Alice Isn't Well (Death Herself Book 1)

by Amy Cross

  “No!” Alice shouted, and despite the sedative she'd just been given, she continued to struggle for several more minutes, straining at the leather restraints that were holding her down. She was still conscious when they attached the electrodes, and when they threw the switch to fry her brain.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “We just don't get why you've been freezing us out,” her mother said a few weeks later, sitting next to the bed in Alice's small, overly beige room. “We're your parents, for God's sake. We want to help you.”

  “It's fine,” Alice whispered, staring at the clock, hoping they'd head off to catch the next bus in twenty minutes, rather than waiting yet another hour for the one after. “I just need some time alone.”

  “Fat lot of good that did you,” her mother replied, putting a hand on her knee. “No, I think you'll have to come home to us for a while, darling. There's no harm in that. Doctor Carrington says you might be a little forgetful for a few months. He wants to give you four more ECT sessions before he decides what to do next, but he says there's no reason why you should be locked up in here indefinitely, not once you're a little more stable.”

  “I'm fine,” she whispered.

  “You're not fine,” her mother said, turning to Alice's father, who was standing at the window and looking out at the lawn. “She's not fine, Harold, is she?”

  “Doesn't seem like it,” he muttered, squinting slightly as he watched someone in the distance. “Wouldn't be here if she was fine, would she?”

  “I just need to figure things out,” Alice replied. “It's not...” Her voice trailed off for a moment as she remembered the sight of the burning plane crashing down off the roof of the house and smashing onto the cobbles below. “I'll be fine.”

  “You'll be fine when you're home,” her mother said firmly.

  “There are some bloody weird people in this place,” her father added, still looking out the window. “No offense, love, but I really don't think you're as crazy as some of the others.”

  “Don't use words like crazy or weird,” her mother said firmly. “It upsets them.”

  “Them?” Alice asked with a frown. “You mean me?”

  “You don't belong here,” she continued, squeezing her daughter's knee. “You're not like the other people in this place. You're not...” Her voice trailed off for a moment.

  “Mad?” Alice asked.

  “Well, you're not!”

  “Bloody hell,” her father muttered, still looking out the window. “You've really got some nutters in this place, haven't you? Makes you wonder whether it wouldn't be easier to just... Well, you know.”

  “Take us out back,” Alice replied, turning to him, “and put us all out of our misery?”

  “Only the ones who are totally gone,” he said with a sigh. “The ones who've got no hope.”

  “And you've got lots of hope,” her mother continued, leaning closer and kissing Alice's cheek. “I'll speak to that nice Doctor Carrington later and see about the paperwork for having you come home with us. Maybe just for a weekend at first, to see how it goes. You can have your own room, you won't be dependent on us at all, it'll just be better if you've got a support network. You tried to do too much too soon after you were released last time, and look where you wound up. Right back in hospital.”

  “There should be more control,” her father said, frowning. “That one out there, for example. Climbing through an open window, wearing a nun's habit... It's not right.”

  “What?” Looking over at him, Alice paused for a moment before getting to her feet and hurrying to the window. Looking out, she saw no sign of anyone, but finally she noticed a small window that had been left propped open at the other end of the lawn. “What nun's habit?”

  “There was some girl wearing a nun's habit,” he continued, raising both eyebrows at the same time. “Clambering through that window like a complete fool. If she was clambering out, I'd go and tell one of the orderlies, but I suppose it's just one of your lot being weird.” He turned to her. “If you ask me, a lot of the people in this place are just attention-seekers. Not you, love, obviously, but a lot of the others.”

  Staring out the window, Alice couldn't help feeling a faint stirring sensation deep in her belly.

  “Doctor Carrington told us about some of the things you've been saying,” her mother said after a moment, with a hint of sadness in her voice. “All that stuff about some little girl called Wendy. I mean... You don't seriously think it's true, do you?”

