Need Us (Make or Break #4)

by Amanda Heath

  That hurts my heart that Court looks like shit. I did that to him. “What happened with Donovan wasn’t assault. I never tried to stop him, not that I liked it or anything, but I never said no.”

  Paisley rolls her eyes. “There are other forms of sexual assault. It doesn’t always involve rape. He touched you and you didn’t like it. Annabella said he used GHB on you and that’s probably why any of it happened in the first place.”

  I think about the angry way he tried to take my pants off. I think about how confused I was about the whole thing. I could barely move my arms and legs. I thought it was because I was drunk but…no that’s not what happened. Donovan wouldn’t hurt anyone like that. He’s a good man. Well, not completely good since he came on to me. “It wasn’t like that. He didn’t drug me.”

  Paisley stands up and moves across the room towards me. She crouches until she’s eye to eye with me. “Think about it Rachel. What would Donovan gain from trying to sleep with you? Think about how much Court loves you and how devastated he is. Donovan had motive and you know it.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense! Why would he try to get back at Court five years after Court slept with Annabella? He’s been with me since then and he was fucking happy.” I close my eyes and block out how happy we were. “We’ll never be that happy again.”

  “This isn’t your fault. Rachel, Donovan did this to make Court pay. Revenge makes people do crazy things and Donovan’s had plenty of time to plan his revenge. He waited until Pierce was secure and happy before he struck. That’s why you’re struggling with it. Neither of you were expecting it and that’s what that son of a bitch wanted.” She stands all the way up and moves away from me. “He didn’t care about you or Asher. And we all know he didn’t care about Pierce. I just want you to think on that. You have to see what’s really going on here. Not what your brain is telling you. Listen to your heart.” Then she picks up her bag off the floor and leaves the room.

  I still don’t believe that Donovan would drug me and try to have sex with me simply to hurt Court. He could have done something years ago, he wouldn’t wait until now. It just doesn’t make any sense.

  ***

  “There she is. See, I told you she didn’t run away.” I hear his voice in my sleep and it makes me smile. Court’s voice can always make me smile.

  Then I open my eyes and realize he’s really here. He stands at my bedroom door holding our son and looking like hell. He’s never been more handsome to me. Probably because we haven’t gone one day without talking to each other. Unless you count that time I broke up with him for stupid as hell reasons. We’ll just forget that happened.

  “What are y’all doing here?” I mumble, sitting up in bed and running my fingers through my hair.

  “Asher thought you ran away and you weren’t ever coming back. He wouldn’t calm down until I promised to show him you were still in town.” He comes into the room and stops at the end of my bed.

  Asher climbs down and onto my bed. His skinny arms wrap around my body and I use my hand to tangle with his wild hair. Since his Daddy now refuses to cut his hair, Asher refuses to cut his hair. It’s all over the place and on most days I can’t do a thing with it. “Momma I was scared. You always tuck me in and Daddy said you couldn’t today.”

  I hold back tears and I avoid looking at Court. His eyes will blame me and I’ll start getting depressed all over again. Who am I kidding? I’m already fucking depressed. “How’s about you sleep in here with me tonight? I could use a bed buddy. It’ll help keep the bad dreams away.”

  “Okay. I’ll keep them bad dreams away real good Momma. I promise.” We lay down and snuggle together. His head is under my chin and I love his little boy smell. It’ll break my heart once he grows up and won’t let me hold him anymore. Children should stay babies all their lives. Then we wouldn’t ever have to watch them move out of the house or get a girlfriend.

  Shudder.

  The bed dips again and Court settles in on the other side of Asher. I look up into his eyes and take a deep swallow. He doesn’t look pissed off at me or even hurt by me either. Though his shoulders are tense but whose wouldn’t be? Your wife cheats on you; you’re going to be tense for a while.

  “What are you doing?” I finally ask. I can’t take him looking at me anymore. I know he’s not going to yell at me or talk shit about me right now; our son is in the room. I just dread the day when Asher isn’t in the room.

