Sitting with Mom was pretty dull. I was still shaken from the night before, so dull was not a bad option. However, it allowed me to think too hard about nearly being blown apart by a percussion blaster. I wanted Dusa and Esak with me. I wanted their strength to support me.
Hell, I just want them.
I had run out of antidepressants, which were only a temporary option anyway. Dad says what I’ve been taking isn’t physically addictive, but he and Dr. Ginna prefer I don’t start using them as a crutch. He did ask me if I was okay this morning. I’m sure I could have scored some artificial happiness due to nearly getting killed last night, but I decided to tough it out. I wished to make him proud and prove to myself I wasn’t a big wuss.
Maybe if I’d taken the drugs, I wouldn’t have been so damned needy. Hindsight is full of ‘maybes’, ‘what-ifs’, and ‘if-onlys’, isn’t it?
What the hell. I know I should have been more responsible. I’m a thinking person, not an animal. I could have exercised better self-control. I have no excuse for having sex with Nang.
Mom went off for her therapy, so I left Medical to take a walk. I didn’t want to go outside, even if I wasn’t near the perimeter. I caught myself looking about like a tasty bunny watching out for a hawk. I jumped at a lot of sounds. I went out anyway, determined to put the scare behind me and show that I wasn’t such a girlie-girl needing to be protected every moment of the day.
By accident or design, I ended up near the office building where Nang does his commander thing. I know. I KNOW. I was asking for trouble. Yet my feet made the turn, I walked through the entrance and next thing, I’m peeking in his office door.
He was alone, and he looked up at me. A smile spread across his face. “I was going to visit you,” he said, rising from behind his desk. “The report said you were all right, but I needed to see for myself. Come in here, Shalia, and tell me you’re fine.”
I walked in. I tried to smile at Nang as he came around the desk, moving close to me. Instead, my eyes filled with tears and I started to cry. So much for being a tough chick.
When those big, strong arms circled my body, I didn’t pull free. I buried my face in Nang’s wide chest, indulging in how solid and warm he was. How strong. I went weak sister, to my shame. I sagged against him, letting him hold me up.
He gathered a handful of my hair and pulled my head back so that my face was raised to his. His kiss was tender and good. I lost myself in it as I hung onto him, clinging for all I was worth. The kiss deepened, taking the pain and fear of the last few days. I got lost in the rush of lust, especially when I smelled that distinctive spicy scent Kalquorians get when they’re aroused.
Nang kissed down my neck, tilting my head to bare it. His mouth paused about halfway down, and I felt the tentative dimpling of my flesh under his fangs. He gave me a moment to think about it, to say no.
I said nothing. He bit, releasing his venom into my veins.
I suppose I could hide behind my grief over losing Dusa and Esak. I could claim I acted stupid because of my fears over an uncertain future on Kalquor. Or I can use the excuse of the terror of last night or falling under the intoxication of Nang’s bite. I could use all those things as justification, but I won’t. What it comes down to is that I was dying for reassurance and I needed to be held by the strongest person I can find. That person was Nang. He’s the only person here who makes me feel safe.
I let him bite me. I let his intoxicant sap the last of my resistance. Then I let him fuck me.
He was as amazing as I thought he’d be. After I was euphoric from the bite, he picked me up and carried me to a sofa behind his desk. He lay me down and undressed me. First, he unbuttoned my blouse, taking his time to bare me to his dark, eager gaze. His lips parted, and his fangs still showed. He looked so primitive and gorgeous leaning over me.
Nang opened the blouse and lifted me to slip it from my body. His hands went beneath me to work my bra clasp free. Then he peeled the bra from my tits and tossed it aside. He licked his lips as he looked my bared breasts over, as if contemplating a meal.
My slip-on shoes went next. He unsnapped the jeans I’d confiscated from Candy and pulled them from my hips and legs.
His hands grasped the top of my panties. Slowly, very deliberately, Nang ripped them apart, baring my pussy with deliberate violence. I was already wet, but the manner in which he tore my underpants into confetti made me gush. I whimpered at this big, dangerous man, telling him of my vulnerability.
Nang looked me over, like a conqueror reviewing the spoils. In that moment, I knew I had reached the point of no return. I was not going to leave his office until he had fucked me, no matter if I begged him not to. The knowledge had me shaking and desperate for him.
“Lie very still,” he commanded me, his expression filled with primitive need. “Lie still and do not move until I tell you to.”
I couldn’t speak with that feral look pinning me better than restraints could have. He took my silence as the acquiescence it was.
He bent to my breasts, cupping one in his huge paw, gathering it into a round orb so that the nipple jutted straight up. His mouth engulfed as much as he could fit in it, sucking and licking, trying to devour it. I uttered a choked cry, that hot, wet mouth sending the juices pouring from me. Erotic heat zapped straight from his mouth down to my pussy. I wanted to writhe under that demanding suckling, but he’d ordered me not to move. I lay there, panting and moaning as he feasted on first one, then the other breast.
