Cutter: Contemporary Romance Novel

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  “Fuck that, Vanessa. I fucking love her! Don’t you understand that? I’m not going to let anyone destroy what we had. I’m leaving in a few days and that’s it. I won’t be coming back until I find her.”

  ***

  Sophia had been staring at the computer screen for over half an hour now. She hadn’t even typed a single word and her assignment was due in a few days. It’s been over a month since she left Belfast. She couldn’t concentrate or focus on her work. She had Harry O’Donaghue in her head constantly. Her father hadn’t been at home for a week. Her parents never used to fight before. However, since her return home, Sophia heard them fighting all the time, and her father left last week and hadn’t come back. She didn’t listen to their fights anymore. They were strangers to her; she didn’t care what was going on between them.

  “Sophia.”

  It was her mother, but Sophia didn’t turn around. She was hoping that ignoring her would just make her leave her room. They didn’t fight anymore; they just stopped communicating, and Sophia left the room every time Michelle walked in.

  “I need to talk to you. Can you turn around to look at me?” repeated Michelle, uneasiness in her voice. Sophia shut her laptop down and turned around reluctantly.

  “What do you want? I have nothing to say to you,” she snapped, narrowing her amber eyes. She was slightly taken aback by her mother’s appearance. She looked pale, worn out and exhausted. She wasn’t wearing any makeup. Michelle sat down on the chair next to Sophia, who was still staring at her with obvious resentment. She knew her mother’s tricks; she just wanted to get her back on her side, that’s why she came to her room.

  “Me and your father … well, we are getting divorce. This marriage hasn’t been working out for a very long time, and it’s time for me to move on.”

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  A static shock charged through Sophia. Disbelief ripped through her, lapping at her sides, but she kept her indifferent expression. She didn’t want to show her that she was affected by this news in any way. Michelle placed her hands together and drew a long breath.

  “I don’t understand why you are telling me this. I don’t care. You and Dad ruined my life,” she replied bitterly.

  “I discovered that your father had an affair.”

  “I don’t want to know any more,” hissed Sophia, but her voice trembled. “You have treated me like a child in the past few years, so I’m not –”

  “Sophia, please just listen to what I have to say,” Michelle said, cutting her off.

  “I hate you.”

  “I’m not happy about this, but you are right. I can’t tell you what to do. You are not a child anymore. I understand that you are truly in love with him. It hurts seeing you unhappy and miserable. I wish that I could have been a better mother, but I can’t change anything,” said Michelle, tears coursing down her face. “I always loved you and I’m sorry that I never said it. It’s my own fault that you hurt yourself for so long.”

  Sophia stilled under Michelle’s intense stare. She swallowed hard, trying to pin together what her mother just said. Her mother had never said before she loved her. She never expressed any kind of feelings towards her. Shock beat her once again; she struggled, fighting with the tears.

  “I do love him, Mum, and I want to be with him,” Sophia said quietly.

  “Your father has done some terrible things. The way he has treated you, the way he has controlled me too. He has fiddled with taxes. He used business trips to cover up his meetings with that other woman. I discovered everything recently and I confronted him about it last night.”

  “Taxes? Business trips? What are you talking about?”

  “I want to spare you the details, but your father has done a lot of damage. He was involved with a huge scandal. He thought that I would never find out, but I have evidence that can destroy him,” she sighed.

  “What?”

  “He became greedy. But, anyway, this isn’t your concern. I’ve come to tell you that I told him that he had to destroy the pictures of that boy from Belfast that you were seeing, otherwise I was going to expose him.”

  Sophia stood up and looked at her mother in confusion. Her heart skipped a beat and her mind started racing. Had she really heard right? Was her mother going to help her to get Harry back?

  “Did he agree? I mean, will he get rid of those pictures?”

  “I didn’t like the way he handled this whole situation. I mean, I had no idea about the pictures and I didn’t know that he blackmailed you. Then I found out about his business and of course about his affairs.” She paused, wiping the tears away from her face. “He gave me his word that he will get rid of those pictures. We signed an agreement and divorce papers with the lawyer. You can go back to Belfast to see that boy.”

  Sophia felt that she was dreaming and this wasn’t really happening. She couldn’t believe that her mother was holding that kind of power over her father. Her palms were damp with sweat and heat swept inside her chest.

  “Are you sure he is really going to let this go?”

  “Yes, if he knows what is good for him. My exposing him would ruin him, Sophia. Anyway, this is my apology for all the things that I have done wrong. I’m not going to explain myself, but I should have ended this marriage earlier. Your father never appreciated what he had and I’m not going to stand next to him while he ruins your life again. Will you forgive me, for always being so demanding and cold?”

  Sophia couldn’t speak, so she did the only thing that she thought was right. She approached her mother and embraced her in a hug, feeling the disappointment, regret, and anger that accumulated inside her for years ebb away slowly. This must have been a huge decision for her mother. Sophia never thought that there was anything wrong between her parents.

