by Jayne Blue
“I’m okay,” I said. “I have a life.”
Something changed in Danny’s face when I said it. As if he had another, deeper question he was afraid to ask. I realized I was harboring the same curiosity. What was Danny’s life now? Was he happy? Did he have someone? Oh yes, for now I was also afraid to ask.
“Thank you,” I said, opening the door beside me. Danny gave me a tight-lipped smile and climbed out of the cab.
As I stepped down to the ground, I hugged my arms around me. I took a few tentative steps, following Danny to his bike. He slid on his aviator glasses and climbed on the Harley. There was still that secret, reckless part of me that wanted to know what it would feel like to climb on behind him, wrap my arms around his waist, and let the road fly under us.
“What I told you is true,” Danny ... Deacon said as he settled into his seat. “No one is going to come looking for you, Beth. Sean’s shit can’t touch you anymore. You can live your life the way you want now. No more looking over your shoulder.”
I nodded. There was little else I could say. “Take care of yourself, Danny ... er ... Deacon.”
Danny revved his engine and the roar of it kickstarted my heart. He gave me one last glance before he pulled out of the driveway and zoomed down the road, leaving me breathless and shattered in his wake.
Chapter 5
Deacon
Dust. That’s all that was left of my brother. On a sweltering July day, a week after I last saw Beth, I spread Sean’s ashes over our father’s grave. When it was finished, I leaned down and traced the lettering on my old man’s headstone.
Coleman Wade. Loving husband, devoted father. Rest easy in the arms of the Lord.
Dad had bought a family plot not long after Sean and I were born. Someday soon, I would lay my mother to rest beside him. Today, I just couldn’t bear to put Sean in the ground next to him. There was no one left who could make these decisions but me.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, making the sign of the cross. If he looked down on me today, he wouldn’t rest easy. He might have expected his other son to wear a Dark Saints cut, but never me. The last thing he knew, I was two weeks from taking my Holy Orders. Then one horrible night, everything changed.
I kissed the headstone and walked back to my Harley. Thoughts of Beth swam in my head today as the sun nearly blinded me. If I’d asked her to do this with me, would she have said yes? Would I have wanted her to? Part of me needed to see Sean the way I did so I could close a door. I’d spent so many years trying to protect Beth, maybe she needed that closure too.
I took the coastal highway on the outskirts of town. The Gulf air filled my soul and helped me settle as I turned down the back roads toward the clubhouse. Though everyone had given me space over the last week, Bear wanted me back. Sean’s murder was still an open question that put everyone on edge.
I parked in the back and headed into the bar. Shep and Axle were the only ones in the main room. Mid-afternoon on a Sunday, they shared a pitcher of beer between them while Mama Bear cleaned behind the bar. Shep and Axle sat grim-faced as I headed into the back rooms looking for Bear. There was something up between those two. They’d been acting weird for the better part of a month. When I asked Mama about it before Sean’s death, she shrugged it off, saying things were just tense lately. I knew it was something else, but didn’t press. My own plate was full.
“You doing all right, son?” Bear asked. He sat with his feet up on the conference table, one booted foot over the other. E.Z. paced on one end. He gestured with his chin and I closed the door behind me.
“All good, Bear,” I answered.
“Did you break the news to your mother?” Bear asked.
I gave him a shrug. “I tried. She seemed to understand for about thirty seconds. Then she got this glassy stare and a faraway smile. She started talking to me like she thought I was my dad. After a while, it was just easier to let her think that. It made her ... happy. That woman’s been through enough in her life. She deserved peace, even if it’s a product of her Swiss cheese mind.”
“Don’t we all,” Bear said. “Sit down, Deacon.”
My gut twisted. I didn’t like his tone one bit. But I did as he asked. E.Z. kept on pacing and it rattled me.
“The news isn’t good,” Bear finally said. “I’ve put some feelers out. Jenny’s fed me some intel from the investigation. She’s putting her ass on the line a bit over it, you know that?”
