Every Tear You Cry (Redeeming Love Book 4)

by J. E. Parker

  Every Tear You Cry

  Advanced Reader Copy

  J.E. Parker

  Edited by Sara Miller

  Cover Photography by Serge Lee

  Cover Model Stepan Pereverzev

  Cover Design by Letita Hasser

  Contents

  Warning

  Prologue

  1. Clara

  2. Clara

  3. Brantley

  4. Brantley

  5. Brantley

  6. Clara

  7. Clara

  8. Clara

  9. Brantley

  10. Clara

  11. Brantley

  12. Clara

  13. Clara

  14. Clara

  15. Brantley

  16. Clara

  17. Clara

  18. Brantley

  19. Clara

  20. Brantley

  21. Brantley

  22. Clara

  23. Clara

  24. Clara

  25. Brantley

  26. Brantley

  27. Clara

  28. Brantley

  29. Clara

  30. Brantley

  31. Brantley

  32. Clara

  33. Clara

  34. Clara

  35. Brantley

  36. Brantley

  37. Brantley

  38. Clara

  39. Brantley

  40. Clara

  41. Brantley

  42. Clara

  43. Clara

  44. Clara

  45. Brantley

  Epilogue

  Also by J.E. Parker

  Find J.E. Online

  About the Author

  Acknowledgments

  Copyright

  Copyright © 2018 by J.E. Parker. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotation embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by the copyright law.

  Resemblance to actual persons, things, living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.

  Warning

  Contains triggers that may be disturbing to some readers.

  Dedication

  To my special little reader group.

  (JE’s Romance Junkies)

  These past few months have been hard, and there were times when I doubted I’d finish this book.

  But your kind words, encouragement, and love for these crazy characters of mine gave me the push I needed to keep going.

  From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

  To my Cupcake.

  Being my friend isn’t always easy.

  Yet, you love me anyway.

  Thank you for embracing my special brand of crazy.

  And thank you for not walking away.

  You, my bestie, are my anchor.

  Always.

  Prologue

  Clara

  Just keep moving.

  Covered in sweat and wearing only a white cotton dress and silver sandals, I raced through the large two-story house I’d called home for the last five years.

  Running on nothing but fear and adrenaline, I willed my weak legs to pump harder and demanded that my damaged body move faster.

  The clock was ticking, time was slipping away. With only mere hours left until he returned, I didn’t have a single second to waste.

  Sliding to a stop in the hallway, I picked up the packed duffle bag that sat by the master bedroom door, and pulled it over my shoulder. I lost my breath as agonizing pain ripped through me. The added weight was too much for me to handle. My bones felt as though they’d snap, my muscles as if they’d tear from the bone.

  I ground my back teeth together and pushed through the torment.

  I will not fail, I told myself. Not this time.

  “Boys,” I called out between gasps for breath. “Come in here.”

  My sons—Liam who was five, and Declan who was four—crept out of their bedroom after looking both ways down the empty hall. Their eyes scanned the length of my body taking in the maze of fresh cuts and bruises that covered the expanse of my bare skin.

  I wish I could say it was the first time they’d seen me battered and bruised but that would be a lie. The injuries marring my pale flesh were a regular occurrence, and they knew full well the evil the monster we lived with was capable of.

  They’d seen it. They’d heard it.

  Luckily, they’d never been on the receiving end.

  It would stay that way.

  As long as I had a single breath left in my body, I wouldn’t allow them to be hurt.

  I’d die first.

  Kneeling before them, I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from my blackened eyes. “It’s time to go on an adventure, little guys,” I whispered, my voice shaky.

  Declan’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Where are we going, Mommy? Are we finally running away?” The hope lining his voice caused my hands to shake.

  “Yes, handsome, we are,” I replied. “We’re running far, far away.”

  Beside Declan, Liam’s face hardened. My heart clenched at the sight. My sweet boy was far too young to look so angry. “Good,” he snapped. “Cause I don’t want to stay here no more.”

  Tick Tock.

  Tick Tock.

  The ticking of the antique cuckoo clock down the hall reminded me we had no time to waste. With each second that passed, the likelihood of us being caught—and of me being killed—grew.

  We needed to move. Now.

  I stood on unsteady feet and held out my right hand. “Come on, babies. A whole new world awaits us.”

  “I want to see a new w-world,” Declan stuttered, slipping his hand in mine. The smile that spread across his face warmed the coldness in my chest, abating the crippling fear that possessed me.

  Be brave. Be strong.

  You can do this… You have to do this.

  I peered over Declan’s head, locking gazes with my oldest little guy. “Liam,” I said. “Take your brother’s hand. We need to go, baby.”

