Her Lone Star Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  Jess drove straight to the hill overlooking the lake. It hit him the minute he pulled up that he’d started to envision him and Gabi building a home here and having kids grow up on this beautiful spot.

  The thought sent a dagger through his heart. How had this all happened so quickly? A fierce longing shot through him, perspiration beaded across his forehead—he loved Gabi Newberry.

  He closed his eyes and slammed the walls around his heart tightly closed. He’d never brought any other woman to this spot and yet he’d brought Gabi here—his heart had known before he’d acknowledged it.

  Slamming his hand against the steering wheel, he welcomed the pain to that of his heart cracking wide open.

  Getting out of the truck he stalked to the edge of the hill and glared at the lake below.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  He’d known in his gut from the very beginning that she had a problem. She’d almost killed a carload of kids, for cryin’ out loud. How could he have let that just slide by?

  He raked his hands through his hair, realized he’d taken his hat off, chucking it to the seat as he’d driven across the pastures. She’d lied to him and let him fall in love with her.

  But he’d known.

  He had no one to blame but himself.

  When you knew someone had a problem you didn’t want to deal with, the rule of thumb was you got out immediately. You took no risk of letting the unthinkable happen, no risk of opening up your heart and then having it shredded.

  Jess knew he had no one to blame but himself.

  * * *

  Gabi called in sick to work the next two days, after what had happened between her and Jess. She’d stayed awake all night crying and berating herself for not having been honest with Jess in the first place. She’d searched her Bible for peace and God had given her a message of love over and over again. Still, her heart was crushed and she longed for Jess.

  His father had lied to him, over and over again—the man who should have been his hero, let him down, time and time again. And then his mother had abandoned him and his brothers. Just left them there with a man who cared more for his drink than his family. She hurt for Jess and yet, she’d wanted so much to be the one God would place in his life to give him the kind of love and support he’d never known.

  Gabi cried, hurting for him as much as for herself. How had this happened?

  Her Gram called, but Gabi didn’t pick up the phone. She knew Adela would pick up on her sadness and the fact that something was wrong but she just couldn’t talk about it. Not even to her beloved grandmother.

  By one o’clock Gabi was numb. When someone knocked on her door, Gabi’s heart raced with hope that maybe Jess had come.

  “Gabi, honey, are you all right?” Adela’s sweet voice rang through the house as Gabi heard the door open. Of course her Gram had a key.

  Before she could scramble out of bed Adela Ledbetter Green was standing in the bedroom staring at her with tender eyes. “Honey, what in the world has happened?”

  Adela rushed to sit on the bed next to Gabi. Her hand on Gabi’s arm was all it took. Gabi proceeded to spill her guts to her grandmother in between tears. “This was all my fault,” she cried, after she’d gotten most of the truth out, including her confession to her Gram about her drinking problem.

  “Of course Jess would be skeptical. His father probably told him all the time that he was going to quit drinking,” she continued, tears spilling out of the edges of her eyes.

  “Gabi, look at me,” Adela said, her sweet voice firm and gentle at the same time. Gabi looked at her.

  Adela smiled. “The difference is you did quit.”

  Gabi shook her head. “But there’s always the chance I could fall off the wagon. I’m an alcoholic. End of story.”

  “Gabi, I’m not saying you don’t have a problem and I’m not saying your road will always be easy. But how have you done during this crisis? Have you wanted to find a bottle?”

  Gabi dabbed at her eyes. “No. Actually, I haven’t.” Relief washed over Gabi.

  “Have you prayed about all of this?”

  Gabi nodded, feeling stronger by the second.

  “Then I’d say you’re doing all right. Maybe you can talk to Brady and Dottie out at the No Place Like Home women’s shelter and see what kind of advice they might be able to give you.”

  Gabi nodded, feeling better but still heartsick.

  “Let’s get you out of that bed, honey. You are one strong cookie and with God at your side, you can do all things. Face all trials and find joy in the morning. Remember, you’ve committed your life to God and it is a two-way street. Now He is committed to you and He promises that He will never leave you or forsake you. And neither will I.”

  Tears welled in her heart and flowed to her eyes, looking at the vivid blue glow of her Gram’s eyes. God was there for her. No matter what happened in her life today, tomorrow or all the days of her life. With her Gram and God on her side, she could survive anything.

  * * *

  “What’s going on, Jess?”

  Jess shot Luke a glare. “Nothing.” He’d called Luke and told him about the Careless Weed, and that it needed to be mowed down. Then he’d hit the road for three days. Only coming back because he knew Luke needed help with the Mule Hollow rodeo.

  Luke huffed an impatient laugh. “Don’t give me that, Jess. You’re talking to me. And you’re about to break those steel gates in half you’re slamming them so hard.” Moving to stand directly in front of him, Luke rammed a fist to his hips. “I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”

  “Leave it be, Luke.”

  “Not this time, brother. What’s happened? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out something must have happened between you and Gabi. What’s up?”

  Jess scowled and said nothing.