  Court looks away from me but I still feel his eyes. How they pierce my skin and leave behind sorrow. “Spending the night with my family. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

  “Isn’t it too much…” I trail off when he finally looks at me with anger.

  “No G, it isn’t too much. You and I need to talk but it’s not going to be right now. We’re both tired, Asher’s tired and we’d say shit we didn’t mean right now.” Then he rolls to his back and closes his eyes after putting his hands behind his head.

  “Okay then,” I say, snuggling Asher closer to me. The little bit is already asleep and snoring softly. This kid could sleep through anything. There was a pretty bad street war a couple of years ago. I don’t know any details, probably because I’m a chick, but word is Damien’s biker club pissed off the mob. I don’t know if that’s true but it was still scary. There were a few car bombs that went off out in the neighborhood. Asher slept right through it.

  That was one of the best and scariest nights. Court huddled us in the basement and we talked for hours as we listened to the scanner. Asher slept on a sleeping bag and never once made a peep. I don’t think Court and I have cuddled or talked like that since then.

  Don’t get me wrong, we still talk and cuddle but that night was different. It was like we fell in love all over again. Until Royal burst into the room spitting fire and ranting. He was scared shitless. Not that I blame him, we were scared too but we didn’t really think we were going to get blown up. And I had absolute faith that Court could protect us. He could protect anybody.

  “Will you sing to me G?” Court whispers. I look over at him and see his green eyes staring at me. This time it doesn’t make me feel awkward or insecure. It just makes me feel loved. I’ll try not to question that right now.

  Then I start singing “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. After awhile Court’s eyes close but not before his arm reaches over both Asher and me. Before I know it, his hand is in my pants. Copping a feel even when we are fighting. Never fails. I laugh out loud, softly, and I catch the smirk on Court’s face.

  The pair we make.

  ***

  “You know the two of you have your own place. I thought for sure I’d never walk in on my baby boy feeling up his wife, ever again. Especially with my grandson in the room.” I open my eyes and look towards the door to see Lily standing there with her hands on her hips.

  “Ma what are you doing here?” Court mumbles never taking his hand off my ass. I swear he glued it there.

  “I came to make sure the Best Man and Maid of Honor are getting up on time. And I’m very irritated about this. I went to your house first and Channing said y’all were here. What in the hell is going on?” She starts tapping her foot and I seriously want to laugh but I don’t.

  Court sighs and then his hand leaves my pants, finally. He gets out of bed wearing only his jeans. At least both of us are more clothed than the last time she walked in to wake us up. “I can’t talk about what’s going on with Asher in the room. And I’m not going to talk about it today anyway. Wes and Royal are getting married and we don’t need any more drama than is necessary.”

  “That’s all cryptic and useless. But if what you have to tell me is going to make me upset, then I guess you should keep it to yourself.” Then she turns on her heels and flees the room. Probably going to have coffee with Mom.

  I’m not paying attention, so when Court appears over me I almost screech but I keep it in. “After the wedding is over, you and I are going to talk. We have some things to discuss and a lot
of things to apologize for. Then you’re going to move your shit back to the house and you’re going to sleep in our bed tonight, with me.” Then he leans down and kisses my lips. I’m quite shocked by the whole thing so my mouth is open and that means his tongue comes right into my mouth. And like most times I’m kissing this man, my hand reaches up to shift through his long hair.

  He kisses me for what seems like forever. I’m getting kind of hot and bothered, but that’s his point. Court makes it a point to make me hot and bothered every time he kisses me. Even when we’re fighting he makes the point, like now.

  When he’s done rocking my world, he lifts his head and looks down at Asher. “Little man you better get up. Mimi is downstairs with Grammy. I bet they made pancakes.”

  Asher, having the stomach the size of Texas, gets up from the bed so fast I have to catch him before he face plants the ground. “Careful there. We don’t need a trip to the ER today.”