  He took Declan’s hand in his, and together we moved.

  Upon reaching the front door, I hesitated before wrapping a shaky hand around the knob.

  Heart pounding, I sent up a silent prayer.

  Dear God, this is Clara Rose. Please keep us safe. Just this once.

  “Alright, boys,” I said, quiet as a mouse. “Here we go.”

  With a flick of my wrist, I opened the door, expecting to be met by the darkness of the summer night. But it wasn’t the twinkling stars and humid Georgia air that greeted us.

  No, it was something else entirely.

  And that something else was my worst nightmare.

  Oh God, I silently cried. This can’t be happening.

  Standing in front of me, his face twisted in anger, was my jailer—the man who held the key to the gilded cage where I’d been imprisoned for the past five years.

  A cage he had vowed to never let me escape.

  If you try to run, I’ll kill you, he’d sworn. Painfully. Slowly. Surely.

  Fear consumed me as I looked into the eyes of my husband and the father of my children, a real-life monster.

  “Colin.” His name was a terrified whisper on my lips. “Please, don’t—”

  I didn’t get a chance to finish my sentence.

  Without warning, his scarred knuckles met my lips, splitting them both.

  The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, and fragments of a broken tooth scraped across my tongue.


  I stumbled backward, losing my balance.

  “Mommy!” Declan screamed as my hand was ripped free from his.

  Unable to right myself, I fell. My back met the marble in a bone-jarring thud. I gasped for breath and rolled to my side. Desperate to get my boys out of danger, I met Liam’s terrified gaze and mouthed a single word.

  That word? Hide.

  Colin’s shadow loomed over me, but I paid him no mind. I was too busy staring into the eyes of my oldest son, hoping he would do as I said. My punishment, one which may cause my heart to beat no longer, was only just beginning.

  He needed to take Declan and get out of sight.

  If he didn’t, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to protect them.

  “Go,” I mouthed again, my eyes pleading for him to listen. “Now.”

  Relief washed over me when he stepped back, pulling Declan along with him. Step after step they tiptoed down the hall until they disappeared from sight. Into their bedroom they ran, and into their closet they would hide.

  A tear, the first of many, fell.

  Please don’t let that be the last time I see them.

  Not wanting to direct Colin’s attention to the boys, I turned on my back and looked up at him. His expression caused a new wave of fear to consume me. I’d seen him angry before, and I’d felt the effects of his temper in the form of bruises and broken bones.

  Yet, I’d never seen his pupils swim with such rage.

  And it was all because I tried to run…

  … Tried to escape.

  He leaned over me, his eyes locked on my face. I hunched my shoulders, curling in on myself. “You made a mistake, wife,” he hissed. His Irish accent was thicker than normal, a telltale sign of how angry he was. “Now you’ll reap the consequences.”

  Without missing a beat, he slammed his booted foot into my ribs. The bone gave way, cracking. Fire, followed by intense pressure, ripped through my side.

  I screamed in agony and curled into a ball to protect myself.

  The move did little to help.

  Hit after hit, kick after kick.

  Each strike landed with such force it stole the breath from my lungs.

  “You stupid bitch!” He bellowed. “How could you do this to me?” His voice became louder, his tone more sinister with each word he spoke. He fisted my dress in his hand and yanked me off the floor, bringing my nose to within an inch of his. The smell of Irish Whiskey wafted across my face, making my stomach roll. “I told you what I’d do if you tried to leave me, didn’t I?”

  I didn’t have time to respond before he dropped me back to the floor. Shaking his head, he leered down at me with a mixture of hate and disgust. “You brought this all on yourself, lass”—he raised his hand into the air—“and you deserve everything you’re about to receive.”

  Without saying another word, he slammed his fist against my right temple.

  The hit was harder than any that came before it.

  Upon impact, everything went black.

  I'm going to die.

  It was the lone thought running through my mind as I kneeled on the cold marble floor at Colin’s feet. Half-conscious, I floated between being awake and asleep. How long I’d been slipping from one state to the next, I don’t know.

  My mind was fuzzy, my thoughts chaotic.

  A myriad of painful injuries riddled the length of my body.

  Cataloging each one kept my mind busy, helping me stay conscious.

  My lips were busted, my nose shattered, my ribs cracked.

  Blood trickled from my nose, my lip, and from the cut above my right eye.

  Beaten worse than ever before, I was close to passing out again. Sheer will was the only thing keeping me awake. My determination to keep Colin’s violent rage focused on me instead of the boys was stronger than the desire to slip into unconsciousness where monsters and pain didn’t exist.

  Stay awake. Don’t let the blackness take you under.

