Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  I crossed my arms over my chest, convinced my pounding heart would break through at any moment. It took everything I had to calm the shaking that wanted to take over my body. “You do not deserve my company. I want Oses. Now.”

  Perhaps if he had not been hung over and still a bit inebriated, Finiuld would have noticed the tiny tremble in my voice. That would have most likely done me in, but luck was on my side for a change.

  Appearing similar to a kicked dog in his shame, Finiuld held out his arm to me. “I’ll take you to your Nobek. I promise to make this up to you, Shalia. I will.”

  I stayed silent. It occurred to me that this might have been a test. Maybe he hadn’t thought the collar’s pain mechanism off. It had been on when I touched him before while he was passed out. Taking his arm and not reacting would warn him that I’d turned my collar off.

  If Finiuld figured that out, he’d kill Oses. Terror filled me in an instant. What should I do?

  The Little Creep’s face bunched up at my hesitation. He acted as if he’d crumple in grief. “I really am sorry, Shalia. Please. Don’t be angry with me.”

  I had no choice but to play along and hope for the best. I had to pray Finiuld had telepathically commanded my collar off and did not suspect I was free of his control.

  It seemed to take forever for my hand to leave my side. I watched as it drifted towards Finiuld as I prayed with all of my being that it would be okay. I couldn’t feel my arm. It floated from me and reached for destruction.

  I put my hand on Finiuld’s elbow. He gave me a tremulous smile and tugged me to the wall. I nearly fainted in my relief that I hadn’t been found out.

  We passed through the wall with no trouble at all, along with all the others that lay along our path to the containment area I shared with Oses. I was too thankful that my ruse had gone undiscovered to be pissed off that the phase changer worked now. I focused on marking our route in my memory for possible future use.

  Finiuld and I kept contact, right into the containment where Oses paced back and forth like a caged tiger. Seeing his worry for me, there in the open, closed my throat. The big brute cared. It meant so much, especially when I’d failed to find the answer to our escape.

  Finiuld bowed to me before we parted ways. “I will atone for my stupidity, Shalia. You’ll see how I wish to serve you now.”

  With that, he stepped aside. As soon as I no longer touched him, he disappeared.

  Oses thundered over to me like a stampeding buffalo. “Shalia! Are you all right?”

  “Fine, no thanks to Finiuld,” I said in my haughtiest tone, speaking fast to discourage Oses from interrupting me. “Would you believe he got drunk and fell asleep? I had to wait for him to wake up. I listened to him snore for hours. The nerve! How dare he treat me that way!”

  Oses’s eyes sharpened at my bizarre rant. His comment let me know he understood my worry that the Little Creep remained nearby, unseen and spying on us. “Shameful. I would never do that to you, my Matara. Nothing pleases me more than your happiness.”

  I lifted my chin and looked Oses over, as if evaluating my personal property. “Which is why I keep you around. I told Finiuld you treat a woman as she’s meant to be treated.”

  “Let me tend to you to compensate for what you’ve been through.”

  With the Nobek’s prodding, I sat down on the ground. He commenced to rubbing my feet, which at any other time would have set me off giggling. Oses was the last person in the universe I would expect to be playing the slave boy part. After a few seconds however, I was in heaven. That man knows how to massage. I melted under his touch.

  After some minutes of that delight, Oses cocked an eyebrow at me. In a tone so low I had to strain to hear, he said, “The containment shimmered about two minutes ago. I think we might be safe to speak now.”

  I leaned forward to get as close to him as possible. He moved so that my lips brushed his ear. “My collar is off,” I whispered.

  Oses’s deft fingers froze on my instep for an instant before continuing to rub. “How?”

  I quickly related the story to him. I finished by asking, “Did I fuck up by not killing him when I had the chance? Or by not switching off everyone else’s collars? Or at least yours?”

  He considered for a few seconds before shaking his head. “Considering you couldn’t make the phase device work, I think you did your best under the circumstances. Excellent work, Shalia. Excellent.”

  I warmed under his praise. I was relieved I hadn’t messed up. Then Oses asked the question that told me I had fucked up after all.

  “My Matara, did you attempt to transfer control of the phase gadget from Finiuld to yourself through that command device?”

  I stared at Oses. After a moment of stunned realization, a billion ugly names to call myself erupted in my head. Why had I not thought of that? WHY?

  Apparently, he saw the answer on my expression. Oses was quick to assure me, “It’s all right. At least we’re aware that it might be the means of making the phase device work for us at the next opportunity.”

  “Fucking stupid, idiotic, of all the moronic—” I muttered, wishing I could kick my own ass back and forth across our cell.

  “No, Shalia. You were panicked in your desperation. That’s all. You did a good job.”

  I didn’t believe Oses for a second. The means to our liberation had been in front of me! Okay, so I didn’t know that for sure, but it seemed likely. I can’t begin to describe the self-loathing I held for myself in that moment. How could I have overlooked the possibility?

