The steady, exacting tattoo of the paddle stopped. The vibrator eased away from my clit, sliding out of me. Then it pushed in, and the contact with my eager flesh was renewed for a moment, more intense for having been temporarily absent. Then it was gone again as Meyso fucked me with the toy.
A few more strokes, and he left it inside me again to continue the spanking. By then, I was closer to climax. Once more, the paddle missed no part of my raised ass, making me hotter, making me moan, making me want more.
Instead, the paddling ended. The dildo slipped out. I was alone in the dark. My body throbbed with hunger, but there was no avenue to relieve it. I wriggled as far as my bonds would allow, which wasn’t much. A desperate whine escaped me, loud in my skull in all that silence.
The hot, slick prod of Meyso’s larger cock nudged me. I jerked, trying to impale myself on it, but again, there was almost no give. I couldn’t make him take me.
Fortunately, he had mercy on me. His cock speared me, taking my clinging sleeve in a single thrust. His smaller member skewered my pussy. A jolt of exultation spiked in my belly.
His lengths ran in and back, their thick friction sending a delicious shuddering through me. My sheaths clamped down on him, tightening me so that I could feel each amazing inch of him as he had me. His groin pounded against me, bring fresh intensity as he thudded tender spanked flesh.
His pace was steady, but not enough to make the burn burst into full blaze. I was stoked hot, but I needed more. I fought my restraints, trying to free myself so I could move against him, so I could have that elusive release that darted just beyond my reach. Instead, I earned a meaty palm against my sore backside. It was a warning that hurt enough to make me comply.
I crouched there, my defenseless ass in the air, unable to assert myself. Made to stay still while Meyso enjoyed me with those long, ceaseless strokes that kept me on the point of combustion. I quivered uncontrollably, desperate for more and unable to have it. There was nothing but the unremitting fucking, the tantalizing tease of almost-orgasm, and the knowledge that I was powerless to get what felt more like need than desire.
He was relentless in forcing me to wait for his pleasure. Much as how he’d abandoned me in senseless limbo in the dark for so long, now I had to endure forever at the cusp of climax. It was the sweetest agony I could imagine. I was in hellish paradise, exquisitely tuned to each stroke, every errant brush of air, every nuance of change.
When he finally stroked my clit, the out-of-nowhere contact sent me straight to orgasm. One moment I lay suffering an eternity of arousal. The next, a light grazing pressure blasted through my senses. The darkness encasing me heaved as I was torn apart by rapture. The air quaked with violence as I convulsed over and over.
As the massive shocks began to ease, the cock in my ass surged and the body behind me stiffened. With sight and sound cut off, I was attuned to Meyso on a telepathic level. I imagined the pull of climax from deep within, of passion unfurling and yanking itself free of him. Of shattering exaltation as it jetted from him in brutal bursts.
Imagining his climax brought me another of my own. I swam in the depths of release until the last spasm left me.
It was Aslada and Jaon who untied me, who took the blindfold, earplugs, and gag away so that I rejoined the real world. Meyso lay wasted to the side, shivering in the aftermath. He’d tormented himself to the breaking point in tormenting me. He required the same amount of aftercare as I did from the others, who acted delighted to have both of us to dote on.
“If my Imdiko didn’t earn us that second chance to court you, then you are beyond our reach,” Aslada joked as he held a protein pouch for me to slurp.
“If I wasn’t to give you three another chance after what you all did, then I’m a hopeless idiot,” I mumbled. “And you should toss me in the lake for it. Don’t be surprised if I follow you around like a puppy from now on.”
For a bunch of guys who didn’t have to make their case in the first place, Clan Aslada knows how to convince beyond a shadow of a doubt. Earn a second chance, indeed. I dare anyone to keep me from coming back for another round.
November 23
I’m in shock. Total, utter shock.
I walked into Mom’s room to find her sitting up in a chair. She’s been working hard in rehab and seeing her out of bed was amazing. She smiled awkwardly as I applauded her.
“Look at you! How does it feel to be up and about?” I asked.
“Pretty good.” Mom spoke in the quiet voice she’s been using lately. Her emotional storms had been absent for several visits. I wasn’t certain whether to worry or feel relieved. Dr. Kini hadn’t given me a lot to go on except to say, “She’s making some important decisions. Give her space to work them out for herself.”
I was about to cheer for her a little more when Meyso came in, his expression worried and stunned as he gripped a handheld, the larger type the doctors use to make notes on their patients and access their files. Before he could utter another word, Mom held up her hand in warning. “I haven’t told her yet, Mikey. Please give us a few minutes.”
Meyso looked at me, the concern growing in his eyes. He took a deep breath and nodded to Mom. “All right. Shalia, I’ll be outside the door if you need me afterward.”
With that, he turned and left me alone with Mom. Dreading whatever she was about to tell me, I managed to joke in a weak voice. “And here I was thinking the last few days have gone so well.”
She offered a crooked smile. “Well, I wouldn’t be me if I couldn’t throw a kink in the mix. Maybe you should sit down.”
