The More I See

by Mondello, Lisa

  She chuckled and swallowed a small lump that lodged in her throat.

  "The first night I absolutely refused to go to sleep because I thought it was all a dream and I'd wake up blind again."

  "Was it anything like you thought it would be?"

  "Yes and no." Some things were very different.

  "That's a good answer."

  She laughed again and stood up, brushing the dry grass from her jeans.

  "Faces intrigued me. Even sculpting never gave me a clear image in my mind."

  "What's that?"

  "What?"

  "Sculpting. Are you talking about with clay?"

  She shook her head. "With your hands. Touching something and then forming the image in your mind. Kind of like a hands-on sonogram. Most people did have blank faces to me, but the people I was close to usually let me sculpt them. That's what I called it anyway. I could feel what they looked like."

  "With your hands."

  "Yes, just like a real sculptor uses clay."

  "How you do that?"

  Cody seemed to be hanging on her every word and, for the first time since she'd arrived at the ranch, seemed very interested in what she had to say.

  "I would touch their face, glide my fingers over their features, and commit them to memory. Kind of like an instant Polaroid."

  "Will you show me?"

  "What do you mean 'show you?' I can't really show you." She let out a quick laugh, mostly out of nervousness. Was he serious?

  "Sure you can. You aren't afraid, are you?"

  "No, of course not." Absolutely! Sculpting was not something she'd ever done with a stranger. Sure, Cody wasn't really a stranger anymore, but he certainly wasn't somebody she felt close enough to to touch in that way.

  "Then what's the problem?" he asked.

  "I can't accurately show you without..."

  "Touching me? That is kind of the point, isn't it?"

  His mouth lifted to one side in a devilish grin. This was a side of Cody she hadn't yet seen. Teasing, playful, and knowing full well he was getting to her.

  Damn him.

  "I've never shown someone how to do it before. Besides, it's no big deal."

  "If it's no big deal, then I don't see the problem. Come on, I'm not going to bite. Just close your eyes and do it to me. I want to know how it's done."

  Her pulse quickened, but she couldn't fathom why. Why did he do this to her?

  She sat back down on the grass under the sturdy arms of the shady tree. She was

  knee-to-knee with Cody, and had to lean forward with her arms stretched to reach him. He seemed to sense the problem and moved in closer, resting his hands on her knees. Leaning forward, she placed her hands on his cheek.

  "Wait," Cody said, straightening just a little.

  "What's wrong?" She had barely touched him.

  "I want to do it to you too."

  "After I show you—"

  "No, at the same time," he said resolutely.

  "Okay."

  She was surprised by how quickly her answer escaped her lips. The thought of Cody touching her, even something so innocent as touching her face, sent a shiver zipping through her.

  Not out of fear, but anticipation.

  She'd felt his control, his strength, in the pool and it had taken her time to get over the effect it had on her.

  It wasn't as if this was the first time she'd been touched this way by a man. She had sculpted with Chad before, and why wouldn't she? They'd been dating a long time by then and she was curious about everything about him.

  Somehow, with Cody, Lyssa knew it would be very different.

  #

  Chapter Four

  Lyssa closed her eyes and silently sucked in a deep breath when she took Cody's hands in her much smaller ones and guided them to her warm cheeks. It had been more than four years since she'd sculpted with anyone. The last time had been with Chad.

  In the darkness it had been easy. She didn't see Chad's reaction, she felt everything. In an ironic twist, her eyes got in the way now. Her sense of touch wasn't as strong as it had once been.

  But Cody's was. And she still remembered all too well the feelings of intimacy that collided with her senses in reaction to just a simple touch.

  "Just do what I do," she said, her voice just above a whisper.

  "That should be easy enough."

  Easier said than done, Lyssa thought. At least for him. Cody's fingers weren't trembling like she knew hers were. Just being this close to Cody had made Lyssa's heart hammer inside her chest more than getting on that horse ever could.

