Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  No one was there, but Candy’s handheld had gone from the table to the ground. I knew for a fact where it had been sitting before we all went to bed. That must have been the thud.

  Pounding sounded at the door to the corridor, and it shook with the force of the blows. “Security! Open up!”

  Well aware I wore only a nightie that ended halfway down to my knees, I answered anyway. I didn’t want them busting a hole in it. Two big Nobeks filled the opening. They stared at me and the vase I still hefted by its fluted neck, ready to crack a skull open.

  “Whoever it was has disappeared,” I reported, stepping away to let them in. “Unless he’s hiding in the bath.”

  They started sweeping the quarters as wide-eyed Candy emerged with my robe. She and Katrina helped me wrap up in it, though whatever dignity I was supposed to preserve was already betrayed.

  Betra came running in barefoot, his formsuit pulled on over his legs and closed to his waist. The top of it flapped against his butt and thighs. His hair was a tangled mass. Even terrified, I noted that he’s cute when he’s just woken up. “What is it? Did you find anyone?” he asked the Nobeks.

  Before they could reply, Oses came striding in. He was in full uniform and as alert as a watchdog. “Report,” he told his men.

  They snapped quick bows before the taller said, “We’ve found only the three Mataras present, Commander. We were outside mere seconds before the call came, patrolling this very hall.”

  The other was a bearded beast of a man. He added, “The corridor has been in our and the other patrol’s sights for the last two hours. No one has entered or departed any Matara’s quarters.”

  “Obviously they did.” Katrina’s face was grim. “I looked right at a man in this room.”

  Oses glanced at the handheld on the floor. “What did you see, Matara Katrina?”

  She sighed, clearly not liking what she was about to say. “A dark shape of a big man crossing before the doorway and staring into the sleeping room before rushing out of my sight again. He moved with those quick blurred movements, so I can’t give you a description other than he was close to your heights.”

  The four men were average to above average for Kalquorians. At about six feet, ten inches tall, Oses had a couple of inches on the next tallest man. It was a pretty wide range of sizes.

  Katrina added, “I also think he was built big, with wide shoulders. He wore dark clothing, similar to your outfits.” She nodded at their black fleet uniforms. “But as you can see, the light in here was kept low. He was a few feet away, so details were pretty damned dim.”

  “Anything else, Matara? Any characteristic movements, such as a limp?”

  Katrina shook her head. “He acted as if he were messing with his belt—if he wore a belt—before he moved off to where I couldn’t see him anymore.”

  “That’s when she woke me up,” Candy added. “I could hear a few sounds, and I woke Shalia. Then an object fell.”

  “Your handheld.” I nodded to the device. “I jumped up and ran in here, but no one was around.”

  A security guard gave Oses a worried glance. “Commander, I’m telling you no one went in or out of these quarters. We would have seen him.”

  “Check in with surveillance,” Oses said. “See if they caught anything.”

  The security officers left to carry out his orders. Oses looked over the three of us and the disheveled Betra. His gaze lingered only a moment on the Imdiko before addressing Katrina.

  “You are absolutely sure you saw a man?” he asked.

  She nodded curtly, as if expecting him to make fun.

  “All right,” Oses sighed. Then he frowned at the whole lot of us. “Why are you all sleeping in the same room?”

  “Because of crap like this,” shrilled Candy. “The stupid ghost won’t leave us alone, so we’re scared!”

  Oses gazed at me. “I’m sorry you’re being frightened. I’m positive you’re not in danger though.” He turned to Betra. “What is your take on the matter?”

  Betra shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I’d have to ask Matara Katrina if she was certain she was awake when she saw what she thinks she saw.”

  Katrina said not a single word. She spun on her heel and went into the sleeping room.

  Candy gave our liaison a withering glare. “Nothing is ever going to convince you, is it Betra? Not even if the damned ghost got right in your face and yelled boo.” Then she walked out too.

  Oses’s com must have vibrated. He answered though I never heard it beep. “Weapons Commander Oses speaking.”

  Someone spoke in Kalquorian. Oses responded and then put his com on his belt. “Surveillance vid shows no one has come in or gone out of these quarters since you three entered six hours ago,” he told me.

  I shrugged. “There it is. We’re either all crazy or liars.”

  Oses sighed. “You’re neither, Shalia. I know better than that. Still, it is a mystery.”

  Betra was apologetic. “I’m sorry I can’t buy into this idea of spirits of the dead. I believe something is going on, but not that.”

  At least Betra wasn’t looking at me like I’d lost my senses as he’d done before. Not with others swearing they saw the same things I did. It was enough for me to excuse him for not becoming a believer in the supernatural.

  I said, “I hope this can be figured out soon. Being scared is getting old.”

  Oses did a search of the quarters himself before he exited. Betra hung around a bit longer until he discovered Candy and Katrina were in no mood to forgive him his disbelief. After I assured him we were okay, he left too.

