I finally turn to look at him. He’s looking great, in a pair of black trousers with a white shirt. His hair is perfect, but isn’t it always? He’s smiling and I do really miss his smile.
‘It looks great,’ I tell him. ‘Seriously. You’ve done an amazing job.’
‘Well, the critics seem to think so,’ he says under his breath. ‘So that’s a relief.’
‘I should probably go find my mum and dad,’ I say.
‘Wait, don’t go yet,’ he replies. ‘My mum and dad just left, but they’ve been here since the doors opened. I had a long chat with my mum after you left. She told me that you’d told her to talk to me. We figured a lot of things out so thank you – we’re in a much better place now.’
I laugh.
‘What’s funny?’ he asks.
‘I was just about to say “honesty is everything” but that seems almost sarcastic given everything that has happened,’ I say.
‘I am sorry, about all of that,’ he says. ‘I know a few words aren’t nearly enough to explain what the hell went wrong but last year was a weird year. I know that I messed up. I backed myself into a corner with you. The first note was a misguided attempt at being funny – I didn’t think you'd reply. Then I figured I’d use the insight to make things easier at work… and then I just loved the way you chatted to me. I know everyone in the office hates me and I suppose it just gave me a chance to chat to you, not as your boss, and get to know you but… I shouldn’t have.’
‘I’m sorry too,’ I reply. ‘I guess we both made such a mess of things.’
I don’t have to agree with what Damian did to understand why he did it. I know what it’s like to keep a secret and then get in too deep to tell the truth.
‘The thing that I can’t stop thinking, though, is that we made a mess of things before we got together… but everything after we left for Christmas was great, wasn’t it?’
‘I thought so,’ I say. ‘But that’s exactly why I didn’t know how to tell you I was quitting. I didn’t want to hurt you.’
‘How is the new job?’ he asks.
‘I love it,’ I tell him. ‘But I miss you.’
After months of lies and a messy fallout, what harm could the truth do now?
I feel a lump in my throat, as if my heart has just jumped up into my mouth. If he doesn’t say something soon, I'm going to throw up.
‘Maybe now that we’re not working together, we could tolerate hanging out together sometimes?’
I smile.
‘Yeah, I’d like that,’ I reply.
I feel as if we’ve both made such a mess of things. Perhaps a fresh start – one where I don’t have to answer to him – is just what we need.
‘Would you like that tonight?’ he asks. ‘Because before your mum and dad lured you in here under false pretences, they invited me for dinner with you all.’
I can’t hide my smile. I feel as if before, when I was working for him, there was this barrier that stopped us from ever moving forward. Now that it’s gone, who knows what could happen? I’m excited to find out though.
‘I bet they did,’ I say. ‘Sure, why not?’
‘Phew,’ he says. ‘I’m so glad I didn’t just write “I’m sorry” on a Post-it and stick it to your forehead.’
‘Yeah, it’s definitely too soon for anything like that,’ I tell him. ‘I’m not sure I’d find that funny… yet… But dinner with me and my parents sounds like a good way to get things back on track.’
Ordinarily you have to be pretty serious with a man before you’ll invite him for dinner with your parents but, seeing as though Damian and I started out by having Christmas dinner with them, the three of us having regular dinner together doesn’t really seem like a big deal.
‘It’s just great to have a second chance, to try and make it up to you,’ he says. ‘It’s been weird, not seeing you for over a month.’
‘Same,’ I reply. ‘But I did finally find your photo in my Dial-a-Date box a couple of weeks ago.’
‘Oh, God, I completely forgot about that,’ he says with a laugh and a gentle cringe. ‘I thought it would be funny.’
‘Oh, it was,’ I assure him.
‘Did I get a date, when you played it?’
‘I didn’t actually get around to playing it,’ I say.
‘Well, maybe we can play it with your mum and dad tonight?’ he suggests.
‘Did you just invite yourself back to mine?’ I ask in playful disbelief.
‘Only to play with myself,’ he says. ‘Wait, that came out wrong. But it is Valentine’s Day, and it’s the closest thing I’ll be having to a date.’
‘OK, fine, you can play Dial-a-Date with me and my parents. Is that the Valentine’s Day you hoped for this year?’
‘It really is,’ he replies.
38
Three Months Later
It’s been a long time since I walked up these stairs. So long that I am either completely out of shape from not walking up and down them often, or I just don’t remember their being as knackering as they feel right now. But don’t we often have a habit of looking back at things and remembering them in a better light?
Sometimes it feels like only yesterday I was pulling myself up these stairs, with a latte in one hand and high hopes there would be a Post-it Note waiting for me to brighten my day up. But it wasn’t yesterday, it was five months ago. May is almost over and by the time June is done it will be half a year since I worked for Damian.
I do love my new job. Not least because I don’t have to climb a mountain of stairs to get to it, but that does help. I love working in a gallery and in a way it feels as if I’ve always worked there. I don’t feel like a newbie any more, I'm just so comfortable.