His cat-scratchy tongue laved all that flesh, rasping over my skin. He held a nipple between his teeth, lashing the tip with lightning-quick licks while pinching the other with cruel pressure. Nang seemed to comprehend instinctively how close to pain to take me before letting up.
He kissed, licked, and nipped his way down, sending flutters through my stomach and deep pangs of desire through my sex. His hard, uncompromising grip circled the backs of my knees, and he spread me wide. His smile was predatory as he lowered his mouth to me, those dark eyes watching my face.
He licked the entirety of my slit, starting at the bottom and sliding his tongue up until he reached my engorged clit. Then he batted that about with the tip of his tongue. Sparkles of effervescent pleasure bubbled through me. My hips jerked, out of my control.
“You love that,” he smirked. He did it some more and kept doing it until I shrieked and reached for him.
“Get those hands up over your head and keep them there,” he snarled, shifting from teasing to dangerous in an instant.
I slammed my hands where I’d been told to. I didn’t have a thought in my head except to obey Nang. It was damned difficult to do so when he kept flicking my clit with light darts that were earthquakes in my gut.
He tortured me, making me whimper and sob and finally shriek when my senses overloaded. My belly was heavy with the need to come. I shook all over as Nang teased me right up to the verge and then kept me there. I begged him to give me orgasm until my voice was hoarse. He didn’t answer. He kept playing and playing until I was nearly insane.
At last he rose from his decadent feast and lowered my legs so that they framed his folded legs. He opened the crotch seam of his formsuit, releasing his cocks. They stood out from his body, massive lengths curving up. He was hard, wet, and ready for pleasure. I was ready to let him take it from me.
Nang reached for me, one hand cupping the nape of my neck. He helped me sit up and rose up on his knees so that his cocks waved before my face. His voice soft but demanding, he said, “You have made me wait for this day for a long time, Shalia. You will pleasure me with your mouth to make up for the torment I have endured.”
Smelling his cinnamon-like scent, burning for his touch, I moaned, “Yes, Nang. Anything you want.”
“Do it. Show me how sorry you are for making me wait.”
I started with the smaller cock. I wasn’t subtle or teasing. I tilted my head to the side and sucked it deep into my mouth, letting it enter my throat. Nang’s groan was satisf
ying. His hands fisted in my hair, and he shoved farther in. I tried to be ready, but I gagged a little before he slid out.
“Good girl. Again.”
Instead of waiting for me, the commander thrust in deep once more. Again, I gagged softly. “Excellent job. I enjoy hearing you do that. I adore the feeling of my cock going all the way down.”
He held my head and fucked my mouth, enjoying it when I coughed against him. “That’s it,” he whispered as I struggled to accept all of him. “Naughty Shalia. Naughty little tease. Take your punishment. Good girl.”
I couldn’t help but try to push him off occasionally, when he paused with the entirety of his cock shoved in my mouth. He held me still however, not allowing me to escape until he was ready to leave the warm, wet confines. He chuckled at my weak attempts. It sounds awful, but the truth of it was, I enjoyed being mastered by Nang. He’d been so demanding and uncompromising when we’d petted before. Having no choice but to bow to his strength, I was finding out how exciting I found it to be dominated.
He slipped his cock out of my mouth. I whined pathetically, aching for more.
“Do you wish to kiss my bigger cock, Shalia?” Nang grinned down at me.
“Yes,” I said.
“Ask me. Ask me very nicely.”
“Please let me kiss your cock, Nang.” Begging him for the privilege had my insides roiling with excitement.
“Do you want to lick it too?”
“Yes. Please let me lick your cock.”
“What else?”
A pearlescent drop had formed on the tip of his primary penis. I wanted it. I was afraid it would drip off before I got to it.
“Please let me suck your cock.”
“And after you kiss and lick and suck my cock, shall I fuck you with it?”
“Yes. Please fuck me, Nang.”
“Very well. You are sorry for making me wait for you, aren’t you, Shalia?”
I was out of my mind. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn’t be sorry one bit. The intoxicant left me unable to think of anything except pleasuring and being pleasured by this demanding Dramok. Dusa and Esak were nowhere on my radar in that moment.
“I am so sorry,” I whispered, my gaze filled with his dark, stern face.
“You may begin then.”
I started with an open-mouthed kiss on the tip of his cock, capturing that sweet prize of pre-cum that had beckoned me. I moaned to feel Nang’s flavor explode on my tongue. It was salty-sweet-spicy deliciousness, incredibly feral and masculine. I groaned and wrapped my hand around the base of him, massaging the length, hoping he’d give me more.
My lips traveled all over that gorgeous tapered sex, kissing it like a long-lost lover. I kissed and licked just as I’d promised, stroking both heated lengths with my hands. More pre-cum dribbled from his primary cock. I sucked, dimpling my cheeks as I accepted each lovely offering. I groaned in gratitude each time, eager to please him so he would make good on his promise to fuck me. My pussy wasn’t as close to cataclysm as it had been while he played with me, but I was desperate for Nang to plunge inside me.
