The Case of the Crooked Campaign

by Lewis B. Montgomery

  “Oh, yes they will,” Jazz said.

  “Huh?”

  Jazz smiled.

  “We’re going to have a very special campaign meeting today,” she said. “And we want Zack and Gordy to hear every word.”

  It took a while to explain everything to the team. After Jazz told them about the spying, Brooke wanted to march right over to Zack’s house and give him a piece of her mind. Pria ran to the bathroom and came back with a red nose. And Carlos just kept muttering, “Those rats!”

  Finally, though, everyone settled down to listen to Jazz’s plan.

  “We’ll let them hear our meeting,” Jazz said, holding up the monitor which she had taken from Floyd’s cage. It was turned off for now. “Only it won’t be a real meeting. It’ll be a fake. We’ll all have lines, just like a play.”

  Pria chewed her lip. “I’ve never done anything like that before.”

  “I’m excellent at acting,” Brooke announced.

  “That’s great! Would you help me?” Pria asked.

  Brooke looked startled. “Well … sure. I guess.”

  Pria smiled at her gratefully. After a moment, Brooke smiled back.

  “But what are we going to say?” Carlos asked.

  “We’re going to talk about how we can’t wait for the assembly,” Jazz said. “How we’re dying to see Zack and Gordy’s faces when we open the box.”

  Everyone spoke at once. “The box?” “What box?”

  Jazz smiled. “The box Gordy and Zack are going to steal.”

  “But … what’s in the box?” Pria asked.

  “Nothing,” Jazz said.

  Carlos shook his head. “I don’t get it. Why would they steal an empty box?”

  “They won’t know that it’s empty,” Jazz explained. “They’ll think there’s something in it—a super-secret surprise that’s going to win the election.”

  Milo chimed in. “Gordy and Zack promised to tell kids their idea to raise money for pizza. But they’re counting on overhearing our idea at today’s meeting, and then passing it off as their own.”

  “So we’ll pretend we have an election-winning surprise in the box,” Jazz continued. “We’ll say we plan to open the box at the assembly. When Zack and Gordy hear that, they’ll steal the box, open it themselves in front of everyone, and find their big surprise—nothing!”

  Brooke frowned. “But what if they don’t steal the box?”

  “Yeah,” Carlos said. “What if they guess it’s a trick?”

  Jazz shrugged. “Then Zack still has to explain how he’s planning to raise money for pizza. And if his idea beats ours, then Zack wins the election fair and square.

  “Uh-uh!” “No way!” the others yelled.

  “But since they haven’t even tried to come up with their own ideas,” she went on, “I bet they’ll steal the box. Zack won’t be able to resist it when he sees it sitting on the stage.”

  Pria spoke up. “Won’t that only work if Zack goes first, instead of you?”

  “Zack’s going first,” Jazz assured her. “The principal called all the student council candidates into his office yesterday and flipped a coin.”

  Milo had to admit that Jazz always thought of everything. It sounded like a foolproof plan.

  Bitsy wandered into the room and climbed into Pria’s lap. Pria petted her.

  “BIIIIITSY!” Floyd called from his cage.

  Shooting Floyd an offended glance, Bitsy heaved herself back to her feet and left.

  “BIIIIIIIITSY!” Floyd called after her. “BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITSY!”

  While the team practiced their lines, Carlos stood by the window as lookout. Suddenly he said, “They’re here!”

  Jazz smiled. Flipping on the monitor, she said, “Okay. Let’s get this meeting under way.”

  It all went pretty smoothly. Brooke flubbed a line, but Jazz covered for her by quickly coming up with a new line of her own. Pria managed to squeak out her part without any slip-ups.

  When the “meeting” was over, they all said their goodbyes and noisily went out the door. Then, quietly, they crept back in.

  Milo and Jazz tiptoed to the window. A bush in the backyard was quivering. Suddenly, two figures dashed out from behind it. As Gordy and Zack ran across the yard, Milo spotted a walkie-talkie in Zack’s hand.

  Jazz switched off the monitor and gave the rest of the team the thumbs-up. They cheered.

