“No,” she cries and sniffles. “I was never going to tell you. I was going to put him up for adoption. I was going to go to my mom’s sister’s in upstate New York. She works at a hospital where they handle stuff like that.” I want to be angry with her but part of me understands. Mandy wasn’t meant for this life.
I don’t say anything more. There isn’t anything to say to her right now that will help things. If I speak to her it will only serve to hurt her, but I don’t think I can hurt Mandy any more than she has hurt herself. I want to hate her, but I can’t. Despite the lies and all that we have done to each other in the past there was a part of me who did think I could love her.
I pull up down the street from Zo Zo’s. “Stay here,” I tell Mandy.
I close the door after I exit the car and move through the grass silently. The front door is locked but I go around back and find Terror, Reaper, and Cocky getting ready to kick it in.
Cocky has a gun at my head and I take a deep breath. “Goddamn motherfucker. Don’t sneak up on us like that,” he grumbles. “You’re lucky I didn’t shoot your ass.”
“I knew he was there,” Terror says.
“I did too,” Reaper adds on.
“You assholes could have said something.” He puts his gun back in the waistband of his jeans.
“You didn’t give us a chance.”
“Enough,” I bark. “Cocky take your trigger happy ass to the front door. Reaper will let you in.” He nods and takes off the way I came.
Terror kicks the back door in and we move in. No one is in the kitchen, but I find MaryAnn’s cell phone busted in the sink and in the living room, a homemade movie of Zo Zo and MaryAnn plays on the big screen. Terror points to the hall and Reaper moves to let Cocky in. I’m frozen in place unable to look away as he touches what’s mine on the screen.
Cocky’s hand on my shoulder pulls me out of it and he turns it off. I nod at him and we follow Terror. The first three rooms are empty. The fourth room we find them and my heart breaks into icy shards that stab at my insides. Terror and Reaper are pulling Zo Zo off MaryAnn’s lifeless body.
Anger, sadness, and guilt. They all course through my veins. I’m going to feed him his own dick before I kill him. His death will be slow and torturous.
“Fuck,” I hear cocky breathe out as he checks her pulse.
Zo Zo is fighting against Reaper and Terror but one of them subdues him with the butt of a gun to his temple. I stare down at my world feeling like the biggest piece of shit on the planet.
“She’s alive,” Cocky announces. “But we need to move her out of here fast and get her to the hospital.”
“No hospital. Too many questions,” Terror tells him as Reaper hog ties Zo Zo. “Amber is already at the clubhouse. We’ll take her there.”
Cocky looks to me and I nod in agreement. I go over to the bed and ease my hands under MaryAnn’s beaten and bloody body. When I start to lift her, she moans in pain. I can’t stop the tears that rain down my cheeks as I hug her to my chest. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” I murmur repeatedly unsure if she can hear me, but her hand comes to my neck and I pray that she’ll be okay.
Cocky follows me out of the room and tells me to wait by the back door, he’s going to pull Mandy’s car up. When I get to the living room she’s standing there. She takes one look at MaryAnn in my arms and begins to cry with her hand to her mouth, to muffle her scream. “I didn’t know.” She shakes her head back and forth. “I didn’t know. Oh God. Please forgive me,” she sobs.
“I told you to stay in the fuckin’ car.”
“Is she…”
“Barely. Open that back door so I can get her in the car,” I order. She keeps gaping at me. “Move,” I roar, and she jumps but then does as she is told.
I lay MaryAnn across the backseat of Mandy’s car and Terror and Reaper haul Zo Zo to the back of the SUV they drove over. Cocky stays behind to clean up and drive MaryAnn’s car back to the clubhouse.
First, I’m going to make sure she’s okay and then I am going to bleed Zo Zo out for what he’s done. I call Hades while Mandy drives. Her hands are shaking but she gets us to our destination. “I told you I’d call you,” he snarls on the other end of the line.
“Doesn’t fucking matter now does it,” I snap back at him.
“I’ll meet you there.”
