Shoot the Money

by Chris Wiltz

  ***

  Five men sat around at the boathouse. One was at the poker table; two others, along with Jack and Solo lounged on a large purple semi-circular sectional, a new addition to the décor. Ernesto stood at the door.

  Jack closed his cell phone. “Not answering.”

  “Leave a message,” Solo said.

  “I left three messages.”

  “We are all ready. Where is my player, Jack? Your job was to pick him up and get him here.”

  “He didn’t want me to pick him up. Wouldn’t let me.”

  “You are supposed to be more persuasive. You pick him up by the hair of his balls if you have to.”

  Jack laughed. “That’s funny, Solo. I’m dealing with a whack job—I’m supposed to twist his arm? He’ll shoot me with that little gun on his ankle.”

  “You might prefer him to shoot you.”

  “He’s a gambler, Solo. This is an occasion. He’s probably coking up. He’ll show after he gets his jets fired. Needs some heat to gamble.”

  The other men began complaining. They stopped when Solo stood and looked down at Jack.

  “Call him again, Jack. Hope that he answers.”

  Jack opened the cell and used his thumbs on the pad. “Voice mail,” he said.

  “Forget the message. Go find him.”

  ***

  Cell phones rang all around downtown.

  Avery checked his, saw Jack’s number and turned off the phone.

  Karen called Raynie as she and Peewee sat out on the Moon Walk. “Operation Longhorn in countdown,” she told Raynie and Raynie said, “I’m a few blocks from the Royal O. Where do you want me?”

  “Where are we going?” Peewee wanted to know.

  “To the garage at the Royal Orleans.”

  Raynie called Harley Sands. “He’s at La Costa Brava.”

  Harley called the guy at the Royal O. “We’re on tonight.”

  The guy confirmed for eleven o’clock on. Harley told the rest of his wait team that he had to leave—an emergency.

  Luc called Buddha who was sitting in the foyer of La Costa. “We need the car. Then get back in here.”

  Buddha got up, lumbered down the street toward the parking lot.

  Luc called Zachary, told him to come in. Zachary didn’t want to. Luc shook his head at Karen. Karen took Luc’s cell. “Zachary, it’s important…Two hundred, over and above…Okay, make it three, but that’s it...didn’t I just say that? Yes, over and above tips and everything.”

  Karen called LaDonna upstairs. “Change of schedule. Zachary’s coming in. Luc and I are going out.”

  “Oh yeah? Where you going? We’re bored.”

  Karen closed the phone. “Jesus,” she said to Luc, “LaDonna and Ramon want to come.”

  “Tell them no,” Luc said.

  The cowboy in the Hawaiian shirt with his Panama hat pushed back on his head sat at the end of the bar next to the lift top, a draft beer in front of him, oblivious. He finished his beer, stood up, and reached into his pocket. “Oh no,” Karen said. Luc froze. Avery took out a wad of folded bills, pulled a couple to put on the bar. He checked his watch. Do or die time. He looked up as Karen, the woman bartender, looked away. Was she giving him the eye? He sat down again. “Another of these,” he called.

  Luc unfroze. He nodded at Avery and finished the drink he was mixing. Avery watched Karen go partway into the storeroom at the other end of the bar and bend over to get something from a lower shelf. Fine ass, he thought. Over the juke box he could hear jazz leaking from the back room every now and again. His fingers drummed the bar. He needed a bump. He got up and went to the bathroom. When he came back, he pulled the fresh draft to him, and as he put half his rear end on the bar chair, he took a gulp. He sat back and grooved to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Karen looked at him, held his eyes this time. That was the decision maker for Avery: fuck the card game.

  The bar was noisy, all tables occupied, most of the bar chairs taken. People stood behind them, talking over the music and drinking. Above their heads he saw Jack O’Leary come in and grin when he spotted Avery. Avery swilled the last of his beer and thought about a quick exit through the dining room while Jack made his way through the crowd, but he put a foot on the floor and the room gave a short spin.

  Jack squeezed in next to him, put his cell phone on the bar and said, “Hey, man, you forget we had a game up tonight?”

  Eighteen

  “I thought Jack wasn’t going to be involved in this,” Luc said.

