Quirks in the Misty Murks

by James Livingood

  As Jace left, he saw the antelope creature eyeing the rhino with suspension. Apparently recognizing sales tactics and false complaints were relevant in this place as well. As Jace left, he heard the rhino say, "Seriously, this is an amazing conversation. Most just ask about size and price."

  Jace decided that he would try a vendor that wasn't as busy. He walked down the road a little bit further and heard a braying sound. It was like a donkey scrubbed a laugh across a washboard. He identified it as coming from a large buck-toothed cat humanoid selling fruit. The creature appeared to have three colors in a random pattern all over its fur: orange, black, and white. Jace saw the animal rubbing the head of a child cat and then licking its face. The child took off, and the vendor watched it run down the street.

  Jace passed the child and went up to the buck-toothed cat woman. "Hello there ma'am.”

  "Hello yourself! Do you want some exotics? Or are you just looking for some toys for the little ones?" She asked back.

  “Exotics?” Jace heard himself asking. She took that as a response to her question.

  “I have Dragoneye, Mountain Marsh, Pineapple, Fletter berries, and some late-season mushroom bombs." She said, grabbing a container from the back of the stand. It held a fruit that looked like tiny mushrooms surrounding a black orb.

  Jace suddenly wanted to purchase all of them, just to see what they would be like. He then began to wonder, “Are these all edible to humans?”

  “Humans?” She brayed softly. It was almost a purr but sounded like a purr and hairball hacking up at the same time. "Most of it is. I don't know if the Mountain Marsh and Pineapple are edible to humans."

  She shrugged, "Not my business to be the food police. If you poison yourself, that's up to you."

  Jace's urge to try out the fruit subsided, and he got to his real question, "I am looking for a way home. Can you help at all?"

  The creature nodded and put her paw on his shoulder. “Sure I can help you out. I'll tell you how to gain a passport, real and fake, if you help me out.”

  "I don't want a fake passport," Jace said, mumbling out, his eyes scrunched up. What Francis had said about passports appeared to be accurate, but why would anyone need a fake one?

  “Sure, sure” She winked and smiled. “So here is the favor I need. It won't take too long, half a day at most.”

  Jace listened and the chore was minor. She had children gathering donations across the city. However, they were too slow, because they had to haul everything back themselves. They needed a strong human to sit at the town square and pack things into a bag. Once the bag was full, the human would use his muscular back and make his way to her. That would save the children a lot of effort and time.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Jace sat at the town square, a sack out in front of him. He wasn't sure how the fruit dealer had told the children so quickly, but they knew why he was there. He didn't even need to put the items in the bag. The children ran up and dumped things off, then ran away again. Jace watched what they were adding into the bag. The day started with the animals dumping off a bit of bread and some coins. Nothing looked heavy, and Jace wondered why they needed his strong back to carry things.

  The bag increasingly got full until it was full of random assortments of things: buttons, strings, a few coins, and some foodstuff. Jace threw it over his shoulder and walked off towards the fruit vendor. She smiled when she saw him coming and showed him another bag; this one empty. Jace shrugged and took the empty pack, walking back to the town square.

  As before, the children filled the bag up with a few small coins and bread. Jace had been looking so disinterested in the happenings; he barely caught the glint of gold being put into the bag. He looked into the bag, and sure enough, there was a gold necklace sitting on top of the pile. It felt weird to Jace that anyone would donate a gold necklace. Jace shrugged and put it back into his bag. He didn’t know the customs around here, and he didn’t want to presume that something was off.

  The day started growing long, and soon Jace found himself getting sleepy. Bit by bit, Jace found his eyes getting heavier and heavier. The sun felt so good on his skin, and he saw the perfect support for his back: a wall with some plush moss growing on the side. Children continued to fill the pack slowly, but it wasn't even halfway done. He decided that a few minutes of napping wouldn't hurt anything.

  Just as he shut his eyes, he felt a sharp shove in his shoulder. Jace strained to open his eyes; they were so heavy. As he opened them, he saw a giant black bird beak the size of his head. It twisted, and a beedy eye looked at him. Jace remembered about what Francis had said about birds and wondered if he should feel more alarmed.

  The bird tilted its head the other way so that Jace could see the other eye of the bird. The beak of the bird opened up and yelled out a word, “Hey!”

  Jace expected a squawk, but then realized he should have known. The creature was wearing a blue vest with something sparkling on the front. The black bird opened its beak again to yell out, "Hey there!"

  Jace scooted back a little bit and replied, “Hello. Can I help you with something?”

  The bird did a slight jump towards Jace so that it would again be in Jace’s face. “Yeah, you can,” the bird said with a tone that implied more explanation to come. Jace held quiet and listened.

  “That your bag, right there?” the bird asked.

  Jace looked at the bag that the children had been filling up. It was like a magic trick. Just a moment ago it was half full, at most. Now when he looked at the bag, it was overflowing with stuff spilling out the top. Jace responded, "That's not my bag. I am just bringing it to a friend."