Jenny was Benz’s girl. A detective with the Port Az P.D., she helped us when she could. Though I knew she’d never compromise an active investigation or her own morals. Then again, my own moral compass had shifted the day I joined this club. I wouldn’t change it. It had taken me years to sort that out, but this club was in my blood now more than the priesthood ever could have been. That was the deepest secret I kept.
“I know,” I said. “And tell her I appreciate it.”
“She knows that. Look, Deacon, the cops just can’t get to the bottom of Sean’s murder. The way he was hit, we all know he was executed. And it wasn’t random. Crime scene guys have figured out Sean wasn’t shot in that alley behind Digby’s. He was dumped there after the fact.”
My heart lurched. It’s what I was afraid of. There could be no question someone had been trying to send a message to the club. The question was, who?
“So we’re back to square one, it’s the cartel or it’s the Hawks,” I said, pounding my fist on the table.
A look passed between E.Z. and Bear that told me they were already leaning one way. As I sat there, I honestly didn’t know which would be worse. If this was the Devils Hawks, our main club rival, it meant they wanted war and they weren’t planning on following any code. They’d targeted a family member, even though Sean was far from innocent. On the other hand, if this was the cartel, it meant Beth’s fears could be well founded. Even after all these years, they might try to find her to collect any outstanding debt Sean owed them.
“How’s Beth?” Bear asked, damn near reading my mind.
I nodded. “You were right. She’s got a life. She seemed good. A little shaken, what with seeing me and everything I told her. But she’s good.”
I knew I wasn’t telling Bear anything he didn’t already know. Beth’s safety was the promise he’d made me all those years ago when I came to him for help. It was well worth the price of my soul.
“Good,” Bear said. E.Z.’s silence unsettled me. He was sweating a little at the temples. Even from here, I could see his chest heaving. Something had gone down between these two before I walked in the door. It might even explain the weird vibe I got out of Axle and Shep in the main bar. I didn’t like any of it one damn bit.
“Listen,” I said. “You’ve gotta have a feel for this. Both of you. You’ve been around longer than any of the rest of us. What do you think this is? Is it the Hawks spoiling for war? I mean, they had to know Sean was already dead to me. If they wanted to send this kind of a message, don’t you think they would have picked somebody, I don’t know, closer?”
“You wishing they did?” E.Z.’s clipped voice cut through me. The outburst didn’t seem to fit the circumstances. I kept my cool. It wasn’t worth the aggravation. I put a hand up, gesturing surrender.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” I said. “I’m just trying to look at all the angles, same as you.”
“We need to bring this to the full membership,” E.Z. said; clearly this had been part of what they’d been arguing about before I got here. Bear would counsel caution, E.Z. was ready to fight. The truth was, I didn’t know what side I fell on. I did know a war vote would probably split the club right down the middle if E.Z. forced the issue.
“And we will,” Bear said, giving E.Z. an arched brow. He didn’t change his casual posture. “But first, we need more concrete information. It sure as hell smells like the Hawks, but Sean didn’t have clean hands and we all know it. I’m not saying he deserved what he got …”
I put a hand up, this time to placate Bear. “Don�
��t. Not on my account. I’m the last person who needs to be reminded of what my brother was. And I’ve lost too many people I care about because of the choices he made.”
“What do you want to do, son?” Bear said, leveling an intense stare at me.
I chewed my bottom lip. I hadn’t been able to get Beth out of my mind since the moment the cops called to tell me about Sean. “I’d like your permission to light out of here for a little while to look after some family business.”
Bear’s face fell. “I kinda figured you’d say that.”
“Two birds, one stone,” I said. “It’ll give me peace of mind to see with my own eyes that Beth’s good. That she’s safe. If this was the cartel and that bullet didn’t finish the business they had with Sean, then she needs eyes on her for a little while. If they’re going to make a move, it’ll be sooner rather than later. And if they do make a move on her, then we’ll know for sure what’s going on.”
“I’m not going to lie,” Bear said. “I don’t like the idea of you being off by yourself. Not with things in a state of flux like they are. Why don’t you take Toby or one of the other probies with you to watch your back?”
