by Jayne Blue
I went on auto-pilot the rest of the day, taking client statements for Ed, getting his reading material ready for tomorrow’s hearings. Darlene swore she’d make him look at all of it. Normally, I’d stick around to make sure. Today, I just didn’t have it in me. I just wanted a quiet night alone, to think.
I owned a little brick bungalow on Magnolia Street, a half a mile from downtown. It was quiet here, the name fit. Pink magnolia trees lined the sidewalk, casting shade during the hottest part of the day. The houses here were built right after WWII, craftsman style, made for couples ready to start new families.
I had three bedrooms, a small kitchen, and dining area. A little porch off the back led to my fenced-in yard. For years, I’d been meaning to remodel, knock out the wall between the kitchen and living room and open up the floor plan like I’d seen done on every home-remodeling show on TV. Someday, maybe I’d get to it.
My furniture had been a hodgepodge of different styles, things I’d picked up at estate sales and discount stores. Even in my decorating, it seemed I couldn’t commit anymore. The house was quiet and dark when I walked in. It’s what I’d wanted, but now it just felt cold and empty. The weight of what Danny told me pressed on me here in the stillness.
I poured myself a glass of wine. Then another. Then a third. Halfway through it, my head spun and I felt the pressure in my chest ease. I did something I hadn’t done in almost ten years. I went to the little wooden box I kept under my bed.
Heading back out into the living room, I set my wine on the table and opened the box. I didn’t know why I kept these little trinkets, of all things. There were the keys to my parents’ house in Port Azrael. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t miss them. I’d grown up in turmoil with two raging alcoholics who took turns physically abusing each other. My mother died of liver failure when I was just nineteen years old, the year after I married Sean. Last I heard, my dad had hitchhiked to Canada chasing after yet another get-rich-quick scheme that would never pan out.
Sean was supposed to be my savior. Instead, he’d ended up my jailer. Still, the keys connected me to something that felt real at times when the ground shifted beneath me. I had a letter from my tenth-grade English teacher, Mrs. Watkins. She’d written me a glowing college recommendation. She was the first adult to truly believe in me. At the very bottom, I kept two framed pictures.
Smoothing away the dust, I picked up the first. It was Sean and me on the day we got married. We stood on the steps of the Port Az courthouse. Eighteen. I’d been just eighteen. The thirteen years since seemed like they could have been a hundred. Sean looked tan and healthy. He held me close, wrapping his arm around my small waist. I wore a pink suit that I’d stolen from my mother’s closet. The sleeves were too long.
I’d loved him then. Sean had been my whole world. I was too young to see through the lies he told. The money came too easy. Flashy cars. Jewelry. He promised me the moon. I would have just settled for stability.
When I lifted the second picture, my heart twisted. It was the three of us. Sean, Danny, and me. We’d gone fishing off the pier. Sean had a trout on the line and swung it toward me, taunting me. He was laughing, but there was a glint in his eye that cut through me. This was later, just a few months before everything turned to dust. Danny stood in the background, leaning against his truck, watching. The smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes. Those were glued to me.
I pressed the picture frame to my chest. Danny held a secret in his eyes. His sin. It should have been my shame. But even now, after so much time had passed, the memory of what we shared still flickered as a tiny flame inside my heart. If I tended to it, that flame would grow. How many nights had I let it engulf me, leaving me gasping for air and my sex thrumming with the echoes of pleasure?
“Damn you, Sean,” I whispered. “Everything you touched turned to dust.”
The wine played a part, I’m sure. Opening the box had been a bad idea as my emotions churned and overtook me. God help me, I missed Sean. Not the man he turned into or revealed himself to be. He’d been cruel, sadistic, dangerous. But the man I thought I’d married. And I missed Danny too at the same time I cursed him for leaving me all alone.
I don’t remember doing it. But before I knew what was happening, I threw the wooden box against the wall. It felt good. Cathartic. I grabbed the picture frame and hurled it as hard as I could. The glass shattered into a million pieces. I felt foolish for a second, but then relief flooded through me. Tears streamed down my face. I picked up the wedding photo and threw that too. It ricocheted, hitting the end table beside me. Glass flew up and stung the corner of my eye.
