Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  As Oses gently remonstrated her for her eye-closing habit, Candy scowled at me in frustration. “When I fire, I remember Shalia killing that guy at the Academy. I can’t stand to watch anyone’s skull vaporize again.”

  “You’ll have to get over it, Matara,” Oses said. “This is a matter of your life versus that of an attacker. If you can’t pass proficiency, you can’t carry. That means you’ll be helpless.”

  “I know, damn it. How about handing me some of that fierce Nobek practicality so I can do this right?”

  Oses chuckled, patted Candy’s shoulder, and had her try again. When she took out the target’s arm on her next shot, squinting but managing to keep her eyes open, the big guy cheered her with the rest of us.

  We were allowed to retain our weapons, though they have no firepower. “They are yours, Mataras,” Oses informed us at the end of our first training. “They’ll be inspected before each class to make sure you are properly maintaining them. If you are unable to keep them in perfect operating condition, you will have to surrender them to me. The same if you do not consistently attend training. If it is determined that you have no business owning these, I’ll confiscate them. Understood?”

  Murmurs of agreement sounded around him. We all appreciated how meticulous Oses and his men were about the blasters being treated with the respect deadly weapons are owed.

  “We meet every other day for training until you have either acquired proficiency, or it is determined you cannot benefit from the work. Once you are trained and cleared for live fire, you’re expected to practice once a week on your own in the fight simulation range we are preparing for you. Meet here again at the same hour, day after tomorrow. Well done, Mataras.”

  Dismissed, the rest of my class left, chattering about all they’d learned with each other. Most kept their hands on their holstered blasters, placed in belts the Kalquorians had provided. They wouldn’t be able to tromp the corridors of the transport like lady gunslingers however; we were under orders to lock our weapons in our quarters and not take them out until the next practice.

  I hung back, hoping to get in a word with Oses. It had been days since our tryst, and I hadn’t heard anything from him except to report for blaster training. I wondered if I’d disappointed him sexually.

  He barked a few orders at his underlings, who were preparing for the next class due in a few minutes. Resembling a force of nature, Oses turned from them and headed for the door I lingered near. He grinned at me as he drew close.

  “Not too bad for an Earther, little one. You have a natural knack for shooting.”

  “Really?” I felt a thrill that he’d noticed my skills. “Katrina was pretty damned amazing.”

  Oses chuckled as he accompanied me out into the corridor. “I’ve trained Nobeks who didn’t have her natural skill. I might put her on patrol next time an extra fighter is needed,” he joked.

  I was trying to come up with a hint that I’d expected to hear from him sooner, and not about training to shoot, when he beat me to the punch. “I apologize for not contacting you sooner, Shalia, but readying for the portal jump has kept me busy.”

  I frowned. “I didn’t realize it was such a big deal.”

  “Normally it’s not. With things the mess they are coming off your planet’s Armageddon, the dynamics have changed. The route between Earth and Kalquor is not well-protected. We don’t know if any enemies on the other side of the portal will be waiting out of sensor range to take advantage. The Galactic Council and its member planets are scrambling to put defenders in place along the routes the refugees are to be taken through, but those closest to Earth are unguarded. We have to be on guard for the worst.”

  “Terrific,” I sighed. As if leaving Earth and those I loved far behind wasn’t bad enough.

  “We probably have nothing to be worried about, but until we get through the portal safely, I’m not available to explore all the lovely things I wish to with you.”

  Oses’s lascivious grin told me I’d not disappointed him at all during our encounter. It made me a happy Shalia.

  With a wicked grin of my own I said, “I do enjoy new discoveries. Be warned, patience is not my strong suit.”

  “No? Then the moment I can manage it, I’ll send you through your paces in my quarters.” His low tone turned growly with threat. “I’ll be quite demanding, sweet girl, so be ready.”

  Whew. Thinking of how Oses looked at me when he said that gets me all wobbly inside. Speaking of men who melt my butter, I need to make nice with Betra too. The sooner the better.

  January 30

  Wow, talk about people with troubled childhoods. All I can say is, poor Betra.

  I went to apologize to him for the other day when I refused to answer his messages or the door when he came knocking. When I walked in his office this morning, he gave me a look that was a mix of hurt and defensiveness. I guess he believed I would yell at him.

  “I am so sorry I’ve been a jerk to you, Betra. I’ve been upset over this portal jump on the horizon. Saying goodbye to my dads and not being able to reach Clan Dusa turned me ugly, and I took it out on you. Please don’t be mad.”

  Relief filled his features, and he came around his desk to give me a hug. “I’m not angry, Shalia. I thought you were furious with me for what happened with Oses.”

  Oh yeah, I’d forgotten that tantrum he’d thrown when I’d almost had the chance to play with both men at once.

  I hugged him in return. “That wasn’t on my radar, you nut. Although if I were a decent person, I would have checked on you sooner to be sure you were okay.” I drew back and sighed at myself. “I get so caught up in my stupid dramas that I forget to care about important people. Now I have something else to apologize for.”