  Alice paused, before turning to her. “I don't know,” she whispered. “I don't know what I believe anymore.”

  “Alice?” a voice asked, followed by a knock at the door.

  She turned.

  “Hi, Alice,” said one of the orderlies, as another brought a wheelchair into the room. “It's time for today's session.”

  ***

  “I'm so glad you're more cooperative,” the nurse said as she tightened the last strap around Alice's wrist. “It all gets noted on your forms, you know. Cooperation is a very good sign.”

  A faint smile crossed Alice's lips, but she didn't feel much like talking. All she wanted was to get the whole thing over with. Her mother had said there were four sessions left, minimum, which meant the treatment program was going to be reviewed at the end of the following week. As she opened her mouth to let the nurse slip a mouth-guard into place, she told herself that the ECT treatment was actually working pretty well, since both her short-term and long-term memories were starting to become fuddled and vague, as if a kind of mist was developing around her brain. Having spent the past ten years desperately struggling to remember the truth about her past, she'd finally lost her sense of hope. If ECT would blast it all away and make her stop worrying, that was fine with her.

  “So you know the routine,” the nurse continued, adjusting a dial on the machine. “I'll see you when you wake up in about an hour, and -”

  Before she could finish, the door opened and a nun stepped into the room.

  Alice's eyes widened with shock as soon as she saw Hannah's face smiling at her from the habit.

  “Excuse me,” the nurse said to Hannah, clearly a little shocked, “are you... lost?”

  “No,” Hannah replied, keeping her voice hushed and respectful. “Please, carry on.”

  The nurse stared at her.

  “Just carry on,” Hannah continued, gesturing for her to turn back to Alice. “Honestly, it's fine.”

  “You...” The nurse paused, clearly not sure what to make of the sudden arrival. “I'm sorry, who are you, exactly?”

  “Sister Henrietta,” Hannah replied with a curtsy. “I'm from St. Barnaby's, I studied under Sister Natasha Ilmanov.”

  The nurse stared at her. “And?”

  “And?”

  “And what are you doing here?”

  “Well,” Hannah continued, taking a step closer before reaching out and putting a hand on the nurse's shoulder, “the thing is...” She paused. “Go to sleep.”

  As soon as those words left her lips, the nurse slumped forward and slithered off her chair, landing in a crumpled heap on the floor.

  “Surprise,” Hannah said, beaming at Alice.

  Alice tried to reply, but the mouth-guard was securely in place, reducing everything she said to a muffled mumble.

  “Pleased to see me?” Hannah continued. “Sorry it took so long, I had to pick the perfect moment. That, and I've been busy lately.” Stepping over to her, she fiddled with the mouth-guard before finally pulling it loose. “Your brain's a fried mess,” she added with a frown. “Seriously, is this the best your doctor could think of? Turning you off and on again?”

  “Why are you wearing a nun's habit?” Alice asked.

  “It's my disguise. It worked fine last time, remember?”

  “In a monastery,” Alice pointed out, trembling with shock. “It worked last time because you were in a monastery.”

  “Oh, was that it?” Hannah asked as she worked to unfasten the leather st
raps. “Huh. Yeah, now you mention it, that kind of makes sense. I was wondering why this get-up hadn't been so effective all the other times I tried it.” Pulling the last strap away, she turned toward the door.

  “Wait,” Alice hissed, reaching out and grabbing her by the wrist. “Are you...”

  Hannah turned to look back at her.

  “Are you real?” Alice asked.

  “Don't I look real?”

  “I don't...” She paused. “No,” she whispered finally, “you're not real. This is all in my head.”

  “Seriously? You think you could imagine me?”

  “This can't be happening,” Alice continued, staring at Hannah with wide-eyed horror. “It can't be.”

  “Don't make me do this,” Hannah said with a sigh.

  “You're not real,” Alice said firmly, as if she was trying to convince herself.

  “Don't be rude.”

