The Imdiko gave me a sad smile. “I can’t say that. They do love you, so there will be pain involved. But they understand that they can’t have you, so they accept that you will experiment with other men and ultimately become the Matara of a clan that will take proper care of you.”
I blew out a breath. I still felt weird, especially since I’d turned to Nang so quickly after Dusa and Esak had left. Still, Weln acted as if I wasn’t the horrid person I’d thought I was. Not even close.
Since I was coming clean about all of it, I confessed the truth of how I felt about him. “You’re Dusa and Esak’s Imdiko now. You’ve been so good to me and Mom that I want to owe you something. I’ve been keeping a bit of distance though. I knew I was going to hurt over losing the other two, and I was correct. I don’t want to hurt any more than I do, Weln. It has nothing to do with you. You’re wonderful.”
His grip on me tightened. “I feel the same, Shalia. I’m doing everything in my power to not become more attached than I already am. It’s a relief that you’ve gone to Nang for some of your needs. It makes it easier for me to not regard you as a potential mate, one I’ll have to let go.”
That was a huge weight off to know Weln and I were on the same page. When we made love last night, it was with a sense of freedom. None of the pain that had gone before from our shared loss of Dusa and Esak intruded. We laughed. We romped around like a couple of teenagers. We had fun, something there is not enough of these days.
I’m shaky. I feel guilty yet, but nobody is thinking ill of me. Life goes on. Not the way Dusa, Esak, or I want it to, but it is going on. I’ll keep trying to convince myself of that.
November 11
I can’t stop asking for the opinions of others, especially since Nang has been leaving messages on my com asking me to come visit him. He tells me stuff he plans to do to me, things that make me squirmy inside. He reminds me he owes me punishment for climaxing without permission. How he talks about it tempts me to run straight over and offer myself for it. Damn, I’m screwy.
I went to sit with Mom today. She’s really, really improving. I think she’s recovered sufficiently to stay with me again, if I wasn’t camped out with Weln. I asked Dad if he thought I should arrange for a room assignment for her and me.
He shook his head. “What’s the point? By the time we’d be comfortable to release Matara Eve, you’ll be days from boarding the transport to Kalquor. She’s fine right here where we can administer therapy and keep an eye on things.”
The tone in which Dad said that brought me alert. “Things?”
He gave me a gentle look. “Your mother is elderly, my daughter. It’s apparent she hasn’t taken care of herself over the years, plus she’s had so many setbacks recently. Once on Kalquor, they’ll be able to reverse a great many issues, but we have to get her there first.”
I swallowed. “Are you saying she might die before she makes it to your planet?”
Nayun hugged me close. “If we believe she is in imminent danger, we will place her in stasis. Cryo-freeze will allow her to reach the treatment she requires in order to enjoy as much as another forty years of life. I just need you to realize she is not in good shape as far as longevity is concerned.”
“More wonderful news,” I grumped.
“I know, sweetheart,” Dad said. “Tell me how you are doing. Still depressed?”
I had no intentions of discussing my crazy sex life with the man. I mean, we’re not actually related, but in my heart Nayun is my dad. No way I wanted that conversation.
Nonetheless, I was anxious for his opinion. I said, “I’m hanging in there. Weln is supportive. We lean on each other when things turn sad.”
“Good.”
“I was wondering, though. What is your opinion of Commander Nang?”
Dad blinked. Then his face scrunched up and he groaned, “Oh, Shalia. No. No, no, no, no. Tell me you are not considering him in a romantic scenario.”
I got hot all over in embarrassment. “Not romantically. He’s that bad, huh?”
He shook his head as if to say what am I going to do with you, Shalia? Then Dad slumped back against the wall behind him.
He told me, “Look, if you’re exploring your sexuality and growing comfortable with it, there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I would encourage it.”
I made a face. “Gross. That is not the kind of thing an Earther dad tells his daughter. We shouldn’t be talking about it with each other. It’s too weird.”
Dad grimaced. “Do you think this is comfortable for me? By the ancestors, Shalia, my first instinct is to beat the shit out of anyone who looks at you wrong.”
Aww. That was kind of cute.
He went on. “Look, Clan Nang is not a fit match for you. His Imdiko and Nobek are homosexual. When it comes to women, they are completely disinterested.”
“I know, I know. I’m not interested in joining Nang’s clan. Even if the other two liked women, there’s something about Nang that bothers me. He’s – he’s kind of slimy.”
Dad’s lips twitched as if he wanted to laugh and was fighting not to. After a moment, he said, “He’s a very capable officer. But yes, he has been, on occasion, less than...respectable. He is not above achieving his goals using underhanded methods.”
I sensed enticing gossip there. “Why? What has he done?” I asked.
Dad shook his head and let a smile creep out. “Nothing you need to hear about, my daughter. Just be careful around him.” His smile faded. “By the ancestors, I never imagined being a father could be so difficult.”
“You could disown me,” I pointed out.
He shook a warning finger at me. “Don’t say such things. I wouldn’t trade you for a hundred well-slept nights.”