  Milo sucked in a deep breath. The first part of their plan had gone perfectly.

  But what would happen tomorrow at the assembly?

  The election-day assembly was more than halfway over. Milo, crouched deep in the stage wing, listened to a younger boy drone on about why he should be elected vice president.

  “… and I’m respectful. And honest. And kind. And caring. And fair …”

  Bitsy grunted impatiently.

  Milo tightened his hand around her leash. “I’m bored too,” he whispered. “But we have to wait for Jazz’s turn.”

  He still couldn’t believe Jazz had decided to bring Bitsy to the assembly at the last second. Okay, sure, it would be fun to announce Kiss a Pig with a real pig. But keeping Bitsy hidden until then? Not so fun.

  Milo peeked around the curtain again. Jazz and Zack sat in the front row with the other student council candidates.

  Further back, he spotted Pria, Brooke, and Carlos sitting together.

  “… and trustworthy. And helpful …”

  A large cardboard box sat in the opposite wing. Jazz had carefully placed it so it wasn’t too well hidden.

  The kid at the microphone finished at last, and the principal called Zack’s name.

  As Zack came up onstage, he peered into the wings. Milo pulled Bitsy further back. But Zack wasn’t looking at them. His eyes were on the box. His mouth was twisted in a half-smile.

  Zack stepped up to the microphone. “I’m not going to tell you about myself,” he said. “I don’t have to.”

  There were cheers from the students. Milo peeked out again. In the front row, Jazz sat with her arms crossed. Her face was stony.

  “All you want to know is how we’re going to raise pizza money,” Zack said. “Right?”

  More cheers.

  “Okay, then. Gordy, come on up.”

  Gordy squeezed out of his row and bounded up onstage. When he saw the box in the wings, he grinned. He picked it up and carried it out to Zack.

  The audience waited in eager silence.

  Zack lifted one flap, then another—

  SQUAWKKKKKK!

  A flurry of bright color burst out of the box into Zack’s face. Zack yelled and jumped backward. He tripped and fell.

  Milo leaned out from the wings. Floyd?

  Wheeling around, Floyd landed on Gordy’s curly hair. Screaming, Gordy batted at his head, but Floyd dug in his claws.

  “BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITSY!”

  Bitsy’s small eyes focused on her unwelcome admirer. She had taken all a pig could stand. With a grunt of rage, she charged.

  The leash snapped out of Milo’s hand. Seeing Bitsy bearing down on him, Floyd lifted off from Gordy’s head. As Bitsy trampled Gordy, Floyd flew into Zack, who was just trying to sit up. Zack hit the floor again.

  The auditorium was in total chaos. Jazz ran up onto the stage, followed by Carlos, Brooke, and Pria.

  “Bitsy!” Jazz yelled. “Floyd!”

  Milo dove for Bitsy’s leash and missed. Brooke and Carlos, both running toward Floyd, crashed into each other. Floyd flapped away.

  “QUIET!”

  Instantly, the auditorium fell silent. The principal stood at the microphone, glaring out at the students.

  “Please return to your seats. NOW.”

  He turned to the frozen scene onstage. Pria had her arms flung around Bitsy. Milo, Brooke, and Carlos lay sprawled on the floor. Zack and Jazz stood glowering at each other.

  The only movement was from Floyd. He perched on Gordy’s head, calmly using his talons to comb Gordy’s curls.

 
The principal crossed his arms. “Could someone please tell me what is going on?”

  Everyone began talking at once.

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “The box—”

  “It’s their fault. They—”

  “QUIET!” the principal bellowed again. He looked at Zack. “You first. What are these animals doing at school?”

  Zack pointed to Jazz. “Ask her!”

  “I—I brought Bitsy,” Jazz admitted. “But I have no idea how Floyd got here! He must have sneaked into the empty box and gone to sleep!”

  Gordy stared at her. He seemed to have forgotten the parrot on his head. “Empty box? You mean there wasn’t any super-secret fundraising idea?”

  “Sure there was,” Carlos said. “That’s what the pig is for.”

  “A pig in a box?” Gordy asked.