  Karen didn’t like his tone. “I can’t predict or control when he’s going to walk in here.” She watched the cowboy almost miss the seat of his chair. Jack steadied him, his hand on Avery’s arm. “The man’s timing is always impeccably inappropriate,” Karen told Luc.

  Luc didn’t answer. Someone called, “Bartender,” and he moved off to take the order.

  “Man,” Jack said to Avery, “you look like you could use something to toot.”

  “Yeah,” said Avery. He shook his head like a wet dog. His panama hat came off and drifted to the floor. He looked down at it, thought he was falling, rocked sideways and fell into Jack.

  “Hey hey, my man,” Jack said, “you gonna make it to the bathroom?”

  “Hat,” Avery said.

  “I’ll get it. Come on.” Jack grabbed Avery’s arm to help him up.

  Karen called out to Jack and put down the drink she was mixing for one of the waitresses. “Luc, get her, will you?” She was already moving to the other end of the bar.

  She motioned to Jack to lean over the bar, closer to her. “Buddha’s going to take him home,” she said.

  “He’s going anywhere, he’s going with me.”

  “Your sucker, huh? He’s in no condition to play cards, Jack.”

  “Couple of toots, I’ll have him fixed up in no time.”

  “No you won’t.”

  Jack did a swift turn to Avery whose eyes were fluttering, then a slow smile back to Karen. “The roofies?”

  She nodded.

  “Fuck, Karen, you’ve gone and messed up a big production.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she said, “all those actors with their fishing poles. Like I give a shit.”

  “You should. Solo’s gonna go ballistic on us.”

  “Your problem.”

  “Not just mine.”

  Avery opened his eyes enough to see Karen shaking her head at Jack. The last coherent thought he had was, the woman bartender—she doesn’t want me to go. He slumped down, the front of the bar stopping his slide.

  Buddha was coming from the foyer. LaDonna and Ramon were coming from the other direction.

  LaDonna looked back, laughing at something Ramon said. He put his hands on her hips, as though guiding her to the bar. “What’s up?” she said to Karen before fully taking in Avery, his head on his chest, Jack next to him, his elbow in Avery’s armpit, pinning him to the chair. “What’s with them?”

  “Hello to you too, LaDonna.”

  “Jack.” She stepped on something, looked down and saw the Panama hat. She kicked it out of the way of the lift top.

  Buddha, dressed in huge, loose sweats and a muscle-man U-shirt stretched to within its last gasp of spandex, stepped up to Avery. He glanced at Jack and Jack moved his arm and got out of the way. Buddha grasped Avery under the arms and lifted him as though lifting a child.

  LaDonna said, “You got a cab for him?”

  Avery was up on his feet. What was left of his consciousness was trying to make his legs work. Buddha, man of few words with LaDonna said, “My car. Royal O.”

  “He’s staying there?”

  “Yes,” Karen said.

  “No he’s not, LaDonna,” Jack said. He gave her his madman grin. “I think he’s going to a little party.”

  “What party?” LaDonna said to Karen.

  Ramon danced with LaDonna’s hips, singing, “Goin’ to a party, party…”

  LaDonna elbowed him. “Stop it, Ramon. What the fuck is going on?�
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  Avery’s legs stopped working. With one graceful move Buddha swept him up into his massive, powerful arms. All around them people stopped talking and stared. Buddha shifted Avery’s weight then effortlessly slung him over one of his enormous shoulders. He held Avery there with one huge hand on his rump. The crowd parted like the Red Sea as he took Avery out through the dining room. The noise in the back part of the bar started up slowly then reached a new pitch. From the front station at the bar the waitress yelled at Luc, “I need drinks now.”

  Zachary arrived in the midst of all this. He saw LaDonna and said, “Whoa—I hope nobody thinks I’m working this crowd alone.”

  LaDonna’s eyes left Buddha’s back. “You’ll be fine,” she said to Zachary. “Come on, Karen, let’s go.”

  With that, LaDonna ran to catch up with Buddha, her braids swinging. Ramon was on her heels, “LaDonna, shouldn’t I go get the camera?”

  “Don’t yell in my ear, Ramon.”

