The sun began its climb over the horizon. Reluctantly we rose and dressed. Dusa and Esak finished packing. A ground shuttle arrived and took us to the Academy’s landing pad where the long-distance shuttle waited.
I smiled through the flood of tears escaping my eyes, pretending my heart wasn’t breaking. I wrapped my arms around Esak’s neck. “You take care of yourself. No more getting your head blown off,” I said.
“Yes, Shalia,” he whispered in my ear. There was the slightest tremble in my fierce Nobek’s voice. “Please stay out of trouble for a change.”
“What fun would that be?” I teased, but I cried harder. I made him look at me. “Be careful out there. Take care of Dusa.”
He nodded. “Forever.” He swallowed. “I love you, Shalia.”
“I love you too, Esak.”
His eyes shimmered. He kissed me then stepped away to allow Dusa to say goodbye.
“Shalia,” the Dramok breathed, enveloping me in his arms. “If only I could keep you with me. There are many clans out there that can give you more than mine, but I am selfish.”
“I am going to miss you,” I wept. “Vid me as often as possible. I want to hear you’re okay.”
“I will. You do the same.”
We stood there for as long as we could until someone said, “Dramok, Nobek. You must board now.”
A shudder ran through Dusa’s body. “Be well, my pretty one. Know that I love you.”
“I love you too, Dusa.” I stared into that handsome face. Maybe I wasn’t ready to be clanned, but I did love him. Of that, I had no doubt. “Thank you for all the times you came to my rescue.”
He managed a grin. “I enjoyed the rewards.”
He and Esak embraced Weln, whispering in the Imdiko’s ears. Weln cried openly. I felt guilt on top of my sorrow. If not for me, he’d be leaving for Atlanta with his clan. Even this brief separation was killing him. Poor Weln.
Dusa and Esak at last had no choice but to board the shuttle. Weln and I clung to each other after the hatch closed, shutting off our view of the two men. Then the transport lifted into the sky. With a low hum, it shot into space. Dusa and Esak were gone.
Gone.
Weln and I went through the day like zombies. We kept close, desperate to keep the vast emptiness from swallowing us. We found some solace in tending to Mom and keeping her company. Our hearts broke anew when we got a com from Dusa and Esak confirming they’d arrived at their new worksite. It hurt to hear their voices as if in the room with us but not seeing their faces. We held each other while we forced bright tones in answer to our missing lovers’ questions.
The terrible day couldn’t end fast enough. When it did, we went to bed in the room that had witnessed a doomed relationship, Dusa and Esak’s former quarters. Weln shoved apart the two beds, the extra space too much for the two of us, too huge of a reminder of what we’d lost. We huddled with each other, crying some more. I finally fell asleep. I doubt if Weln ever found rest himself.
A huge chunk of my soul has been ripped out. Were they part of my life for only two months? Is that possible? Because it feels it’s been longer. It feels as if we’ve been together for years...and yet it was so recently that Dusa brought me in after finding me unconscious in someone’s abandoned flower bed.
I can’t wait to go to Kalquor. There’s little left for me here.
November 7
Hey, I’m back. It’s been a couple of depressing days, days in which I didn’t cope with things so well. Weln became worried about all the moping and sleeping I was doing and told Dad. Nayun put me on the antidepressants. While I’m not all sunshine and happiness by any means, I can at least function again.
We hear from Dusa and Esak each day via vid com. It’s hard to see them and not have their arms around me, but at least I can talk to them. I still have Weln, who tries to keep me warm at night. I do the same for him.
I am keeping some sense of emotional distance from Weln. He is so good and so sweet that I’m afraid of falling in love with him as I have his clanmates. What is the point of being close when I’ll lose him too? I can’t stand it. We have sex, we talk about personal things, and we spend as much time together as his work schedule allows, but I refuse to get attached. Losing Dusa and Esak hurts enough. I don’t want to hurt any more than I have to from this moment forward.
With all that’s been going on, I forgot about Commander Nang’s presentation to my fellow Earthers until he commed yesterday. Surprise! It was last night. Weln was covering someone else’s shift in the care facility, so I went alone. It was in the same auditorium where I’d done my presentation to the Kalquorians.
I watched from backstage. I could have sat with Candy and Matt King, who were in the front row. I’m still leery of the majority of my fellow Earthers, however, so I watched as Nang did his spiel. You know what? He did a damned fine job.
He started with the story of how desperate Kalquor had become with extinction looming only a couple of centuries in the future. He told them all about the virus that had decimated the population and left most of their women barren. He told of clans seducing Earther women to convince them to come to Kalquor as their Mataras. Some members of the empire had become so desperate for its survival that on a few occasions they did something they found abhorrent: they kidnapped Earther women so the Kalquorian culture might continue.
He explained the truth of Armageddon. He apologized up and down for his people’s part in it. He showed the records found of Holy Leader Copeland’s knowledge and approval of the explosives beneath the cities. Sobs greeted those revelations.
