Fortunate

by nikki blaire

“Tremaine, get the hell out of la-la land and get to your point.” Quentin nudged him back to the present moment.

  “My bad.” He pulled himself together. “My point was this, why risk it for a nut?” He shrugged. “I didn’t even expect it to happen like that. I really was just trying to help her carry her bags.”

  Quentin glared at him skeptically for a long moment before he burst into laughter.

  “You like her. Admit it. You like her and you didn’t want this to be some one-night stand thing. Stop tryna play your big brother and keep it real, bruh.” He threw his hands up.

  “I don’t know her to like her, Que.” Tremaine spat back with a slight grimace on his face. He would not let Quentin be right about something else, especially when he wasn’t even that sure himself.

  “Yea, but you like what you do know about her, huh?” He pointed. “See, I know what I’m talmbout. And shoot, a take-charge woman like that shouldn’t even be playing around with a lil’ boy like you. She needs a grown man like me. I would’ve handled that whole situation real good. You gonna eat those or just let them get cold?”

  Quentin motioned to the pile of chicken wings that Tremaine still hadn’t touched. He pushed them towards Quentin because he knew that his brother would just continue to ask.

  “Thank ya kindly.” Quentin grinned, and within minutes, the entire plate was gone.

  “Bruh, how can you still eat like that?” Tremaine shook his head. He could clear a plate, but Quentin still ate as if they were still in high school.

  “I’ve got more to maintain.” He playfully patted his chest, and then motioned to the waitress for another round of drinks and wings. “But, back to you likin’ this girl.”

  “Aight, maybe I did like talking to her. It was nice. Very different from dealing with Trinity, or any other woman that I’ve kicked it with recently. It was natural. We didn’t have to search for conversation.”

  “Maybe I’m just gun shy, man.” He sighed. “I used to be that dude, but ever since Trinity up and left, I’ve felt more cautious about everything.”

  Another plate of wings was placed in front of Quentin, while another drink was put in front of Tremaine.

  “You’re growing up, that’s all. It took you longer than others, but it happens to all of us.”

  “You must’ve always been grown then. You’re always in some serious relationship and then the next thing we know…she’s out the door, like she was never there.”

  Quentin shrugged.

  “I always try to find a woman I can marry, eventually. Unfortunately, they all don’t understand what the word eventually means. It sure as hell don’t mean next week.” He chewed on a wing. “But it sounds to me like Trickin Tremaine is no more, so you’re out of your element.”

  “I mean, I just met the girl. I’m not even sure if I’d be tryin’ to date her. I feel like I’m caught between trying to do right thing and this reputation that I have. One minute, it’s easy to say no. The next, I’m mad that I only have one condom in my wallet,” A choking sound cut him off. He looked over to see Quentin pretending to cough up his food.

  “You had a reputation. You’re in a drought and haven’t had anyone else really other than Trinity. You’re playing yourself.” He pointed a wing at his little brother. “Let go of whatever you’ve got brewin’ in that head of yours and either call the girl or let it go.”

  Another reason for me to kick myself.

  “I don’t have her number.” He hated to say the words because he knew that Quentin’s reaction would be dramatic.

  “What the,” Quentin tossed down his wing and rubbed his temples. “How do you not have her number, Tremaine?”

  “I’ve been telling you, bruh. It all happened so fast that I didn’t have time for that. I offered to carry her bags, she invited me in for dinner, and the next thing I know, my hands are gripping her ass cheeks. When was the time to ask for her number? I didn’t even realize that I didn’t have it until the next day.”

  “But you know where she lives, bruh.” The look of disappointment in Quentin’s eyes actually made Tremaine want to laugh. He seemed genuinely displeased.

  “And how crazy would that look if I just showed up at her door. I already told her I’d had a crush on her from the coffee shop–”

  “You did what?” Quentin was so upset that he was simply shaking his head now. “You really are out the game. This is tragic. My own little brother, a lame ass duck.”

  “Look, I just didn’t want to give her any reason to think I was doing too much. So, I just…let it go.”