“Shit!” I yelled. I had a large mirror hanging on the opposite wall. I got a little dizzy as I stood and saw a trickle of blood running down my cheek.
“Great,” I muttered, staggering toward the kitchen. I only made it three steps before the front door burst open and Deacon Wade loomed in front of me, his eyes cold as steel.
Chapter 7
Deacon
I scanned the room, reaching for the 9mm I kept holstered at my side. I’d heard breaking glass and Beth’s shout. The rest was a blur. She held her fingers to her forehead; blood trickled down the side of her face. Her eyes wide with terror, she stumbled back toward the kitchen.
“Beth?” I reached for her. There were shards of glass all over the living room but she was alone. She looked at me wide-eyed, incredulous.
“Where did you come from?” she asked, slurring her words a little. Then the clarity of the situation sank in. There was no danger. No intruder. I saw an empty wine glass sat on an end table with a tan lipstick mark on the rim. Two shattered picture frames lay upside down on the floor. I don’t know why it mattered, but I leaned down and picked one up. My heart twisted when I saw the torn picture inside. It was Beth. Sean and Beth. I’d been the one to snap it on the courthouse steps the day he married her. I’d stood up for both of them. Sean’s best man and Beth’s man of honor. I let the picture fall to the ground and went to her.
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” I said, gently taking her by the arm. Beth’s eyes went up and up. She blinked hard as if she was trying to convince herself she wasn’t dreaming me. Hell, I was doing a little of the same. My heart thundered inside me as the blood poured from the cut on her temple. It wasn’t deep, but she’d likely nicked a capillary or something.
She let me lead her into her small kitchen. The place reminded me a little of my parents’ house. Mid-century modern with long, narrow countertops and a door leading to the back porch. Simple. Quiet. I couldn’t help looking for little cues that might tell me whether Beth lived alone.
I put my hands on her waist and lifted her to the countertop. Her breath hitched as her feet left the ground. I let my hands linger for a moment, loving the feel of her in my arms. Then I got a hold of myself and grabbed a towel she had neatly folded by the sink. I let the cold water run over it and pressed it to the little gash above her left eye.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, hissing from the sting of the cloth.
“You always leave your front door unlocked like that?” I asked. My pulse hadn’t quieted. Her scream. The glass. I squeezed my eyes shut and got a hold of myself.
“I wasn’t ... I didn’t …” She let out a defeated sigh and took the cloth from me. She waved me off when I tried to help her down.
“You always come barging in unannounced?” she asked, the fire back in her eyes. I can’t help that it churned something inside of me. Dammit. What the hell had I been thinking? I was just supposed to keep an eye on her. I wasn’t supposed to get in her life again.
“I heard you scream,” I said. “I thought …”
She pulled the cloth away from her eye. My protective instincts fueled me and I pulled her into the light. “Do you have a first-aid kit somewhere?” The bleeding had stopped but she needed antiseptic and something to close the wound.
“Under the sink,” she said, defeated. I didn’t wait for permission. I pulled out the little
red box she kept and rummaged through it until I found some antibiotic cream and butterfly strips.
“Keep still,” I said.
Beth backed up to the counter. I towered over her, feeling her hot breath against my neck. Her eyes darted back and forth as I dotted her cut with the medicine and carefully applied the butterfly strips.
“That should do it,” I said. “It should heal without a scar if you keep it clean.”
“Hmm. Since when did you take up the practice of medicine?” I knew she meant it as a joke, but the smile died on her lips when she saw my expression. The truth was, running with the Dark Saints had brought me my share of near misses. I’d learned a thing or two at Mama Bear’s side. She’d been an army medic in her day. It came in handy more than once over the years as she patched up the membership after whatever scrape we got in.
“What are you doing here, Danny?” she asked.