  “You're not real,” Alice said again, gripping the armrests. “You're not real. You're not -”

  Before she could finish, Hannah slapped her hard. “Real enough for you?” she asked.

  Reaching up, Alice felt the sore spot on her cheek.

  “You remember this time, don't you?” Hannah continued, with a hint of sadness in her voice. “The other times I saw you recently, I had to keep out of your conscious mind, so I just interacted with you on the subconscious level, which meant you forgot each time but now... I was waiting for you to remember what happened before, back during the war.” She smiled. “Hello, Wendy.”

  “My name is Alice.”

  “Sure, now it is.”

  “But...” Alice took a deep breath. “Is it true?” she asked, as if she could barely believe what she was seeing. “Did all of that really happen?”

  “Yep,” Hannah replied, pulling the door open and leaning out for a moment, looking both ways along the corridor before turning back to her. “Sorry about getting you killed, and sorry about letting the demon hitch a ride with your soul through the reincarnation process, that was a big mistake on my part. Fortunately, I'm here to fix that.”

  Getting to her feet, Alice headed over to join her at the door.

  “I thought I was losing my mind,” she explained. “I kept seeing hints that you existed, but I couldn't remember you.”

  “I had to nudge you along,” Hannah replied, leading her out into the corridor and then toward the exit. “I couldn't just leap out from a cake and surprise you, although I did consider that option. The truth is, I'd probably have blown your mind, literally, and then you'd just be a vegetable and I'd have had to have waited until your next reincarnation before dealing with this demon. Which, by the way, would have been a very bad move, because I'm starting to realize that he's extremely dangerous. This isn't just about you.”

  “My next reincarnation?”

  “Sure. Everyone does it. You're just very lucky, or very unlucky. You had a demon hitching a ride with you this time, which made the connection stronger between lifetimes, and now here we are.”

  “Excuse me,” said the guy at the reception desk, clearly alarmed by the sight of a nun leading Alice to the door, “are you -”

  “Go to sleep,” Hannah told him, not even bothering to look back as the guy slumped down in his chair. Stopping at the control panel on the door, she typed in a code, but the door refused to open. “Do you know the code for getting out of the ward?” she asked, turning to Alice.

  “For some reason, they don't give it to the patients.”

  “Huh.” Hannah tried again, but still the door wouldn't open. “Well, this is annoying. Add these keypads to the list of things that really bug me. It's getting to be quite a long list.” Taking hold of the keypad's edges, she twisted it hard until it came away from the wall, trailing a series of wires.

  “What are you doing?” Alice hissed.

  “What does it look like I'm doing?”

  “It looks like you're breaking it.”

  “Bingo,” Hannah muttered, examining the wires for a moment before turning to the door and trying the handle. “This is so annoying!” she continued. “What's wrong with the people who run this place? It's like they're trying to run a prison!”

  “Excuse me,” one of the nurses said with a frown, heading over to join them, “can I help you?”

  “Open the door,” Hannah replied, stepping aside.

  “I need to see some ID first,” the nurse replied, taking a key from his pocket and using it to unlock the door. “I can't let you out until I know how you got in.” He turned to Alice. “Do you have permission to leave?”

  “She does indeed,” Hannah replied, grabbing Alice's hand and leading her out the door. “She has permission from me.”

  “Oh.” The nurse paused, clearly confused. “Okay, then.”

  “Quick,” Hannah whispered as she led Alice out to the stairwell, “we need to get going before he realizes what I did.”

  “What did you do?” Alice asked.

  “I flooded his mind with thoughts of his last girlfriend. Distraction strategy.”

  “How did you do that?”

  “Long story.” Taking the stairs two at a time, she hurried ahead and opened the main door, before leading Alice out into the parking lot and turning back to face her. “Welcome back to the great outdoors. Don't worry, it'll go a lot better than your last release.”

  “Wait...” Alice paused, feeling a sudden sense of panic as she looked around. Evening shadows were starting to fall across the tarmac, and she suddenly felt exposed, as if she shouldn't really be outside at all. Instinctively, she took a step back.