  A single bead of sweat slid down my cheek when Colin grabbed a fistful of my hair, and wrenched my head back, forcing my gaze up.

  I cried out in pain as he pulled harder, ripping strands of red hair from my scalp.

  "Colin," I begged. "Please…" A sadistic smile tipped his lips heavenward. He loved it when I begged. "… let me g-go."

  "Let you go?" He scoffed. "I'll never let you go."

  His words were like an ice pick straight to the heart.

  Sharp and piercing, they hurt worse than any beating he'd ever handed me.

  Bruises, black eyes, broken bones... they all healed.

  But losing hope that my boys and I would one day escape him?

  That was unbearable.

  I hissed in agony as Colin wrapped his free hand around my jaw and squeezed.

  I expected the bone to give way under his unrelenting grip at any moment. More bruises were a given, but I prayed I would be spared a fractured jaw.

  "You know damn well I'll never let you leave," he growled. "Yet you still tried to run."

  He removed his hands from my body, releasing me.

  Off balance and unable to hold myself up, I fell to my side.

  Colin laughed at my waning strength and squatted before me. "Tell me, Clara, what was your plan?" Did you think you’d run away while I was at work and start up a new life somewhere else? Newsflash, you dumb cunt—you have no money, no family. Without me, your nothing."

  His truthful words cut deep.

  Since the day I was born I'd been nothing.

  Abandoned at birth by my mother, I’d grown up as nothing more than an unwanted foster kid. Now, twenty-three years later, I’d morphed into an unwanted wife, one whose primary purpose in life was to serve as a punching bag for her alcoholic husband.

  "It's a good thing I came home early, isn't it, lass? Imagine if you'd escaped,” Colin said. “You would've been on the street or living in a shelter within a week."

  Compared to the hell I lived in, a shelter sounded like heaven.

  "Is that what you want for our sons, Clara?"

  All I wanted for my sons was safety.

  It was something I couldn't give them while living with their father.

  At my continued silence, Colin yanked on my hair. Hard. "Answer me."

  Even though I expected him to hit me again, I refused to speak.

  My defiance only made him angrier.

  Staring at the wedding picture that hung on the far wall, he cracked his neck and exhaled. "How long have you been planning this?"

  I didn't have time to reply, not that I would have, before he reached out, striking me across the face. My brain rattled in my skull, and my skin tore open where his knuckles met my tender flesh. Bright spots danced in front of my eyes, and I held up my arms to ward off the additional blows that were coming.

  The move was useless.

  Colin knocked my hands away with his forearm, grabbed me by the throat and lifted me to my feet once again. My panic skyrocketed as he squeezed harder, cutting off my ability to breathe. I clawed at his hands and wrists with my fingernails and kicked at him with my legs.

  My efforts were in vain. Colin was so much bigger, so much stronger. I didn't stand a chance against him. Never had.

  Suddenly, we began to move.

  Busy fighting for my life, I paid no attention to where he was taking me.

  I was too focused on survival.

  If he killed me, there would be nothing standing between him and our sons.

  It didn't matter that he'd never harmed them before.

  If I wasn't around for him to abuse, he'd go after my babies, and that was something I would never allow to happen. I may have failed at protecting myself, but I'd be damned if I let him hurt them. There wasn't a line I wouldn't cross to keep them safe. They were my heart and soul, and I'd walk to my death with my head held high if it ensured their safety.

  I was nothing, but they were everything.

  In the hallway, Colin came to a stop and released my throat. I gasped for air and
drew as much oxygen into my starving lungs as I could. It wasn't until I lifted my gaze from the floor that I noticed where we'd stopped.

  I almost crumpled when I saw the door to the basement in front of me. "Oh God," I said, falling back against the wall. "Please," I begged. "I can't—"

  Colin opened the door, grabbed my forearm and shoved me toward the blackness.

  I dug my heels into the floor and shook my head back and forth. Tears poured from my swollen eyes. "No. I won't go back down there. I'll never go back…"

  My belly churned, and I was seconds away from vomiting on the floor.

  "You will," Colin said in a dangerous tone. "And you'll fucking stay down there until I decide I can trust you again. I should kill you for what you've done, but that would be too easy. No, lass, this time I think I'll make you listen as I punish our sons for your disobedience."

  I froze.

  "Then maybe you'll learn not to betray me." He moved closer, his grip tightened. "I wonder whose screams will be the loudest. Yours, Clara"—he pressed a kiss to my shoulder—"or theirs?"

  Every maternal instinct I possessed rose to the surface at his words, and a fierceness I’d never experienced before took root in my gut. Fire bled into my veins, and determination set in.

  My adrenaline surged.

  My pain dulled.

  My fear evaporated.