JACK KNIFED

by Christopher Greyson

“We’re going to the library,” Jack began, but when Replacement’s smile collapsed into a frown, he quickly scrambled for words. “And I thought…you’d save that for dinner.”

  Replacement’s smile exploded back on her face. She carefully hung the dress up and danced over to the bureau.

  Boom. Nice save.

  Jack stood there for several minutes while she picked up one outfit after the other and set them back down.

  You have only five outfits to pick from, so pick one. Jack wanted to scream, but instead he sat down on the bed and waited. She finally settled on a blouse and a pair of jeans and then skipped into the bathroom.

  Jack lay back on the bed.

  Mistake.

  He let out a little moan. The bed was incredibly soft. He relaxed and let his hands roll out at his side. He inhaled deeply. The comforter’s smell was familiar, but he couldn’t place it. It smelled like spring. It wasn’t an artificial scent like detergent or soap; it actually smelled like a warm spring day. He breathed in deeply and shut his eyes.

  “Do you want to keep sleeping?” Replacement asked.

  Jack’s eyes fluttered open. Replacement was dressed but knelt on the bed next to him.

  “I fell asleep.” He shook his head and sat up.

  “Only for a second. Isn’t this bed the best?” She let herself fall forward and landed with a giggle.

  “This bed rocks,” he said.

  “You can sleep if you want.”

  “No. No.” Jack forced himself up. “I want to get to the library. Let’s go.”

  Jack stretched as he headed for the door, and Replacement raced past him. He couldn’t help but smirk.

  Poor Aunt Haddie. That kid must have been a handful.

  Replacement disappeared down the stairs, but Jack took his time. His mood changed on a dime and went straight to grim. He could almost feel the darkness inside him straining to get out. When his mother left him, he didn’t deal with it well, according to all his therapists and ex-girlfriends. All the hurt, pain, and anger were like a beast that constantly attacked him and ripped him to pieces. He tried, but he couldn’t wipe it out and he couldn’t make it go away, so he dealt with the beast the only way he knew how: he caged it. He couldn’t kill it, so he hid it away, building up layers and barriers as he vainly tried to bury it.

  Jack stopped at the top of the stairs and gripped the railing. Now the beast had broken free. His control over his emotions had gone off the rails. The beast was loose inside and rampaging.

  Why the hell am I here? I never should have come looking for her. She’s freaking crazy. Is that why I’m so screwed up? Can you inherit crazy? My father must have been insane too. Who’d have gone out with a girl like that?

  “Mr. Stratton?” The innkeeper softly touched his arm, and his eyes flashed open.

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he tried to get control of himself.

  The expression on her face changed from slightly concerned to fearful as she looked at him. Jack tried to smile, but his rage still burned.

  “I’m sorry. Excuse me.” He turned and hurried down the stairs.

  He took a right at the front desk and hurried over to the large room with four, small, round tables and chairs set for breakfast. Jack stood in the doorway, but Replacement was nowhere to be seen. A young couple sat at the first table to the left. They were so close together, they were practically sitting in each other’s laps. They were in their early twenties, and the girl kept her hand on the boy’s thigh as they talked and stared into each other’s eyes.

  An open doorway was at the end of the room, on the right wall, and Jack assumed that was where the food was, confirmed by Replacement’s appearance. She slowly walked into view, with both hands carefully holding a huge breakfast plate, supporting a mountain of food. She looked up at him and grinned as if she’d caught a prizewinning fish. Jack motioned to the table nearest her, and they both sat down.

  “You won’t believe how much food they have in there,” she gushed.

  “Is there any left?”

  “Tons. Pray. I can’t wait to try this.”

  Jack bowed his head but sat there for a moment. “God…I…help me figure this out.”

  “That prayer stinks,” Replacement mumbled as she took a gigantic bite of eggs.

  “I don’t think you’re supposed to rate prayers.”

  Replacement moaned. “These eggs are so good. Why can’t you rate a prayer? Help you? Is God your assistant?” She shoved another large forkful into her mouth.