He also played a vid recorded by Empress Jessica. At first there were boos from the audience as she explained how she had fallen in love with her clan. There were shouts of ‘Whore!’ and ‘Slut!’ and other nastier epithets.
However, there were those hushing the angry factions. Someone yelled, “Shut up! I want to hear this!”
The empress explained how she had fought hard with Kalquor’s Royal Council to outlaw coerced clannings. “No woman who does not wish to join a clan will be forced to from now on,” she vowed, her soft, high voice going steely. “I will not have it. My clan has vowed they will not allow it as long as any of us draws breath.”
Last, she lifted an adorable silvery-haired, purple-eyed baby boy in her arms. “This is Prince Wayne, my son,” Jessica said. “This is the future of Kalquor. He is a child of the empire and Earth. Kalquor cannot survive without us. We cannot survive without them. It is time to put our terrible war behind us and move into the future.”
All was silent as the vid ended and Nang resumed his talk. He explained once more that Earthers were in charge of their own futures. We could live on our surviving colonies, move to colonies set up by members of the Galactic Council of Planets, or go to Kalquor itself.
“It is your choice. We will not attempt to convince you to come to us, as much as we need you,” he informed them.
Nang was charming and convincing in a way that I had never noticed him before. I caught Matt King beaming at him from his seat. Well, well. I guess the commander took my advice and got the Earther rep to give him some pointers on how to win over the hostile majority.
Damned if it didn’t work. When Nang finished, at least two-thirds of the audience applauded him. Many came up to the stage to shake his hand and speak a few words. Nang beamed at them all, listening to their comments and treating every last Earther like a good friend.
Matt must have noticed me lurking in the shadows. He sought me out while I waited to offer my own congratulations to Nang. “Now this is cooperation,” he said. “Nang did a wonderful job, didn’t he?”
“You’ll have him running for election next thing,” I laughed. “If they do such things on Kalquor.”
“They do. He has told me all about it. Kalquorians sound as underhanded when it comes to politics as we were.” Matt chuckled heartily at that.
I laughed too, but more at the mental image I had of Nang and Matt golfing as best b
uds or tailgating at a football game. The uncompromising military man and the schmoozing politico enjoying a round of drinks, maybe? Who would have thunk?
Finally everyone drifted off, heading back to their dorms under Nobek guard since it was after curfew. Nang approached me. A self-satisfied grin beamed from his handsome face.
“May I walk you to your quarters, Shalia?” he asked. “You’re staying with your friend Candy, correct?”
“Actually, I’m in Dusa’s old dorm. Weln and I are consoling each other by staying together.”
That turned down the wattage in Nang’s smile, making it tight and unnatural. “I see.”
I sighed. “Walk with me, you overbearing pain in the ass. I’ve missed talking to you.”
I had. When Nang isn’t being a jerk, I’m fond of him. His real smile returned and he took my arm.
We walked the Academy’s path like old friends. The air was chilly, but I’d had the sense to wear a jacket. Nang put out a lot of toasty body heat that radiated through his formsuit.
“You’re not cold?” I asked.
“I love this kind of weather,” he told me. “It’s the perfect temperature for me. How is Eve doing, Shalia?”
“She’s growing stronger all the time,” I was glad to report. “She regains more and more of the use of her arm and leg each day. The therapists know what they’re doing. She stood for a couple of minutes this afternoon.”
“I’m glad to hear it. How are you?”
I shrugged. Nang wouldn’t care to hear about how I missed Dusa and Esak. “I’m myself. Healthy and mean as ever.”
Nang laughed. “You aren’t mean, my lovely girl. I’ve ached to talk to you more these last few weeks. With everything going on, there hasn’t been a second to spare.”
“Not much reason, either,” I reminded him. “Especially now that you’ve done your presentation.”
He shrugged. “Who says I need a reason? I enjoy talking to you, seeing you...”
“Trying to seduce me,” I added.
He grinned, unrepentant of his past sins. “Can you blame me? You are a fascinating, arousing woman. I can’t get you out of my mind.”
I shook my head at him. “Flatterer. You are a scoundrel, Nang.”
“Admit it. You don’t want me to be any other way.”
I laughed. No, I guess I don’t. Despite the rogue as he is, Nang wouldn’t be as interesting without that constant sense of mischief.
He was a perfect gentleman last night though, leaving me at the dorm room I share with Weln with a polite goodnight and bow. “Visit me when you wish, Shalia,” he said. “I need to be with you more often.”
Maybe there is hope for that man. Nah, probably not.
November 8
You know, if my life isn’t threatened every couple of days, I start to feel as if I’m not important anymore. Thank heavens people keep trying to kill me, thus feeding my ego.
Yes, that was sarcasm. I’m sick of nearly dying.