I froze. I didn’t want to lie to her. I’d promised her the other day that she was safe. How in the hell could I stick to that if I told her the truth? I was worried about her. Until we knew for sure who capped Sean and why, she wasn’t completely free. I’d only been back in her life a few days and already the lying had started.
She knew it too.
“You’re checking up on me,” she said. She placed her hands behind her, gripping the countertop. I still stood close, holding the bandage wrappers in my hand. In that tight little kitchen, I felt sure she could hear my heart pumping.
It had been ten years, but I could still remember the taste of her. I could still hear the little gasps of pleasure she made when she spread herself open for me. Lust made it hard to see. My hands trembled and I finally broke away, busying myself with the damn first-aid kit.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Beth asked. She put a hand on my arm, pulling me back to look at her. “Danny ... Deacon ... please.”
It got hard to breathe. Why in the hell had I thought I could be close to her again without feeling the same aching temptation? I’d been stupid enough to think the years would have dulled it. Now I knew they hadn’t. If anything, I burned even hotter for her.
I forced myself to think of Sean. Not as he was, but what I saw in the morgue. But when I closed my eyes, a horror flashed behind them. It wasn’t Sean I saw on that slab, but Beth. My eyes snapped open and a monster roared inside of me.
I took her by the shoulders. Beth gasped. My pulse thundered in my temples. I wanted. I needed.
“It’s okay,” I said, my voice raw. “At least, it’s probably okay. I just wanted to make sure you were good. That’s all.”
“You know something you’re not telling me,” she said. “Nothing’s changed. Not one single thing.”
She went someplace in her mind. Whatever was happening to me, something similar took over Beth. Sense memories are the strongest. At least, that’s what they always say. Her scent, her touch. She was talking about something else, but every word she’d just said was true. Nothing had changed. Not one single thing.
She reached for me, touching a light hand to my cheek. It sent electric fire arcing through me. This was Beth. This was me and Beth. Ten years evaporated in a heartbeat. Adrenaline and desire fueled me. The truth was, it hadn’t stopped since the moment I saw her the other day. My fear for her ignited something primal, something I’d tried to bury for so long.
And it caught fire in her too. I saw the flame behind her eyes. Beth’s breath came up short. Her hands slid up my chest. It was new and familiar all at once.
“Danny,” she whispered. For the first time in a long time, the name felt like it belonged to me. No. It belonged to her.
She trembled against me. Her eyes glistened as they darted over me. Her lips parted. They were soft and sweet; a hint of a blush colored her cheeks. She wore a thin t-shirt cut into a low vee. I took in every detail. The swell of her breasts tempted me. I wanted to run my tongue along the cleft between them, tasting every inch of her.
I leaned down, desire swirling between us. Time stopped. We were nowhere. I brought my lips to hers and a moan rumbled out of me. Beth leaned into the kiss, swaying on her feet. I wrapped one arm around her waist and pressed her against me. I felt a new, delicious curve to her hips. God, I wanted to explore every inch of her and see what else had changed. I was more afraid of what might have stayed the same.
I could taste berries on her lips. It was the wine she drank and it seemed to ignite my blood right along with hers. Down and down I went, pulled by my need for her.
Beth. My Beth. Ten years ago I’d taken what didn’t belong to me and it ripped our worlds apart. I wanted to do it all over again.
Beth swayed on her feet and my head swirled. I don’t know what reached me in that heady fog of desire. No. That’s not true. I knew what it was, I just couldn’t bring myself to name it.
Damn my honor. I wanted to sin.
When she whispered my name, it brought me back into myself. Beth staggered sideways, bringing the back of her hand to her swollen lips.
“Beth,” I said, gasping. “Dammit.” I stepped away from her, tearing my hand through my hair. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved better than me. And yet, here I was, trying to claim something that wasn’t mine to take.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t …”
“No …” she said, stepping around me. She reached for a glass and poured herself water from the tap. I loved watching the column of her throat work as she swallowed. I still loved everything about her. She steadied herself against the counter and carefully set the glass down.
“You got a dustpan and a broom somewhere?” I asked. “Let me take care of that mess in the living room.”