  “I didn’t mean it that way. I asked for help.”

  “You should say something like: ‘God, show me the way.’ You’re just a tool that He’ll use. And, you didn’t say in Jesus’s name. I always end my prayers like that. I read it. ‘Ask anything in my name.’ That’s what Jesus told the disciples. Try this.”

  She stuck a slab of buttered brown bread into his mouth. His eyes flashed in anger, but then he tasted it. The bread was delicious, and the butter had just a hint of honey. Jack’s eyes glassed over, his mouth watered, and Replacement nodded knowingly.

  “It rocks, huh?” She smiled from ear to ear. “Aren’t you going to get a plate?”

  Jack laughed. “I thought you got enough for both of us.”

  Replacement ate with her arm on the table, and she pulled the plate closer to herself. “I wanted to try everything.”

  “You can keep going up.” Jack suppressed another laugh at Replacement’s shocked expression.

  Her frown quickly flipped to a huge grin. “Okay. Help with this, and I’ll go for seconds.”

  Jack wanted more of the brown bread but she’d already finished it off. He grabbed a fork and took a bite of some pancakes. He almost dropped the fork; they were the best pancakes he’d ever tried.

  “Is everything to your liking?” Ms. Foster, the hostess from the front desk, appeared at his side.

  He looked up at her and gave a shy nod. Her graceful, floral dress had a slight scent of spring, and Jack leaned closer to her.

  “This food is unbelievable.” Replacement held up a forkful of what Jack supposed was an omelet.

  “Thank you. We try our best to adhere to tradition, and all of the recipes and ingredients are historically accurate.”

  “The pancakes are the best I’ve ever had.” Jack shifted in his seat.

  “They’re made with low-hanging blueberries. They just came into season. They tap the syrup on the farm down the road. Did you sleep well last night?”

  “I did. That bed is so soft I could sleep all day. Jack slept on—” Replacement winced as Jack stepped on her foot.

  “It was fine, thank you.” Jack forced a smile.

  The woman smiled but raised an eyebrow slightly. “If you need any information regarding the town or areas of interest, I’d be happy to be of service.”

  “Thank you.” Jack couldn’t help but stand up. It somehow felt wrong to stay seated with her standing there. “We did want to stop by the library. Could you give us directions?”

  “Certainly. Please enjoy your breakfast. I’ll write the directions down.” She nodded her head slightly, and Jack nodded back.

  He watched her turn and then walk to the desk. He hadn’t realized how tall she was. She was only an inch or so shorter than he was. She looked back over her shoulder with a smile as she exited the room.

  Jack grinned back.

  Dancer. She must have been a dancer.

  As he sat back down, Jack looked at Replacement, who made a face.

  “Go get your own plate,” she snapped as she pulled her plate closer to herself.

  “What?” Jack pulled it back and took some of the sausage.

  Replacement moaned with pleasure again. “You have to have this flat pancake thing with the yogurt.”

  Jack smiled. Replacement had some filling from the crêpe on her cheek. He wanted to brush it off, but she looked too happy so he left it.

  “Can I ask you something, and you promise not to laugh?” she asked.
r />   Jack nodded, but he had no faith in his vow, considering how funny she looked.

  “Can I take this with us?” She held up her plate.

  Jack laughed.

  She Said “IT”

  The library was set back from the road, tucked in behind the small high school. It was a two-story, square, brick building with a garden just outside. Four cars were in the lot, and Jack was grateful that the lights were on inside.

  As Jack put the car into park, he leaned over to Replacement. “We’re here to do some historical research. It’s just a hobby.”

  “Got it.” She smiled and hopped out.

  Jack opened the door and hurried to catch up to her. “Just let me do the talking, okay?”

  He held the wooden door open, and the stillness of the library enveloped them like an unseen mist. The room was beautiful. Old maple pillars reached up twenty feet to an arched ceiling. It looked as if someone had taken a sailing ship of old and turned it over.