  “Being irresponsible has never been your motive. I heard something was wrong with Gabi, too. She didn’t go to work for two days. She also isn’t talking, according to what I hear up at Sam’s. And yes, in case you’re interested, the soil tested off the charts in nitrogen levels making those Careless Weeds extremely toxic.”

  “Did you get it all mowed down?” Jess asked, guilt eroding his temper.

  “Yeah, I did. Now fess up, Jess, what happened?”

  “She lied to me, Luke. Gabi has a real problem with drinking. She came clean out there in the meadow.” He stared at his brother, hating that a world of pain was probably shinning in his eyes. “After I fell in love with her. She told me that she might have a problem.” He raked his hands through the hair at the back of his hat.

  “You love her.” Hope vibrated in Luke’s words.

  “Did you not hear me? She used to drink so much she’d black out.” The thought disgusted him. And imagining Gabi like that was so far removed from anything he’d ever envisioned of her that his stomach sickened thinking about it. A messed-up drunk was not a pretty sight. He’d seen it plenty with his dad.

  “But she told you she doesn’t do that anymore.”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “So you don’t believe her?”

  Jess braced one hand on the trailer and dug the toe of his boot into the dirt. “I don’t believe she doesn’t have a problem anymore.”

  “Ahh,” Luke said. “I see. Like Dad.”

  Jess didn’t say anything. The last thing he’d ever wanted to do was compare Gabi to his father. But that was the measuring stick he had.

  “Jess, you know I love you. But you’re messing up here.”

  “You don’t think this is tough for me? You think I wanted this?”

  “No. But you’re taking the easy way out and I don’t like it. We’ve never had it easy. I don’t know why that is, but that’s ju
st the way the bull bucks. We take what life gives us and we learn to deal with it. We learn to move with the spin and we ride for the full eight seconds. We don’t jump off early and we good-and-well don’t stay face-down in the dirt. That’s not the way we roll. God didn’t make us that way.”

  Jess was going to say something but Luke cut him off. “I’m not finished. So what if we were given one of the tougher bulls to ride—we are better men because of it. Don’t you see that? You are always going to be alone if you don’t take some kind of risk.”

  “Luke, just because I’m choosing not to risk a repeat of our childhood for myself or my future kids, if I decide someday to take that risk, doesn’t mean you can sit back and judge me. Back off, bro. There is responsibility there and it sits on my shoulders, not yours. Do you get that? This is my life we’re talking about.”

  Luke surprised Jess by laughing harshly. “Man,” he said. “You got it right when you say you can choose. Life is about choices. God gives us free will to make choices. You’re right, you are responsible not only for your choices affecting your future but how you let your past affect your future.” He shook his head and looked disappointed in Jess. It cut deeper than Jess wanted it to. This was the worst disagreement they’d ever had and it caught Jess by surprise.

  Luke continued, his eyes full of concern. “I was hoping you’d decide that life isn’t without risk. If there was one thing our background taught you, I thought for certain it was that if you love someone, sometimes you have to fight for them, not abandon them when times are rough, or details aren’t exactly how you wanted them to be. Don’t you get it? You love her, Jess.”

  Jess stared at his brother. Luke didn’t often lose his cool but he was angry. They stared hard at each other, cattle kicked and bellowed and time ticked on.

  “You need to think about it. How willing are you to see her walking down the streets of Mule Hollow every day and know you walked away? You better think about this—better yet, maybe it’s time you got down on your knees and did a little praying. It’s been too long, this grudge you’ve got with God. You don’t think God’s ever done anything worthwhile in your life—He very well could have just offered you a treasure and you tossed it away without even blinking an eye.” Luke wagged his head in disgust and strode off. At the exit of the arena, he turned around.

  “It’s ironic that you’re working so hard not to repeat your past, and yet in a way, you’re repeating it. You’re walking away just like Mom did.” Luke gave an exasperated grunt. “We needed her and she walked away because she couldn’t handle it. Gabi needs you and you’re not even stepping up to the plate because you can’t handle it.”

  Shaking his head in disgust, Luke strode toward his truck, his spurs clinked with each step, the sound was a jab to Jess’s heart.

  Luke’s disappointment in him stung. When Jess got in his truck, he grabbed the wheel and laid his head on his gloved hands. “Lord…” The word slipped from his lips, in the hot, silent cab. Jess’s throat ached and his heart burned. He tried to add, help me. But the words didn’t come.

  Chapter Twenty

  The second Mule Hollow Homecoming Rodeo went off with flying colors. Gabi went because Gram wanted her there. The place was packed. As Gabi crossed the parking lot the sound of Norma Sue’s husband, Roy Don, could be heard on the PA system welcoming all the Mule Hollow people who were there.

  Gabi was doing well, thinking positive. Putting one foot in front of the other. And she was determined to hold her head high should she run into Jess. And to be friends.

  She hoped she didn’t run into him.

  She hoped she did run into him.

  Susan knew what was going on. She’d figured it all out when Gabi had suddenly gotten ill. Gabi hadn’t had the heart to deny it. Especially since Susan had been the first one to point out that Gabi cared for Jess. Nope, Gabi loved Jess.