I shrugged off his concerns. “That’ll spook her. You don’t know Beth like I do. And if things go the way I plan them, she won’t even know I’m there. She’s been safe all these years and I think that’s in large part because you’re the only other people in the world who knew where she was. Changing that now would be too much of a risk if Sean’s business is about to catch up with her again.”
Bear nodded. I knew he couldn’t argue my logic. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll give you a few days. But Deacon, you check in with me regularly. If your phone rings, it’s gonna be me or E.Z., and you need to answer it. And if I decide I don’t want you down there without eyes in the back of your head and send some your way, you don’t shake ’em. You got it?”
I leaned across the table. “Fair enough.”
“What are you planning on telling the other guys?” E.Z. asked, scowling.
I rose and slapped his shoulder. “My brother just died, E.Z. I don’t think any of ’em would begrudge me the need to get gone and clear my head for a few days.”
Though neither one of them looked happy, E.Z. and Bear knew me well enough to know I’d made up my mind. We left things right there and I took my leave. Now there was only Mama Bear to convince. She respected me enough not to ask any questions, but I knew she’d suspect more going on than me needing a walkabout.
As I headed out to the lot, Shep got up to follow me. He caught me just as I climbed on my bike.
“You okay, man?” he asked, his eyes dark and grim. As Bear’s son, I had a fleeting fear that maybe Bear had shared something about Beth with him. But he said nothing to indicate he knew anything about her.
“I just need a few days to clear my head. Don’t worry about me.”
Shep smiled. “We always worry about you, Deacon. Without you, the rest of us are fucked. Haven’t you figured that out yet?” He meant it half-jokingly, but his words hung heavy around my neck. I knew they were true. The men in this club leaned on me. It was a mantle I felt comfortable carrying, but not today. So I turned it back on Shep.
“You want to tell me what’s going on with you?” I asked. Shep’s eyes darkened.
“Just want to make sure your head’s good, that’s all.”
I smiled. “You know, lying’s a sin.” I was busting his balls, but something flickered behind Shep’s eyes and I knew I’d hit a nerve.
“Just take care of yourself, man,” he said, reaching out to shake my hand. “Like I said, we’d all be pretty well fucked without you.”
I leaned forward, clasping Shep’s fist; we bumped chests and I pulled my helmet on. If I hurried, I could pick up a few things from my house and be back in Crystal Falls before the sunset. I’d have to ditch the Harley and my cut if I had any hope of staying inconspicuous. As I left Shep and the clubhouse behind, my heart soared at the thought of being near Beth again. At the same time, I knew just how dangerous that could be for both of us.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Chapter 6
Beth
When Darlene and Ed pressed me about who Danny was, I blew them off. What could I say? Ed might be a drunk, but he was also a brilliant man. On his worst days, he was still the best lawyer in town. The trouble was, his worst days were becoming his normal days and nothing Darlene or I said seemed to make any difference.
For my part, I tried to keep Danny/Deacon off my mind by cleaning up after Ed. We had three new divorce cases to file and custody motions early next week. I met with the clients, skirting the bounds of practicing law once again. I knew one day soon, Ed wouldn’t be able to rest on the glory of his past reputation and goodwill of the local judiciary. If I wasn’t careful, somebody was going to call us on it.
For now, Ed signed the pleadings I prepared and I took his word for it that he’d read them. Crystal Falls was stuck in the twentieth century on a lot of things. One of them was their court filing system. It would probably be another fifty years before they switched to electronic filing. So, I shlepped across town and gave everything to the clerk by hand.
I made it down exactly two of the courthouse steps before a deep voice shouted my name. “Beth!” I turned and shielded my eyes from the sun. Sheriff Beckett Finch came bounding up to me, his campaign hat in hand.
“Hey, Sheriff,” I said, waving. My heart sank. Beckett had a grim look on his handsome face. Nearly five o’clock and the man was still cleanly shaven. He had a kind twinkle in his blue eyes but I knew there was something wrong.
