Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  We showed up with island attendants a couple minutes later than when we were supposed to return to the ship, but everyone merely laughed at our breathless excuses. No one cared we’d taken too long. “As long as you haven’t fallen into the ocean,” Ila said.

  “Or into other men’s arms,” Erom teased with a significant look towards his brother. Cifa snorted and gestured rudely at him before giving me a kiss of welcome.

  Erom’s comment reminded me of my clandestine com to Clan Aslada. I’d brushed off Joelle’s concerns at the time, but her words haunted me. Had it been wrong for me to talk to them? Surely not; it had been an innocent gesture to include them in my holiday celebration. Why shouldn’t I buy them Christmas gifts? They’d given me so much…including helping to nurse my mom to health. It was accepted as normal that I should entertain multiple clans. Hell, there were those who’d argue I was limiting myself by only considering two so far.

  Yet Joelle’s attitude that I should concentrate on Clan Seot exclusively while I was on the cruise had me thinking twice about my actions. Guilt gnawed at me, stealing some of the fun as we got underway and headed for the next stop. Would Seot, Cifa, and Larten would give me up as a bad bet if they knew I’d reached out to their rivals? I wondered if it was telling that I’d kept my conversation secret.

  I started to feel bad. That made me mad, because what did I have to feel bad about? I’d commed men I’d already slept with…a clan Clan Seot was well aware I’d fuck again, given I was to return to Clan Aslada’s home for another round. I hadn’t done anything wrong.

  Right?

  Yet I couldn’t shake the turns of conscience and annoyance. The antics of my shipmates on the main deck got on my nerves. Aching to clear my head, I slunk to the forward deck to enjoy some peace and quiet. I stood at the rail, letting the ocean-scented wind blow against my face and staring at the sheet of green sea before me.

  I was certain no one had noticed me go, but I was on the bow only a minute when Seot appeared at my side. His smile was caring, but his gaze was sharp.

  “What’s the matter, lovely?”

  “Nothing.” I returned the smile to show how all right I was. “I craved some quiet.”

  “Are you sure? Ever since we left the island, you’ve been distant, especially with Cifa, Larten, and me.”

  “I’m having a non-chatty morning. Don’t you ever have those?” I heard the forced lightness in my tone and knew Seot heard it too.

  He crooked a brow at me. “You act as if something has happened. Did I or my clan upset you? If so, let me fix it.”

  I huffed disbelievingly. “You guys are perfect. You’re always perfect. If you get any better, you’ll elevate yourselves to gods.”

  “Then what’s happened?”

  I sighed. “I just had to get my head straight for a change.”

  Seot stared out at the horizon ahead of us, the hazy line where blue sky met green ocean. He stepped back, and I relaxed, thinking he would leave me alone rather than push the issue.

  Instead, he moved behind me and wrapped me up in his arms. Pulling me close, he said, “An unshakable rule I have for my clan is that we talk our issues out. Cifa and Larten understand they can come to me with any issues. I want you to do the same.”

  “I don’t have issues with you, Seot. I’m trying to figure out concerns that are all mine.” I snuggled into the shelter of his body. He felt too good not to.

  “If I am to be so lucky as to become your Dramok, then all matters that affect you affect me too. You have to trust me, Shalia. We can’t have a relationship unless you have faith in me. You’re safe to tell me whatever is on your mind. Please?”

  My heart sank as I grasped that he wouldn’t let this go. I considered giving him a nice lie that might spare his feelings…but I had the notion Seot would see right through it.

  The gals and I hadn’t told anyone we’d been Christmas shopping. Candy and I planned to surprise our beaus with presents they wouldn’t be expecting. As far as the rest knew, we’d bought ourselves and our friends souvenirs. I glossed over that part.

  “While I was shopping for gifts for my friends, I decided it would be nice to buy presents for Clan Aslada too. They’ve done so much for me. I would have felt like an ungrateful bitch to leave them out. I commed them for information so the store could ship the gifts straight to them.” I quickly reassured him, “The presents came out of my own account, not your clan’s.”

  Seot was quiet for a couple of beats. An eternity passed as I waited for him to react. I was glad he was behind me, because I was afraid of the expression he might be wearing.

  At last he said, “I suppose they were happy to hear from you.”

  “They seemed to be. They said all the right stuff, except when it came to your clan. I think they’re threatened by you.” I explained about the island getaway.

  Seot chuckled. The easy sound of it relaxed me a little. Maybe I hadn’t screwed up after all. “I’m glad they aren’t feeling generous. Ancestors only know what Larten might leave behind on their island as a swipe at them.”

  “I have no intention of visiting their place with you three anyway. It would be weird.” I groaned. “This whole situation is weird. I think that’s what I’m having trouble with.”

  “Tell me.”

  “The official line says it’s okay for me to entertain multiple clans. Preferable, even. You in particular have been beyond understanding in that regard…not just where Clan Aslada is concerned, but my past with Oses and Betra.”

  “You find it strange. How can I want you and let you be with others? Is that what you’re thinking?”