  Susan had also given her firm orders before she left work that day. “If you run into Jess, smile and show him what he’s missing. Do not show him he’s hurt you. He’ll figure things out and he’ll come running. Some guys are just a little dense where love is concerned.”

  Gabi knew their problem was deeper than Susan realized, but that was exactly what her plan was. Smile. And keep on walking.

  Several people called to her as she entered the arena and walked toward the stands. She relaxed with each person she spoke to. It was so nice to live in a town where folks knew her and welcomed her.

  She was almost to the stands and could see all three of the Mule Hollow matchmaking posse sitting on the fifth row up. Her eyes were on them when she heard that familiar voice beside her.

  “Hi, Gabi.”

  She turned to find Jess standing inside the arena beside the entrance gate. Bars were between them.

  “Jess,” she said, no smile on her face, but her voice was strong. Peppy. “Looks like it’s going to be a good night,” she said, as if she were talking to a stranger.

  “Yeah, good crowd.” He looked a bit stunned.

  Gabi wondered if she looked the same. Maybe not, but she was determined she wasn’t going to sound it. She smiled, despite the nerves churning in her stomach. He had warned her that he wouldn’t love an alcoholic.

  Gabi smiled bigger, feeling her dimple crease her cheek with sincerity. Yes, he had warned her. She’d fallen in love with him with open eyes. “You have a good night, Jesse James,” she teased, her throat thickening with the threat of tears. “It’s all okay.”

  * * *

  Sunday morning came and the inkling of hope in the back of her mind that Jess might have come by to talk to her after the rodeo last night faded. She’d been disappointed and come to church knowing she was probably going to get the third degree from Esther Mae and Norma Sue. They’d badgered her all night at the rodeo as they’d been doing all week. Gabi tried to keep things private but like Susan, they’d assumed far too much that was accurate.

  Still, she needed to come to church, needed to move forward. Adela had told her to hang on because God had a plan.

  Adela had also reminded her that God had made Gabi spunky and outspoken for a reason and not to forget that. And it was that personality that Jess had fallen in love with. Adela’s prayer was that Gabi’s love and strength would help heal his heart and mend the wounds from his past. That would take time and patience. Gabi was fighting to have patience, because try as she might, she was still struggling on that end.

  She was sitting in the pew beside Adela and Sam when halfway through the message the church door creaked opened. She didn’t look over her shoulder to see who the latecomer was but Esther Mae did. Her yellow and purple-grape-encrusted hat rotated as she turned to peek from two rows in front of Gabi. A huge smile burst across her face and her gaze shot to Gabi. Gabi refused to turn but her heart stuttered, wondering if it could be—

  “Mind if I sit here?” Jess whispered, grasping the edge of the pew with his hand and bending near her ear.

  Gabi’s pulse skittered. Sam and Adela scooted down immediately. Gabi had no other option but to follow them. A mudslide of emotions converged upon her as he squeezed in beside her.

  What was he doing here in church, sitting beside her as if nothing had happened?

  As if he hadn’t broken her heart!

  She was tearing up—oh, no, she could not cry. The very idea of crying in front of him was worse than the whole town thinking she’d needed to be rescued every day by the big buffoon!

  Needless to say she did not hear any more of the sermon. Instead, she looked straight ahead, willed her pulse to slow down and fought the urge to elbow the man right in the ribs.

  Maybe if she jabbed him hard enough, it might jolt him to open that stubborn heart of his and see that he was losing out on not only her love, but God’s love.

  Thankfully she made it
through the service without using her elbow as a weapon, but she was steaming by the time it was over. Sitting beside him and feeling his eyes—and that of the entire congregation—on her did not lend itself to the best of moods. The instant Chance finished his prayer, Gabi made her move. Squeezing between a startled Adela and Sam, she moved along with the rest of the folks exiting the pew. She refused to stand in front of all of Mule Hollow and make small talk. She just wasn’t going to do it. She’d thought she could manage it last night at the arena but couldn’t.

  The side exit wasn’t too many steps from the end of her pew and there were just a few people blocking her way. Escape was possible.

  “Gabi, wait,” Jess called, right behind her.

  She didn’t look back at him. Four steps and she would be out the door.

  “Gabi, stop. Please.”

  The soft pleading in his voice and the warm touch of his hand on her arm had her looking over her shoulder at him. He was right there behind her. The man looked so handsome, his longish hair curling beneath his ears, his blue eyes imploring her to stop.

  A groan rumbled through her. “Jess, this is not the place for this.”

  “Why?” he asked, soft but loud enough for anyone paying attention to catch. “I think it’s perfect.”

  She rounded on him. “Don’t you see all these people?” she hissed under her breath. The side exit was at the front of the church. She glanced around and just as she’d feared, everyone was watching them.

  “You’re making a scene, Jess.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “I’m warning you that if I start talking, you are not going to want all these witnesses.”

  That grin she loved rolled across his face with the ease of a man who did not know what was about to hit him!

  “Give me your best shot, sweetheart.”

  “Go ahead, Gabi,” Norma Sue called from two rows in front of her. “Get it out in the open.”

  “That’s right, go for it.” Esther Mae giggled, making her grapes do a little jig on top of her head.