  Tears threatened as I had to come to grips with the fact that I’d blown our opportunity for escape. I swallowed them with difficulty, telling myself that it was too late for regrets. We had to concentrate on what we could do with the little bit I’d managed to accomplish.

  “Now what?” I asked.

  Oses spent several more seconds massaging and thinking. At last he said, “It all depends on Finiuld and what he does next to impress you. That’s assuming he doesn’t notice your collar is deactivated. The first priority is that if an opening presents itself, you must get away. Forget about the rest of us; if you can get the hell off this ship, go.”

  I scowled at him. “I am not leaving you, Oses.”

  “Don’t be stupid, pet. Your life and your child’s are worth more than mine.” He grabbed a handful of my hair at the back of my head and snarled so close to my face that our noses touched. “You will save yourself and the babe if the opening to do so comes along. That is your only priority. If you don’t obey me in this, I will take it out on your hide.”

  I snarled in return. “You are an asshole, and I will do what I think I need to.”

  “I am an asshole, but your welfare is all that keeps me alive. Do not fuck with me on this, Shalia. If you and the unborn cannot be saved, then I have no reason to live.”

  I didn’t understand how Oses could think like that, but he meant every word. Maybe it’s a Nobek trait. Since I didn’t want us to lose sight of the possibility of escape for everyone, I gave him the acquiescence he seemed so desperate for.

  “Fine. If I see a chance, I’ll cut and run. I’ll curse you the entire time too.”

  Oses relaxed. He let go of my hair, eased off, and smiled. “That’s perfectly fine with me.”

  “What else?” I prodded. “What can we do that might help us all out of here?”

  Oses glanced around at our fellow prisoners. “It could be they would tell Finiuld if they knew you were not susceptible to your collar. They might do it for favors or to avoid punishment. Don’t let on to anyone.”

  “Okay. I take it I should fake being punished if the Little Creep decides I should be?”

  “Absolutely. Also act as if you still fear being punished, if it seems right to do so. Meanwhile, I need to figure out how that phase gadget might work, in case you gain the opportunity to grab it again and the collar system isn’t tied to it.”

  I had an idea. “Oses, if Finiuld comes in here with bot
h of us present and awake and we can see him, should we try to force it off him then? He’ll be able to order your collar, but if he follows through with giving me control over you, maybe I can countermand his orders.”

  “Which he could negate immediately. I may have to kill him instead, if you can remain in control long enough.” Oses mused for a few seconds. “We’ll both have to be hanging onto him if he decides to phase, and that’s going to render me senseless with pain.”

  He thought on it, and I stayed quiet to let him do so. In the end, he sighed. “It’s got a lot of problems, but it may be our only hope. If we can get our hands on him, I’ll have to fight through the pain. Barring a better opportunity, we’ll have to try.”

  February 25

  Days passed and Finiuld did not appear. There is nothing like time to bring remorse and worry to the forefront. As Oses and I did what we could to fill those days with meditation, planning, and sex, the hours stretched without end. I kicked myself for not figuring out the Little Creep’s phasing technology when I had the chance. I’d had the means in my hand, and yet we remained trapped in our cage.

  “You did what you could, given the circumstances,” Oses consoled me when I fretted. “We’ll concentrate on our first occasion to capitalize on what you did accomplish.”

  “That’s assuming Finiuld ever graces us with his presence again,” I grouched. “I played the aggrieved diva too well. Where is that bastard?”

  “Figuring out how to worm into your good graces would be my guess,” Oses smirked. “You would be excellent at dominating if your heart was in it. That haughty persona excites me.”

  I blew a raspberry at him. “Would you be serious? If we didn’t have to play the part, you’d never let me get away with such things.”

  “No, because you aren’t comfortable with it. However, once we break out of this place, I wouldn’t mind a little playacting of mistress overcome by her Kalquorian slave.”

  I could have stomped the big twit. When Oses was bored, which he often was, he turned to sex to escape the mind-numbing drag of minutes. If he wasn’t doing it, he was thinking about it. Even my disciplined cellmate could not hold onto the solace of meditation for all that time.

  I had another reason to fret as one day slid into another with no sign of Finiuld. What if he’d discovered I’d switched off my collar? What if he was plotting my punishment...or worse, planning to harm Oses...in retribution? The idea gave me nightmares.

  My nightmares were about to become a lot worse. Had I predicted what was to come, I would have wished for those long days to have continued forever.

  I was amusing myself by braiding Oses’s hair in cornrows when our next foray into Hell commenced. He was teaching me some basic phrases in Kalquorian as I played with his hair. It was a pastime to while away the hours without giving our fellow prisoners yet another sex show.

  All of the sudden, a man was in our containment, his arms windmilling wildly as he staggered several clumsy steps in our direction. It was as if he’d been pushed into the cell from outside.

  Oses was on his feet in an instant, standing in front of me and growling at the interloper. The man managed to catch himself and stop. He stared at us from a few feet’s distance. A collar gripped his neck.

  He was an Earther.

