Bound to Liberty

by Kiru Taye

  James licked his lips as his gaze riveted to the man’s hips and groin, unfortunately covered by the stretchy cotton of his grey boxer briefs. Still, it didn’t hide the meaty junk.

  Ethan stopped at the other side of the bed and poured some water into the glass.

  “Have a drink.” Ethan stretched the filled glass towards James.

  James sat up and took the drink, gulping down half of the refreshing liquid before handing it back.

  Ethan topped it up and drank the rest. Then he settled into the bed, pulled the top sheet over them and flicked the switch above the bed, turning the space into dimness, with the only light coming from street lamps.

  “Come closer,” Ethan said.

  James shifted sideways until his arm brushed against Ethan’s and he caught the scent of shower gel.

  Ethan reached for him, placing his arm over James’s chest and pressed a gentle kiss on his shoulder. “Goodnight, firefly.”

  “Goodnight, Sir.” James sighed with pleasure as he closed his tired eyes. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep in the arms of the man.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Wake up, firefly.”

  James peeled groggy eyes open.

  The curtains were drawn, giving no indication of the hour. Soft glowing light filled the room. Ethan’s room.

  He’d slept in the man’s bed, wrapped in his arms. For the first time in his adult life, he’d shared a bed with a lover and instead of passion there’d been affection, sweet and gentle.

  Not that his only other lover hadn’t been affectionate.

  This time had been different. Ethan had been different. He could’ve roused James who wouldn’t have said no to sex.

  Somehow the man had known he was exhausted. As soon as he’d been wrapped in Ethan’s embraced, he’d fallen asleep until now.

  “Good morning.” the man in question sat at the foot of the bed, leaning over, tying his shoe laces.

  “Good morning.” James turned over. “What time is it?”

  He didn’t have his phone to check. He hadn’t used the item since yesterday at breakfast. It turned out he could manage without the gadget when he had a good enough incentive. He would be happy to repeat the routine for similar payoffs.

  “It’s time for a workout.” Ethan’s voice was cheerful, just like the previous day.

  Did the man never wake up grumpy?

  “Again? Can’t we skip it today?” He pushed the boundaries, wanting to see if the older man would relent.

  “Not today. You have ten minutes to get dressed.”

  Yep. Ethan was still as hard-ass as ever.

  “Okay. Okay.” Smiling, James rolled out of bed and hurried to his room to get changed, well rested and in a good mood for the first time in days if not weeks.

  When he came out, Ethan was waiting and handed over his mobile phone. He shoved the item into the shorts pocket, unconcerned about whatever else went on in the world. Determined to make the best of their time together, his laser focus remained on his new albeit temporary beau.

  Downstairs in the gym, they worked out for about thirty minutes, the routine intense, making him break sweat. Ethan stayed attentive and mindful, preventing any overexertion. He encouraged James to push through when he would give up easily and praised him when he completed the assigned activity.

  “How do you feel?” Ethan asked as he refilled his multi-use water bottle from the fountain.

  “I feel great.” And that was the truth. His muscles were stretched and used in a good way.

  The blonde woman who’d been chatting to Ethan the previous day approached.

  “Good morning, Ethan.” She batted her lashes at him.

  “Morning, Linda,” Ethan replied, putting his arm around James’s shoulder. “I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, James.”

  “Oh,” the woman gulped. “Eh, nice to meet you. I’ll see you around.”

  The woman backed off and hurried out of the gym.

  “Nice to meet you, too,” James called out after her as he chuckled. “She got out of here pretty quickly.”

  Ethan shrugged. “Come on, boyfriend. Shower time.”

  James had a bounce in his step as they left. The many layers to Ethan surprised him. Knowing the man wouldn’t deny him to acquaintances or strangers boosted his confidence. In the lift, he pressed his lips to Ethan’s cheek briefly.

  “Thank you,” he said, still grinning.

  “What for?”

  “For what you did with the woman. Best start to my day.”