Five months isn’t really all that long, in the grand scheme of things, so Damian’s main office hasn’t changed much at all, which I find a little disappointing, but what did I expect? The only improvement, as far as I can tell, is that it’s empty of all the co-workers I never really liked all that much, but that’s more to do with the fact that the office closed fifteen minutes ago.
It feels both nostalgic and completely alien as I head for my old office – which actually was my own office, it turns out, and not a desk share. And then, when I’m inside, and I see her – the new me – it feels even more as though I were never really here.
‘Hello,’ she says brightly. ‘He’ll be right out.’
She’s not unlike me in type. Tall, long hair, the sort of fashion sense that almost definitely looks as if you’ve tried hard but often confuses people. She seems friendly, and sharp, and she’s got a good eye if her vintage coat is anything to go by. If he was going to have anyone, other than me, I’m happy that it’s her. But that’s why I suggested he hire her.
‘How are you, Nadia?’ I ask. ‘How are you finding it here?’
‘I’m loving it,’ she says. ‘Damian is such a dream to work for.’
I smile to myself, because I know that he didn’t used to be.
‘That’s great,’ I say. ‘It seems like you’re doing an amazing job. Damian is so happy with you.’
‘Aww, that means so much, especially coming from the boss’s girlfriend,’ she says proudly. ‘I feel like you must have such an honest, unique view into what he really thinks… If you can make sure he knows I’m really happy here.’
‘Of course,’ I reply.
Damian pokes his head out of his office door.
‘Nadia, it’s Friday, what are you still doing here?’ he says. ‘Go home!’
‘Yes, boss,’ she says with a giggle. ‘See you both later. Have a good weekend.’
‘You too,’ I tell her.
And then it’s just me and Damian, just like old times, except so much is different now.
‘I just have one last thing to finish,’ he tells me. ‘Then I don’t have any work to do for the whole weekend.’
‘Sounds great,’ I reply.
‘Why don’t you take a seat at your old desk, in your old ch
air?’ he says. ‘For old times’ sake.’
‘Oh, yes, that sounds fabulous,’ I joke. ‘But hurry up, I’m starving!’
‘I’m on it,’ he says, dashing back inside his office.
Sitting down in my old chair feels more like it. The way it wobbles a little, the way the arms knock the desk if you don’t pull it out enough, even the smell of the material. It all feels so familiar.
And would you look at that? There’s even a stack of Post-it Notes and a pad on the desk. Perhaps Nadia really is a lot like me.
I reach for the pad and pop the top off the pen. Maybe it’s being back in the chair, with Damian in the other room, but I can’t resist writing a note.
The boss is amazing.
I open the desk drawer, toying with the idea of sticking the note in there and calling Damian in to see it – we did always say that Post-its would be funny one day. Maybe that day is today? But when I look down and see that there’s already a note there waiting, my heart jumps into my mouth. I snatch it up and I’m so relieved when I realise that Damian isn’t up to his old tricks again – the note is addressed to me.
Sadie, come into my office. x
I smile at the note. Not just because it’s cute, but because he must have known I would look. And the fact I was going to leave a note in there for him just goes to show we are on exactly the same wavelength.
‘I thought you were never going to find it,’ Damian says as I walk into his office. ‘I thought I was going to have to come and get you, ruin the surprise.’
His desk is clear of anything that remotely resembles work. Instead it’s laid out with Chinese food, from my favourite local takeaway, along with a bottle of champagne on ice with two glasses.
‘What’s all this?’ I ask.
‘I thought I’d surprise you,’ he says.
‘You certainly have,’ I reply. ‘Oh my God, is that always there?’
I’ve only just looked on the wall next to me, where there’s a giant print of my photo from Damian’s latest collection.
‘Yes,’ he says very seriously, before his face slips into a massive smile. ‘Of course, it’s not always there. It’s part of the surprise…’
I slowly but cautiously walk around to Damian’s side of the desk, eyeballing him every step of the way. What on earth is he up to?
‘You’re going to New York,’ he tells me. ‘Your photo is. All of them are. A gallery in Manhattan wants to show my work later this year.’
‘Oh my gosh, Damian, that’s amazing,’ I say, grabbing him, hugging him tightly. ‘Oh my God, my dad is going to go crazy when he finds out he’s going to be in a gallery in New York! I can’t believe it. I’m so proud of you.’
‘I couldn’t have done any of it without you,’ he tells me, loosening himself from my extra-tight hug, just a little, so he can look me in the eye. ‘Honestly, I owe all of this to you. That’s why I’m so pleased that, even though you don’t work for me any more, I can take you with me.’
‘They’ll never let you on an aeroplane with that,’ I say, nodding towards my photo.
Damian places his hands lightly on the sides of my face and kisses me.
‘I love you,’ he tells me.
‘And I love you too,’ I reply.
‘That’s why I’m taking you with me, not just your photo, and don’t worry, we’ll figure it out around work, it’s not going to get in the way of your job, but you deserve to be there just as much as I do,’ he tells me. ‘Honestly, Sadie, I really couldn’t have done any of this without you. I’m not just saying that thing that people say. I can’t even put it into words.’