The commander’s breathing grew louder and faster as I worked his cocks. He uttered noises of animal satisfaction until at last he pushed me backwards, making me lie on the couch.
“Hold yourself open for me,” Nang demanded, lowering himself to lay on top of me. “I’m going to fuck this sweet body now.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I grabbed the bends of my knees and splayed myself wide for him. I’d pushed him to his limit, because he had his cocks in his fist, positioning them for entrance instantly. I cried out to feel him hard and ready at my pussy and ass. He snarled at me, showing fangs.
Nang sank into me with a long, drawn-out groan. We were both so wet that he immersed himself in me in one smooth motion. His head reared, and he tensed all over. There was a ripping sound by my ear, and I looked over to see him tearing into the couch cushion with his desperate grip.
“No,” he moaned. “Don’t move, Shalia. If you do, I’ll come right away.”
I ached to buck beneath him, because I was on the verge myself. I heaved for breath beneath him. “It’s okay. I’m ready too,” I said.
Nang shook his head viciously. “I have waited too long for this moment. I will not have it end so quickly.”
We laid there, trembling and trying to calm ourselves. After a few minutes, the commander began to move, taking slow, careful strokes. My senses reeled after only seconds, my body stampeding for that gorgeous realization.
“Ah...ah...ah...” I wailed.
“Don’t you dare,” Nang growled at me. “Not until I tell you to.”
My body wound tight, tighter. “Oh please, Nang,” I begged. “I need to come.”
“Not yet. I will punish you if you do.”
Thoughts of being spanked made the urge to climax more insistent. I cried out, clawing at Nang’s shoulders.
He hissed. His hips slammed, and his cocks hit every sensitive part I had. I yelped and bucked against him, driving him deeper. Oh God. I couldn’t possibly last.
Nang howled a low cry and lost all command over himself. He pounded wildly against me, fucking me for everything he was worth. My pussy clenched tight then tighter and my control broke.
I came with a shriek that could have woken the dead. An instant later Nang bellowed. I felt the surge of hot, liquid pleasure filling me. His cocks pulsed hard, pumping his seed into me.
“Fuck,” he groaned as we came down. “That was over far too fast.”
“It was awesome though,” I sighed. “Damn, was that ever good.”
The first pangs of guilt were sneaking in, and I was desperate to hide from my conscience. I stroked Nang’s perspiration-sheened body, enjoying all the muscles under my touch. “What is with you Kalquorians and control?”
He looked into my eyes, his expression relaxed, his kitty-cat eyes dilated. “It’s the way we are. You disobeyed me, naughty girl.”
“I couldn’t stop myself. Consider it an ode to your sexual prowess.”
He chuckled. “Even so, I’m going to punish you for it next time we’re together.”
Next time. Oh boy. As much as the idea revs my motor, I can’t coax the guilt out of my head. I love Dusa and Esak. I’d love Weln if we had longer and I let myself consider him. It’s too soon to replace them with anyone, especially a snake like Nang. Yet I probably will never see them again. I’m supposed to go to Kalquor and find a clan. Plus Nang helps me feel safe.
Damn it! What do I do?
November 10
I couldn’t handle the guilt of having sex with Nang. I broke down and told Weln about it last night.
I don’t know what I expected. Would he be angry on his clan’s behalf? Would he be disgusted? Sad? Disappointed? I wouldn’t have been surprised by any of these reactions. Weln realizes Dusa and Esak care about me and wanted to clan me. Surely he would have something to say that would make me hate myself even worse, but I was choking on my conscience.
Imagine my surprise when Weln chuckled instead and wrapped his arms around me. “Poor, poor Shalia,” he whispered. “Is that why you look as if the world has ended?”
“It has ended, remember? Dead planet? Evacuate everyone?” I babbled because he looked at me with such warmth and compassion I couldn’t think straight. Why wasn’t he telling me off or ranting at me for being fickle?
“Right. Bad example,” he said. Weln hugged me closer. “Shalia, you aren’t clanned. You are not my clan’s Matara. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“But–but Dusa said flat out that he loves me. I adore him and Esak. Why would I turn to another man if I really care?”
“Because you need the strength of a man like Nang. You need the escape from responsibility he offers. These last months since Armageddon have put you under more stress than I can imagine.” Weln smoothed my hair as if soothing an upset child. “The last few weeks in particular have been really horrific, starting with your mother’s stroke
. Even the toughest Nobek would falter under such pressure.”
“I still feel I’ve done something terrible.”
Weln shook his head. “Dusa told you to find a clan on Kalquor. With that, he released you from any and all expectations of fidelity. You are a free woman. You have the entitlement to have a sexual relationship with Nang if you wish, especially if it allows you to explore your needs. How else can you expect to find the most compatible clan possible?”
My eyebrow rose. “Just a sexual relationship with Nang?”
Weln scowled. “The commander hasn’t promised more, has he? His clanmates are not attracted to women. He can’t clan you, not without a full clan devoted to you.”
“I know that.” I was starting to feel a touch better. “Are you sure Dusa and Esak won’t be hurt?”
Shalia's Diary Omnibus Page 32