  “You’re welcome. Now that I know some of your triggers, I can avoid them.”

  James frowned. “Triggers?”

  “Yes. The things that make you lose your temper or get anxious.”

  “You know them already?”

  The lift pinged before he could respond. They stepped out and walked down the corridor.

  “Yes. I know you don’t like women or men making goo-goo eyes at me. You flipped out at Scott and Linda. I’m not about to make that mistake again.” Ethan opened the door.

  James ducked his head and entered, cheeks heated. He hadn’t fully thought of those things as triggers, but Ethan was correct. He’d gotten jealous in both situations. At the time, he’d thought he’d been mad at Scott for having sex with Kezie. But the truth was he didn’t want Scott making a pass at Ethan.

  “I’m going to shower,” James said, hurrying into his room. He stripped off in the bathroom and was glad to stand under the hot spray of water for a while.

  Afterwards, he shaved and dressed in a button-down shirt and jeans. Before he went out, he checked his messages. The only urgent one came from Seun, who wanted to meet up later. Breakfast was ready when he came out.

  Ethan pulled the chair out for him like yesterday. James kissed him on the cheek, and like that, they fell into rhythm as a couple. They ate and discussed activities for the next few days—James’s appointment with a Savile Row tailor, shopping, sightseeing, cinema, and a West End show that Ethan had managed to book tickets for.

  “Is it okay to meet Seun for dinner tonight?” James asked. Seun had sent him a message, but he hadn’t wanted to reply until he had discussed activities for the day.

  “Sure. Your friends are important. So, make time to see them.”

  “Great. I’ll text him back later.”

  After breakfast, they headed out into central London and strolled through the shops.

  James bought gifts for Henry, Gloria, and his mother. He even managed to surreptitiously buy a gift for Ethan. He would present it on their last night in London.

  They got back to the hotel to drop off their bags and then headed out to meet Seun for dinner. At the restaurant they sat next to each other on a four-seat table.

  Ethan ordered a beer and James, a glass of white wine.

  Seun arrived alone, thankfully. James didn’t think he could cope with Scott sliming all over Ethan. But there was a problem.

  “I was hoping to have dinner alone with you,” Seun said after the initial greetings.

  “Oh,” James said, unsure of what to do.

  “I’ll grab another table. Just let me know when you’re ready to leave.” Ethan squeezed James’s hand and stood. “It was nice seeing you again, Seun.”

  He found another table which was behind James and to the left.

  James didn’t like not seeing Ethan.

  “Why did you do that?” he snapped.

  Seun shrugged. “I asked you out on a date. We don’t need a third wheel.”

  James laughed uneasily. “A date? We’re not on a date. You’re Seun, my brother-from-another-mama.”

  “James, I’m not your brother. I’ve wanted to get with you since forever. It was your loyalty to Kezie that stopped me, even when I knew he wasn’t faithful to you. But now you’re free, and I want us to be an item.”

  “Oh God. Seun, I didn’t know.” His unease increased. “I don’t see you like that. I’m sorry. I don’t want to date you.”

/>   “Wow.” His friend clutched his chest. “That’s harsh. You’re not even going to give me a try. I’ll treat you better than Kezie ever did.”

  James rubbed his hands over his face as he got more agitated. This was not what he’d expected from tonight.

  For one thing, he was missing Ethan. The man’s closeness usually had a calming effect.

  Now, Seun was asking for the impossible.

  He glanced behind him, seeking out Ethan. The man met his gaze as if he knew James was looking for him and mouthed, “I’m here.”

  Knowing the man was there boosted James, and he turned back to Seun. “I’m sorry. But I’m dating someone else.”

  “You are?” His friend sounded shocked. “Who? When did you meet someone? You weren’t dating anyone two days ago.”

  “Things changed.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Ethan is my boyfriend.”

  “What? You swore you two were not together.”

  “We weren’t. It just happened.”

