SweetHarts (5 Book Box Set)

by Kira Graham

  “Stop yelling at me!” I screech, fed the hell up with being yelled at.

  It’s been twenty freaking minutes. How many times can you call one person stupid, for God’s sake?

  “I’ll stop yelling when my fucking heart isn’t trying to crawl up my throat, Nefertiti! Pregnant? You’re fucking pregnant with my kid and jumping out of trees? Goddammit. Ma was right. I should have joined a freaking ashram or something,” he growls, starting his pacing up again.

  Which is great, because I think that my tongue just crawled down my own throat, and, as I look over at Nate, I see that the coward is wincing and giving me apologetic looks. See what happens when you tell people about things, Tee? You see now, huh? Now you’re going to have to tell Ares the truth, and Mr. Upstanding and Honest over here is going to sing like a canary. Not to mention, he’ll probably go off on one of his tangents again as well.

  Oh God, maybe Mindy was right. Dick is evil.

  “I can’t believe—”

  “If you call me stupid one more time, I am going to scalp you!” I scream, coming up off the couch with enough fury of my own that I sway with it. “I didn’t mean to upset anyone, okay, but I didn’t ask you two to come down here and ruin my vacation. This was supposed to be me time, so that I could think about things and get my head on straight. And I was. Sorta. Well, I mean, I was thinking about thinking about stuff!” I scream, starting to pace myself now, because I know that I have to come clean, and I’m agitated.

  Oh God, he’s going to shit a brick, and then he’s going to tell every single person in our family, and everyone’s’ going to hate me. I don’t want that…well, okay, a huge part of me actually doesn’t think I’d care, but I can’t be alone forever while that maniac is out there running around and plotting things. There’s safety in numbers—if the numbers you’re huddling behind aren’t pissed at you, that is!

  “What stuff? Like the fact that you’re pregnant with my kid? You’re supposed to be on the pill, Neffie!” he roars, the words hitting me with the force of a slap to the face.

  My head literally rears back, and I go still as I watch him pace, the silence and his unspoken fury so thick that they should choke me. Only, they don’t, because I’m already choking on my own emotions. He doesn’t want the baby, I think, my eyes blinking rapidly when stupid tears fill them.

  Well, it probably isn’t his, my mind whispers mockingly, reminding me of the reality.

  Yeah, but what if it is his baby? What if that one time did make this kid, and now…

  I can barely stand to look at him when he paces back and comes to another stop, only this time, I’m not angry or freaking out, because I think I’m hurt.

  “You’ve been more than irresponsible about this stuff. What did you think was going to happen, coming down here all by yourself? What if you’d needed a hospital? Huh?” he asks, completely missing my distress as he walks away again, muttering under his breath.

  Looking over at Nate, because I honestly can’t look at Ares anymore, I see him clenching his fists as he struggles to withhold his anger. Only, no one can get angry here except Ares, I think, my throat going tight. He isn’t wrong here. I was on the pill, for all of about two seconds, but I went off them because they made me sick, and getting ass acne was not at the top of my list of life goals. He must still have been under the impression that I was protected, and then it hits me that he also used condoms afterwards, so this…outcome isn’t one that he’s happy with.

  I’m confused as to how to feel about this, because everything is confused. This might not even be his baby, honestly, and if I’m honest, I don’t think that it is. There’s a slim chance, though…

  “I have a sat phone and a disposable…” I whisper, pausing to clear my throat.

  “You’d have been alone out here! Don’t you get that? Alone, with no one to help you. If you’d fallen and hurt yourself and passed out, you’d have had no help.” The last word is roared, and I rear back from the force of it, wondering what happened to Mr. Let’s Talk Things Out.

  God, I almost miss that pacifist asshole who used to whine about my lack of tact and “moral fiber.”

  “Um—”

  “And you shouldn’t be stressed. If I’d known you were pregnant, I wouldn’t have enjoyed scaring the shit out of you!” he yells.

  “That was you? I knew someone was calling my name out there, you…you meanie!” I scream, stomping my foot so hard that his eyes almost bug out.

  “Don’t do that. It’ll fall out.”