  He looks wide-eyed at me and shakes his head. “Yeah, I don’t want to catch that Ebola guy. He sounds scary.”

  I almost laugh but I keep it in. When he leaves the room I look at Court. He’s bending over to pick his shirt off the floor. “Yell at Channing, not me. I never said anything about Ebola to the kid.” Then he himself leaves the room.

  After I get ready in the bathroom and walk downstairs, I find most of the people who mean the world to me sitting around. Channing, Royal, Mom and Dad, Lily plus Court and Asher. I sit down at the dining room table next to Royal and across from my husband.

  “I can’t believe you’re getting married today. Royal Sanders the biggest player at Meadows. And you’re marrying the most prude-like girl you could find.” I bite my lip to hold back a chuckle when Royal glares at me. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I love Wesley. She’s my sister from another mother.”

  “My Duchess is not a prude. If you only knew the things she does to me in our bedroom.” Mom, Dad and me all make sneered faces at him, almost in sync.

  “Royal Duke Sanders, do not ever let me hear you say anything like that in front of me again. I do realize you’re grown and getting married, but there are things a mother just doesn’t need to hear.” Then she throws her napkin at him. Got to love my mother.

  Then Dad had to go and ruin the joyful feelings around the table. “Lily, is Donovan going to be joining us this morning?”

  You can feel the coldness and tension enter the room. The elephant is named Donovan and he’s the size of the house, so he’s crushing us because there’s no room for him in here.

  Lily looks around at the four of us. Channing stares at his plate, Royal clenches his fists on the table and starts tapping his foot, Court glares daggers at my father like it’s his fault Donovan entered the room in spirit, then there’s me, who’s sitting here on the verge of tears. Though my Dad and Mom look slightly pissed off themselves.

  Then Lily squints her eyes at me. I look away and start cutting up Asher’s pancakes. I have to or he’ll get syrup everywhere and I’d never get it out of his pants.

  “Someone better explain to me what the fuck just happened.” Then she stands up and walks over to Court. She grabs him on the back of the neck until he stands up. They walk into the living room and it’s my turn to glare at my father.

  “Thanks Dad. Way to ruin the mood,” I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Nonsense. Someone needed to tell her or that little prick will show up at the wedding and I’ll be shoving my foot up his ass,” my dad states like he’s talking about the weather.

  “Dad, your grandson is sitting at the table,” I say, my eyes wide. Why are they all acting so weird? I’m the one who needs to be punished, not Donovan. Well maybe he does, but not like that. We were drunk; we didn’t know what we were doing. “My entire family has been taken over by pod people.”

  “Nonsense. You’re ours, honey. We protect what is ours. And that little fucking prick is going to get what’s coming to him.” This comes from my mother and I have to slap a hand over my face just to make sure I’m awake. I’ve never really heard my mom curse, let alone use words like prick.

  “Besides Rach, Asher has heard worse come out of your mouth.” Royal winks at me and chuckles after I smack him on the back of the head.

  “It’s true Momma. You say bad words all the time. I just pretend to not hear them, because Daddy said he’d spank my butt if I said them.” Then he goes back to eating his pancakes.

  “Y’all need to leave Donovan alone. This is my mistake, not his.” And you can feel the temperature drop after those words leave my mouth.

  I don’t think anyone is going to say anything else until Lily starts yelling in the living room. “Someone should go calm her down, she’s going to scare Asher,” I whisper. Everyone is still looking at me like I grew a new head and I don’t know why. “Why is everyone pissed off I said that? It’s the truth.”

  “One of these days I’m going to knock some sense into you. When you wake up from this bizarre place you are in your head, you’ll be super pissed off you said that in the first place.” Royal then stands up and walks into the living room.

  My entire family has lost their minds.