“You got a minute?” he asked, gently touching my elbow. Beckett Finch was roughly my age. One of the youngest town sheriffs in the state, he’d come to Crystal Falls after I did under circumstances some thought just as strange. He, too, didn’t like to talk about his past. In his case, most of his were public record. He’d been a Navy SEAL serving in the Middle East.
“Sure,” I said, glancing behind me. I said a little prayer that whatever Ed had gotten himself into today, he wasn’t hurt.
“”Look,” Beckett said. He ushered me to a shaded area beneath a tall elm in the town square. “I don’t mean to pry into your business, but I just wanted to make sure everything was okay with you.”
I did a double take. I didn’t know whether to feel relief or indignation. Whatever this was, he wasn’t here about Ed, it seemed.
“With me? Uh. Of course. I mean ... what have you heard?”
Beckett chewed his bottom lip. He had a deep cleft in his chin that lent him a rugged charm he wasn’t even aware of. Whether he knew it or not, Beckett Finch, bachelor sheriff, was considered the catch of the county. To me, he’d just been a solid friend who didn’t ask too many personal questions. Until now, apparently.
“Listen, this is a little awkward for me. And I’m the last one who wants to give credence or even much attention to gossip, but ... rumor has it you had an out-of-town visitor the other day.”
My mouth ran dry. Of course. This was Crystal Falls. Danny probably hadn’t made it off U.S. 10 before half the town saw him headed this way.
“Really?”
Beckett spun his hat in his hand. To his credit, the turn of this conversation seemed to make him just as miserable as it did me. On the one hand, his concern was sweet. On the other, I just wish everyone in this town would mind their own business.
“Are you going to make me come out and say it? Look, I heard you got manhandled by a member of the Dark Saints M.C. Is there something I should know about? Do you need anything?”
Manhandled? I rubbed my brow with my index finger. “No!” My answer came out more abrupt than I wanted. “No.” I tried again, softer. “I mean, thank you for your concern, but it’s not necessary. Whoever told you that was mistaken. That guy was just an ... acquaintance. He brought me some news about somebody we both used to know.”
What else could I say? I’d been so used to guard
ing my secrets, saying nothing that could clue anyone into where I was from or who I knew from before. Was it really safe now that Sean was dead? Danny had said a lot of things, but I still didn’t know what to believe. Trust no one. That’s how I’d lived my life for the last ten years. Beckett Finch was still part of that list, fair or not.
“Beth, are you sure? If there’s someone harassing you, you know you can come to me. No questions asked.”
“I know. And thank you. But honestly, there’s no there there with this one.”
Beckett didn’t seem convinced. He creased his brow and slid his hat back on his head. “So this acquaintance, is he planning on making a repeat visit?”
Now he was Sheriff Finch again. Though it rankled me, I couldn’t really blame him. It was his job to keep tabs on everything that happened in Crystal Falls. I knew he didn’t want it to get overrun with an M.C. like Port Azrael. As it was, we were smack dab in the middle of territories run by the Devils Hawks out of Laredo, and the Saints in Port Az.
My heart skipped as I tried to think of an answer. Was Danny coming back? Did I want him to? I got a little woozy as I looked at Beckett. He read the conflict in my face and his expression fell. I forced a smile but it was too late. My poker face was slipping today. Danny had rattled me to my core.
“Just remember what I said, okay, Beth? If you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me.”
“Thanks, Sheriff,” I said, giving him a weak salute. “If you don’t mind, I’ve got to head back to the office.”
He nodded. “Me too, I guess. I’ll see you around, Beth.” Beckett shot me a good-natured wink and went on his way.
He was just doing his job. Beckett was one of the good guys. I knew all of this. Still, every alarm bell in me rang. For ten years, I’d built a wall around myself. I never got too close to anyone. Never trusted. Every new person I met, I wondered if it was someone Sean had sent to find me. Or worse ... one of his enemies. Now that he was ... dead ... I could barely allow myself to think it. It didn’t seem real.