  I finally turned to him to look him in the eye. I was reassured to see no sign of condemnation. Seot looked at me with a caring expression, as if only my feelings mattered. That brought another twinge of guilt.

  “Maybe I do find it a little odd. Mostly, I feel I’m wrong for dating two clans at once. It’s not fair to any of you.”

  “We’re free to see other women, you know.”

  “But you aren’t! You said you wouldn’t. Unless you’ve changed your mind?”

  He shook his head. “We only desire you. Which is why the offer to clan is on the table.”

  “See? It’s a double standard after all. Because truth be told, if you did court other women, it would be a punch to my gut.”

  Seot smiled. “It’s good to hear you say that. I’m glad that we mean enough to you that you don’t want us to see other women.”

  “It’s not fair though,” I fretted. “It can’t be. Tell me you don’t hate this situation, and I’ll call you a liar.”

  He kissed my forehead. “I won’t lie to you. I hate that you’ll be seeing Clan Aslada again. Shalia, I knew what I was getting into when I talked to Cifa and Larten about applying for the lottery. I warned them that we might find a woman who sang to our hearts but went to another clan in the end.”

  “How can you do it then? Are you a closet masochist?”

  He laughed. “I think of myself as a realist. I took a long look at the situation you Earther women were coming from…a world of few choices and opportunities. A world where you couldn’t indulge your natural instincts to satisfy lust. Tell me, Shalia, what happens when someone is suddenly allowed to have what had been denied to them their entire lives? An inherent part of their true selves?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Massive over-indulgence, often to an unhealthy degree.”

  “Exactly. How many of the women on your transport, once they started having sex with the crew and learned they could do so without repercussions, became extravagant with their favors?”

  I thought of Katrina and her salons, with numerous young men draped all over her quarters. I started laughing. “Yeah, I see where you’re going with this. I didn’t enjoy having a lot of lovers. I wasn’t hopping from bed to bed as often as most.”

  “Yet you have stretched your wings, so to speak. As much as your particular worldview allows you to.”

  I narrowed
my gaze. “What do you mean, my particular worldview?”

  Seot chuckled and hugged me close. “You require a real connection to the men you share yourself with. You have to feel affection, if not outright love for them. Isn’t that true?”

  He was on point. “It only feels good when they mean a lot to me and I’m significant to them. Otherwise, what’s the point? I like sex, but I adore cruising around on this boat too, and I’m not marrying the ship.”

  “Sex is pleasant on its own, but with someone you care about, it’s transcendent. Life-affirming.”

  “That’s my point. Thanks for naming it so well for me.” I smiled up at him, adoring how he found the words when I couldn’t.

  “It’s not a bad way to be, Shalia.”

  “But because I think both your clan and Aslada’s are the bee’s knees—”

  “You have found potential happiness in two places,” Seot interrupted. “Now you have to discover which will fulfill you for the rest of your life. Only you can do that, Shalia. Only you can hear who your heart clamors the loudest for. If you must spend a few more weeks with the other clan to be sure, then do so. Without apologies. I wouldn’t have you choose my clan out of guilt only to live with regret for all of your days.”

  “Even though you want me?”

  “Worse than not waking up next to you each and every morning would be to wake up next to you knowing you’re miserable with me.” He spoke with firm resolution. “I’ll do all in my power to be your perfect mate, but in the end, your happiness is up to you. I can’t change that no matter how hard I try.”

  I flung my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. “Thank you for not being mad. Thank you for giving me so many chances, though I’m a wreck.”

  His eyes shone as he searched my face. “You are a woman who has seen the worst, and yet you are still capable of hoping for the best. You must have the strength and bravery of ten thousand Nobeks, my lovely girl.”

  There were more compliments after that. And some pretty hot necking, which ended with Seot’s hand down the front of my shorts and me muffling happy cries against his shoulder.

  Feeling better with the air cleared, we rejoined the gang and got into the fun they were having. When my com went off and I saw Clan Aslada’s frequency, I keyed it to take a message. This was my time with Clan Seot…and as grateful as I was to the other guys for all they’d done, I’d honor my commitment with the present clan.

  I checked the message they’d left later. They’d received their Christmas gifts (already!) and had commed to thank me. Jaon was thrilled with his knife, Aslada was touched I’d remembered he’d needed new protective covers for his handheld and portable com, and Meyso loved the collection of drink recipes from Nacabri’s top mixologist. He would have their bartender make him a couple before he went to bed.

  I hadn’t spent a lot, considering the money they’d spent on me, but I’d picked gifts I thought they’d enjoy. I’m a big advocate of ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Right now, my thinking is that they can have my undivided attention when I meet up with them again. For now, it’s all Clan Seot.

  And no more guilt. I hope.

  December 20

  Another day, another amazing location. Either this planet is paradise, or Cifa and his company avoid all the yucky spots.