  "I always started at the top of the head."

  She pulled off his hat and placed it on the soft, green grass by his side. He took off his glasses, placed them inside the hat, and closed his eyelids.

  "Ever so lightly touch the skin until..."

  And then she did it. She'd actually sighed like a lovesick teenager gazing up at the star high school basketball player. When Cody didn't react as if he'd noticed, relief washed over her flaming cheeks.

  His hands were big, his palms wide, but his touch was remarkably delicate. It made Lyssa wonder what it would be like to be held in those hands. Not like today when he'd held her out of fear that she was drowning. He'd been frightened then, moving franti-cally and quickly because he'd thought she was hurt.

  Now Cody was touching her in a way that spoke of gentleness and control. Quite

  different, but it surprised Lyssa that her reaction to his touch was the same.

  He gently pulled at the elastic band keeping her ponytail in place. She had to counter his move by leaning forward so she wouldn't lose balance. And then his fingers were in her hair, touching her lightly, pulling at little strands, rolling them between his fingers and the pad of his thumb all the way to their ends.

  "Your hair is shorter than I imagined, silkier. And it seems to be all one length."

  Lyssa cleared her throat, afraid to try her voice. "Yes, that's right. My forehead isn't that high and—'

  "Ssh . . ." he said quietly, his voice blending in with the breeze while he lightly traced his fingers over her eyelids. "I want to figure it out for myself. Do you always wear your hair up?"

  "Not always."

  Her hands had stopped moving, settled on the square of his jaw. She was too distracted by what Cody was doing and how his touch made her feel.

  "Wait, this isn't working."

  Thank you, God. Lyssa didn't know how much more of this sweet torture she could take.

  "Drop your hands. I think I have the hang of this. Just let me touch you."

  "Okay."

  She fiddled with her hands in her lap as Cody continued to move.

  "You have narrow eyes. What color are they?"

  "Blue."

  "Blue like what?"

  She shrugged. What could she really say? Growing up, women are taught to love

  themselves the way they are, but it was human nature to pick yourself apart when it was only you looking in the mirror. To actually have to describe herself and be honest was just too weird. Still, for the sake of fair play, she gave it a try.

  "They're not a dark blue. My sister Kim has dark blue eyes that remind me of sapphires."

  His hands stilled, cupping her cheeks. "I'm not asking about your sister. I want to know you."

  She really didn't want to pull out the list of flaws she'd cataloged over the past few years.

  "Lighter, not really like the sky, but—"

  "Slate, smoky?"

  "I guess. Yes. But they're kind of wide-set."

  A smile stretched his lips. He brushed the pad of his thumb over her eyelashes, forcing her to close her eyes.

  "Your cheekbones are very prominent. And you like to laugh. I can feel the laugh lines."

  With his hands still cupping her cheeks, his fingers gently caressed her earlobes. A crease puckered between his eyebrows. "No earrings?"

  "I never got them pierced."

  "I find that strange."
/>
  "Why?"

  "I don't know. Girls like jewelry and all those dainty things."

  Lyssa didn't want to mention the dainty things he missed seeing earlier. Her one and only true vice was fine underwear. The best. It had always been that way. She loved to feel it beneath her clothes. If she had money in her pocket to buy either a dress or some lingerie, she chose the latter, which was maybe why most of her wardrobe consisted of blue jeans and cotton shirts. It wasn't very alluring to the opposite sex, she knew, but it made her feel good.

  Wearing casual clothes made it easier to work with the dogs. She didn't have to worry about ruining her clothes, even though her mother always complained it made her look too boyish.

  That may be true, but it was the sleek silk underneath her denim blues that made Lyssa feel feminine. However, that particular detail wasn't likely to come up in conversation between her and Cody any time soon.

  "I don't wear any jewelry when I'm working with dogs. Which is pretty much all the time."

  "You're not working with any dogs right now," he challenged her with a grin.

