‘Like hell you do! You’ve got no idea.’

  ‘Hold it there!’ Alice stepped in front of Jim and had to tip up her head to look straight into his eyes. ‘How dare you turn on people who love you?’

  ‘And who the hell are you to tell me what to do?’

  ‘I’m doing it because everyone else here cares too much for you to upset you any more than you are. Because I’m a stranger, I can see you as a great brute of a man who’s hurting so much he’s lashing out at the very people he should be thanking for their love and support.’ She took a deep breath and didn’t move an inch away from the towering, furious man.

  ‘You don’t know what it’s like,’ he snarled, hands curled into tight fists as if he wanted to hit someone.

  Becky and the others watched in amazement as the lovely, diminutive girl took on Jim without flinching.

  ‘Oh, I know exactly what it’s like.’ Alice pulled a fine gold chain from under her uniform and held it out for him to see. ‘That’s an engagement ring. I was supposed to be marrying a wonderful man, but he was killed when his Spitfire was shot down three weeks ago. And Becky’s lost David. He disappeared at Dunkirk, and no one has seen him since. Don’t you dare accuse us of not knowing the turmoil and grief you’re going through. You’re angry – we’re all angry. You’re not the only one suffering a devastating loss, and you’d do well to remember that.’

  ‘Oh, Alice, you never said a word,’ Becky whispered, distressed for her friend.

  Jim was staring at the girl in front of him – then he did a surprising thing. He gathered her into his arms and rocked her gently, tears streaming down his face. ‘Thank you, I needed someone to set me straight.’ He glanced up. ‘Forgive me. I’m so angry I lost my way.’

  ‘No need to apologise, son,’ Bill Adams told him. ‘Alice is right, we’re all bloody angry at this senseless loss of innocent lives.’

  Becky’s mother reached up and kissed Jim on the cheek. ‘We love you like a son, and you’ll always have a home with us.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  The hearse arrived then so there was no more time to talk. The streets had been cleared of rubble and the vehicle was able to get right up to the front of the church. Jim was still holding Alice’s hand tightly as they followed the two coffins into the church.

  ‘That’s a very courageous girl you have for a friend, Becky,’ Sally Walker murmured. ‘I don’t think I’d have had the nerve to face Jim down in the kind of mood he was in. She did just the right thing, though.’

  Becky nodded, still stunned after hearing that Alice’s boyfriend had been killed.

  Bob edged his way to her side. ‘Who’s this David? First I’ve heard of him.’

  ‘Someone who helped me when I joined up.’ She didn’t want to go into this now.

  ‘Oh, special, was he?’

  ‘Yes.’ She glared at Bob. ‘And don’t refer to him in the past tense. He could still be alive.’

  ‘Not after all this time.’

  ‘Shut up, Bob,’ she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear her above the sound of the organ.

  He shrugged, placed her hand through his arm, holding her firmly at his side. ‘Sorry, you’re right.’

  The church was quite full. It seemed as if all the neighbours from the street had come to say goodbye to Pat and Harry Prentiss. It was a sad occasion and Becky had to struggle to keep her composure. Her thoughts focused on Jim, knowing what an ordeal this was for him, and she was grateful Alice had come with her. She had her own grief to deal with, and although Jim had never met her before, they appeared to be giving each other comfort.

  After the funeral they all went back to the rented house. It was the first time Becky had seen it.

  ‘My goodness!’ she exclaimed. ‘It’s huge.’

  ‘We’ll need the space,’ her mother explained. ‘We’re all going to be living together, and if the four of you manage to get home at the same time we’ll need every room in the house. And because we’re bombed out the owners are letting us rent it at a reasonable price. Now, let’s have a nice cup of tea. Who’s staying the night?’

  ‘Sorry,’ Becky told her. ‘We’re due back at camp by six this evening.’

  ‘But you’ll never make it.’ Her mother glanced anxiously at the clock.

  ‘We’ve got someone picking us up, Mum. He should be here at any moment.’

  ‘Is that allowed?’ Will gave his sister an amused look.

  ‘There are some advantages to being in the transport division. Also Alice works for an officer and he needs her back on time. Pete’s got a London trip today and is collecting us on his way back.’

  The words were hardly out of her mouth when the lorry rumbled to a stop outside the house.

  After saying goodbye, they were just about to get in the truck when Bob pulled her aside. ‘I’m sorry your boyfriend’s missing. I didn’t mean to upset you at the church.’

  She smiled sadly and squeezed his arm. ‘I’m sorry I snapped at you, and Co
lonel David Hammond isn’t my boyfriend. As I said, he has been kind to me and I’m very fond of him.’

  ‘Colonel?’

  She nodded. ‘And I’m as worried about him as I would be for any of my friends.’

  ‘Ah.’

  For some reason he looked relieved, and she studied him for a moment. ‘I’m all grown up now, Bob, and I am allowed to have men friends, surely?’

  ‘Of course you are.’ He gave a lopsided grin. ‘I keep forgetting that. In my mind you’re still Will’s little sister, who we all need to keep an eye on in case she gets into trouble.’

  ‘I never get into trouble,’ she protested, with a laugh in her voice. ‘And I’m not so little any more.’

  ‘No, you’re not.’ He gave her a hug. ‘You take care now, and keep those letters coming.’

  ‘And you do the same.’ She turned and waved, then climbed in the lorry. ‘Thanks for coming, Pete. Let’s go.’

  As they drove away, Alice nudged her. ‘That tall sailor friend of yours is jealous.’

  ‘Don’t be daft!’ Becky snorted. ‘He still thinks I’m a kid who needs looking after.’

  ‘And I think you’re blind.’

  ‘You’re imagining things.’ Becky changed the subject, too weary even to think about it. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about Anthony? You came to support me today; I could have done the same for you.’

  ‘It happened when I was on leave. Major Brent extended my leave so I could go to the funeral. It was all over by the time I came back. I kept quiet because I just couldn’t talk about it then.’ Alice gave a ragged sigh. ‘Jim’s anger made me realise that was exactly what I was feeling, and it wasn’t good to hold in all that grief. When he held me and shed tears, I did the same. It was what we both needed.’

  Becky nodded, grateful Alice had been there and recognised Jim’s anger for what it was – grief held under control until he was ready to explode.

  ‘I like your family,’ Alice said. ‘And the boys are an interesting trio. Jim’s a strong man and not one to be trifled with, but he has a gentle side to him as well. We can only hope this tragedy, and the army, doesn’t knock that out of him. Bob now, he’s harder to fathom. He keeps his feelings well hidden, but I get a feeling he’s the kind of man who cares about other people.’