  Abcuhera, the city I have so much trouble pronouncing, is a city in the same sense that the capital is. Because this is Kalquor, only Mother Nature has any business showing her face to the outside world. There are cliffs, a healthy fishing industry, and acres of beach to enjoy. Beautiful, but not as remarkable than Nacabri, truth be told. But journey into the caverns, and you find a much different world.

  Abcuhera Caverns are the largest cave system on Kalquor. They descend two miles down and span ten miles at their widest. Within is a sprawling cityscape, with many-storied buildings for business and living. There’s a lake inside, as well as a forest on the far outskirts…the multiple openings in the ceiling of the caverns allows for natural light and rainfall to penetrate.

  We arrived just after nightfall, the perfect time to go ashore and have dinner. All the clans have been here often due to Abcuhera being a regular stop for Cifa’s family’s cruise line. They know the places to eat, stay, and party. We disembarked and rode a shuttle into the caverns.

  Abcuhera at night dazzled. The buildings were architectural wonders that swooped and curved and took on the most fantastical shapes. They’d been designed to not be just utilitarian, but also aesthetically pleasing. With them lit in an array of colors, it was as if I looked at a living painting. It was particularly amazing to look at near the lake, which reflected all that beauty. Even the bridge that spanned the lake was illuminated, an arc of golden light.

  “A good place to be around during Christmas,” Joelle said in an awed voice. “It reminds me of the neighborhood a couple of miles from the house I grew up in. An entire block would light up their homes and yards for the season.”

  “Amazing,” I agreed. “Look, Anrel. Look at the pretty lights.” She looked and crowed. Her little starfish hands reached toward the shuttle’s window vid in an attempt to capture the magical realm.

  Cifa pointed out a tall tower that resembled a ship’s sail, glowing with bluish-white light. “We’ll go to the viewing deck there. The vid footage will be gorgeous.”

  I shivered in anticipation. We’d brought along our recording equipment, and I’d capture more images than we could possibly use. It would be a bitch figuring out the best shots, because we had a ton of great stuff. I’d have to narrow down the focus of the promotion to decide what would be best.

  The night was as amazing as the cityscape. Dinner was topnotch, served on the roof of one of the buildings (shaped like a cresting wave, and we had a stunning view of the lake). Walking by the lake was romantic, especially since Joelle did her grandma thing and took charge of Anrel. She kept in sight of me, but stayed far enough back to let me have privacy with the guys. Even with Cifa and I shooting vid, we had a lovely stroll with plenty of conversation and laughs.

  The view from the tower was as spectacular as Cifa promised. On the ground, there was music and entertainment all around, similar to the market in the capital city. But where that was more a center of politics, Abcuhera was the planet’s acknowledged base of commerce. It was bustling and busy even as the night went on. In fact, it grew busier the later it got.

  We wandered and recorded and had a blast. I let Anrel stay up a little later than usual. She was dazzled and delighted with her surroundings. Her mood stayed good and she wasn’t fussy. Besides, I felt awful that Joelle was always stuck babysitting by default. She didn’t mind, especially since she was flying solo without her sweethearts, but I still felt as if I were taking advantage. We stayed out for a while, enjoying the free street entertainment, plus some games and activities. We enjoyed ourselves immensely, and Cifa and I got stellar footage for the promo.

  “I don’t care what you say,” I told Cifa when we retired for the night in a plush room. Seot was in the shower, and Larten was on the room’s balcony, returning the com of the trainer who was filling in for him while he was on break. “I can’t wait hardly a second to start a rough cut of the vid. When we return on the ship, I’m doing a little work.”

  “All right. We can talk about the specific direction the campaign should go in,” he agreed.

  “You said a more intimate feel. Family oriented. We’ve shot plenty of stuff with your clans. Candy and Stidmun too. Anrel and Joelle will be adorable to show how family-friendly the cruise can be, how it appeals to a variety of age groups.”

  “Definitely that stuff, and don’t forget the shots of you diving at the reef and climbing the clouds at Nacabri.” When I made a face, he shook his finger at me. “You look amazing and the fact is, I hope to also showcase the variety of places the ship will go. A kind of ‘small vessel, big adventure’ feeling. It has to be grand while intimate. Know what I mean?”

  I frowned. “Really? Be
cause you get the grand vibe with the big ships. Don’t you prefer a different goal for this? If I were watching, I’d want to see how unlike this cruise is from the others, how cozy and comfortable it can be as opposed to glitzy and hectic. I thought that was the direction you were headed.”

  “I wish to strike a balance between the two, to show it can be either or both, depending on the passengers’ expectations. Big fun on a small ship…that’s our goal.”

  I sighed. “I don’t know, Cifa. You’re shutting out the clientele who would prefer a quiet, relaxing getaway.”

  “A lot of my patrons are Nobeks. If I don’t offer them some excitement, they won’t cruise.”

  “They will if their clanmates insist.”

  “Shalia, trust me on this. There has to be a sense of adventure included. No decent Dramok, Matara, or Imdiko would take a vacation where their Nobek’s needs aren’t taken into consideration.”