  Carlos looked confused. “Why would we put a pig in a box?”

  The principal held up his hand. “Enough!” He turned to Jazz. “Let me get this straight. You brought that box to school?”

  “See? It’s all their fault!” Zack said.

  The principal pinned him with a look. “And why, exactly, were you opening a box that your opponent’s campaign team brought in?”

  Zack’s mouth opened. Then it closed. No sound came out.

  “I can explain,” Jazz said.

  The auditorium fell silent as Jazz stepped up to the microphone. First, she told about Zack and Gordy’s spying and how she and her team had set a trap. Then she told about Kiss a Pig and all her other ideas for the school.

  “And so,” she concluded, “even though things didn’t go exactly right today—”

  Everyone laughed.

  “I hope you’ll still vote for me. Because this school needs a president with good ideas—of her own.”

  The auditorium filled with cheers.

  Monday at lunch, Jazz and Milo set out money jars on a table. Behind them, Pria and Brooke hung a giant poster they had made together. It said WHO WILL KISS THE PIG?

  Carlos and Spencer stopped by the table. While Carlos checked out the names on the jars, Milo asked Spencer, “How was your plane trip?”

  “I liked takeoff and landing,” Spencer said. “But in between was sort of boring. Nothing to see but clouds. On car trips, Floyd and I look out the window and see lots of stuff. We play I Spy.”

  Jazz and Milo stared at him.

  Milo repeated, “I Spy?”

  “You know, like, ‘I spy with my little eye … something green!’” Spencer said. “You never played that on a car trip?”

  “Yeah,” Milo said glumly. “I have.”

  So that was what Floyd had been saying! He didn’t know anything about “a spy.” He just knew Spencer had gone on a trip, and he wished he’d been taken along.

  Now there was a red herring to tell Dash about. Milo had been so sure that Floyd could lead them to the spy!

  “I wish I’d gotten back in time to vote for you,” Spencer told Jazz.

  Jazz smiled. “That’s okay. I won anyway.”

  “By a landslide!” Carlos held up his hand for a high five. Milo and Jazz both slapped it.

  Spencer looked over at Zack and Gordy on the other side of the cafeteria. They were eating alone.

  “I bet Zack still can’t believe he lost,” Spencer said.

  Jazz said, “Well, now he’s got another chance to win something.”

  “What do you mean?” Spencer asked.

  Jazz pointed to a jar labeled “ZACK RILEY.”

  “Zack volunteered to kiss a pig?”

  Milo laughed. “He got volunteered—by the principal.”

  “I never thought I’d vote for Zack,” Carlos said, pulling a dollar from his pocket and putting it in the jar.

  Milo knew exactly how he felt. Nothing would make him happier than seeing Zack win this competition.

  Fair and square.

  A few days after Milo and Jazz wrote to Dash Marlowe, a letter arrived in the mail.…

  Greetings, Milo and Jazz,

  Congrats! Another bang-up detecting job on a tough case—and you managed to win an election while you were at it!

  Floyd may have been a red herring in this case, but I still say “Never underestimate the power of a parrot.” One day I’ll have to tell you about The Case of the Bossy Bird. . . .

  Happy Sleuthing!

  –Dash Marlowe

  Warm Up!

  Here are a few brain stretchers to warm you up. (The answers to these and the other sleuthing puzzles are at the end of my letter.)

  1. If your own uncle’s sister is not your aunt, then what is your relationship to her?

  2. A clerk in a butcher shop is five foot ten. What does he weigh?

  3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

  4. What came first, the chicken or the egg?

  Spot the Difference: An Observation Puzzle

  Dirty tricks aren’t just confined to school elections! Not long ago a client, Jeff Jarvis, who was running for city mayor, told me that a newspaper had run a photo that seemed to show him making a payoff to a known criminal! Of course, the photo was a fake—someone from his rival’s campaign had pasted Jeff’s head on another man’s body. Luckily it was a sloppy job. Take a look at the two photos and try to spot the differences between the fake Jeff and the real one! (I showed the two photos to the paper and they printed an apology.)

