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Mom's Perfect Boyfriend

Page 7

by Crystal Hemmingway

Love,

  Margot

  Boople Chat, Thurs Oct 12, 3:01 PM

  Lisa

  yo yo

  Crystal

  sup

  Lisa

  did you see my email?

  Crystal

  the one with the NDA?

  Lisa

  ja

  Crystal

  it still doesn’t tell me what the project is about

  Lisa

  of course not

  Lisa

  you have to sign the NDA first

  Crystal

  uggggggggghhhhh

  Lisa

  you got something better to do?

  Crystal

  than sign away my first-born child?

  Lisa

  c’mon it’s not that bad

  Crystal

  have you read this thing? it’s creepily thorough

  Lisa

  it’s no big deal

  Lisa

  everyone at boople signs them

  Crystal

  is that supposed to make me feel better?

  Lisa

  just sign it so i can finally tell you what i’m working on

  Crystal

  ok fine

  Crystal

  i’m pretty sure i just signed away the rights to my genetic code

  Crystal

  so if crystal clones start popping up all over the boople campus, it’ll be on your conscience

  Lisa

  :D

  Crystal

  so are you going to tell me or what?

  Lisa

  oh i have to wait for the NDA to appear in our system

  Crystal

  how long does that take?

  Lisa

  somewhere between 4 hours and a week

  Crystal

  that’s a pretty big range

  Crystal

  especially for a place like boople

  Lisa

  /shrug

  Crystal

  so that’s it then?

  Crystal

  you’re just going to leave me hanging

  Lisa

  it’s my contractual obligation

  Crystal

  >_<

  Margot’s Journal, Monday October 16

  Today was challenging. Dr. Jackson pulled me aside and said that he’s going to cut my hours by 40%. That’s almost half of my income! He didn’t even seem sorry about it, either. He gave me some explanation about diminished insurance payouts and decreased appointment times.

  We’ve had plenty of talks about that before. Some of the other hygienists might feel ok dashing off a cleaning in 33 minutes, but I take pride in my work. You need at least 48 minutes, and that’s pushing it. I don’t even know how they have time to ask “How are you?” in those 33-minute cleanings. In fact, I’ve watched, and they hold one-sided conversations with patients as they work. The poor people can barely gargle in reply. It’s inhumane.

  And then there are those fancy new machines Dr. Jackson keeps bringing in. Those have to be expensive, and I gave up my entire weekend to learn how to polish with salt water, because regular old prophy paste wasn’t good enough for him anymore. It’s all part of his “modern office initiative” but right now, all it seems to do is confuse our regular patients.

  Dr. Jackson let me off a couple of hours early, and my head is still reeling. I haven’t told Crystal yet. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I could continue working there with a 40% pay cut, and it would be more of the same. It’s clear that Dr. Jackson doesn’t appreciate my talents, and he has no clue how to run a business. In fact, I think I’d do much better running it myself.

  Not that I’d want to run a dentists’ office.

  I can’t leave though. I have some savings, but it’s for retirement. And at my age, it’s not a good idea to gamble with it. We’re probably due for a recession soon, and who knows when I’d see that money again.

  But on the other hand, I’ve been working for almost 30 years. Crystal has barely been working three, and she’s taking some time off. So don’t I deserve the same? I could take off a couple of months at least, and look for a new dental office after that. If I were home, I could really support Crystal. She’s seemed pretty depressed lately. She says that she’s writing during the day, but she doesn’t have that many pages on her novel yet. I bet if I was there to cheer her on, she’d have more motivation.

  I could start a side project, too. Maybe a side business? That might be a little too ambitious. But would it really? You read stories all the time about people who get rich from home-based businesses. They just followed their passions. I have lots of those, so I’m sure I could think of something.

  What if my business really takes off, and I never have to clean teeth again? I could be an entrepreneur, and be my own boss. No more boring training videos, dental drills, or halitosis. That’d be nice.

  I’ve got some hard thinking to do. I’ll use tonight to do some good research, and then I’ll be able to make the right decision.

  I can just see the look on Dr. Jackson’s face when I resign. He won’t know what hit him.

  Gratitudes:

  I am grateful for Dr. Jackson, for opening my mind to other opportunities.

  I am grateful for Crystal, for inspiring me to take time for myself.

  I am grateful for Sophia, for showing me what kind of hygienist I don’t want to be.

  Boople Chat, Tues Oct 17, 8:58 AM

  Lisa

  mom just sent me a text saying that she’s leaving her job to make marshmallows

  Lisa

  is this a joke?

  Crystal

  no she put in her notice this morning

  Crystal

  dr. jackson was going to cut 40% of her hours

  Lisa

  oh man

  Lisa

  did you tell her she could get unemployment benefits if she stayed?