  “Oh, for the love of…” Nate moans, when my eyes go wide with fury.

  Explosive. My anger ratchets up to explosive when he says those words, and for a hot second, all I can think or see is red.

  “How damn big do you think it is, you idiot? It can’t just fall out of there. I should have kept driving when that car slid down the road the first time. I should have left the damn country and gone to sun myself on some Greek island,” I mutter, my jaw so tight that it feels like I’m about to snap my teeth in half.

  “Would you calm down? You’re traumatizing my kid!”

  Oh, for the love of—!

  “It’s probably not your kid!” I screech, all the air deflating out of me so suddenly that I feel dizzy and have to plant my ass back on the couch.

  Now, I’m not so much angry as I am upset, and before I can stop myself, I start crying and muttering to myself, mostly about just how I ended up here. My life used to be simple. I used to go out all the time, and play practical jokes on my family, and…and I was happy. And now I’m in the middle of an existential crisis, and I’m knocked up, and the man I loved has not once been nice to me since he got here.

  If I were emotional, I’d be a mess.

  “What?” Ares gasps, and for once, I think that he’s so shocked that he can’t say anything, because the fool practically falls into a seat on the sectional, and his whole body just deflates.

  Oh, God.

  “Sin wanted a baby, and she kept saying all this pathetic shit about how much she wanted to be a mom, and I thought, why not, right? I can do this for her. It’s just nine months of my life, and I need to detox anyway and reevaluate my life, and…and then I said yes. Because really, who else is going to have Sin’s ugly babies for her?” I whine, sniffling out another sob because, well, I just cry these days, okay? “So I promised her that I’d do it, and I went to the doctor, and they did the procedure, but it didn’t take the first time.”

  Ares, now as silent as a tomb, just stares at me, as if he’s in shock, and boy, is it about to get worse, I think, shoring myself up to finish it.

  “Tee—” he gulps, his eyes round as I cut him off.

  “So I went again. I mean, it’s not like I had anything else going for me. You were being a dick, and I was all messed up about the attack, and it was…life. I thought, okay, life is short and fragile, and we never know what’s going to happen, and I just…I wanted to make her happy, so I did it, and then…you came back, and I shouldn’t have slept with you! I shouldn’t have. But you were so…you, and you didn’t even really ask; you just slid right on back in there and assumed that I was up for some sort of casual fling. And at first, I was like, whatever. I can deal because I like you a lot, even though you can be such a prissy baby about things sometimes. Only…that time was different, because you stayed with me, and I liked it, and…but I shouldn’t have slept with you at all, and even if I did, I should have used protection that first time, because now…”

  I can’t finish, and not because I’m crying, though God knows I’m bawling by the time I stop talking. No, I can’t finish because I just don’t have the words to say what I need to. A few months ago, if this man had told me he hated me, I’d still have ridden his dick and then walked away laughing. That’s the kind of defiant I am. Now, though, everything’s changed. I went and fell in love with a guy who is nothing like the man that I thought I’d eventually tolerate and marry. He’s an ass with some sort of superiority complex, and he doesn’t agr
ee with anything that I say or feel.

  It’s ridiculous, and yet as I sniff and force my eyes to meet his, I know deep down that it’s true. I love Ares Hart. A lot.

  “Are you saying…”

  “I don’t know whose baby this is,” I whisper, my eyes burning so hard that Nate jumps up to sit beside me and throw a supportive arm around my shoulders. “I didn’t expect anything to come of it. Dr. Payne warned both Sin and me that this procedure could take multiple attempts. I never thought that it’d happen so fast,” I confess, my face pressing into Nate’s neck when all the fight leaves me. “Sin is going to hate me when she finds out, and it kills me to think that she’d get all excited only to find out in the end…”

  “That it’s not her baby,” he finishes, his own groan filling the silence as his head falls back, and he scrubs at his face. “Jesus. This is a mess.”