  While the building itself was gorgeous, it was the feel of the building that reached Jack. It was perfectly quiet; the air was still but it didn’t feel stale. There wasn’t a moldy smell—just the opposite. Jack breathed in deeply.

  “It smells like the woods,” he said, trying to whisper to Replacement, but he felt as though he were disturbing some unseen force.

  They slowly walked forward until they saw the librarian. At least they saw a woman behind a desk with a little plaque that said LIBRARIAN. But the woman who sat behind the desk didn’t fit the description of any librarian Jack had ever known. She looked like a cross between a businesswoman and a waitress at a truck stop. The short, chubby woman must have been in her late forties, but it was hard to tell with all the makeup. Her light-brown hair was done up in a large bun, and she wore a blue cotton blouse that was a little too low-cut. She was merrily stamping books and didn’t notice Jack and Replacement as they walked up to the long wooden counter.

  “Oh!” She gave a little hop as she looked up. “Why, you gave me a start.” She closed her eyes and exhaled. “Welcome to the Hope Falls Public Library. My name is Mae Tanner. How may I help you?”

  I wonder how many times she’s had to say that.

  “Good morning, Mae. My name is Jack.”

  Mae blushed as she shook his outstretched hand.

  “I was wondering if you could help me,” he said.

  Replacement rolled her eyes, and Mae looked as if she were about to hyperventilate.

  “I’d love to.” She dashed around the counter, straightened her skirt, and smiled. “Are you looking for something in particular?”

  “Do you have a microfiche room?” Jack smiled.

  “Why yes. Yes, we do. Right this way.” She turned and hurried around a corner.

  Jack rushed after her, almost dragging Replacement with him.

  “Can’t we try to look it up on the computer?’ Replacement whined.

  “Look up what, honey?” The librarian stopped so suddenly, Jack almost crashed into her.

  “We’re looking for some newspaper articles. Just the local newspaper for now. I’m sure it isn’t online.” He emphasized the last sentence, and cast a quick glare at Replacement.

  “The local paper is online,” Mae proudly proclaimed. “They started to publish online last year.”

  “That’s great,” Jack began, “but I wanted to look at some papers going back around twenty-eight years. We’re here to do some historical research. Is that on microfiche?”

  “It is.” Mae almost giggled, and then turned and continued down the corridor to a side room.

  Jack walked into a fifteen-by-fifteen room with old metal cabinets along every wall. In the middle of the room was a large wooden table with a microfiche machine.

  “We have every copy of the Hope Falls Times since they started publishing in 1923. We also have the regional paper, the Enterprise. As you can see, we’ve also…we’ve also—” Mae blushed and looked down at her hands. “We also have—” She stopped again and turned bright red. She seemed to be very self-conscious.

  “Mae.” Jack placed a hand gently on her shoulder. “This is perfect.” He smiled, and she started to breathe again. “This is exactly what I need.”

  “Really?” She leaned against the table and smiled at Replacement. “Wonderful.” She quickly straightened back up. “Please let me know if you need anything else.” She nodded and scurried out of the room.

  Replacement hopped around, giggling. “Are we the first visitors this place has ever had?”

  “Shh…” Jack whispered as he peered out the door and watched Mae hurry back to her desk. “She’s just nervous. Besides, this is what we came for.”

  “This? What’re we going to find here?”

  “First, we’ll find out if my mother is nuts and if any of what she said happened.” Jack walked over to the left wall. Above one of the cabinets was a banner that read: Hope Falls Press.

  I’m twenty-six. She’d have been pregnant…twenty-eight years ago. Start there and go forward. Weekly paper.

  Jack pulled the cabinet open. Each folder held one year of the paper. He mentally counted back twenty-eight years and grabbed the next three to be on the safe side. When he turned back to the table, Replacement had already turned on the machine and was waiting for him.

  “Let me explain how this works,” Jack began.

  Replacement, who sat on the desk, held up her smart phone. “Googled it. This reader has a translucent screen at the front, which projects an image from a microform. Three hundred pages per form, so I’m guessing one month per film.” She gave a little wiggle when she finished and laughed.