  Crystal

  i tried but she was pretty determined to leave

  Crystal

  she was really upset

  Crystal

  she said all this stuff about how toxic the work environment is and how they don’t appreciate her there

  Lisa

  :(

  Crystal

  i think some of it is true, and i don’t think that office was a good fit for her

  Lisa

  when did she hear about losing her hours?

  Crystal

  yesterday

  Lisa

  she heard yesterday and she resigned today?

  Crystal

  yeah she said she knew it was the right thing to do after sleeping on it

  Lisa

  for one day

  Crystal

  yep

  Crystal

  i tried…

  Crystal

  you know what she’s like when she makes her mind up about something

  Lisa

  yeah

  Lisa

  so what’s this about marshmallows?

  Crystal

  she wants a side project

  Lisa

  ah ok so she’s not expecting to make a profit

  Crystal

  eh i think she’s hoping it’ll be a profitable side project

  Lisa

  :/

  Crystal

  she said that she wants to sell baked goods at the farmers market

  Crystal

  but apparently they already have a bunch of people making cookies and chocolates

  Crystal

  so she found an untapped market in marshmallows

  Lisa

  has she ever made a marshmallow before?

  Crystal

  i didn’t want to ask

  Lisa

  well she’ll figure it out i guess

  Crystal

  yeah

  Crystal

  i’m not really in a place to criticize her about income

  Crystal

  i’m at her mercy in cas
e you hadn’t noticed

  Lisa

  aw

  Crystal

  but i’ll keep encouraging her to be practical when i can

  Lisa

  sounds good

  Lisa

  glad you’ll be there to keep her from going off the deep end

  Crystal

  oh i think she might already be there

  Crystal

  but i probably am too so it’s all good

  Lisa

  i didn’t realize unemployment was contagious

  Crystal

  once you get a taste you can never go back bwahahahaha

  Lisa

  oh before i forget

  Lisa

  your boople NDA came through

  Lisa

  so i can finally tell you what i’m working on

  Crystal

  TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME

  Lisa

  ok check your email

  Crystal

  what is this?

  Lisa

  it’s an application

  Crystal

  yeah but for what?

  Lisa

  :)

  Crystal

  what the hell is a “smart companion”? is that like one of those smart home speaker things?

  Lisa

  keep reading

  Crystal

  “meals will be compensated”?

  Lisa

  keep reading

  Crystal

  “run, jump, and play like any other—”

  Crystal

  OH MY GOD

  Crystal

  lisa are you working on a ROBOT?

  Lisa

  technically, i’m in community relations, not design or engineering

  Lisa

  but yes :)

  Crystal

  OMG OMG this is SO COOL

  Lisa

  haha

  Crystal

  so is it like one of those metal dudes with blocky legs or can you make it look like Jude Law in that robot movie? because Jude Law is way hotter

  Lisa

  guess you’ll just have to apply and see

  Crystal

  urrrrggghhhh

  Crystal

  i sign away my firstborn to boople and still all the secrecy?

  Lisa

  well we haven’t rolled out the program yet, so we’re still finalizing some details

  Lisa

  it’s all very experimental

  Crystal

  i see

  Crystal

  so if i ask nicely, there’s a chance i can get Jude Law? and he could bring me chocolates and do the dishes and stuff?

  Lisa

  and here i thought you were going to ask if he’d be your gigolo

  Crystal

  ick why would you think that?

  Lisa

  he was a gigolo in that robot movie

  Lisa

  or were you too busy drooling to pay attention?

  Crystal

  :P

  Crystal

  oh wow this application is super long

  Crystal

  “estimated four hours to complete”?

  Lisa

  yeah boople likes to have all the info upfront

  Crystal

  what do they need, my life history?

  Lisa

  i haven’t actually looked at the questions

  Lisa

  only the dev team gets to see that stuff

  Crystal

  oooo super secret

  Crystal

  ok i’ve gotta get back to writing

  Crystal

  mom’s coming home for lunch and i haven’t written anything yet today

  Lisa

  good luck

  Crystal

  yeah have fun making ROBOTS

  Crystal

  i mean community managing ROBOTS

  Lisa

  ;)

  Margot’s Journal, Thursday October 19

  It’s been an exciting week. I’ve officially registered my new business, Margot’s Mallows. I had several other excellent ideas for the name, including Hallowed Mallows and Margie’s Marshies, but Crystal insisted that I keep it simple and sweet. So Margot’s Mallows it is.

  I drove all over town today to look at commercial kitchens, because you can’t sell marshmallows that you make in your home. It turns out that I also need to have a Food Safety Manager Certification, and liability insurance. The manager certification requires an 8-hour training course, and then an exam at the end. I was able to get registered for a class next week, but between the training and the exam it’s going to be awhile before I can start cooking. I was hoping to be at the farmers’ market a week from Sunday, but that seems unlikely. In the meantime, I’m going to have to look at insurance and get my recipe down.