  “I’m sorry about Dad. He obviously doesn’t deserve you,” said Sophia, her heart still racing.

  “He wasn’t a good father like I wasn’t a good mother, but it turned out that he was an even worse husband. He went mad when I told him to destroy the pictures. I want you to be happy with that boy and forget about the past.”

  “Are you sure that Harry is safe? Are you sure that I can see him now?”

  “Yes. Your father has to obey the agreement that we signed. If he is going to expose that Irish boy, then I’ll expose him.” Michelle paused and brushed Sophia’s cheek. “I shouldn’t have to put any pressure on you. I didn’t prevent you from hurting yourself and I’m sorry. I was delusional, lost with my own unfulfilled ego. Be happy with whomever you want. It’s your life, Sophia. You can now take control.”

  “I left him and lied to him. He probably won’t want to see me again.”

  “Nonsense! Book the flight to Belfast right now. Love doesn’t fade away. The disappointment might still be there, but love remains and will only grow stronger,” said Michelle, smiling.

  “Will you come with me?”

  Michelle’s lip trembled but she nodded. “Yes, of course I will.”

  Sophia smiled and turned back to her computer, her fingers shaking as she searched for the airfare on Google. Her head was buzzing with the excitement. Within half an hour she bought two tickets to Belfast and started packing. She didn’t have time to even think about what was happening. She wanted to call Vanessa, but then she realised that she couldn’t. A few weeks ago she lost the last form of contact that she had with her. The plane was leaving tomorrow evening and she knew that she wasn’t going be able to sleep at all. That evening, she sat down in the living room and talked with Michelle for hours. The tension between them had slowly eased off. Sophia went through all of the events in Belfast and her mother just listened. They were building back the past that was lost, healing the open wounds.

  ***

  “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Belfast International Airport. Local time is eight p.m. and the temperature is fifteen Celsius. Unfortunately it will be raining most of the night. I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip, and we are looking forward to.
..”

  Sophia couldn’t listen to the rest of the announcement. Her heart was pounding in her chest, the dread and anticipation sweeping through her body. She was going through the worst possible scenarios, imagining Harry telling her to go to hell. He was probably furious with her, but she hoped that he would let her explain.

  She was feeling physically sick as she walked out of the plane. Michelle had been trying to convince her that everything would be all right. Harry never told her how exactly he felt about her, and not knowing what’s happened in Belfast since she had left was slowly killing her. They claimed their luggage and Michelle sorted their hire car quickly.

  Sophia wanted to drop her mother to Vanessa’s. She needed to explain herself to her, but she wanted to see Harry. She didn’t want to think how much she hurt him.

  “Don’t worry, everything will go smoothly,” said Michelle as they reached Vanessa’s apartment. Sophia nodded, feeling sick. Her head was pounding and her mind was hollow. She still had keys to Vanessa’s apartment, but with every step she took she was losing her confidence.

  “Mum, please don’t interfere. Vanessa won’t be happy. She will probably start shouting.”

  “I would presume so; she always had a short temper.”

  Once they were in front of Vanessa’s door, Sophia swallowed hard and knocked. The door opened. Sophia was swept off her feet with Vanessa’s arms looped around her.

  “Oh my God, Soph! Is that really you?” whispered her friend. Sophia couldn’t breathe. She slowly pulled away.

  “I’m so sorry, Vanessa. You are probably furious and you can hit me,” she said, trying not to sob. “But I need to see Harry first!”

  “Nice to see you, Vanessa. Sorry for this intrusion,” muttered Michelle, but Vanessa was still staring at Sophia, pale and mesmerised.

  “He probably doesn’t want to know me, but I need to see him. I have to ex –”

  “Sophia, listen to me,” said Vanessa, approaching her and snapping out of her shock. “I don’t know if Harry is still in Belfast. He came to see me yesterday, demanding to have your old address, as I didn’t have your current address. He said that he was going to find you. Oh, Sophia. I think he already left.”

  Sophia’s world spun. She felt a cold sweat embrace her whole body, bringing her down to the deep end. Harry didn’t have a clue where Sophia lived. He couldn’t just leave Belfast and look for her in London. That was insane.

  “Mum! Give Vanessa the car keys. She needs to drive me somewhere,” ordered Sophia, turning to face her mother.

  “But, Sophia, if he is gone we have to get...”

  “Mum, please. I need check if he is gone. Stay here. We will be back shortly.”

  Michelle handed Vanessa her car keys, chewing her lip.

  “Sophia, where are we going? And how did you manage to get away from your father?” enquired Vanessa as they got into the lift.

  “There is a lot that I have to go through, but we haven’t go time for this now. I’m going to see Harry’s mother and find out where he is.”

  “I told you already. He said that he was leaving today.”