  Con Campaign: A Logic Puzzle

  Back when ex-robbers Louie, Sal, and Rocky were in prison, there was so much fighting on their cellblock that the convicts decided they should elect an inmate to be Big Boss. The three friends all ran for the job. Can you figure out who of the three guys had which slogan and how each guy did in the race?

  Look at the clues and fill in the answer box where you can. Then read the clues again to find the answer.

  Answer Box (answers at end of letter)

  Rocky Louie Sal

  Slogan

  Place

  1. Rocky’s slogan was BEST TATTOO ON CELLBLOCK 9. He promised everybody a free tattoo if he won.

  2. Sal came in second to last.

  3. The one who got the fewest votes gave away broccoli-flavored chewing gum.

  4. One robber’s posters said VOTE FOR ME—OR ELSE!

  5. Louie’s slogan was WHY DON’T CHEW VOTE FOR ME?

  Something Fishy: A Mini-Mystery

  “Red herrings” reminded me of this quirky case. Give it a try—and draw a conclusion!

  A daring masked man had robbed a local bank. Police had trailed him to a nearby lake where it would be easy for the culprit to lose himself among the fishermen lining its shore. I was called in to help find him. I started by approaching three men on the dock and asking each one, “Did you see anybody show up here within the last hour?”

  “I’m afraid I was asleep,” the first man said. “For me, fishing is an excuse for a nice nap. To tell you the truth, I don’t even bait my hook!”

  The second man told me, “I was busy battling a scrappy little fish.” He chuckled. “Then when I finally landed him he looked so pathetic—eyes closed, gasping for breath—that I threw him back!”

  The third smiled, “I wasn’t paying much attention. I was scoping out a pretty girl water skiing. I think she’s interested. She waved at me!”

  All three stories sounded pretty suspicious. But I knew one of them contained a lie. Which was it?

  Yada Yada: A Relevant/Irrelevant Puzzle

  A witness can really help a detective solve crimes. But witnesses can also tell you lots of things you don’t need to know. Check out some of the things witnesses have told me. See if you can spot the irrelevant information a detective should ignore! (Remember: An irrelevant comment can be perfectly true; it just won’t help you find out what you want to know.)

  1. I was hired by the owner of Pizza Pronto to catch whoever kept painting “YUCK! DON’T EAT HERE!” on the restaurant door. A customer said he might know who did it.
This is what he told me:

  a. Pizza Pronto stays open late.

  b. The food is fabulous, especially the meatballs.

  c. A place called Pizza Plus is across the street.

  d. The parking meter in front of Pizza Pronto is broken.

  e. The guy who owns Pizza Plus had paint in his hair.

  2. My 8-year-old neighbor, Pete, was very angry. “I went to get more milk during lunch—and somebody took a bite out of my tuna sandwich!” His friend Owen broke in, “I’m not sure who did it, but I was at the same table.” Here’s what Owen told me:

  a. Joey sat next to Pete and he loves tuna sandwiches.

  b. Karen sat next to Frank and she likes tuna too.

  c. Frank sat across from Pete but he loves peanut butter, not tuna.

  d. Joey’s breath smelled like tuna.

  e. I like cheese sandwiches.

  3. Mrs. Wilson’s brand new computer was stolen from her house in broad daylight. Her neighbor reported:

  a. I saw a guy in uniform knock on the front door, then go around to the back.

  b. I’d been watching reality TV.

  c. He came out carrying something wrapped in newspapers.

  d. He stopped for a second to scrape something off his shoe.

  e. He had a green and white van with lots of dents.

  4. Just before closing time a woman burst into the Devastating Beauty Salon and said, “This is a stick-up!” Five minutes later she left with all the cash in the register. I asked Madame Cherie, the only one there at the time, to describe the robber. She said:

  a. Her cut wasn’t flattering.

  b. She was tall and had short bleached blond hair.

  c. I wouldn’t be surprised if she cut her hair herself.

  d. I’m sure she used a very cheap shampoo.

  e. Probably no conditioner either.

  Super Sleuthing Answers!

  Answers to Brain Stretchers:

  1. She is your own mother.