  “But you haven’t because we’re talmbout it. So, when you get back to D.C., bruh, do me a favor, and scratch that itch.”

  Tremaine rolled his eyes. Ayda was more than just an itch. She was a burn, possibly a stab wound, with how embarrassed he felt over their first date. If you could even call what they had done a date. He let out a final sigh, finished his drink, and decided that his brother was right. Ayda Forde was going to have to see him once he got back to the city. He needed to explain himself and if that meant he got a second chance, then cool. However, if it didn’t, at least he would get his thoughts off of his chest.

  An hour later, the brothers stumbled through the front door of their parents’ house. As they expected, their mother was right there waiting for them.

  “You two come rolling into my house after drinking and running the streets with your friends...” She stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

  The two of them stood and waited as she lectured, while Sasha and Julissa sat on the living room sofa watching television. Everyone in the family was so used to her fussing that they barely flinched when she raised her voice.

  “Ma, we were at Max’s bar. That’s not the streets,” Tremaine put his hands on her shoulders to calm her, but she haughtily shrugged them off then fixed her mouth to fuss even more.

  “You know what I just realized,” Quentin scooped his mother into a quick hug and then kissed her cheek. “I don’t live here. See ya later, Ma.” He walked over to Sasha and Julissa to hug them too. “I’ll be by for breakfast in the morning.”

  “And church.” Their mother called out sternly.

  “Yes, and church, Mama.” Quentin kissed her cheek again on his way out of the door. “And tell Pops that he owes me $50. Duke lost to UNC again. He thinks just because he doesn’t bring it up that I won’t remember–”

  “Ain’t nobody dodgin’ you ‘bout no funky $50, boy.” Their father’s voice rumbled from the top of the stairs. Tremaine glanced at the man who was still his hero, as he descended the stairs. Their father had taught Tremaine and his brother about everything – life, women, and all that came in between.

  “Pop Pop, you’re up!” Sasha dashed to her grandfather and pulled at his shirt, signaling him to pick her up. He flung her over his shoulder in one swift motion, and then moseyed towards the front door to stand toe to toe with Quentin. They were the same height, same build, and had the same playful smirk on their faces.

  “I ain’t a little boy anymore, Pops. You can’t scare me out of my money.”

  “Ain’t nobody tryna scare you, boy.” They stared each other down until Maurice reached into his pocket for his wallet. “Here you go. I pay my debts.” He pushed the crisp $50 bill into his son’s hand. “Don’t spend it all on one girl.” He winked and then turned to Tremaine, immediately noticing the glossy sheen that covered his eyes. His father could clearly see that Tremaine had drank too much.

  “Y’all had a good, long talk, I see?” He cast a stern glare between the two of them like they were still rambunctious teenagers. Tremaine wavered a little under his father’s eye as if he had actually done something wrong. His dad still had that effect on him.

  “Grammy says that Daddy and Uncle Que were out on the streets.” Sasha repeated, making everyone laugh. Her grandfather kissed her cheek and then placed her gently on the floor.

  “See, Mama, you’ve corrupted little ladybug.” Quentin kissed the little
girl’s forehead and said his goodbyes again, while the rest of the family gathered in the living room for the evening.

  The constant moving and shaking of the city often made Tremaine forget how peaceful things could be, even if Julissa was glued to her phone and Sasha was pulling at his ear. He relaxed into the sofa and watched whatever flashed on the television screen. Soon, Sasha was asleep in his arms, so he laid her out on the sofa. His mother had gone upstairs to her room and his father snored in his favorite recliner. Without warning, Tremaine’s stomach growled, remembering that he hadn’t eaten his wings, but before he could get up to go to the kitchen, his sister thrust a hot plate in front of him.

  “Thanks, JuJu.” He grabbed a TV tray and set it up in front of him. She put the plate down, went back to the kitchen, and then returned with a large glass of sweet tea.

  “Thank Ma. I would’ve let you starve.” She joked. “Your stomach was growling so loud that I could hear it through my headphones. I couldn’t take it.” She grinned then quietly settled back on her side of the couch. Tremaine didn’t waste time digging into the plate of roasted chicken, scalloped potatoes, and fresh string beans from his mother’s garden.