  With a quick glance at Karen, Jack followed them.

  “For fucksake,” Karen said to Luc. “We better go.”

  “I’m out,” Luc said.

  Zachary ducked under the lift top, Avery’s Panama in hand. “Are y’all going to leave me here alone?”

  “Can a guy get a beer here?” someone called.

  Karen started reaching toward Luc, but her hand ended up on her forehead. “But this was our deal,” she said.

  “No Karen, this was your deal. Maybe Raynie’s. I don’t know.”

  “Goddmanit,” the waitress yelled from the front station of the bar. “I don’t have all night, Luc.”

  He reached for the glass Karen had left with the beginnings of a drink in it. “What’s this?”

  “A cosmo,” she said. “Shit, Luc.”

  “Just go,” he said.

  Zachary, drawing a beer, said, “So I’m not alone, right?”

  “Right,” Luc said.

  His brows drew together and his expression turned dark. Was he about to have a temper tantrum? Was he in a jealous snit? Maybe he was just a wuss. Karen went outside and scrunched herself in the back of Buddha’s Tucson with LaDonna and Ramon.

  LaDonna shifted her butt back toward the rear seat. “Now,” she said to Karen, her face alight. “What are we doing?”

  ***

  The guy at the Royal Orleans got jumpy the minute they all unloaded from the Tucson. “Shit, man,” he said to Harley, “you didn’t tell me you were talking cast of thousands.”

  One of the garage attendants looked a little too interested. Harley moved up the ramp to the hotel and stepped closer to the guy. “Look, what, there only five, six of us.”

  “Not by my count. I see eight and that’s not counting the corpse.”

  “Jesus, it isn’t a corpse.”

  “Yeah, but you know what I mean.”

  “Why don’t you just grab a wheelchair and get us out of here?”

  Karen could see him shaking his head. Everyone had gotten out of the SUV except Jack. They all stood looking toward Harley and the guy.

  Karen said, “Wait a minute,” and left them to go up the ramp.

  “What’s going on?” Peewee said to Raynie.

  “Who’s he?” LaDonna meant Peewee.

  Ramon said to Raynie, “Yeah, who’s he?”

  Karen asked the guy if there was a problem. He told her yeah, there was, and he didn’t think any of whatever they were up to was a good idea any more.

  Karen reached into her purse. “Would this change your mind?” She held out two bills folded in half.

  He didn’t even look at it. “No. You think jobs are easy to get these days?”

  She went back into her purse. “Five hundred. Gotta be more than you’re making tonight.”

  He held up his hands. “Yeah, maybe, but I got a bad feeling and Julio over there can’t peel his eyes off the body.”

  “I’m counting on you, man,” Harley said.

  “Sorry to let you down on this. I owe you one.” He gave Harley dap then couldn’t get through the hotel door fast enough.

  Karen put up the money. She took a deep breath, let it out, and said to Harley, “Plan B.” They went down the ramp. “Okay, everybody, it’s Woldenberg Park.”

  Raynie looked worried. “Out in the open? Karen…”

  “Don’t worry, it’s okay. I’ll walk over with you and Peter. Harley, will you ride with them? Try to keep everyone under control?”

  “Thanks,” he said. He was carrying a brown paper bag. He rolled the top tighter.

  “What’s that?”

  “Slime,” he said.

  “You brought your own? We should have gone to one of the City Park lagoons to begin with.”

  Karen walked over to the passenger side of the Tucson. “What are you doing, Jack, looting the body?”

  He was putting Avery’s belt on above his. “Never let a body go unlooted. I learned that from a cop.” He hooked it in place. “Love this alligator.”

  “For Christ sake.”

  ***

  Woldenberg Park was upriver from the Aquarium of the Americas, an easy walk along St. Louis Street to the Mississippi. Karen hadn’t met Raynie’s friend yet. She saw what Raynie meant about him not being a friend you might sleep with. He was skinny, kid-like. She felt she towered over him, though he was a little taller than Raynie. His hair was gelled back, his black polo shirt sleeves rolled up, and he was puffing on a cigarette. No attempt at cool could make him look any less ready to jump out of his skin.