  “Who's your friend? Can you point them out?" the bird continued, its head switching to the other side.

  Jace shrugged and nodded. He went over to the bag and tried to cram everything in. He thought he saw something sparkle again but decided it must just be the necklace. As he shrugged it over his shoulder, another giant bird swooped in and went near his side. Jace began to walk towards the fruit vendor, a bird on each side.

  As Jace woke up a bit more, he saw the shiny things on the birds was a badge of some sort. He wondered if he had stumbled into something that was going to get him in trouble. Jace went towards the fruit stand with the birds, but the stand was gone entirely. There wasn't a trace or anything nearby.

  Jace stopped and looked confused, he began to try and describe the fruit vendor.

  The bird to his right interrupted his description and spoke up, "That friend is not here, huh? They left you? Can you show us what's in the bag?"

  Jace replied, "I know most foodstuff, and there is a gold necklace. Not sure why that was donated."

  One bird did a quick peck of another and mumbled, “donated.”

  Jace opened the straps and turned the bag upside down. Indeed, the top of the bag had been covered in bread and other foodstuffs. However, the gold necklace had apparently found good company. Gold coins, rings, accessories, and even a gold necklaces spilled out. Jace looked on in surprise. When had all this gotten into this bag?

  The giant birds moved the stuff around until they found a gold and silver pocket watch. One of the birds quickly grabbed it and flew away. “Hey! That stuff is for the children. You can’t just steal from them.” Jace said.

  The bird that remained pushed Jace slightly toward the bag and the pile on the ground. “All that’s stolen.”

  Jace looked shocked then saw a shaggy buffalo walk nearby. The buffalo tipped its head toward the bird and muttered out, "Excuse me, officer."

  The moment finally clicked for Jace. He had accidentally participated in a thief’s game, and to make it worse, the law had ample evidence of his guilt. Jace then remembered what Francis had said about disguises, that everyone here had one.

  Jace began to wonder what would jail look like here when the bird asked a question that was even more frightening. "Can I see your passport please?"

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “I, I didn’t know…” Jac
e stumbled out. The other bird who had flown off came back down, poofing dust as it landed.

  “Just because you didn’t know, doesn’t mean you are not guilty. Now go on, where is your passport?” the bird said, shifting its head side to side. Its partner stepped closer and did the same movement, both of them watching closely.

  Jace stared at one of the birds and said, “I don’t have one.”

  The two birds started flapping wildly, feathers being thrown in all directions. They threw back their heads and cawed loudly. Each bird took several steps, seemingly random. The noise and the wind being stirred up was extremely intimidating.

  “Doesn’t have one?!” one of the bird asked. The other bird appeared to answer with the same statement, “Doesn’t have one.” After a lot of flapping and cawing, they eventually looked at each other.

  “Crime needs to fit the punishment.” The bird said. “You took Mr. Mallory’s silver pocket watch. He spent all day looking for it. You need to make up the time for that at least. The rest of this…” the bird nudged the spilled bag of food and gold.

  “Evidence! Evidence!” the other bird called out, stretching its neck to send the word out farther into the world.

  Jace put his hands up in the air. “Sounds fair to me, how do I meet this Mr. Mallory?” Jace asked.

  "Wait here; he's on his way." One of the birds said, playing his wing on top of Jace's head.

  Jace sat down and waited. Not an hour went by when the rich looking mouse came strolling up, fondling the locket the bird had picked out of Jace's pack earlier. The mini human-looking mouse with a top hat stared intensely at Jace.

  When the birds saw the mouse, they turned around and asked the same question twice, each time almost in unison. "He doesn't have a passport. You watch him. Justice served? Justice Served?" The wealthy mouse nodded, and they both flew away. Jace noticed that his previous bag was in the beak of one of the birds, but that didn't slow their ascent into the sky.

  “So, you got caught up in the fruit vendor’s scheme’s, hmmm?” The mouse said, stepping closer to Jace. The mouse sniffed Jace’s face and then stepped back. He was waiting for a response.

  Jace gave him one, “I did. I didn’t know I was going to be transporting stolen goods. I am sorry they took your silver pocket watch.”

  The mouse shrugged and said, “It's not very valuable to anyone but me. Without it, I would have no sense of when or how to leave this place.”

  Jace nodded as if he knew what that meant. He had no idea. He knew a pocket watch could tell time, but how could it tell you ‘HOW’ to leave a place? Jace continued forward with a question, “So the officers told me I had to help you for a day?”

  “Indeed. Though you really should be helping me for a week or two. My time is so much more valuable than yours.” The mouse said, shrugging slightly.

  “I was told only a day, so that’s what I am going to do. What can I help you with?” Jace replied.

  The rich mouse rolled its eyes and said, "Whatever. I have an important meeting today with the mayor. Join me, and maybe I can sell off your time to him, or something. Humans are good for labor, and I should know; I had humans build my entire manor."