  I feel like a real piece of crap, but I nod, agreeing with him. I don’t know what’s worse for me at this point, hoping that it’s Sin’s and Paris’s baby, or still having that small part of me that prays it’s Ares’. Because here’s the deal, and I mean this wholeheartedly: if it isn’t, then it’s not ever going to happen again. I can’t be with a man who has proven that he doesn’t like me, and I won’t be with a man who reacts to the possibility of impending fatherhood as if this were all my fault.

  I know that accidents happen—trust me, I do—and I know that he is in shock, but dammit, it hurt when he looked at me as if having a child with me was the end of his life. A baby is a good thing. A miracle that even I can’t look at negatively, and if Ares doesn’t feel that way, then forget him.

  “It’s a mess that I’ll be sorting out soon enough. I have about two more weeks to ride out, and then I’m doing a paternity test. And no, I’m not going to lie to Sin and Paris about it. I’ll tell them after I get the results,” I say, wanting to dispel any doubt before he makes another nasty comment.

  “Come on, honey, you need to get some sleep,” Nate says quietly, after several minutes of silence have passed as Ares sits back with his eyes closed, obviously processing everything.

  Nodding, I let him help me up and go with him while he relocks the house, sets the alarm, and then takes me to my bedroom. I’m so tired that I feel like I’m made of Jell-O as Nate helps me into bed and tucks me in, his lips whispering over my cheek. I don’t fall asleep, though, but instead spend hours staring out the window, where the wind whips at the trees, and the sky is streaked with lightning. A storm is brewing, I think, dry-eyed and numb, inside and out.

  Ares

  I wake with a start and feel my neck protest when I lift my head from the cushion and gaze around. It’s not dawn yet, but from the color of the sky outside, I’d say that seeing the sun anytime today isn’t in the cards. The sky is an angry gray, and I feel humidity in the air even as a streak of lightning lights up the windows.

  Sighing, and about as happy to be awake as a bear, I shuffle upstairs and jump in the shower, feeling my head clear as soon as the hot water hits my skin. Planting my hands on the wall, I let my head hang down and close my eyes, only to pop them open again when the image of Tee’s tearstained face flashes behind my eyelids.

  Shit.

  I shouldn’t have yelled. She was already upset and emotional enough that for once, when I looked into my Tee’s eyes, I wasn’t looking at the defiant, angry girl I know, but at someone who has been broken.

  Thinking about it, I feel shame coursing through me and curse with a hiss. The guys have been telling me this for weeks, but I’ve just shrugged it off because it’s easier not to think about Tee as a woman, which sounds weird because of the sex, but…it’s more about her as a person, I guess, and admitting that makes me feel like a fucking dick. I’ve been using Nefertiti to silence the demons in my mind, and, if I’m honest, I think that I was punishing her, too, for being the reason that I killed someone. The thing is, it’s not her fault. It’s not even my fault. Things happened the way they did, and I made my choice, the right choice. So why have I become this angry person? I wonder, my head dropping to the wall when guilt assails me.

  My head is all messed up, and I can’t answer a lot of the questions I have, but one thing I do know is that I’ve fucked up with Tee, and that from now on, no matter what, I owe it to her to be a better friend.

  Cursing, because I don’t like that idea one bit, I shut off the water and slam out of the shower, drying off with hard, jerking movements and grabbing up a pair of sweats from the closet. They aren’t mine, but they fit all right, and that’s how I head down to the gym that I saw yesterday, needing to clear my mind before I see Tee again.

  I’ve taken to boxing in the last few weeks, and the punching bag is a personal favorite, but right now, I need to run, hard—until I’m spent, and my legs don’t work right. Then, and only then, can I allow myself to think about what I learned last night.

  Forty minutes later, when I’ve worked hard enough that my calves are burning and my feet are pounding the treadmill, I let my mind start to drift and slot things into place. First of all, Tee is pregnant, and even if that baby isn’t mine, she needs to be looked after properly. That being said and settled, I allow myself to think about the fact that the baby could be mine, and then things get complicated, because I feel equal parts fear and a joy so intense that I almost trip before I catch myself and steady my legs.

  Fatherhood. It’s not something that I’ve ever thought about in great detail, but then again, I haven’t ever been with anyone that I felt I wanted to have a family with. Do I want that with Tee? I wonder, a hollow feeling aching deep within me when I think of the way that she looked at me last night before she walked out with Nate.