I was walking with Candy. She chattered in her typical, happy way about the kind of men who would make her perfect clan. If you ask me, she’d need at least a dozen Kalquorians to meet all those requirements. She wants a cute one, a rugged one, one with movie star looks, one that looks more animal than man, a gentleman, an aristocrat, a primitive beast, a sweet one, a strong one...her list went on and on. I’m not sure if she’s in danger of being too picky to choose a clan or if any three men will do.
I still had my Nobek bodyguard, though I’ve been thinking of telling Nang I don’t require a sentry anymore. After all, his presentation went well. Candy and I weren’t paying attention to where we were roaming as we talked. We were distracted by our conversation. It was a surprise when the Nobek guarding me appeared at our shoulders and told us, “Mataras, we’re too close to the outer perimeter fence. I must ask you to move in the other direction.”
We came to a halt. “Oops,” Candy said, her eyes growing round.
“Yikes,” I agreed. I could see the fence glittering in the site’s security lighting. “Thanks for the heads up.”
We were set to put distance between ourselves and the fence when the bodyguard’s head went up and he sniffed the air. “Someone is coming. Earther male.” He moved in front of us and drew his blaster.
We huddled up behind the Nobek, probably too close, but he didn’t tell us to move back. He was a wide fellow and made a nice shield for us.
“Inside or outside of the fence?” I whispered to our protector.
“Inside. Probably someone who wandered off course as you did, but–wait, here he is.” The Nobek raised his voice in challenge. “What are you doing so close to the perimeter?”
I heard a surprised yelp. Then a familiar voice answered, “Hello, Nobek. You startled me.”
“Matt King,” I told my bodyguard. “He’s the spokesman for the Earthers here.”
The Nobek holstered his weapon. “Mr. King, I need a reason why you’re out here.”
I moved to the side to note Matt coming our way. He looked shocked to see me and Candy with the Kalquorian. “Oh hi, ladies. Nobek, to answer your question, I was out walking. I guess I got a little confused as to where I ended up. I was just regaining my bearings and hurrying to the safe zone when you saw me.”
Candy tittered. “All the Earthers are wandering lost tonight.”
My guard nodded. “Please continue on, Mr. King. Mataras, if you will also move to the designated zone?”
“Thank you.” Matt walked past us with a smile. He suddenly began coughing, hard and loud.
“Are you getting sick?” I asked.
He waved me off. “Choking on my own spit,” he said with a lopsided smile. “Good night.”
He hurried away, and Candy and I started in the direction the Nobek indicated. We’d gone a couple steps when the air around us shivered.
“Get down!” the Nobek yelled and knocked us flat to the ground. The telltale shwoop sound of a percussion blaster rang out. My bodyguard turned towards the fence while staying crouched over us. He fired at the fence, simultaneously barking Kalquorian into his com.
Moments later we were surrounded by Kalquorians shooting at who knew what. Candy screamed her head off. I shoved my face against the ground with my arms covering my head, trying to burrow into the ground like a mole. Grass and dirt went up my nose while I huddled tight to the lawn, waiting to live or die.
The blasting was over within seconds, but it seemed longer. Kalquorians picked Candy and me up off the ground.
“Are you all right?” my bodyguard asked. He smelled of arousal, and I looked at him with wide eyes. Was he sexually excited over a deadly fight?
“I’m fine. Thanks,” I said.
An older Nobek ordered, “Show these women out of the area now.”
My bodyguard picked me up and took off running. I didn’t have a chance to yell my surprise. Another Nobek carried Candy. Within moments, we were near the dorm room I share with Weln.
My Nobek came to a halt and put me down. “Check yourself over, Matara. Make sure you weren’t hurt.”
I took a few breaths to slow my racing heart. I took stock of my situation. “I’m pretty sure I’m okay, Nobek. Thank you for keeping us safe.”
Candy was also unhurt. She gave the two Nobeks big doe eyes. “Thank you so much. I could kiss you both.”
That scored a reaction, as might be imagined. Already excited from their firefight, the men looked intently at Candy. Unfortunately for them, the Nobek who had carried her from the attack had to return to his squad, and my bodyguard was stuck with me. No hero sex for those boys. For all her talk, I’m not sure Candy is ready to give up her virtue quite yet.
She and I went into my quarters, leaving the would-be lover boy Nobek outside the door. Shaken, Candy decided to spend the night. That was fine by me since Weln was pulling an all-nighter. Coming close to death doesn’t leave one feeling good about being alone.
November 9
Guilt sucks. While I don’t have
anything to experience guilt for by Kalquorian standards, I’m feeling really, really bad inside right now.
Weln came in this morning, waking me and Candy up. He was dead tired on his feet, and he only had five hours before heading to work again. We girls got up and got out to let him sleep.
I went alone to sit with Mom while Candy went to her room to sleep some more. My usually upbeat friend said she’d had a difficult time last night finding any rest. Candy woke up about every hour from nightmares. I can’t say I blame her. I didn’t snooze so well myself.
Shalia's Diary Omnibus Page 31