  "It's become a habit. I don't even think about it most of the time, unless someone brings it up."

  She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing as the pad of his thumbs made a slow pass over her lips. Then another.

  "And I'm guessing no lipstick either."

  "That's right."

  His lips tilted into a grin. "Generous mouth."

  She laughed at that. "Some would say a little too generous. In size and opinion."

  Lyssa sat there with Cody on the grass beneath the shady tree. He forced her eyes closed with his fingers. All of her senses seemed to explode to life. In the distance, she heard the sound of grazing cattle, the rustle of leaves blowing over bony roots protruding from the ground. If she was quiet enough she could swear she could hear the hammer of own heart beating with Cody's.

  He said her name so softly Lyssa wasn't sure she had actually heard it at all. But then his fingers cupped her cheeks again and she opened her eyes.

  Cody sat there, his lips just inches from hers. His eyes were closed, his mouth slightly parted, his lips moist. He was going to kiss her. That realization sparked a flame so deep and hot inside her it stole her breath away. She had been so caught up in how she felt that she hadn't been paying attention at all to Cody's reaction. And the fact that touching her this way had affected him too only made her senses burn brighter.

  She shouldn't be so shocked, but she was. It wasn't as if she hadn't imagined what it would be like to kiss Cody. In truth, she had. The past three nights had seemed very long, leaving her anxious and wondering about the kind of man Cody really was. Not just now,

  but before the accident, before his life had been derailed so drastically.

  She had seen many people bounce back from similar tragedies, although it was never easy. It took a certain amount of inner strength that made a person put one foot in front of the other. Those whose situations made it seem near certain they wouldn't succeed were usually the ones who surprised her the most. That inner strength of character drove them beyond what was believed possible.

  Cody had that inner strength. Lyssa knew it. There was something so strong about him, so determined, and yet he somehow had succumbed to the idea that his life was over.

  And now here he was clearly wanting something that she herself had dreamed of these past three nights. She wanted to kiss him, wanted to feel what it was like to press her lips against his and discover the mystery, feel the engine that burned inside him roar to life.

  For her this time.

  He said her name again, this time louder, and it was clear to Lyssa that he was waiting, waiting for her to lean in and except his invitation.

  She ran her tongue over her lips, feeling the cool breeze brush over them as the wind blew.

  His hands lingered on her cheeks, touching her softly in silence. He held her face in his hands with such care it made her dizzy. Then he abruptly dropped them to his lap.

  "You're a very beautiful woman, Alyssandra." His voice was so low and deep that she could barely hear it over the neighs of the horses, the distant moos of cattle, and the rustling of leaves in the trees.

  Tears immediately sprang to Lyssa's eyes. Not because she didn't believe Cody. In his mind, maybe he had taken the simple, plain woman she was in reality and turned her into something beautiful in his mind. And for that moment, she did feel as beautiful as he seemed to believe.

  At first, he didn't move away, and didn't say another word. He just sat there, oh, so close, opposite her on the grass. All Lyssa could think of was the way he'd held her face in his hands as if she were a fragile piece of glass.

  And then he did move away, leaning back with his arms behind him, as if he was actually gazing out at the pasture beyond them.

  Already she missed the feel of his hands and was disappointed the brief link they'd shared was now broken. Regret washed over her and she only hoped Cody couldn't hear it in her voice.

  "Thank you," he murmured.

  "For what?"

  "For letting me see you. For making me feel alive for the first time in eight months."

  She smiled, feeling a heat swell in her chest and creep up her neck. "You're welcome."

  "Tell me what you see. The pasture, I mean."

  She looked out at the field. "It's breathtaking. But you know that already."

  "Yes, I do know. But I want to hear it from you. I want to see it through your eyes. It's different to sit here like I have my whole life and look at these pastures.

  "People tend to take things for granted when they know all they have to do is reach out and grab something and it's theirs. It loses meaning. It's different looking at something for the first time. Don't you think?"