I end the call not giving a Goddamn what he does right now. All that matters is MaryAnn. We arrive at our destination. Amber rushes outside to administer pain medication and access MaryAnn where she lays before I attempt to move her again. Mandy is slumped over the wheel sobbing uncontrollably. I don’t have time for her right now.
Amber looks at me with a somber expression on her face. “She needs to go to the hospital. I can do what I can but…I worry about internal bleeding.”
“She’s pregnant…at least she was,” I inform her.
“Help me get her inside and I will do my best.”
After we get MaryAnn in a bed, I go back downstairs because Amber forced me out of the room. I find Mandy sitting in a booth. Her bottom lip trembles as she looks up at me. “Ry…”
Holding my palm up, I tell her, “Don’t. Save it for someone who gives a damn about your bullshit. You might not have predicted this, but this is on you. MaryAnn was pregnant too. Do you know how happy I was when she told me? I had never been fucking happier. I had never wanted anything more. Do you know how I felt when you told me that you’re pregnant? I felt a chain tightening around my neck. I hated you in that moment and I hate you now. You disgust me. I don’t want shit all to do with you. As far as our child goes once he’s born I want a DNA test. If he’s mine, then I want you to sign away all your rights to me. You will never be in my life after you do that. Until then, the house is yours. You can stay there until the baby is born, after I want you gone from my life. You’re nothing. Now take your ass to the house and get some sleep.” I turn my back on her and go down to the basement to deal with Zo Zo.
Chapter Twenty
—Mandy
Ryan’s words sink in and I know I’m a pathetic excuse of a woman—of a wife and of a mother to be. He’s right. I’m a terrible person and it is my fault in a way. I could have gone to him and told him that Zo Zo was threatening me, but I was jealous and weak. I had drove by the house a few times and saw Ryan and MaryAnn together. They were always happy and smiling.
MaryAnn was getting everything that I had wanted when I came back months ago. The night we created our baby. No, not our baby. Even that is a lie too. My baby isn’t Ryan’s it was some random guy at a bar. I knew I was pregnant when we slept together. I’m further along than I told him. I am five months along. Not three and a half. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I wasn’t thinking at all. I don’t even know anymore.
Once Ryan goes down to the basement, I sneak upstairs and wait until the room clears before I go in. I lock the door behind me and stare at the woman who owns Ryan’s heart. She’s not so beautiful right now but I remember her from before. She was always nice to me even though I didn’t deserve her kindness. I used to laugh at her with Stephanie. How pathetic were we.
As I stare at her I feel like it should be me laying here with a swollen eye and bloody lip. It should be me with her ribs taped and her arm in a splint.
It should have been me. I deserved this. Not her.
Her hair is matted and needs combed. I pull out the brush I carry from my purse and pull up a chair.
“I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you could then I suppose you’d be screaming for me to get out of here and I wouldn’t blame you. I wouldn’t want me here either. I want you to know that I’m sorry for this…for everything. I never should have tried to come between you and Ryan. He loves you. More than he ever loved me, but he was better to me than I deserved. I was a shit wife. I cheated on him so many times and he took me back. I don’t know why. You’d have to ask him that, but I suspect he doesn’t even know the reason himself. You’re going to be okay, you kno
w. You and Ry, you’ll be okay too. It won’t be easy, but I need you to forgive him for whatever he said or whatever he did. You are who he should be with. He deserves to be happy and to have the family he has always dreamed of.”
I finish brushing her hair and she opens one eye to look at me. She takes a breath and her eye closes.
“Goodbye, MaryAnn. Make sure you tell him…tell him that part of me did love him.”
“I will,” she whispers out low and in pain. Even though she can’t see me, I nod and put my brush back in my purse.
I get back in my car and I feel relieved. It’s over. Well…almost. I drive to the house one last time and take a look around. I remember the day we moved in. How proud he was because it was bought and paid for. He had so many plans for us and our future. It terrified me. Ryan’s lifestyle was not what I had imagined for myself. I don’t know what I thought I wanted but this…what happened to MaryAnn wasn’t it.