  “Shit.” Seun clasped his hands together and rubbed his eyes. “I guess you better call him back over here. You know what? I’ll go.”

  James reached over and covered his hand. “You don’t have to go.”

  “Oh, I do.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I hope he’s good to you. Maybe one day when I’m over it, you can tell me about how great he is.”

  He stood and walked over, kissing James on both cheeks. “We’ll chat soon.”

  James slumped back in his chair and lowered his head onto the table. He had the feeling he’d just lost a good friend.

  “James?” He felt Ethan’s presence as he settled in the chair beside him. “Are you okay?”

  He lifted his head reluctantly. “Yes, I’m okay. Seun had to go.”

  “What happened?”

  “He asked me out on a date. I told him you were my boyfriend.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry.” Ethan put his arm around his shoulders and gave him a side hug. James turned his body and all of Ethan surrounded him. After a few seconds, he was composed enough to lift his head.

  “Since your dinner date bailed, will you accept this old man as your date, firefly?” Ethan smiled.

  “You’re not an old man. Okay, maybe a tiny bit old—”

  “Hey.”

  James chuckled as Ethan pinched him. “Okay. I didn’t mean old. I meant to say, I would love your company for dinner, Sir.”

  Just like that, James’s worries disappeared as his focus became Ethan. The man showered him with attention and made him feel like he was the centre of his universe.

  After dinner, they strolled along the Embankment hand-in-hand before taking a taxi back to the hotel.

  *

  Later that night in bed, they’d talked, really talked.

  They lay together in the dark for a few minutes. He knew Ethan wasn’t asleep, and neither was he sleepy.

  “When did you first find out you were gay?” Ethan’s voice whispered against James’s skin.

  James shifted to lie on his back.

  Ethan’s hand covered his, fingers intertwined.

  “I think I was about fourteen years old when I became sexually aware of other boys. I didn’t quite understand what was going on. When I got to about sixteen, I realised I didn’t have any romantic interest in girls.”

  “So, you’ve never dated women?”

  “I dated girls for a while during my university days, but it was never sexual. It was a period of my life when I struggled with my identity, and I thought, if I tried hard enough, my homosexuality would go away. But I could never get aroused with girls even when they touched me, and if I did, I didn’t stay hard for long.”

  Ethan lifted his hand and pressed kisses to his knuckles. “And your family never suspected you were gay?”

  “No. I’ve spent so long hiding it from them. Henry and my mother sacrificed so much for me. Henry, especially, gave up so much, worked hard to give me everything I have today. I guess in a way I’m spoilt because I never had to work as hard as he did. And yet I get to enjoy what he built. So, my biggest fear is that he would find out and be ashamed of me. I don’t want to disappoint them. They are the only family I have.”

  “Do you think your mother and brother will stop loving you if they knew?”

  “Yes. That’s what happened to Seun. His parents disowned him and threw him out. If that happened to me, I wouldn’t survive. I’d probably end it.”

  Ethan’s body tensed, and the bedside lamp came on.

  “Please don’t turn the light on.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked away from Ethan’s piercing gaze. “It’s easier to talk when the light is off.”

  Darkness returned, and for a few seconds no one spoke.

  “What did you mean by ‘end it all’?” Ethan asked in a gentle voice.

  James sighed. “When I was a teenager, I had suicidal thoughts. I started seeing a therapist.”

  “Oh, firefly.” Ethan’s arms around James tightened. “I wish I’d been there for you. But I’m glad you’re in therapy. Have you had those thoughts more recently?”

  “No. Not for a long time. My life was on a positive trajectory until Kezie happened. I saw the therapist once after that because I needed to talk to someone.”

  “I’m glad you have the therapist. But if you need to talk anytime, you can call me.”

  “That’s a generous offer. You’ve done so much for me already. I don’t want to bother you more.”

  “It’s not a hassle. Call me whenever you need to talk.”