  "I suppose you're right."

  Lyssa gazed out at the rippling fields of sunlit gold and green. The hills rolled all the way across the pasture until they reached a wooded area.

  "The branches of this tree stretch out and form a sort of shaded cave. A few cattle are huddled underneath a similar tree on the rise of one of the hills, but most of the herd is huddled together out in the field."

  "But where are we?"

  "There is a dirt road that cuts through the far right-hand side of the pasture and heads into the wooded area that goes to the hills. Patches of beautiful wildflowers are all blooming on one side of it."

  "And on the other side of the road is a flat grassy spot?"

  She smiled. "Yes."

  "Take me there."

  She glanced at him then, saw the bittersweet smile playing at the corners of his lips. It almost seemed as if he was at war with it.

  She didn't relish the idea of getting back on that horse, although she had to admit that old Diesel was as gentle as a kitten, despite his size. But this time she didn't have a stool to stand on to help her hoist herself into the saddle. Which meant only one thing. Cody had to help her. And without his vision she wondered how what seemed comical earlier could be frustrating now.

  There was only one way to find out.

  * * *

  Cody needed a distraction. He hadn't been kidding when he said this was the first time in eight months he truly felt alive. It had taken every bit of willpower he had to hold himself back and not kiss Lyssa. Sure, there was a lot of steam and sass in Lyssa, but something told him this wasn't a woman who knew the rules of the game. There was a definite innocence floating just beneath the surface of her that Cody found hard to ignore. That he found enticing.

  He extended his hand, and she easily slipped hers into it. It didn't feel as if she was leading him when she didn't readily release his grip. And he liked that about her. He didn't feel this crippling sense of need. At least, not the kind of need that ate at his soul.

  With their hands entwined, he couldn't help but think of the feel of his hands on Lyssa's face, feeling her soft, warm breath against his palm. How it nearly did him in.

  As if she was oblivious
to the war raging inside him, Lyssa just walked, and he followed until the sounds of hooves dropping to the dirt and jaws chomping grew louder.

  A light breeze cooled his cheeks and brought Lyssa's scent with it. She was standing right beside him. Above the more familiar smell of animals and baking grass was a faintly sweet smell that he'd come to associate with Lyssa.

  Before she could move out of his way, his hands were around her waist. And for a

  second, he'd forgotten why they were standing there in the field. He wanted to kiss her, feel his mouth cover hers and feel her explode beneath his touch.

  "I'll lift you up," he said, not giving her the chance to protest.

  "Okay. But then you'll need to find your horse."

  "That's not a problem."

  It hadn't taken a whole lot of effort to lift her. Having been in the saddle once already she knew the drill. He took the extra moment to stroke Diesel E's neck while waiting for her prompt.

  "Sassy's just a few yards to your left. I'll guide you there."

  He wanted to tell her that all he had to do was whistle and Sassy would be by his side.

  But that hadn't been a cue between the two of them in many months. Cody couldn't be sure that Sassy would remember the way it used to be with them.

  Regret ran strong through his veins, soaking him hard from head to foot. He'd stayed away too long. Animals were forgiving. But he'd let go of something precious that he loved, not trusting it would be there for him when he needed it the most. He hadn't been fair to either one of them.

  So Diesel E led the way and before he knew it, Sassy was standing beside him, waiting patiently for him to mount. His sunglasses hid the unbidden tears that sprung to his eyes. Thank God some things were as sure as the sunrise. Too bad his faith hadn't been.

  Within the next minute they were riding and he remembered how he loved sitting in the saddle.

  "Where are we now?"

  "Just at the edge of the road, on the flat grassy area we came in on."

  "Good."

  His lips stretched into a wide grin before he could help himself. The regret he'd felt just moments ago was replaced by something more potent. Reaching up, he pulled down his hat extra tight on his head.

  "How much distance do you figure we have until we hit the trees?"