I feel sick. Like a horrible monster. I may not have thrown the punches, but I am just as guilty of hurting her and I forced Ryan to be a part of it.
I don’t know how I got here to this point in my life but I’m sorry. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to be a mom.
I walk into the kitchen and take out a pen and paper from the junk drawer.
Ryan,
I’m sorry seems so insignificant. There are no words for what I did or who I have become. I blamed you for my actions when it was all me. I ruined our marriage. I cheated and accused you. I destroyed our futures. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I hope MaryAnn finds it in her heart to forgive. I know you love her and you have so much good inside you and so much love to give. Don’t let her push you away. Don’t be bitter and ugly like me. Everything I said to you that day at the farm, it was a lie. I’m not carrying your son. He’s the bastard of a random faceless man I met in a bar. I wanted it to be you, because I knew you’d make a good father and I hope you still get that chance. I hope that you go forward in your life and enjoy it to the fullest. Tell my folks I’m sorry and I send them all my love from up above or from wherever I am. I love you too in my own twisted way. Part of me thinks that despite it all you loved me too.
All my love,
Mandy
Chapter Twenty-One
—Cupid
Hades wouldn’t let me see Zo Zo yet and MaryAnn is resting. Only thing I can do I guess is go home and deal with Mandy. I don’t want to, but we need to be on the same page about this baby. I said some mean things to her. Most of them I meant but she’s not responsible for what Z did to Maryann. Sure, she played her part in it all, but I did too. I’m pissed off and needed someone to take my anger out on. A pregnant woman never should have been my target.
I had to drive MaryAnn’s car to come home. I had left my bike here last night and I was driving Mandy’s car. She took it when she left the clubhouse about an hour ago. I shut the ignition off and scrub a hand over my face. As much I am trying to fight it, I need sleep. It’s been a rough twenty-four hours. As I am getting out of the car, I hear what sounds like a firework going off. The noise came from my house. I run for the door and jerk it open to find Mandy on the floor with a hole in her temple.
I pull my phone out and dial emergency services, but as I feel for a pulse I know she’s gone. Her blank dead stare will haunt me forever. Brushing my fingers over her eyelids, I close them, unable to bear the sight. Blood pools out from under her head. Her lips are still warm when I kiss them. “Rest in peace, darlin’.”
I feel like my life is going up in flames as I hear the sirens in the distance. A police officer rushes in with his gun trained on me. “Freeze.”
I hold my hands up and don’t complain or put up a fight as he handcuffs me. I know it’s a precaution. The paramedics enter and then ask for the coroner to call the time of death. I’m placed in the back of the squad car while they secure the scene. Once the body is removed, the officer uncuffs me. I don’t know if he is following proper procedure or not. I’m just glad he isn’t hauling my ass in for murder. I know what he walked in on didn’t look good. A dead pregnant woman and a known outlaw sitting next her with a gun on the floor and a whole in her head.
“You Ryan?”
“Yes, sir. This is my house and the woman is my ex-wife.”
He nods. “This will be entered into evidence, but she left you a note. We can make you a copy.” He hands me a clear evidence bag that allows me to read most of what her final words were.” I stare at her handwriting and want to be angry with her for lying to me about the baby but she’s more than paid the price. Zo Zo will pay for this. He made her feel trapped and I tipped her over the edge.
“Walk me through everything. Were you present when she pulled the trigger?”
I shake my head. “I was getting out of my car when I heard what sounded like a firework being set off. I thought it sounded as if it came from my house, so I ran in and saw her and pulled out my phone. Then you arrived and here we are.”
“When was the last time you washed your hands?”
“I don’t know. Maybe two hours ago after I used the bathroom.”
“Normally I would take you in and test for gun powder residue on your hands, but I believe your story. Everything matches up. I don’t expect that we will need anything more from you. The house will be cleared for you to return home later today. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.”
I nod. “Thank you.” He shakes my hand and I get back in MaryAnn’s car and drive back to the clubhouse in shock.