  She looked done, and fuck, who the hell can blame her when my first reaction to the news was recriminations and judgment?

  “Fuck!”

  “Yeah, that about covers it,” I hear, my head whipping around to see Nate entering the gym, a towel slung over his bare chest.

  He goes for the rowing machine in the corner and only starts to talk when he’s warmed up and starting to pump harder with his arms.

  “I should kill your ass for the way you handled things last night.”

  “Do me a favor, and stop with the threats, okay? You know that I’m not looking for an argument, and even if I were, I’m not stupid. You military assholes are way out of my league at the moment, and while I would love nothing better than to pound something, I’m more interested in staying alive so that I can figure this shit out.”

  “Figure what out, exactly? Far as I can tell, you practically treated that girl like she’s a pariah. She doesn’t need that crap right now, and honestly, we aren’t going to let you unload on her every time you feel cornered or antsy. Tee made some mistakes—hell, she’s made a lot since I met her—but she’s a good person. You know what struck me as strange last night?” he asks, smiling when I grunt and keep running. “You didn’t once think about what that woman is doing for her cousin and your brother. If that kid is theirs, then she’s giving them something priceless. Something that will change their lives forever,” he says softly, his words shocking me so much that I have to pull the tab on the treadmill and hop off.

  “I didn’t—”

  “That’s the problem with you Sweet boys. You don’t think. You just barrel ahead without seeing the small nuances of life. Tee, man, she’s a handful on the best of days, but she’s a good one most of the time. In the time that I’ve known her, I’ve seen her get arrested for her cousin, not because she particularly enjoys it, but because she’s willing to do what’s necessary to make them happy or to distract them from the shit going on in their lives. Now, me…if I thought for one second that that woman wasn’t completely in love with you, I’d be on her like white on rice, and I wouldn’t stop until I had her locked in and nailed down. Good women are hard to find, Hart. Ask me. In the last year, I’ve fallen for a psycho and then a woman who moved on before I could blink.”

  I nod, feeling sorry
for the poor asshole, and shuffle over to him with my towel and water, my body filled with a delicious burn and soreness as I lower myself to a bench and slump.

  “That sucked, man. I liked her, too,” I admit, hating that my judgment was that off.

  “Because she’s cute and funny and beautiful, and she makes everyone look at her like this fragile little thing that needs love,” he snorts, his jaw going tight. “Almost made that mistake a second time before Rosetta cornered me and set me straight. See, that’s what I love most about them—they don’t keep what they’re feeling behind their teeth just to make others happy.”

  At that, I snort, because no one could never accuse the Sweets of keeping things back, no matter what. Tee, she’s her own person entirely, and since she and Sin are as thick as thieves, talking to them is like walking into a room with Simon Cowell and Lady Gaga in it. One barks out the “truth,” and the other says whatever outrageous thing pops into her head.

  “She fucked up, man,” I sigh, my anger and disillusionment coming to the fore as I think about what’s happening right now.

  “Everyone does, Hart. The difference is, Tee won’t leave it messed up for long. Her whole existence has been about making her family happy, and sometimes I think I get it…until she ups the ante to monumental proportions,” he chuckles.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, come on, rich boy, don’t be obtuse. Tee is an adopted child, man.”

  “So? Her family loves her like she’s blood.”

  “But she isn’t, and that doesn’t just go away, not for a little girl who still remembers snippets of her former life,” he says softly, smiling when I frown.

  “What former life? Christ, you people are as cryptic as all hell. Has it ever occurred to you to just spit things out and stop playing mind games with people?” I seethe, a sick feeling twisting in my gut.

  “Dude, let’s have a little history lesson here and find out facts that hardly anyone knows. First of all, Tee wasn’t adopted as a newborn. The Sweets tell everyone that shit, and anyone who’s old enough to know that she wasn’t is either so in love with the girl that they can’t see straight, or scared of Honey and Jack Sweet,” he says softly, grinning when I consider this and shrug my acceptance.