Gosh, I love that guy.
Later, I talked to Candy about my dilemma. She loves hearing from me about anything to do with sex. She hasn’t taken that step yet, as titillated by the idea as she is. Lately, I feel I’m fucking for the both of us.
“Ooh, Commander Nang,” she breathed. “He is hot. So masculine and strong. Is he really going to punish you?”
“If I decide to have another encounter with him,” I said. I was amused that she found the idea of Nang disciplining me so exciting. I had thought she would tell me to run the other direction. No, she was biting her lips and breathing fast at the idea. It’s no wonder we get along so well.
“I think you should enjoy yourself while you can,” Candy said after being quiet for a few moments and thinking about it. “We may not find anyone worth our attention on the trip to Kalquor. Weln says it’s okay and that Dusa and Esak will understand. Dr. Nayun thinks as long as you’re careful, you should be fine. You enjoy having sex with Nang. So he’s something of a manipulative jerk. As long as you keep that in mind, why not enjoy yourself?”
She has a point. Other than vid communications, I’m never seeing Dusa and Esak romantically again. I should move on, as much as I hate the idea. Maybe Nang will be good to help me work past the loss and prepare for the future. Or maybe I just want to screw my brains out and have a decent excuse to do so.
To thine own self be true.
November 12
I slept with Nang again. Was there any doubt it would happen? Damn it, maybe I should walk around with a scarlet A on my chest.
I do deserve points for trying to keep it from happening. A few. I showed up at his office with no warning, kind of hoping he’d be too busy to entertain me. However, I was ready for him, sexually speaking. The closer I drew to his office, the more my heart pounded. I was trembling all over by the time I showed up there, and my thighs were soaked. I didn’t wear panties, thinking I’d prefer to keep the few pair I’d managed to scrounge up. Nang tore up the last, so I reasoned it was both sexy and practical to not wear any.
A couple of security Nobeks were leaving as I arrived. They looked me over with obvious lust, bowed, and grinned before roaming on their way. Then Nang stood in his door, looking delighted to see me. It’s nice whe
n people are happy you’re in the room, even if it’s because they’re about to get some action.
“Come in, Shalia,” he said, stepping aside to let me walk into his office. He closed and locked the door behind me.
I was so nervous and aroused I couldn’t say a word. All I could do was stand there like an idiot with my eyes wide enough to nearly pop out of my head.
Nang stepped up to me and leaned down. His kiss was gentle and sweet. His hands cupped my breasts and he traced his thumbs over my nipples. I moaned and swayed. That little bit made me want to come then and there before he got anywhere near my pussy.
“Sweet girl,” he whispered against my lips. “But you were naughty last time, weren’t you? I would be remiss if I didn’t correct your behavior.”
Juices ran down the insides of my legs. I shivered violently.
“A touch of pain, and it will be over,” Nang said, taking my hand. He tugged me across the room to his desk. He sat on its surface. “Lie over my lap for your discipline. That’s my girl.”
I leaned over those rock-like thighs, the muscles granite beneath my stomach. Nang placed his hand between my shoulder blades, holding me in place while the other hand lifted the skirt to my waist. His groan of appreciation as my naked ass came into view made me worry he wouldn’t be so harsh with the punishment. I wanted him to be thorough, as if it would alleviate the guilt I carried.
His calloused hand caressed my shuddering flesh. I moaned again, noting how rough his touch was. How hot. In a few seconds, I thought perhaps I would find whole new levels of rough and hot.
Nang felt along the crevice, discovering how wet I was. His lascivious chuckle stood my hair on end. “Excited, are we?” He rubbed my folds with enthusiasm. I clenched and writhed. “Shall I hold back for this first chastisement? Give you a small demonstration while showing mercy?” His voice deepened. “Or should I make you take the full brunt of my displeasure for your lack of obedience? Would you prefer my handprints left on this exceptional ass?”
My sex gushed a flood at the threat in his tone. I made a sound that was half-sob, half-groan as my guts lurched in excited response.
“I see.” Nang sounded pleased, and something swelled against my hip. He was hard. The telltale scent that reminded me of cinnamon grew heavy in the air. I was in for it, and I could barely wait. The anticipation was killing me.
“You’ll lie here for your spanking,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. His hand stroked my ass again, so very tenderly. “Accept it for however long I deem necessary to teach you your lesson. Don’t beg me to stop because you know you deserve this punishment. Mind me, Shalia.”
He paused, waiting for a response. I wept in anticipation, tears sliding down my nose. “Yes, Nang,” I whimpered.
“Very well. We will begin.”
At the last possible second, I remembered Esak telling me to stay relaxed when it came to spankings because tensing up made it hurt worse. I barely had time to make my muscles ease before Nang struck.
The explosive smack sounded like a pistol shot. For an instant, I felt nothing. Then the pain walloped me. My ass burst into flames. I yelled and jerked.
Nang’s hand between my shoulders kept me down, and he dealt another slap to my burning butt. Agony suffused my rear. I shrieked.