  I gave the gals a little grief over their anger. “Betra is not trying to be an asshole,” I pointed out. “Katrina, two days ago you said similar stuff yourself.”

  My eldest friend had to come off her high horse. “You’re right,” she sighed. “Now I know how bad I must have made you feel, Candy. I’m sorry.”

  Candy gave her a hug. “Hey, you acknowledge the truth now. That’s good enough for me. Now we need to figure out what to do about our restless spirit.”

  “Someone mentioned an exorcism earlier today,” I mused. “Can we give that a try?”

  Candy answered by running out and fetching her handheld. Within seconds, we were researching our options.

  “Holy water...vestments...prayers,” Candy intoned.

  “It needs to be done by a priest,” Katrina added. “I think we’re screwed.”

  I thought hard about the situation. “You’re thinking about it along the lines of our old religion,” I pointed out. “That ghost had to be Kalquorian based on the size. We should scrutinize it from that angle.”

  “Good point,” Candy agreed. “Hey, I think there is a priest from Kalquor’s Temple of Life on board. We can go talk to him.”

  “Isn’t that Temple of Life more a philosophy than religion?” I asked.

  Candy shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s a place to start.”

  We got dressed and prepared to go to an early breakfast. Just then, my portable com went off. I recognized Oses’s frequency.

  “Hi,” I said. “Did you find out about our intruder?”

  “I’m afraid not,” came my favorite growly voice. “However, you’ll remember our conversation from the other day about returning to blaster training. I can fit you in this morning if you want to work on that.”

  I’d completely forgotten that I’d requested to get into that as soon as possible. Everybody I’d started with had qualified, so the formal group classes had ended. I had to get one-on-one training to be cleared.

  “I’m just heading to breakfast.”

  “Perfect. By the time you’re finished, I’ll be ready to spend an hour working with you.”

  I shrugged helplessly at the listening Candy and Katrina. They waved at me to tell me it was okay.

  “Where should I meet you?” I asked Oses.

  “I’ll pick you up in the cafeteria and take you to the crew’s practice area.”

  I cli
cked off. “Sorry, ladies. I need to get this training in, and Oses doesn’t have a lot of free time.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Katrina led as we left Candy’s quarters and headed down the corridor. “Candy and I’ll consult with the priest while you learn how to pack heat with authority.”

  April 5, afternoon

  There is something about shooting stuff that gives a gal a sense of power. Blasting the hell out of virtual Tragooms, Bi’isils, and all manners of hostile-acting aliens went a long way towards making me feel akin my old pre-abduction self.

  Oses chuckled at the end of my lesson. “You are similar to a Nobek when you’re holding a blaster. What is it you Earthers say? Shoot first, ask questions later.”

  I was glad to see a bit of a smile. It occurs so seldom in the wake of our captivity. It’s a wondrous thing to see Oses at ease again. “Like a Nobek, huh? That’s a huge compliment coming from you.” I took out the simulation charges and went over the checklist of things to do at the end of a session. Satisfied my weapon was powered down properly, I handed the blaster over to the weapons commander for him to do a final safety check. “How was my score?”

  “Not too bad considering you’re out of practice. Sixty-five percent hits with forty-seven percent kills.”

  “Damn,” I sighed. “I am out of practice. Am I allowed in here on my own?”

  Oses thought about it for a few seconds. “I’ll grant you a special pass, but it’ll have to be during hours when few of my men are booking the room.”

  I nodded my understanding. The room was basically a massive vid projector. It presented different firefight scenarios that had been loaded into the computer for training purposes. The system was a perfect tool to give security officers or wayward Earther girls simulated situations of every possible kind. Of course Oses’s men had first dibs. My training was for the last resort of me having to protect myself.

  Then again, when I consider how often I find trouble, I need to practice as much as humanly possible.

  “Let me know when I can come in here,” I told Oses. “As often as I can.”

  He nodded, his expression darkening. Maybe he was thinking about all the peril we’re in these days as we navigate our hazardous journey to Kalquor. Or maybe he was thinking that no matter how prepared we are, our safety will never be guaranteed.

  I hated seeing Oses filled with angst. Not for the first time, I wondered how intense of an emotional toll his psyche had taken. That something unseen was now stalking me couldn’t be making him feel any better.

  Oses’s plate was pretty full as far as his usual workload was concerned. Yet I decided my friend needed another project; one that he could be certain would protect me and help him feel useful too. It would remind him that he wouldn’t forever be responsible for my well-being.

  “I’ve been talking to a clan on my lottery list. I realize you’re super busy these days—”

  “Names. Locations of where they live and work,” Oses immediately commanded. “Everything you know about them. Forward the files they and the lottery commission sent you.”

  Gotcha, you over-protective brute.