  “You can't run away from this,” Hannah told her. “You even died last time, and it still followed you.”

  “What followed me?” she asked cautiously.

  “The demon. It folded itself into your soul and it followed you through the reincarnation process like some kind of parasite.”

  Alice shook her head.

  “It was inside you until recently,” Hannah continued. “It used to be happy hanging in the air above London, enjoying the war, but something's changed. It's more ambitious now and we have to make sure it goes back where it came from. A loose demon is never a good thing. They tend to be very single-minded usually, they pick something and they keep at it, but this one has started to let his mind wander. He's looking for a new hobby and that's when they're really dangerous.”

  “Wait,” Alice replied, “hold up a moment. Demons? Reincarnation? None of this is possible.”

  “Don't you remember the good old days?” Hannah asked. “Well, they weren't exactly good, but you know what I mean. The miserable, painful days.” She paused. “Do you remember the plane that hit your house and killed your mother? Your previous mother, anyway.”

  Alice nodded.

  “And do you remember the dead pilot we found and sent on to the next world?”

  “I do.”

  “And do you remember the monastery? And the flames? And all the things those nuns did to you while they were trying to exorcise the demon the first time?”

  Alice paused, before nodding again.

  “All those things really happened,” Hannah continued. “They happened to a little girl named Wendy who I tried and failed to save, and that little girl eventually came back as a girl named Alice, who grew up with a demon still curled up inside her. I know what happened to you ten years ago, when the police officer died. That was when the demon first stirred in your current body. Sewing you shut was a crude attempt to keep himself hidden, but no-one ever said demons were particularly smart. The thing is, he's not going to leave you alone.”

  “And he's inside me right now?”

  “No, he's not inside you right now. He left your body ten years ago, but he'll be back. We have to go and find him, and we have to stop him. Properly, this time. Fortunately, I've had several decades to think about how to do it, and I've got a solution. We just need to go to him.”

  “Where is he?”

  Hannah paused. “Where do y
ou think?”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “I liked it better when it was a monastery,” Hannah muttered a couple of hours later, as they finally reached the old Barton's Cross shopping mall. “Then again, I tend to be something of a traditionalist.”

  Night had fallen and the huge, abandoned building was shrouded in darkness. Even the spotlights, which usually kept the perimeter illuminated to deter intruders, had been left off, and as Alice followed Hannah past the main gate, she couldn't help noticing that the porta-cabin's lights were off too.

  “Coincidences wrapped in other coincidences,” Hannah continued, looking up at the building. “Or were they? Do you think it was a coincidence, Alice, that after being released from hospital, you ended up being placed here at Barton's Cross, the site where you died in your previous life?”

  “Did you arrange it?”

  “I might have helped arrange certain aspects of those coincidences,” Hannah replied with a faint smile. “It's one of my special skills. I had to steer you slowly to where I needed you to be so I could sort out this mess. Then again, coincidence is just a word that humans use to describe forces they don't understand.”

  “I need to find Donald,” Alice continued, heading over to the porta-cabin. “He knows all about the history of this place, I should have listened to him right from the start.” Pulling the door open, she hurried inside. “Donald, are you -”

  Stopping suddenly, she saw that he was sitting at his desk, with his head tilted back and a thick, bloody cut running across his throat. Blood had run down onto his uniform, and more had sprayed across the nearby wall. Unable to stop staring for a moment, Alice stepped closer, her eyes wide with shock as she looked down at his pale, dead face. Finally she turned away, just as Hannah reached the door and saw the scene.

  “The demon's definitely here, then,” Hannah said darkly. “Braxatel. That's his name, if you were wondering. Those nuns got it wrong. I'm sure they tried their best, but there's an art to identifying a demon, they very rarely announce themselves. Trust me, knowing a demon's true name is a real help. It's one of their few weaknesses.”