  It’s much cheaper to buy ingredients in bulk, but I have to know what I’m going to use first. It would’ve been easy just to order a gallon of corn syrup and whatnot, but I’d heard about the dangers of it so I’ve been looking into alternative recipes. It’s a good thing, too, because the woman from the farmers’ market said they won’t allow their vendors to sell foods made with corn syrup and artificial ingredients. She also asked me if I’d make vegan and gluten-free products, which sounded nice, so of course I agreed. That was before I knew that I’d need a certified gluten-free kitchen, which costs an extra $5 an hour, and that vegan marshmallows are much harder to make. Apparently there’s a lot of challenges because of the no-gelatin thing.

  It can’t be too hard though, right? I just need to get to the grocery store and start experimenting in the kitchen. I’m sure I’ll find my signature recipes in no time.

  I just wish it wasn’t all so overwhelming. And expensive. Every time I hear about a $25 per hour commercial kitchen rental fee, or a $100 food safety certification, I remind myself that this is an investment. If Grace can sell soaps at the farmers’ market, I can certainly sell marshmallows. Granted, she probably didn’t have to go through the same strenuous certification process, but this is a sacrifice I’m making for my customers. Why should people feel left out because they don’t eat gluten or animal products? Marshmallows are fun, and everyone should be able to enjoy them.

  Gratitudes:

  I am grateful to finally be a business owner!

  I am grateful to Crystal for helping me narrow down the names.

  I am grateful to all of the people who helped me learn about starting a marshmallow business today.

  Text Messages, October 19

  Mom

  Are my glasses in there?

  Crystal

  reading or regular?

  Mom

  Reading

  Crystal

  no

  Mom

  Not on the bathroom counter?

  Crystal

  hang on I’ll check

  Crystal

  nope

  Mom

  Did you see me leave them anywhere?

  Crystal

  the kitchen, maybe?

  Mom

  I already checked there.

  Crystal

  are they on your head?

  Mom

  Yes! How did you know?

  Crystal

  it’s a mystery

  Boople Chat, Fri Oct 20 11:03 AM

  Crystal

  i think the universe is mocking me

  Lisa

  aw, what do you mean?

  Crystal

  i’m a finalist in the ero fiction contest

  Lisa

  congrats!!!

  Lisa

  i told you velocirapture had potential

  Crystal

  no this is terrible

  Crystal

  they want a full draft by mid-january…75k words

  Lisa

  this is your big chance!

  Lisa

  you could get 10 grand and become a published author!

  Crystal

>   i’d rather not make my debut as a dino fetishist

  Lisa

  just use a pseudonym :)

  Lisa

  ero makes good money

  Crystal

  nah this is just a distraction

  Crystal

  and even if i wanted to, there’s no way i could write an ero novel

  Crystal

  i’m having a hard enough time writing the rapunzel one

  Crystal

  mom is around ALL THE TIME

  Crystal

  she interrupts me constantly

  Lisa

  so write when she’s in the shower

  Lisa

  or making marshmallows

  Crystal

  A) mom gets ready in like 15 minutes and B) she’s talking about having me come with her to the commercial kitchen (she wants an extra pair of hands since they charge by the hour)

  Lisa

  just think about the ero contest, ok?

  Lisa

  i know it’s not your ideal project, but it’s still a good opportunity

  Lisa

  i bet there are hundreds of authors who’d kill for this

  Crystal

  fine, i’ll think about it

  Lisa

  btw did you get a chance to fill out the smart companion application?

  Crystal

  ah not yet

  Crystal

  having a hard time finding a spare four hours

  Lisa

  well i’d really appreciate it if you could :)

  Crystal

  i started filling it out, but i didn’t finish

  Crystal

  TBH i’m not really comfortable with the robot thing

  Crystal

  i don’t really like the idea of something following me around and trying to make me happy

  Lisa

  but that’s what puppies do

  Lisa

  everyone loves puppies

  Crystal

  that’s different

  Crystal

  it’s like how the whole smart home thing makes me uncomfortable, too

  Crystal

  it’s not about things spying on me as much as my growing too reliant on it

  Crystal

  and then eventually i’ll have to give it back

  Lisa

  makes sense

  Lisa

  but if these trials go well, smart companions will be on the market soon :)

  Crystal

  :)

  Crystal

  i’m sure it’s really cool, i just don’t think i’d be a good tester

  Crystal

  i’d be too scared of it to use it properly

  Lisa

  well if it’s any consolation

  Lisa

  we’d still love to have your help

  Lisa

  we want all types of testers, even the reluctant ones

 

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