She turned toward me but I didn’t give her a chance to answer. I guessed right. A little door off the kitchen led to a utility closet and I quickly found what I needed. Beth stood dumbstruck as I went into the living room and swept up the broken glass. I was fast and efficient, trying to sweep away the broken pieces of my heart as if it were the glass.
Beth collected herself and opened the cabinet under the sink, pointing me to the trash can. “You still haven’t told me why you’re really here, Deacon.”
Deacon. I was Deacon again. It was for the best. I’d brought this woman nothing but heartache and ruin since the moment she met me. And she brought me … No. I couldn’t bring myself to think it.
“It’s club business, Beth. That’s all I can really say.”
She clapped her hands together in a sweeping gesture. “Right. That’s your party line now, is it? I think I already know the rest of the words to this song. I should just trust you, is that it?”
I let out a hard breath and leaned against the counter. Beth stepped around me and took a seat at her kitchen table. Color had come back into her cheeks. She was more sober than she had been a few minutes ago. With clarity came her anger. I knew I deserved it.
“This is almost over,” I said. “I can tell you that much. And I know I should have probably waited to come here. But Sean’s murder has been in the news. It’s local only, but I knew there was a pretty good chance it would reach you. I knew you’d have questions so I figured I owed it to you to …”
“Owed me?” Fire flashed behind Beth’s eyes. I recognized it as a little of the alcohol still fueling her, but the rest was legit fury. “Owed me? Jesus, Danny, you sound like your brother. He had a gift for turning my anger back on me and making me feel like I was the one doing something wrong.”
“No,” I said. “You’ve never done anything wrong, Beth. Not you. I didn’t mean that. There are only so many times I can tell you I’m sorry. You don’t deserve any of this. You think I don’t know what you’ve sacrificed? But yeah, I’m asking you to trust me. I’m asking you to sit tight for just a little while longer until I’m sure none of this can touch you.”
She blanched. “Touch me,” she whispered, and her unshed tears glistened in her eyes again.
And once again, I’d done everything wrong where this woman was c
oncerned. Every time I walked into her life, I left carnage in my wake.
“You Wade brothers have a real knack for touching me, Danny,” she said, her voice taking a faraway quality.
“Beth, listen.”
She put a hand up. This time, she let the tears fall. I felt each one like a knife in my gut. “You should go,” she said. “Crystal Falls is a small town. You can’t be here.”
I knew what she meant. I’d drawn stares when I rode through the other day. This time, I’d tried to be more inconspicuous, at least. I’d left the Harley in Port Az and worn civilian clothes. Just a t-shirt and worn jeans.
“Will you just be careful and lay low for the next couple of days?” I asked. “Do you have any vacation time coming to you?”
“You want me to hide?” she asked. “Is it that serious?”
“No,” I said quickly, not wanting to scare her any more than I already had.
“Right,” she said. “Trust you. Well, Deacon, the answer is no. I’m not going to take any vacation days. I can’t afford them. You said yourself, nobody besides you knows I’m even here. I appreciate the extra effort, but I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it long enough.”
Something flickered behind her eyes. She’d put up her shields and I was glad of it. I stood in her kitchen for a moment, searching for the thing I could say that would take the hurt out of her eyes. Then I knew there was nothing.
“I should go,” I said. Beth closed her eyes slowly and nodded.
“Take care of yourself, Danny,” she said, pressing her fingers to her lips. As I walked out her front door, I could still taste her and my heart churned with a mix of desire and regret. Once again, I’d hurt the only person I ever truly loved.
Chapter 8
Deacon
Beth’s touch lingered on my lips. The desire I felt for her hadn’t dampened one bit in the last ten years. If anything, it had grown more intense. But she was vulnerable; no matter what else he was, my brother had been her husband. She’d built her life waiting for some other shoe to drop with him. We both had. First, it had been the flashy cars and expensive trips he wanted to take her on. Sean had a respectable job as a sanitation worker, but it wasn’t enough to afford the fast cars and diamonds he brought her.