  Jace scratched his head and began to wonder. Did that mouse pay for a manor, or did it just move into someone else's manor? From what he understood of mice, they were pests that just suddenly appeared. Still, this one was not like the others he had seen. For example, it could talk, had a name, was wearing clothing, and had an attitude. Jace then began to wonder if he had ever picked up on a mouse having an attitude or not.

  The mouse was half the block away when it yelled out, “Are you coming or not? If not, I can ask the officers to put you in jail. I am fine either way."

  "Yes, sir, on my way," Jace said as he quickly hurried to catch up to the creature.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The mouse man didn't slow and walked towards a round white building at the center of town. It stood at the door, waiting. Jace watched it waiting for about a minute. The mouse then turned its head around and asked, "Are you going to get the door?"

  Jace apologized and grabbed the door. The mouse walked in and approached a desk filling out the middle of the large open room. Everywhere Jace could see was white marble. The building looked to be built to impress, and Jace was quite impressed. Small statues filled in grooves in the walls. The figures were of various creatures in heroic poses. The room inspired action, which was greatly contrasted by the receptionist mouse. She seemed bored and was spinning around in her chair. The rich mouse went up to her and announced his meeting with the mayor. She appeared to ignore him for about 30 seconds. The receptionist mouse then leaned over and pressed on a button.

  “Mayor, your appointment is here.” She said towards the button. Jace looked and saw a speaker looking device near the red button the counter.

  "Excellent!" came a deep full voice through that speaker. "Send him in."

  The receptionist leaned back on her chair some more, not saying anything. She chewed some gum and then appeared to realize that they were still there. She then repeated what she had heard, "you can go in." She gestured down the hall towards the door at the end. The plaque on the door read, ‘Mayor McFeeny’.

  Again, the mouse looked at the door without opening it. However, this time, Jace knew what the mouse was expecting. He opened the door, and a conference room was on the other side. The room was nearly empty but had a wide around of different chairs. Some chairs had seats that looked to be bowls, while other chairs were short and skinny. One chair even seemed to be mounted to the ceiling.

  Jace looked at the chair at the very end of the room. In that chair was a large shaggy elk like creature. It had tiny glasses on that barely covered up its eyes. The animal was wearing a button-up shirt but without a tie. The mouse walked around and sat down in a chair next to the mayor. The mouse then clicked a button underneath the chair several times, and the chair rose. Soon, the two of them were speaking eye to eye.

  The mayor spoke first, “Yes, Mr. Mallory? What can I do for you today?” It was said in such a bored tone that Jace wondered how often this happened.

  “Mr. Mayor, I implore you to fix the crime in this wondrous place. It has gotten completely out of hand. I can’t go far from my manor without being robbed or accosted. Why just today I had to hunt down the fierce villain who stole my family heirloom!” The mouse pointed at Jace. Jace blushed a bit and scratched his neck.

  “He doesn’t look fierce to me.” The mayor replied.

  “It took two officers to subdue him! And he’s hardly willing to negotiate! I told him that he should work for me for several weeks and he’s only willing to do a day!” Mr. Mallory replied, his hands in the air in frustration.

  “Why would you want to hire a criminal, if he is one? Also, why would a criminal diligently go with you to the mayor’s office?” the mayor asked in response, scratching the side of his head.

  “He took my silver pocket watch!” the mouse cried out in response.

  “It's in your hands.” The mayor replied.

  “I got it back. No, he took it earlier!” the mouse said, trying to force his point.

  “So he lifted it off you and ran away?” the mayor asked.

  “No, no, he didn’t. An urchin child grabbed the watch, but he was involved in the scheme!” the mouse clarified.

  “How was he involved?” the mayor asked, tilting his head and looking at the mouse.

  “The child dropped the watch into his bag.” The mouse said again.

  “What bag?” the mayor asked.

  The mouse looked around Jace. “Where is your bag, human? Your bag?”

  Jace shrugged. He knew the birds took it for evidence. He was a little surprised that fact had not made its way back to the mayor.

  The mayor took off his glasses and set them on the table. He then rubbed the bridge of his nose with his hoof. The large elk like creature looked tired as he recounted the story, "So this human was part of a smuggling ring
that was broken up, but there is no other evidence beyond your word?"

  The mouse nodded as if that was enough. The mayor chuffed once and said, "Last week you brought in a grocery clerk who you swore didn't double bag because he was tired. The week before that, you accused my doe wife of flirting with a goat across the stream because they ate some grass together. I am not saying you are wrong, but you aren't bringing me anything of significance."

  The mouse nodded, an abundant expression of happiness on his face. "I saved the best for last. This human," the mouse pointed at Jace, "doesn't have his passport. That means we could have an unsecured border!"

  The mayor grabbed his glasses quickly off the table and walked over to Jace. He nudged Jace’s head side to side and asked, “Is it true? You don’t have a passport?”