  Three

  Royal

  “Are you nervous?” Channing asks me while I stare out the window. My head is far away from my wedding. It might sound horrible but marrying Wesley is going to be a breeze. In my head, I always knew we were going to be together forever. This piece of paper is for the legal shit. Besides, the wedding is for Wesley, not for me. All I have to do is show up at the end of the aisle, repeat some words and kiss her. There’s no need for me to be nervous.

  “Nope,” I say, my mind on Donovan Pierce. Pierce told his mother what happened and I thought she was going to go right then and kill her middle child. I’ve never seen that woman so mad.

  Channing paces behind me but I ignore him. He’s got to see Paisley today. At least he got a preview of it yesterday when she showed up at the house to pick up BeeBee. She even made an appearance at my parent’s house. She earned some brownie points trying to convince Rachel that she was assaulted, not drunk. I guess we can blame our father for that. He’s stubborn himself and that’s where she gets it. “Will you sit down? She’s not going to go out of her way to ruin today.”

  “I know. It’s just been a year since this shit happened to me. It brings back a lot of bad memories.” He looks over at me about the time I turn around to watch him. “She’s all I think about anyway. Then she’s standing in front of me and trying to spurt some bullshit at me about how it’ll always be her and me. How can she even think that?”

  “Because she loves you, no matter what she did. You didn’t even read that letter. You burned it, therefore you didn’t get to read it.. You won’t talk to her about it either, so I don’t know what you want me to say.” And I don’t. Yeah I’m seriously pissed off at Paisley but in light of recent situations, Channing and Paisley seem trivial. So she left him at the altar. Yeah she should have told him in person she couldn’t marry him, not written him a letter. But is it unforgivable? No it’s not. They can move past it and I honestly think they’ve both hurt enough for a lifetime. We all know they are meant to be together.

  What happened to my sister makes me realize what a person can forgive and what he can’t. She didn’t deserve that and, in all honesty, Pierce didn’t deserve it either. He made amends to his brother. He got hurt in all that shit himself. Pierce loved Annabella. It wasn’t easy for him to forget it. Then it all came out, what was going on in Annabella’s head. She wasn’t good for either of them and Donovan should have been thanking Pierce for showing him the light, instead he decides to bring my sister into it.

  This is where it gets iffy to me. Why did Donovan pick Rachel? Did she do something to him that we are unaware of? It doesn’t make sense why he would hurt her like that unless he had some aggression towards her himself. I just can’t think of anything. They don’t really spend much time together. I know they talked before it hap
pened, but Rachel said she didn’t lead him on and she thought it was friendly, not a tryst.

  I guess I could sit here all day and wonder. I could think up every reason in the book but I wouldn’t ever figure it out. We’ll just have to confront him sooner or later. But not today, not on Wesley’s day.

  “You zoned out real good there buddy.” I blink my eyes and Pierce comes into focus. “You ready to get out there and do this? Or do you want to daydream some more?” I give him a fuck off look and head towards the mirror. I straighten my tie and brush some lint off my suit jacket.

  Bentley crashes into the room, a huge-ass hickey on his neck. I grab his face and turn it towards me and look at the offending thing. “Jesus Ben, did you have a good time last night?”

  He blushes which I find hilarious. I remember when he came out. We were all a little shocked but not by much. He’d never brought girls around before and he was secretive about his relationships. Wesley finally had to sit him down. She told him none of us care if he’s gay and that we’d love him no matter what he preferred in the bedroom. Now he’s got this hotshot lawyer guy he’s involved with.

  “Sinclair and I got drunk. Things happen, you know.” He blushes again and laughs with the rest of us.

  “Your sister probably won’t find it funny.” I look at Channing who appears calm and collected but I know underneath that fake exterior he’s flipping the fuck out. “Channing can you find Rachel or something. We need to get Ben some concealer.”

  Channing nods and leaves the room. “Does Sinclair have one of these? We’ll need to cover him up too. No need to get Jenny upset.”

  Pierce and I laugh when Bentley looks like he’s about to gag. “She asked me the other day if I’m the man or the woman. I thought I might have to run from the room screaming.”