  “Kinda reminds you of back in the day, huh? When Dad would fall asleep after Mom went upstairs. We’d sit still, trying not to wake him, so we could watch TV past our bedtime.”

  “No doubt,” He laughed after swallowing a mouth full.

  “Do you remember when we were up that one night and Que tried to sneak in, but Daddy thought it was a burglar?” Julissa bent forward in laughter. “That was price–”

  She was cut off by the sound of Trinity’s very familiar voice coming from the TV. They both turned towards the screen just in time to see her face splash across it, while she smiled and danced in a commercial. Tremaine’s gut wrenched, while Julissa snarled and reached for the remote to change the channel.

  “Naw, it’s cool.” He held up his hand to pause her. “I’ve actually never seen it.” Sasha had told him about the commercial. Admittedly, Trinity had tried to tell him too, but he liked to keep their conversations short. While he avoided ever watching anything starring Trinity, Sasha would always rush to the screen singing and dancing. She would even touch the TV screen and talk to her “mommy,” which broke Tremaine’s heart.

  “It’s lame. She’s lame.” Julissa rolled her eyes, deciding to turn the TV off anyways. The sudden silence made their father snort, but he still lay asleep in his chair. “I don’t know how you just walk out of your kid’s life.”

  It had taken a lot of convincing, and restraining, to keep Julissa from flying to New York and dragging Trinity after he sat his family down to tell them that she was not coming back and he wasn’t moving to New York to join her. That had been a difficult conversation, but no more difficult than the subsequent one he had to have with Sasha. He fought hard not to be too bitter or hold too much against Trinity. After all, he had been the one who encouraged her to follow her passion. Back then, it just didn’t make sense to Tremaine for both of them to be living a dream deferred. He was a long ways away from being anybody’s CEO, but Trinity had the opportunity to be an actress. He had wanted her to take it.

  “She didn’t just completely walk out–”

  “Stop defending her. She doesn’t deserve it anymore.” He fell silent because his sister was right. He had to stop defending Trinity’s decision simply because he had supported it in the beginning. That was old news. What was happening now was that Sasha had spent two years without a mother. He could not defend Trinity’s decision to be an absentee mother.

  “Let me take her to bed.” Julissa got up and lifted her niece into her arms.

  “Hey, you alright? Like really?” She had stalled at the foot of the staircase. Tremaine nodded, mostly because he just wanted to be left alone. He knew that he needed to unpack his feelings about this, but he really didn’t want to do it tonight. “Okay,” Julissa sighed, knowing he was lying. “I’m going to bed too, so I’ll be ready for church. Don’t stay up too late.” She flashed her brother a smile, and then carried herself and Sasha to bed.

  Tremaine sighed loudly once he was sure his sister was out of earshot. It was as if he had been holding his breath, waiting for a quiet moment alone to be vulnerable. He wasn’t the kind of guy who believed men didn’t show emotion, but he also didn’t want to be coddled by his sister, or his mother, or anyone for that matter. So, he kept everything bottled up.

  “You can’t keep all that in, son, and you know that.” His father’s voice made him jump. “Y’all always think your ol’ man is asleep, huh?” Maurice chuckled, while he sat up straight. Tremaine knew his father wouldn’t push him to talk, but the weight of his stare suddenly made Tremaine’s burdens too heavy to carry.

  “I think that maybe I hate her, Pops.” He inhaled deeply after saying the words. It was as if he had finally gotten to the surface for air after almost drowning under water. The emotional dam was broken and his pent up thoughts flooded from his mouth.

  “I know you and Ma say don’t hate people, but got damn, I think I hate that girl. And it’s not even about her leaving me. We were together for the kid, so, I ain’t even trippin’ off that. What makes me crazy is what she’s doing to Sasha and all of the responsibility that I’m carrying on my own. It’s hard and it’s fucked up.”

  “It is.” Was all his father said, followed by a nod that urged Tremaine to continue.