I reluctantly trudged to the chair she’d motioned to, next to hers. I sat. She held out a hand and I took it. Her touch was warm, and I wondered how bad this would be if she was being so nice.
She squeezed my hand. “I’ve decided on where I’m going for the remainder of my physical rehabilitation.”
I looked at her in confusion. “I thought there was only one for you to go to, that nice spa-type facility five minutes away.”
“I’m leaving Kalquor, Shalia. I’ve chosen a medical center in the Galactic Council’s space. It’s not as fancy as the local rehab Mikey was sending me to, but I’ve been assured they are well-regarded.”
I blinked. Mom was leaving Kalquor? Leaving me? “Wait. What?”
“Dr. Ken made the arrangements. We discussed it last night, and he agreed it seemed like a good idea. The Galactic Council approved the transfer. I leave in four days.”
Kini had allowed it? Did he have that kind of authority? I couldn’t remember, not when I was floored by Mom’s sudden announcement. “But – but why? I won’t keep you from seeing Anrel. I thought you wanted to be around her. She’ll miss her mimi.”
And I would miss my mother, as much as she drove me nuts. Even though I’d been ready to shut her out for Anrel’s sake not so long ago. That had ceased to be a concern. Mom was great with Anrel. She couldn’t go. Except…
“It’s me. You’re getting away from me because I plan to join a clan. Because I made you have the procedures.”
Mom snorted. “For heaven’s sake, Shalia, I don’t blame you for anything. You did what you believed was best. What I would have done for you, had our roles been reversed. Believe me, there’s nothing I’d rather do than relate to my daughter in a manner I wasn’t able to before.”
“Then you shouldn’t go. If you didn’t hate me for having Meyso operate, then you would stay.” I felt the crush of guilt, making it hard to draw a breath.
She squeezed my hand again. “Of course I don’t hate you. I love you more than anyone else. I always have.”
“Stay. We need you. I need you. Know me without the bipolar disorder. Let me know you too.”
“How can you figure me out when I don’t have a clue about the person I’ve become? How can I learn about you when I’m busy working on me?” She scowled, but it wasn’t with the usual temper. It was the kind of expression you make when you have a big job staring you in the face and no patience for
anything else life throws at you. “I have to be apart from all this other stuff. If I’m to do something with the years I have left, I have to concentrate on me. I can’t do that if I’m trying to navigate ancient hurts and patterns with you.” She gave me a look that as wretched as it was determined. “You have enough on your plate. I’m not adding the burden of me to the mix.”
“I want you.” Elwa’s words of how I’d regret not having Mom around if it came to that mocked me. I’d reasoned it only applied if Mom died, but this was almost as bad.
“It’s not forever,” Mom said. “You can visit me, and I’ll come to see you when I’m in a better place emotionally. You’ve sacrificed a lot to get me this far, Shalia. I’m asking you to give up a little more…so I can set the old Eve to rest and allow the new Eve to get her act together.”
When I stumbled out of her room after her rehab orderly took her to her session, reeling from this unforeseen turn of events, I found all of Clan Aslada and Dr. Kini waiting for me. I stared at the psychologist’s kind face as he waited for whatever hysterics or fury I would unleash on him.
I had no strength for either. All I could do was ask, “Why?”
He gave me a comforting smile. “She requires a clean slate to start from. A new situation in which she can begin again.”
I swept an arm around. “This isn’t new? She isn’t creating a new life here?”
“In some respects, no. An important part of her former existence remains.”
“Me.” My voice went flat. “She can’t stand to be around me.”
“She can’t stand to be around the guilt of her past with you. She looks at you and sees regret for what your relationship could have been. The constant reminder that you didn’t have the typical mother-daughter dynamic is eating at her, Shalia.” His look turned sad. “The anger, the unkind words, the judgments she’s making…it’s all coming from a place that has nothing to do with any actions you’ve taken. It’s all about what she feels is her failure.”
“Shouldn’t she face that?” I asked, grasping for a reason to stop her from leaving. “Isn’t it irresponsible to let her run from her problems?”
“Only if she weren’t facing the larger problem of redefining who Eve Monroe is.” Kini held his hands out, as if surrendering to me. “I approved her request for transfer because I agree that should be the priority. Trust me when I say neither she nor I took this matter lightly. She’s not running from you and Anrel. You two are the universe to her. All she has left. But she can’t be the person she wishes to be for you until she gets this self-identity matter cleared up.”
I sagged, defeat settling in my gut like a stone. “You’re sure this is best for her?”
“For all of you. For that healthy relationship you both yearn for, you must agree to this. You still have to sign off on it.”
I startled. “I do?”
“Power of attorney, remember? You are in control of your mother’s care,” Aslada said.
Damn it. Another decision I had to make on Mom’s behalf. As if I hadn’t made enough of the wrong ones already.
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered. “I should have never taken the responsibility. I’m no good at it.”