  “Oh,” I said as innocently as possible. “I was going to have Dad Rak check them out, but if you want to—”

  I guess Oses wasn’t interested in letting me finishing any sentences. “I can find information quicker than he’d be able to since there is less a lag,” he insisted. “Nobek Rak will no doubt still do his duty by his daughter, but I’ll clear this potential clan for you sooner.”

  “Okay. I’ll send you all the particulars on this Clan Seot. They do seem nice.”

  “I’ll make sure of that.” Oses’s eyes were sharp and his tone determined. Can I maneuver this man, or what?

  I looked up at my Nobek friend and lover, filled with honest, pure affection for him. He returned the gaze, and his expression softened.

  “I’ll miss you when we part, but I’ll be glad when you and your child are safe on Kalquor. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ll be relieved to give you up.”

  “Because I won’t be in danger anymore.”

  “Exactly.” He made a face, somewhere between a grimace and a smile. “I am strong, but I am not young any longer. This is wearing on me more than you imagine.”

  “I’m sorry that I’ve put you through so much.” I swallowed a lump in my throat.

  Oses shook his head. “No, I wouldn’t have traded knowing you for anything. I’ve experienced real joy with you. You’ve even given me a few moments with Betra.”

  “But I’m rather high maintenance to deal with.”

  Oses barked a laugh. “It’s not all about you. I’m realizing how ill-suited I am as far as caring properly for a Matara. “

  “You’ve taken excellent care of me.”

  “It takes more than that.” Oses scowled. “If I were part of a clan, I couldn’t do my work for the fleet so easily. I’d have to consider every move I make for my own safety, simply because I’d be worried about leaving those who count on me unprotected. I learned that when Finiuld took us prisoner. Your protection was linked into my being there, strong and whole. It was a startling to realize that giving up my life was the worst possible decision.”

  I frowned. “Is it really that easy for you to let yourself die?”

  Oses stared at me as if I’d asked him if he likes sex. “Of course. To preserve the lives of those I care about? To preserve my honor? I don’t have to think twice about it.”

  “Wow.” I wondered if I would ever feel that strongly about anyone...then it hit me that I did. I’d been ready to give up my life to keep my unborn child out of Finiuld’s clutches. I’d committed heinous acts just for that purpose.

  I’d killed. If it came to it, I would kill again.

  The ruminations were sobering. I already had blood on my hands. Being capable of murder was not a realization I’d ever expected to come to about myself. At the cost of my sanity, I would destroy lives.

  “I see in your eyes that dark thoughts are in your head,” Oses murmured, startling me out of my reveries.

  “How do you deal with it?” I asked. “How do you recall those you’ve killed and not fall apart?”

  “By recognizing the lives I’ve saved.” Oses cocked an eyebrow at me. “Every person who has died because of me has been a valid trade off, in my view. Maybe a few didn’t deserve their fate, but they had to be sacrificed for the greater good.”

  I remembered the nameless Earther man he’d tortured to keep me and my baby safe. I’d allowed it to happen for Oses’s and my child’s sake. Had it been an acceptable trade? I honestly didn’t know. All I knew is it had cost me a piece of my soul.

  But if I’d had to do it all over again, I would. The instinct to save those I loved best would allow for nothing less.

  “Don’t despise yourself for what doing what your heart tells you that you must,” Oses said. “You would have hated yourself more for taking the other path, that would have cost you those who mean the most to you.”

  “Better to drown in guilt for the ones you love, huh?” I managed a bitter smile.

  “Always.” Oses drew a deep breath. “It’s harder to have to be strong. The worst part isn’t dwelling on those I’ve killed. It’s seeing those I protect and understanding my job is not done. That it won’t be done until I am dead.” He barked sudden laughter. “I’m beginning to wonder if I’m too old and tired for this work.”

  I didn’t like where this line of thought was heading. I felt too morose for a fling, but Oses’s mood was darker than mine. So I offered the one thing I can. Me.

  I looked the Nobek up and down and gave him a naughty smile. “Old and tired, huh? Isn’t that a shame. I swear being pregnant has driven my hormones into overdrive. I guess I should track Betra down then, since you’re obviously in need of a nap, old man.”

  Oses smirked. “I could wear you out at a moment’s notice, little Earther girl, every bit as well as that Imdiko pup. Come over here.”


  I admit to being pretty bratty. Sure, I ached to screw that yummy Nobek. As usual, I wished him to be strong and powerful during it. I also felt a bit contrary. When he said, “Come over here,” I didn’t obey.

  Instead I blew a raspberry at him. “If you want it so bad, come and get it.” Then I skipped away, as big a goofball as a five-year-old playing tag.

  There wasn’t far I could go. The room was small since it was mostly a vid-projection-based space. With the vid programs closed, it was a blank room with four silvery-gray walls. Yet I danced away from Oses, laughing teasingly as I went.