  “She’ll call, but what is that? Sasha will see her every few months when I take her to New York, but otherwise, nothing. And there’s always an excuse. It’s either I’m shooting or I’m flying out to wherever the hell it is she goes, but there’s no attempt to include her daughter in any of her plans. Meanwhile, my entire life revolves around Sasha.” His chest heaved.

  “But the worst part is that she lied, Pops. She lied to us when she never had to. She made it seem like she was going to New York to get started and then we would come after. She’s there for two months and then when I get my transfer in place and make arrangements to move, she calls me to say that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but it was a good idea for you to drop your damn kid?” His voice had escalated from an even keeled tone to a frantic yelling, but his father still didn’t stop him.

  “I believed in her and her talent. I made it easy for her to follow her dream because she’s my kid’s mom and I wanted her to be happy. But, she took advantage of me trying to do the right thing. She knew I would do what was best for Sasha, even if that meant completely letting her off the hook.” He had regained his composure, but his anger still seethed. He let his head fall into his hands then leaned forward on the sofa.

  “I never had an issue with letting her go. She didn’t have to lie for me to do that, but she knew that I wouldn’t have voluntarily let her escape motherhood. So, she played me. I hate her for what she’s done and how she did it.”

  “And that’s fair.” Maurice finally replied after a moment of silence to make sure Tremaine had gotten it all out. “But you’ve gotta forgive her. If you don’t, she’ll keep influencing all of your life’s decisions. You can’t let a lil’ hussy like that have control over you. She’s gone and good riddance. She’ll regret that when the time comes and trust me it will. But, you’ve got to forgive her for you.”

  His dad reached out and grabbed Tremaine’s arm to pull him into a hug then held him there. Tremaine hadn’t expected to get emotional, but his father’s comfort made him let go of the anger that he had held for years.

  “Thanks Pops.” He released himself from his father’s grip then wiped his face. He wouldn’t let himself get too emotional over Trinity.

  “No problem, son. Now, go ahead and get to bed. Your mama will have both of our asses if you’re not up in time for breakfast and church.” He patted his son’s shoulder as they both stood up to head upstairs. After saying goodnight, Tremaine pushed open the door to his old bedroom, which was a shrine to who he used to be, a high
school athlete and college heartthrob. But, there was nothing about the man he had become. He peeled off his clothes, and then walked into the jack and jill bathroom that attached to his brother’s old bedroom. After a hot shower, Tremaine walked back into his room, where his past achievements accosted once again.He shook his head, wondering what he had done lately for his mother to showcase.

  “Nothing.” He grumbled to himself. He was just a dad, like so many other men in the world, and he didn’t even feel like he was the best at that. Tremaine climbed in the bed and pushed back the covers, but his mind was still thinking of how he could make something more of himself. He wanted to finally be satisfied with who he had become, so that everyone would let go of who he used to be.

  Maybe it’s time for you to go after your dreams.

  He thought to himself after closing his eyes. The only problem was that he had strayed so far away from who he wanted to be and was unsure of how to get back on track.

  The next morning, the smell of a hearty breakfast clogged his nose and the sound of everyone moving around hit his ears. It was most definitely Sunday morning in the Henley household.

  “Somebody go wake that boy up before I have to!” His mother’s voice carried all the way from the kitchen.

  “I can do it, Grammy!” His daughter bellowed just as loudly. He shook his head at how much of a sponge Sasha was. She mimicked every woman in the family. The light thud of her feet sounded up the staircase as she quickly scrambled up them. Within seconds, the door to Tremaine’s room was forced open followed by Sasha’s shrieks. “Daddy, get up. Grammy says we gots…have church and that you have to eat your breffis ‘cause you look skinny.”

  He pretended to still be asleep so that she would move closer. She inched to the edge of the bed and then reached out to shake him. He waited quietly then grabbed her arms to scoop her up.

  “Daddy’s awake! He was fake sleeping!” She screamed while he tickled her and covered her in kisses. She shrieked and giggled until he placed her back on the floor.