  “So, what are you, uh, going to do to him?” He tried to be casual about it, but his voice inched upward at the end of his question. He cleared his throat.

  “We’re going to undress him and leave him in the park.”

  “Oh.” He laughed in that way that you knew he wasn’t really laughing. “Kind of, uh, risky, isn’t it? I mean, outside and all.”

  Karen smiled at him. “Half the fun.” He didn’t seem to have a clue to what she was talking about. “The risk.”

  His shoulders jumped. “Yeah, sure, I mean, yeah. Sure.”

  Raynie spoke for the first time since they’d started walking. “What’s the matter, Peter? Don’t you think he deserves it?”

  “Yeah. I mean, you know...”

  “What do you mean? We’re just doing to him what he did to me. Only he didn’t mean just to dope me up and take my clothes off. I mean, you know, Peter? He was going to, uh, rape me? You know?”

  Peter seemed stricken. “No, Er-uh, no, Raynie. He deserves to die. It’s just, I mean, if we get caught, then the scumbag can really put the screws to you.”

  Karen laughed. Peter had no idea why she was laughing. “That’s good, Peter. Put the screws…listen, just take it easy. Think about if we don’t get caught.”

  ***

  Karen, Raynie and Peter walked up as LaDonna said, “This is Pascal Legendre’s little brother?” She leaned over him, scrutinizing his face. She pinched his Hawaiian shirt and rubbed it between her thumb and forefinger. “Doesn’t look a thing like his brother. Sure doesn’t dress like him.”

  Buddha had found a dark place in the park behind some bushes where he’d laid Avery down like a baby. He stood sentry, his arms folded, his back to the group and the river, which was just a few feet away.

  Karen took a deep breath. River smell. Nothing like it—fresh yet loaded with odors, whiffs of the river traffic swirling through the cool night air, ships and machinery, and foreign smells that rode her imagination and made their way to the docks. She watched the lights of the city dancing on the water. She could stare at it all night.

  But back to business. She looked down at Avery Legendre. “Let’s do it.”

  After a slight group hesitation, Jack bent down and Karen heard a zipper. LaDonna began unbuttoning the Hawaiian shirt.

  “Man,” said Ramon, “I should have brought the camera.”

  LaDonna said, “Think about that, Ramon. Think about all the reasons it wouldn’t be a good idea to video this.”r />
  Ramon lifted his hands and backed away. He went over to Buddha. “That woman can’t get behind a goof no how.”

  Buddha looked straight ahead. Ramon walked a few feet away from him, folded his arms, and stood sentry too.

  LaDonna shrieked, everyone except Buddha shushed her, and Ramon ran over. “What?”

  Raynie had squatted down next to LaDonna. Jack had Avery’s pants to his knees.

  “You see why this asshole needs to drug women?” LaDonna pointed at his shriveled penis. Raynie laughed.

  “What you sayin, it’s small?” Ramon said.

  “Yeah, just a little ole thing.” LaDonna muffled her mouth against her upper arm to keep from shrieking again.

  “It’s not that little,” Ramon said. “The man’s been drugged and…” he reached down, put his hand on Avery’s bare chest “…his skin’s cool to the touch. That’s what they do; they shrivel.”

  “Ramon, you will argue with me about anything.”

  Karen and Harley were standing off to the side. “For Christ sake,” she said under her breath.

  Peter stood off from them, the loner. He did a little rubber-necking around Jack to see what the fuss was about, then he resumed twitching. That was the only word for it, Karen thought.

  Jack had taken Avery’s shoes off. He lifted his right leg and said, “Well, well, what do we have here?” He ripped the Velcro strap and held Avery’s Smith and Wesson .38. His hand was like a mitt around it.

  “You missed that the first time around?”

  “I sure did, doll face. It’s either these loose pants—” with a grunt he pulled them off Avery “—or I’m losing my noodles.” He looked up at Karen and grinned. “What do you think?”

  Karen said out of the side of her mouth to Harley. “He only ever had one noodle.”

  The laugh exploded against Harley’s soft palate and sounded like a strangled snort.

  The Good Humor man said, “Now you all stop laughing at old Jack.” He stood up, finished with Avery.

  Raynie said, “I brought a marker with me.”