Moon Daughter
Page 33
Mom walks over and offers a wan smile as if to console me. She must know I feel like crying, but says nothing. Before we go downstairs, she leans into me and whispers, “Use the bathrooms here, if you need to. They’re the Western kind.”
I smile at her practicality and wonder if she’ll ever stop seeing me as her baby girl.
“I’m okay, Mom.”
We walk down the stairs in a group and say our goodbyes. Mom’s hug is too tight, but I know she won’t cry in public. “You will call me as soon as you land, no?”
I nod and just let my tears flow. Vida is next. The way she holds me makes me want to stay. Aunt Mandy is suddenly a basket case amid uncontrollable sobs. There is an entire family around me and I smile at how they are all talking at once. I look beyond them to the entry way. There’s no sign of Colonel Moradi.
I turn and hug uncle Ardeshir, who is all of a sudden saying a whole lot in Persian. The sad tone of his voice is translation enough. Next is Uncle Jamshid. As I hug my male relatives I am grateful for the VIP lounge for allowing me to do this. No sooner has he let go than a large hand grabs my shoulders and twirls me around and before I can react, I have disappeared into my father’s arms.
His embrace is too strong to fight, too loving to want to. I allow myself to be held and can hear the sudden silence around us. He holds me so tight that I can feel his heartbeat. His tears pour on my face, my hair, my scarf. A sound comes out of his throat. Is he sobbing? Am I? I think of how easy it would be to stay in this moment. But I fiercely want to deny the warm feeling that has enveloped my entire being.
Someone cautions it’s time to go and he loosens his grip a little. I’m clinging to the fronts of his jacket, hanging on for dear life. He bends and kisses the top of my head and as soon as I let go, he turns around without a word.
My first instinct is to go after him, but my feet are heavy as lead. The circle of family closes around me. I stand on my tiptoes and look for him beyond the group, but he has vanished. Another loud announcement comes and I’m back to my senses. Before disappearing behind the black curtain, I look back one last time. There is my lovely Rana, standing among her clan, yet lonely as ever. When will I see you again? I blow her a kiss, the way I used to on those foggy mornings in front of my nursery school.
Entering the passenger area, I want to savor this dizzy, intoxicating moment. I won’t let anything change it, not right away, not for the next moment. This time I don’t feel the body search and can hardly hear the woman’s questions. Even as I climb the stairs in the cold morning air and find my seat on the flight, something is pulling me back, an allure I can’t describe. I tighten my seatbelt, making sure I remain in place and turn to lean my forehead against the glass.
As we take off, the sun is rising from behind the Elburz Mountains. It illuminates Damavand, the highest peak in the range, the snow-capped magnificence I have admired daily each time we left the house. In my mind I can hear the awe in Mom’s voice narrating as we landed, when Damavand was just a name, when this place meant nothing to me. “There it is,” she had said. How had I missed all the love, all the anticipation in her voice as she said that simple phrase? A ray of sun hits my window at an angle and the sprinkle of its rainbow colors gives the view below an ethereal glow. That mountain is magical. And if I peer closely, I can just see a day, years from now, when I return to this place. Maybe then I, too, will feel the urge to whisper, “There it is.”
About the Author
ZOHREH GHAHREMANI is an Iranian-American author. Previously a pediatric dentist also teaching at Northwestern University Dental School, in 2000 she moved to San Diego to devote herself to writing. Since then, over two hundred of her essays, short stories, and vignettes have appeared in magazines and online. She is a bilingual author, and her first full-length book, The Commiserator, was in her native Persian language.
Her debut novel Sky Of Red Poppies was selected by KPBS and the San Diego Public Library as the city wide reading selection for One Book, One San Diego, 2012.
Zoe lives in San Diego with her husband Gary and close to their three children. When not writing, she enjoys painting and gardening.
Please visit her on the web:
www.zoeghahremani.com