  Betra laughed and gave me a kiss that warmed me up nice and proper. “Shalia, my issues are not yours to worry about. I’m just happy we’re not fighting.”

  “Me too.” I shoved my selfish self aside to put my liaison on center stage for a change. “How are you? Are you okay?”

  He waved me off. “I’m fine.”

  I arched a brow. “I think not. Going ape-shit when a guy strokes your hair is extreme, even if you’re not into playing hide-the-wiener.”

  “Hide the what?”

  “Never mind,” I said. “What is the real problem, Betra? Come on, talk to me. It’s not often I remember the universe doesn’t orbit me, though it should.”

  He grinned. “You are a mess.”

  “No kidding. Now talk.”

  Betra pulled me into his arms and composed himself. Finally, he said, “To be fair, Oses is not my problem. In all honesty, I like him. I appreciate his strength, his intelligence, and his friendship. He is a wonderful man.”

  “But you don’t want him that way.”

  “I’ve tried to, because I enjoy being in his company. At least I do when he’s not trying to convince me to fuck him. However, I’ve never felt that kind of attraction to men. It doesn’t feel right to me.”

  I smoothed his hair. “That still doesn’t explain your reaction when Oses touched you.”

  The Imdiko sighed. “Clever Shalia, you see there is more to what happened the other day than me not desiring men.”

  “So?”

  Betra bit his lips together, considering again. It was then that I saw pain in his expression. Real pain and terror. Something bad had been done to him at some point.

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed close. Not in a sexual manner, but to give him the support he needed. “Betra, you can tell me. Who hurt you?”

  He swallowed. “My Nobek father’s brother. It was only once, but it was awful.”

  I drew a shuddering breath. “How old were you?”

  “Thirteen. I already knew I wasn’t made to be intimate with men, and then when he—” he broke off, unable to continue.

  I could have wept for Betra. He might be a grown man, but there was something young and vulnerable in his expression at that moment, the frightened boy h
e’d been when his uncle victimized him. No wonder he’d freaked out with Oses.

  “Did you tell anyone?” I asked.

  “My uncle went off to patrol the empire’s border soon after and was killed in an altercation with Tragooms. He was considered a hero by the family, and I couldn’t bear to tell them otherwise. It would have devastated my Nobek father.”

  “That’s awful, Betra. I’m sorry you went through that.” I knew the pain of violation and being unable to turn to someone else.

  I said as much and then added, “You should tell Oses. He’d back off if he realized your history.”

  Betra scowled. “It took all I had to tell you. Oses would think I was being uptight.”

  “You sell him short. He’s a tough bastard, but he’s more understanding than you’re giving him credit for. He’s careful where he has to be.” I waved my hands to quiet Betra before he could say anything else. “Look, you’re in no shape to think about any of that now. Just understand that I understand where you’re coming from. I won’t encourage anything that puts you in such a position again.”

  “Thank you, Shalia. I’m sorry you went through hard times too.”

  I shrugged. “I survived more or less intact, same as you.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t go crazy when a man touches you.”

  “Not Kalquorian men.” I laughed. “I never thought about it before now, but the only good sex I’ve ever had has been with your race. The idea of fucking Earthers leaves me cold, just as you don’t want to be with Kalquorian men. Maybe you should try out Earther guys and find out if the opposite works for you.”

  Betra rolled his eyes. “As I’ve heard a few of you women say – yuck. I’ll stick with females.”

  I laughed. “And I appreciate that, trust me. When can we spend a few hours together again?”

  He grinned, full of deviltry. “I’m free tonight. I’d be glad to distract you from some of your grief over this afternoon’s portal jump.”

  A distraction sounded pretty damned good to Miss Moody Monroe. No doubt I’d be all sad and boo-hoo-ey over finding myself days removed from talking to my dads. Screwing Betra might keep angst at bay. “You’re on.”

  So here I am, looking at the next few hours with a mix of trepidation and anticipation. Portal jump. Sex with Betra. Portal jump. Sex with Betra. Bad and good, all rolled into one. Guess which option I’m concentrating on?

  January 30, later

  We’re in trouble, I think. I’m not sure. We might have been attacked. The claxons are still going off.

  We went into the wormhole and made the portal jump. Betra commed a message to his group, asking us to remain in our quarters until we emerged on the other side, and to be prepared to evacuate if necessary. In other words, the stuff we’ve been told for the past couple of days, ad nauseum.

  I was set to go just in case, but thought nothing of any danger. Too busy feeling sad, thinking of my dads, Dusa, Esak, and Weln. Being angst-y Shalia, in other words. Nothing new there.

  Of the portal jump, I can’t say I even noticed it. Just another day in space, except I had the vid up with the report that the captain sent us newbie space travelers. It gave a countdown of when the transport would emerge on the other side of the wormhole.