  I leaned to the side to take a better look from behind Oses’s muscular bulk at our surprise visitor. I judged the guy to be in his mid-thirties. He was in decent shape from what I could tell. His jeans and gray sweatshirt were a bit baggy on him. His gym shoes had seen better days, to judge from the scuffing. The man’s brown hair was a tousled mass of curls that hung haphazardly over his wide blue eyes. He wasn’t ugly or overly attractive either. His was the kind of face that my gaze would just kind of slide over without taking real note. Yet I won’t forget him for the rest of my life.

  Finiuld’s voice captured my attention. “I told you I would pay for my transgressions, Shalia. What do you think of my apology?”

  I glanced beyond the containment barrier to see the Little Creep, resplendent in a screaming shade of teal. He had a collared Tragoom standing with him. The Tragoom appeared as dull-witted as the boulder he resembled. He looked about the room and its inhabitants with barely any interest.

  Meanwhile, Finiuld danced in place, as if he desperately had to go to the bathroom. It took me a few moments to realize he was that delighted with himself.

  I looked from him to the Earther, who watched Oses with terrified hatred. “Apology?”

  Finiuld nodded, wiggling all over like an excited puppy. “I was drunk the other day, most regrettably of course, but I did remember our discussion.”

  “Which one?” I was at a loss.

  “About how much you wished to get revenge on the men of your world for all they did to you. How you wished to have the power they denied you, the same power they wielded unjustly. Here is the first deserving victim of your vengeance.”

  I got a sick, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach at Finiuld’s words. He remembered that? When I thought of what we’d discussed as I’d played the part the Little Creep wanted me to play, I got downright nauseous. We’d talked about torture. I’d voiced bloody, awful plans I’d had no intention of carrying out, even had I been given the chance. Finiuld’s contributions to that conversation had been worse. I’d gone along with it to distract Finiuld, to keep my own hide safe and hopefully find a path of escape.

  Seeing the glee on the monstrous Ofetuchan’s face, I knew he expected me to carry those malicious acts out on this poor prisoner, who I’d never seen before. My gorge rose.

  “I don’t know this man,” I choked. “He’s done nothing to me.”

  As Oses shot me a warning look, Finiuld’s happiness faded. He resembled a kid who’d been promised a treat only to be unfairly denied.

  “But he’s one of them,” he protested, a hint of anger coloring his cheeks. “He was part of that society that undermined you.”

  “Some weren’t. Some men showed compassion for the lot we women were dealt.” I adopted the steely voice and crossed my arms over my chest as I glared forbiddingly at Finiuld. I had my tough mistress mask on, but I shook like a leaf inside. “For all I know, this was one of the enlightened few. I may be bitter and I may be angry, but that does not mean I have to be unfair.”

  I prayed I would not be forced into a decision that could cost me Oses’s well-being or my soul. Given the choice, I knew which way I would go. I could not torture anyone, especially a person who had done me no wrong.

  Perhaps it would have worked. Maybe Finiuld’s sick plan would have backfired on him had the Earther kept his stupid mouth shut. But no, no, fuck no. He had to speak up and fuck us all over.

  Still fearful with Oses standing there, he nonetheless curled his lip in disgust. In a tone that was scathing, he said, “You’ve committed sins with this alien, haven’t you, woman? You’ve whored yourself out to stay alive, rather than die pure and good in God’s sight.”

  Finiuld’s loathsome smile returned. “You see? He is exactly the kind of male who disrupted the order of nature. I brought you a perfect whipping boy, Shalia. I have redeemed myself. Show him the error of his beliefs.”

  Before I could lose it and scream at Finiuld to go fuck himself, Oses shifted his body so he could watch the Little Creep and the Earther while whispering in my ear.

  “You are not capable of hurting this poor idiot, my Matara. We’ll do what we have to. Order me to punish him, and I will carry out what you cannot.”

  I stared up at the Nobek, horrified. “Oses, no. This is beyond savage. No matter what kind of asshole he is, he hasn’t done a thing to me!”

  “Perhaps not, but if we are to escape from this alive, Finiuld must be placated. You have to play the part he has written for you in order for us to break out. Remember your baby, Shalia. If you cannot do this for yourself, do it for the innocent you carry.”

  “Oses—”

  “I will hurt the Earther, perhaps badly, but there
will be no permanent physical damage beyond scarring. I can do that much for your sake. As for the psychological trauma, there is no help for it.”

  Before I could find another argument, Oses stepped away from me with a bow. “I am glad to be of service to my Matara in punishing this man for his people’s sins against her. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to show you my obedience to your wishes.”

  He turned and grabbed the Earther. I was too horrified and scared to protest.

  I won’t describe what happened during the following hour. For most of it, I kept my back to Finiuld, so he couldn’t see I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t watch much of what Oses did to that man. Unfortunately, I couldn’t shut my ears. I got the full dose of the Earther’s shouts, curses, screams, and finally, the sobbing pleas for the brutality and humiliation to end.