“Naughty, naughty Shalia,” Nang taunted from high overhead. Smack. “Such a bad little girl.” Smack. “And now she pays the price for her disobedience.” Smack.
I squalled. Tears flowed in earnest. I wasn’t trying to escape, as painful as his wearing my ass out was, but I couldn’t help but flail with each heavy blow from his hand. My feet kicked wildly in the air. Damn it, it hurt.
Yet that weird part of me enjoyed it. The roasting heat of my spanked flesh pulsed straight to my pussy, making me wetter and wilder than ever. The endorphins released, turning me euphoric even as my ass shrieked with torment.
“That’s it,” Nang grunted, his hand rising and falling, spanking me without any sign of let up. “I love watching that ass dance under my hand. Beautiful. Beautiful!”
The blows were coming faster and harder, yet there was less and less agony every second. I was firmly in the grip of an endorphin high. My ass rose to meet his harsh palm as it punished me.
“You’re turning such a gorgeous shade of red,” Nang groaned. “Turning blistering hot. That’s it, my lovely. Move into it. Good.”
His groin was steel against my hip. The leg of his formsuit had gone slick where I poured excitement onto it. We were both getting off on the discipline. I guess that makes Nang as crazy as I am.
At last the spanking ended. My ass throbbed with every heartbeat. I gasped sobs and Nang breathed just as heavily, though he wasn’t crying over it. He pushed me, making me slide down his long legs to the floor. He kept hold of me on the way down, assuring I wouldn’t land hard. I kind of crumbled there at his feet, my whole body trembling and strengthless.
“Strip,” Nang ordered, rising to his feet.
His tone told me it didn’t matter how weak I felt at that moment. I was to obey without hesitation. Drunkenly, my whole being humming with peace despite the throbbing of my back end, I lifted myself into a kind of sprawling kneel. My fingers fumbled with my blouse, working it off over my head and peeling it off my arms. Then I struggled out of the skirt, rolling around on the floor, hissing each instant my poor butt made contact with the carpet. I’m sure I looked comical as hell, but Nang’s stern expression never wavered as he stood over me, arms crossed over his chest.
At last, I emerged naked. I looked up at the Dramok, panting as I lay at his feet.
“On your knees,” he said.
I was so wasted I used his long legs to haul myself up. Once I managed to kneel, I clung to the waist of his formsuit to remain upright. Who knew discipline could be so wearing on a girl?
Nang had a little pity on me and released his cocks himself rather than making me do it. They nearly smacked my chin as they burst out of their confines. The sweet-spicy scent of him filled my nostrils, and my mouth watered.
“Suck them,” came the command.
The steely voice was such a turn-on. I loved how he was being demanding, assuming absolute dominion over me. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought he’d begged for pointers from Dusa. Good heavens, the man was absolute power and it was incredibly exciting.
I set about mouthing those engorged organs, hungrily lapping his lubrication. Nang tasted similar to the other three Kalquorians I’d enjoyed, though there were differences. His flavor was spicier than the rest, muskier. Nearly animal, in fact. I licked and sucked, loving how delicious he was.
I remembered that funny quirk he’d displayed when last we were together. My eyes rolled up to watch his face. I slowly, deliberately slid my mouth over his larger prick, drawing him in deep. Down until I nearly had him in my throat, down until I gagged.
His eyes dilated, going nearly black. His lips parted and he groaned. “Shalia.” My name sounded like a prayer with the reverent tone he spoke it.
I stroked him with my mouth a few times before doing it again. His cock jerked as I coughed, squeezing out a few drops in reaction. The tendons stood out in his neck, letting me know I’d nearly gotten him to lose control. Ha.
“On your back,” he panted, easing from my eager mouth. “Down on the floor. Hold your legs open.”
I slid down and landed on my sore bum. I hissed in reaction and rolled into position, grabbing the bends of my knees and lifting my poor ass off the ground. Nang crouched over me the next instant, pressing in, filling me up fast and hard to make me gasp.
The possession nearly brought me over. Nang hit my G-spot with delightful force, making me convulse. He continued in quickly, colliding with my cervix and grinding brutally against my clit. My hair electrified. It felt like it stood straight out from my scalp as astounding elation shot through me.
“Don’t do it,” he snarled through gritted teeth. “Don’t you climax without my permission.”<
br />
I clutched him, fighting with all I had to maintain control. Nang rode me furiously, clapping our groins together as if trying to force me to disobey him. I kicked and shoved at him, desperate to contain the orgasm trying to break free. We were a couple of wildcats tearing at each other, though no doubt Nang held back or I would have been hurt. All the while, climax was tearing to break loose, to make me a disobedient lover once again.
Nang pinned my wrists to the floor and hooked one leg over his arm. He had me tied up and helpless, his cocks pounding into me. I screamed as the coiling pleasure began to unravel in my stomach.
“Nang, please! I’m begging you!”
His rhythm staggered. “Do it,” he moaned. “Now.”
Shalia's Diary Omnibus Page 33