  All was peaceful and fine until that counter hit zero, indicating we’d emerged in normal space again. The vid went blank. Moments later, the claxons went off and an order went out.

  “Proceed immediately to your evacuation shuttles. This is not a drill. Proceed immediately to your evacuation shuttles. I repeat, this is not a drill.”

  I got up and moved towards the door when the floor beneath my feet bucked hard. I lost my balance and saw the table near my couch rushing up towards my face. Then all went black.

  I woke up on my bed. Who had put me there? Or did I crawl to it in a semi-conscious state? I have no idea how long I was out, but I have a hell of a goose egg on my forehead. My door won’t open to let me evacuate. I spent several minutes banging on it, screaming for help, but nobody answered. The lights are half-dimmed, and my commands don’t make them any brighter. My room com isn’t working, and I smashed the portable I was wearing when I fell.

  I assume that when I don’t show up for the shuttle, Betra will send someone after me. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. All I can do is sit tight and hope everything will be okay.

  February 1

  Look at me! I’m alive! Dad Nayun will have a heart attack when he hears my latest adventure. At least I don’t have to watch him freak out for four days. Maybe this delay issue isn’t so awful after all.

  Let’s see, I left off with being locked in my quarters, waiting for someone to let me out so I could hurry to the escape shuttle. At last, Betra showed up.

  He dashed in, took a quick glance at me, and ordered the door to lock. “We’re in trouble, Shalia. How is your head?”

  “It hurts,” I said, hurrying into his arms. His expression scared me. “What’s happening? Aren’t we going to the shuttle?”

  “It’s gone.”

  I gasped. “It left us?”

  “They had no choice. We had to evacuate as many of the women off the ship as possible. We’ve been boarded. The shuttle bays were the first places those bastards went. When you didn’t show up, ours was forced to take off without you.”

  “Boarded? By who?” I yelled. Visions of angry Earther men, bent on punishment, danced in my imagination.

  “Sit down and I’ll explain from the beginning.” Betra pushed me towards the couch, sat down, and pulled me into his lap where he held me.

  He checked my eyes. “Do you have any blurred vision? Nausea?”

  “No,” I answered. “Just a pounding headache. Betra, I’m fine. Tell me what’s happening. Who attacked us? Why couldn’t I leave?”

  “I locked you in when I found you unconscious. The shuttle had already taken off, and I needed to keep you as safe as I could while I found out what we were facing.” Betra drew a deep breath. He was in control, but I saw fear. “Wait with the questions and let me start from the beginning.”

  “Okay.” I huddled in his lap. I would have felt safe but for the terror on his face.

  “We emerged from the portal five minutes after the destroyers went through. They, along with the two destroyers waiting to join up with us, were supposed to signal us if there was trouble. We didn’t receive any such signal, so we came on.”

  I swallowed. Earther warships had com frequency blocking technology. “Battlecruisers?” I whispered.

  Betra nodded. “Three of them, as well as other vessels of various origins.”

  I could have screamed. Four Kalquorian destroyers and a transport could be overcome by three of my race’s battlecruisers. “Other ships too? Some of the other races have banded with what remains of Earth’s fleet?”

  “No, all the ships are under the control of Tragooms. They must have captured the battlecruisers at some point during or after the war.”

  No Earthers were coming with their judgments. I wouldn’t have to fight against my own kind. That was a relief. Then again, Tragooms are vicious creatures. If there is a God, I have to doubt his benevolence in creating that nasty race.

  “Are you saying the Tragooms won the fight? They’re on the ship now?”

  Betra’s mood darkened. “They haven’t won by a long shot. The ships they’re using are undermanned, so even the battlecruisers aren’t giving us as much trouble as they should. They managed to take out one of the destroyers waiting for us. The other three are giving them hell, along with our fighter squads.”

  “But we’ve still been boarded.”

  “A few raider teams managed to dock with the transport, but our security forces are fighting them deck by deck.”

  “You said the escape shuttles are gone. Holy shit, you returned for me even though you’d be stuck on the ship with Tragooms on the loose.” I stared at him in amazement.

  He looked put out with me. “Of course I came back for you. Why wo
uldn’t I?”

  Because I’m not worth your life was on the tip of my tongue. We’d been getting cozy, but I never would have believed Betra would risk himself for me. For an instant, I was overwhelmed that he put that level of importance on my welfare.

  Then I had another idea that distracted me from my liaison’s self-sacrificing nature. It hadn’t occurred to me before, and it brought a chill. “Betra, what about my mother? Would the Tragooms attack the people in medical stasis?”

  His arms tightened. “We have protocols for people similar to your mother, Shalia. A medic was assigned to her when she was brought on board. As soon as the evacuation order went through, his first task was to put her and any others assigned to him on his escape shuttle. You have nothing to worry about, as far as she’s concerned.”