  “I tell you what. Find the crazy person who sent those nasty messages, and we’ll call it even. Enough about me. What about you? How did you know you were bisexual?”

  Ethan took a while to answer. James thought he wouldn’t reply.

  “As a teenager I knew I was attracted to men and women. My first time with a man was with my best friend, Kunle. The thing between us had been building for months perhaps years. One night, he turned up with beers. We played video games, got drunk and the next thing we were all over each other. The next day he blanked me and didn’t want to talk about what had happened between us. A couple of weeks later he was back offering drinks and asking for forgiveness. We made up with more sex. But his attitude afterwards didn't improve and we had a tumultuous relationship where he would shun me in public or for days and then turn up and crawl into bed with me. He was a star athlete, on the college football team and could have made it into the pro league. He’d been a great friend but had turned into a lousy boyfriend. One night I got fed up and told him we were done. He couldn’t handle it. He left my place in a fit of rage. The next morning, I found out he’d died in a crash.”

  “Oh.” James tightened his grip around Ethan and pressed his lips to the man’s arm to soothe his pain. “I’m so sorry.”

  It took a few seconds before Ethan spoke. “Thank you. For a long time I carried the guilt. If I hadn’t sent him away that night he would still be alive. I should have understood his fears and self-hatred. I should have helped him, somehow. I should have insisted he spoke to someone who could have helped him work out his problems. He should have been in therapy.”

  James didn’t know what to say when the older man’s pain felt so raw. He just carried on caressing his skin.

  “Funke was his sister. We bonded after his death. I graduated and joined the Marine Corps as an officer. We got married, had the twins and stayed together until about five years ago. Through the years we were together, I was faithful to her and I believed she was to me too. We had a good relationship but over the years we drifted apart. I guess I didn’t want to end the marriage because it would feel as if I had failed Kunle a second time by divorcing his sister.”

  “I understand,” James said, as his heart ached. Ethan was a beautiful soul. He wished he could wave a wand and take away his sorrow.

  As he lay here listening to Ethan, it hit him. He was in love with Ethan. Fuck. He didn’t know how it had happened. But he knew it to be tru
e. Instead of feeling relieved, his heart splintered.

  How had he allowed himself to fall in love? What was he going to do about it?

  He hadn’t planned to fall in love with this man. This was supposed to be temporary.

  “Would you like us to continue seeing each other once we’re back in Lagos?” Ethan’s voice was low and probing, as if he could read minds.

  James swallowed and shifted, turning his back to Ethan. For a few seconds, he didn’t speak while his stomach turned rock hard.

  The idea of being with Ethan after the holiday was enticing. Yet it wouldn’t work. There would be so many things against them. He didn’t want to go through the shit he went through with Kezie again.

  No man, not even Ethan, would want him forever.

  Best to stick with the original arrangement—experiment in London.

  Swallowing the lump in his throat, he finally forced his tongue to move. “No. I want it to end as we agreed, at the end of the holiday.”

  For a few seconds Ethan didn’t say anything. Then he rolled onto his side and wrapped his arm around James’s mid-riff.

  “Okay. Good night, firefly,” Ethan whispered in a husky tone against his nape.

  The man’s understanding unravelled him. Tears banked in James eyes and spilled onto the pillow. He was going to lose Ethan.

  He swallowed several times before he could manage a “Good night, Sir.”

  He would never forget this man.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  James sat in his office pretending to work. To be fair, it was a slow day, a slow week, and Henry was away on a business trip.

  Eyes closed, he pressed his palms to his eyelids and gently massaged his temples with fingers. He hadn’t slept properly since his return from London.

  Ethan.

  The name whispered through his tired mind, memories of their time together on playback.

  Their sightseeing trips to museums, Madame Tussaud, the London Eye, a trip on a river boat, Hampton Court Palace and more. Each day they’d visited a different place, stopping for lunch at restaurants or coffee shops. They’d even done some shopping at Harrods and Selfridges, amongst other retailers.