Kini smiled. “Don’t be so sure. In the end, you may decide you were right in the first place.”
“At least this time, it’s what your mother prefers,” Meyso reminded me.
“Fuck,” I groaned. “Give me the damned paperwork. I owe her this decision.”
It wasn’t as hard to give permission for Mom to run off as it had been for me to take control over her. It was still hard. I was letting her go. Sending her from me and Anrel. Sure she had opted to go, but hadn’t it been agreed she wasn’t the greatest judge of how to run her life? Then again, I hadn’t done such a hot job of it either.
Ah, fuck. There don’t seem to be any choice that doesn’t suck the happy out of my soul.
After Kini left us, we went into Meyso’s office. We gathered in his sitting area with the seating cushions. I let Aslada pull me into his lap. He cuddled me close, and all three men petted me as I dealt with this latest catastrophe.
“Damn it, Shalia,” Jaon complained. “Quit with the moral struggles. If you’d give me an actual enemy to fight, I could prove myself better to you.”
I managed a weak laugh. “Sorry. Give me an hour to handle your request. I’ve already proven I can make enemies quick, so you’re in luck.”
“Eve will be fine, lover,” Meyso promised. “I’ve visited the facility she’s opted to stay in. I’ve attended training seminars there. It’s topnotch with some of the most advanced techniques in the Galactic Council’s membership.”
“I can’t believe she’s leaving,” I said. “I’ve never been more than an hour distant from her. Even when she was in stasis on the transport and I couldn’t see her, I at least knew she was there.”
Aslada kissed me. “She’ll be only a few days away by shuttle. After she’s ready, I’ll send you. Just say the word, and you and Anrel are off with the best accommodations money can buy.”
I sighed. “It’s more than the physical separation. The woman I spoke to this morning…for the last few days. So calm. So quiet. Is that the real Eve without the mental difficulties? Because if it is, I don’t know her.”
There. I’d finally said what I hated to admit even to myself. Though I’d worried out loud about the changes Mom might undergo and having to adjust to that, I’d never admitted I didn’t want her to really change. Because I might not recognize her as my mother any more. As much as she deserves a happy life, despite the idea I was fighting for a decent relationship, I don’t want a stranger for a mother.
“I’m officially the most selfish person alive. How can I hold her back, just so I’m comfortable?”
“Because change is terrifying.” Meyso’s chuckle was indulgent. “Let’s face it; you’ve faced more change in a few months than most people do in their entire lives.”
“Crazy changes,” Aslada agreed. “Your planet wiped out. Your way of life torn apart. Hostile aliens trying to kill or kidnap you. That’s only to start with.”
“A sick mother and baby relying on you,” Jaon added. “Living among another race of beings. Trying to find a home. By the ancestors, woman, how are you still sane?”
I tried not to feel good about what they said. I was determined to acknowledge this ugly understanding that to stay comfortable, I was willing to think about keeping Mom miserable. Not that I’d actually do it, but I was able to at least entertain the idea.
Yet with three fabulously handsome and wonderful men insisting I wasn’t as bad as I am, I couldn’t help but lose a little of remorse for being a rotten daughter. Ugh, damn those guys for being so understanding.
“Fine. She’s going. I’m waving farewell and forcing myself to hope her dreams all come true. Even if that means I lose her.” I knuckled away tears that weren’t so much regret as the frightened emotion of the child who still lived in me. The child who had only one mom and was deathly terrified of never having any part of her again.
I wish I could grow up. I wish I could be a decent person without having to fight myself for it. Why can’t I be a generous, decent human being automatically? I suck at being a nice person. I really do.
November 24
I did it. I gave my mom my personal blessing to go to the Galactic Council’s facility, far from me. I damned near choked on it, but I did it.
Heavenly prophets, she looked so relieved. Me saying it yes meant a lot to her. So even though my heart’s not in it, I guess it’s the right thing to do after all.
“If your psychiatric team okays it, we could set up regular coms. If we do, Anrel can keep seeing you. She won’t forget her mimi,” I said.
“That’s a great idea, Shalia. I’ll ask to do it weekly. If they complain that’s too much, I’ll demand monthly coms, at the very least.” A hint of the old go-to-hell Eve sparked in her eye. “I’ll expect message updates from you too. Any news you hav
e to share, send it voice without waiting for live coms. Though we can’t talk every day, I have to know what’s happening.”
“Got it. You’ll hear all the latest and greatest. Do you want stills?”
“Damned right I want stills. When that baby starts walking, I’d better get a vid or it’s your ass.”
Maybe they wouldn’t ‘cure’ all of the old Eve from the new one. I’ll be honest; it was amazing to spot a new expression from her: hope.
Her gaze was distant as she contemplated what her future might hold. “I wish I could say I can be anything, but I doubt I’ll ever complete a marathon or scale a mountain at this late date. Still, there are opportunities. I can study art. Writing. Nursing. Hell, I might decide to go into psychiatry. I’ll return and analyze old Dr. Ken until he agrees he’s full of shit.”
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