‘I guess you don’t have to,’ I say with a smile. ‘That thing over there is worth a thousand, apparently.’
‘Well, there is that.’ He smiles.
‘Do you think, if I hadn’t decided to quit, or if you hadn’t found out that I was quitting when you did, that we’d be here, like this, today?’
‘Absolutely not,’ he says. ‘I would have put off telling you how I felt forever. And if you had told me you were quitting, I would have kept making up excuses to have you around more right up until the last minute… Then again, I don’t think I could have let you go.’
‘Lucky for us, everything turned out all right in the end,’ I say, snatching up a spring roll from the desk. Well, I did say I was starving.
We might have had a rocky start but we’ve found our way through a maze of work politics, Post-it notes, and family Christmases, and, now we’ve come out at the other side, I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us. If we’re starting as we mean to go on, well, it doesn’t get much better than New York, does it?
Damian opens up his desk drawer and grabs one of the Post-its he used to use when he sent me notes as Adam.
‘We did say Post-its would be funny one day,’ I remind him.
‘We did,’ he says as he peels one off and sticks it to my forehead. ‘This is why we have to stick together.’
Oh, God, a dad joke.
‘Hilarious,’ I reply.
Acknowledgments
Thank you so much to Nia (the best editor on the planet), Amanda, and the rest of the team at the brilliant Boldwood Books.
As always, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and review my books, it means so much to me that you enjoy them.
Massive thanks to my family who I couldn't do any of this without. My parents - especially my mum, Kim, and Aud, who have all always given me so much love and support. Thanks to James and Joey for always being there for me - I'd be lost without you both.
Finally thank you to my fiancé, Joe, for being nothing short of incredible. I love you all so much.
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Chapter One
My Wedding Day
Your wedding day is the start of a life-long journey, and, like any other journey, it requires a lot of planning.
First, and most importantly, you need to know where you’re going and how you’re going to get there. Are you on a one-track path to growing old together or are you planning on making stops at pets, babies or house moves?
On a real trip you’re going to want insurance, but on the life-long journey of marriage, assurance is what you need. Are you doing this with the right person? Will they stand by you for better, for worse? For richer, for poorer? In sickness and in health?
When your plans are all in place and it’s time to set off on this wonderful, wild adventure, the only thing left to do is pack – but pack light.
Unfortunately, on this non-stop flight to a happy ever after, ex-boyfriends will not fit in the overhead storage, no matter how much you dissected the relationship. All baggage must be destroyed before boarding – you absolutely cannot bring your baggage into a marriage.
Before you tie the knot, customs will confiscate any and all contraband still on your person, not limited to, but including flirtatious WhatsApp threads and other miscellaneous weaponry.
I’m travelling light today. All I have with me is my something old (a necklace my grandma left me in her will), my something new (the sapphire studs in my ears), and my something borrowed (a handkerchief from my mum, which I’m going to keep in the pocket of my wedding dress, because you’d better believe I had my wedding dress made with sneaky pockets). My something blue is (apparently) my best friend, Ali, who is currently lying on the chaise longue at the bottom of my bed in my hotel room.
‘Oh, Lila,’ she says dramatically. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’
&nb
sp; I smile at myself in the mirror. Most best friends are supportive, attentive maids of honour. Ali is showing me her love and support by constantly questioning whether or not this is the right thing to do. I wouldn’t have her any other way though.
‘I’m pretty sure,’ I tell her. ‘I made sure I was sure before I spent thousands of pounds on a wedding and a honeymoon.’
‘Well, yeah, I figured,’ she replies. ‘But… I don’t know, I don’t think I thought you’d go through with it.’
I laugh.
‘And yet here we are,’ I say, smiling at her.
‘Daniel is… you know, he’s fine,’ she says.
‘Fine,’ I repeat back to her. Just what a bride wants to hear on her wedding day.
‘Yeah, he’s fine… he’s maybe just fine though?’
My best friend hasn’t waited until my wedding day to say this, she’s been telling me for years that Daniel was just too boring to settle down with. I think this is a ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ type conversation, not that the latter sounds remotely like something Ali would do.
‘I know you think he’s boring,’ I tell her. ‘But, maybe “boring guys” are the ones you settle down with? Take that playboy banker you met last weekend – you wouldn’t marry him, would you?’
‘Well, someone clearly did,’ she points out. ‘There was a wedding ring in his hotel bathroom.’
‘Was?’ I dare to ask.
‘Yeah, I flushed it down the lav,’ she says casually. ‘I really don’t appreciate being lied to.’
Ali is a real force to be reckoned with.
‘I know you’re only being semi-serious with the whole talking me out of getting married thing,’ I start. ‘But honestly, I’ve thought this through. I love him, we’re happy together – OK, things might not be wild, but I know in my heart that it’s time to put sexy playboy bankers behind me.’
Stuck On You Page 23