——–
Two weeks later
MaryAnn is refusing to see me still. I can’t say that I blame her, and Hades won’t let Boogeyman or myself at Zo Zo until he is certain there isn’t any evidence hidden in his house that could be used against us. Everything is completely fucked. I pull up behind Bob’s work truck and grab the flowers and the blue teddy bear I brought for Mandy’s grave from my saddlebag. They buried her on top a small hill that overlooks the farm with a clear view of the horses. I hadn’t planned on coming but her mother called and asked me to come.
She steps out on the porch and meets me at the top of the steps. “I’d invite you in…but…well Bob isn’t taking things so well.”
“I don’t want to impose. I brought daisies. Her favorite. The bear is for the baby. Mandy told me she was having a boy.”
My ex-mother-in-law offers me a weak smile. “I wanted you to know that we—that I don’t blame you for Mandy. I don’t think she ever told you and I know I never did because that was how Mandy wanted it, but she was bipolar. I wanted to check her into a hospital when she left you, but Bob said no. He never could accept that our daughter was different. Didn’t make her take her medications or follow through with her therapy appointments. She had tried before. Overdosed on sleeping pills.”
“I had no idea. I’m so sorry, Candace. Had I known…” I shake my head and rub my jaw.
“I know, Ryan. You don’t owe me anything. I just wanted you to know about her history and didn’t want you going around blaming yourself. I know you two had your differences, but I had always hoped. Well that doesn’t matter now. If you want to go up and visit with her I won’t keep you.”
“I won’t be long.”
“Take your time.”
I wait until she’s back in the house. I can see Bob watching me from the window and can’t help but wonder if he’s got his gun and thinking of blowing my head off my shoulders. I couldn’t rightly blame him if he did. Lifting my chin, I nod my head in his direction and his silhouette disappears.
I walk up the grassy knoll where one lone tree stands providing shade to Mandy’s grave. She doesn’t have a headstone yet, but there is a stone bench and fresh flowers. I lay the flowers and the bear on the grave and take a seat on the bench.
“Mandy. All I can say is wherever you are, I hope you found the peace you didn’t get in this life. I’m sorry for any part I ever played in your unhappiness. If I had known about your mental health maybe I would have
thought twice in how I reacted to certain situations or maybe I could have loved you better or let you go sooner than I had. I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. MaryAnn refuses to see me. Can’t blame her being I was a royal prick to her. I wish I could take it all back. Maybe you’d still be here, and she’d still love me. Maybe you’d be getting together with your friends to have a baby shower instead. It wasn’t all bad between us and you were right. Deep inside there’s a part of me who loved you and still does. Maybe I always will. You taught me a lot even if I didn’t know it at the time. You showed me the kinda man I don’t want to be. I hope that you’ll be looking down on me and maybe give me a warning before I do something stupid again.” I let out a soft laugh.
As I am getting back on my bike my cell phone rings. It’s Hades.
“What’s up, Prez?”
“It’s time. He’s all yours.”
“On my way.”
I tuck my phone inside my cut and ride out. I’ve been waiting for this moment. Zo Zo will pay greatly. I arrive at the clubhouse and MaryAnn is coming down the stairs with a bag on her shoulder. She goes to turn back up the stairs to avoid me, but I’ve had enough.
“MaryAnn. We need to talk.”
“We have nothing to talk about. Though I was sorry to hear about Mandy and your baby.”
I lick my bottom lip. “About that. Turns out she lied about the kid being mine. It was in her note.”
“Well still, she was your wife and…”
“Ex-wife. I’ve texted you. I’ve left messages. I wanted to explain in person, but you won’t see me so…”
“There’s nothing to explain, Cupid.” She shifts the bag to her other arm.
“Least let me get your bag for you.”
“Yeah sure.” She lowers it and I take it from her.
“You getting settled in at your new place?”
“Yeah. It’s nice. Different but a good different.”
“Heard you took a job working at Billy Jack’s Diner. I wanted to stop in and see you but didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Cupid's Arrow (Devils Rejects MC Book 4) Page 8