  “Shut up.” Jack placed the folder down next to the machine.

  “Why are you starting here?” Replacement pointed to the date on the folder.

  “Twenty-eight years ago. It happened before I was born.”

  “How do you know?”

  “She said ‘it.’” His eyes burned, but his voice was cold.

  Replacement shook her head, and Jack could almost see her trying to recall his mother’s conversation in the mental hospital.

  I’m not explaining it to her now.

  Jack started with the January film. He put the square film into the machine, and the front page of the paper was displayed on the monitor.

  Typical town paper. Nothing on a murder.

  “With a town as small as Hope Falls, a stabbing would be front page news. Just in case, we should check the whole paper.” Jack’s voice was low and monotone.

  They looked through every page but only found mundane stories about homecomings and elections.

  February.

  Every new page that appeared on the flickering machine caused Jack’s heart to speed up. He forced himself to go slow and scan each page.

  Like hell I’m doing this twice. Nothing.

  March.

  Replacement didn’t speak. She opened her mouth once or twice and pointed at the monitor, but one look from Jack quickly silenced her.

  April…nothing.

  Jack paused before he reached for the May folder. “When Patty was freaking out in the hospital, I asked her when he was stabbed. She said it happened after she found out about ‘it.’”

  “Couldn’t that mean just about anything?” Replacement blurted out the words and then quickly leaned back.

  Jack slowly shook his head. “There was something about the way she said ‘it.’ I can’t explain exactly what it was. Her mouth twisted up on the right side, like she was disgusted. The ‘it’ she was talking about was me. The look on her face—she’d get that look whenever she had to talk to me.”

  Replacement turned and looked out the door. Jack’s hand moved the knob again. He went faster now.

  It won’t be twenty-eight years ago. It will be right before I was born. Less than nine months before.

  May.

  Jack put in another film. Replacement watched over his shoulder. The machine hummed and the monitor glowed back to life.

 
; Replacement gasped.

  Time stopped as the page appeared. He’d never seen the teenager on the front of the paper, but he knew he was looking at his father for the first time.

  He was a kid. Maybe seventeen. Smiling. Yearbook photo. I look like him.

  Jack quickly made these assessments, but he didn’t move. His hand was frozen on the knob of the machine. He could hear his heart pound in his ears.

  Steven. Steven Ritter. That was my father’s name.

  Jack tried to read, but his vision blurred. “Teen Killed at Buckmaster Pond” was the headline of the article. Jack scanned his father’s face. Steven’s photo was in black and white, but the resemblance to his own high school yearbook photo was uncanny.

  “It says he was killed, stabbed… That’s what my mother said…he was…I can’t read it.” Jack wiped his eyes and turned toward Replacement. She looked down at him with tears running down her own face.

  “Jack…” She leaned down and wrapped her arms around him.

  Jack shook.

  “I thought maybe…maybe she really was crazy.” The tears poured down his face now. “I always thought I’d…I hoped I could meet him. I just wanted… When I was a kid, I thought he’d come looking for me, and save me.” Jack’s shoulders slumped. “My father’s dead.”

  Jack sobbed. Replacement held onto him and slowly rocked him back and forth. Jack had no idea how long he cried, but Replacement never let go of him. He finally sat up and wiped his eyes. He looked out the door and saw, on the little table just outside the room, a bottle of water and a box of tissues. He was sure it hadn’t been there when they came in.

  Replacement must have noticed them too, because she hurriedly went out the door. As she stepped out, Jack saw her look down the hallway and give a quick wave. She grabbed the tissues and water and turned back to Jack. His shoulders were still slumped, but he wasn’t crying anymore. Replacement set the tissues down and handed him the water.

  “Thanks, kid.” Jack’s voice was raspy. “Sorry I’m such a pansy.”

  Replacement lowered her face to eye level with his. “Shut up.” Her lips pressed together.

  Jack cracked his neck and stood up. He stretched and then walked toward the door.

  “Are you ready to go?” Replacement’s voice was soft.