  Sophia shook her head and rushed out of elevator, her head pounded with anticipation. She didn’t have time for discussion. She needed to know Harry’s plan in order to find him in London. He was still with probation and he couldn’t miss another appointment, he knew that, but he was still willing to risk it. A bead of cold sweat gathered of Sophia’s forehead.

  On the way to Harry’s house, she briefly explained to her friend about the pictures that Mason took. She told her how her father blackmailed her to leave.

  “So what are you even doing here? Harry used that money that you gave him for operation, but, Soph, he has gone mad. He was in my apartment nearly every day. He got into several fights. You leaving him nearly killed him.”

  Forcing herself to ignore the information about Harry, Sophia decided to answer her friend’s question. “My mother discovered that my father was having an affair and she confronted him about it. He was up to no good with his taxes or something like that. I’m not sure, but she forced him to destroy the pictures.”

  “What? Your terrible mother did that for you?”

  “Yes. Anyway. We are here, so stop the car.”

  Sophia jumped out of the vehicle and started banging on Harry’s door.

  Caroline answered. “Sophia! Oh my God. What are you doing here?”

  Sophia stepped inside, losing hope.

  “Where is Harry, Caroline? Please tell me that he hasn’t left yet.”

  “He left an hour ago, but his bus doesn’t leave until ten. If you drive to the coach station now, you will still have a chance to catch him, but let me call him first!”

  Sophia watched as Caroline dialled Harry’s number. She prayed for him to pick up. Caroline bit her lips. She shook her head after a moment

  “He is not answering,” she said.

  “What is he planning, Caroline? What about his probation?” asked Sophia, panicking.

  “He doesn’t care about prison or probation. He told me that he wasn’t going to come back until he found you.”

  “Vanessa,” said Sophia urgently. “We need to get to the coach station fast. I need to stop him before he ruins his life.”

  “I know he will listen to you, Soph. I’ll keep trying his phone,” shouted Caroline from the house while Vanessa put her foot down and spun the car around the street, slamming on the gas. They were driving through the city, violating every possible motoring offence, ignoring the traffic lights. The rain was pouring from the sky and the view wasn’t clear. The gloom spread around the city and the night began to suck in the day. Unease unfurled in Sophia’s stomach, quickly spreading its icy stems into every nook and cranny. Panic exploded in her mind as the tiny voice in her head kept saying, What if it’s already too late; what if he is gone?

  “Calm down, Soph. We will be there is a second,” muttered Vanessa, wiping the sweat away from her face. “Even if he leaves, we can get through to him and tell him that you are in Belfast!”

  A minute later, she pulled up to the coach station and Sophia jumped out of the car, burying her feet in a murky puddle. The rain obscured her vision as she run inside the building. It was already dark; the crispy wind blew, tangling her wet hair. She rushed to the information centre, but when she asked the man with the moustache about the bus to London, he laughed and pointed at the white coach that was driving away. Sophia stumbled, pure terror crumbling through her. She ran outside in the heavy rain and stopped staring at the bus that was slowly disappearing in the corner. The hope had evaporated from her body; the fear of losing him again kept hitting her in the stomach. She felt air trapped in her lungs as she stood in the empty station. She didn’t care that her clothes were soaking wet and she was shivering with cold. She was standing in the darkness, staring and thinking that maybe she could catch up with him before the bus reached the ferry. They spent three months together, so she knew that he wasn’t going to come back from London until he found her. What if he refused to talk to his family? He could just cut them off and change his phone number.

  The tears mixed with rain were streaming down her face as she turned around.

  “Sophia.”

  She didn’t want to look up. Someone probably wanted to check if she was all right, but the voice sounded familiar.

  “Sophia, oh God. Is that really you?”

  She lifted her head and looked up. Even in the heavy rain she could recognise him. Harry was in front of her, soaked from head to toe. Time stopped working as the blood drained from her face. She dared her eyes to meet his. Before she could react, he was in front of her, throwing his bag to the ground. He slid his hands to her side and pulled her forward. Her fingers dug through his wet shirt and their lips met. He kissed her deeply, sizzling her lips as his hands tightened on her waist. Harry pressed himself harder, kissing like a man who needed air, taking long, breathless drafts. The fireworks exploded in her stomach, warming
every cell, filling every dark space within her that missed him. His kiss was violent and urgent, and she wanted more. He pulled away, breathing heavily

  “Harry, I’m sorry. I thought that I lost...” Her voice trailed off and she touched his cheek, staring at those brown eyes.

  “Shhh, my beautiful girl. Nothing matters now; you are here. I love you and I won’t let you leave me again,” he said, scooping her face into his hands.

  “I love you, too, Harry O’Donaghue.”

  He gave her a light smile and tackled her hair behind her ear. His eyes gleamed, holding her close.

  “I know, Soph. I always knew.”

  Epilogue

  Five years later