Every Tear You Cry (Redeeming Love Book 4)

by J. E. Parker

  “Why didn’t you tell me you need money?” Hope asked. “You know I’ll help you with whatever you need.”

  I focused my gaze on a still-sleeping Ryker. Crushing pressure brought on by a whole lot of shame filled my chest. “Because it’s not your responsibility to help me, Hope.” To my dismay, my voice shook with each word. “That’s not your job.”

  “Clara—”

  “You don’t understand, Itty Bitty,” I said, cutting her off. The lump in my throat returned, making it hard to speak. “I need to do this on my own.” I met her hazel eyes with my green ones and willed her to understand. “Hope, I promised myself...”

  My voice broke on the last word.

  Just breathe.

  I took a deep breath, steadying my nerves.

  “I promised myself that once I escaped Colin, that I would do it all alone.” The room fell silent; the air once again grew thick. “I swore that when I got away from him that I’d stand on my own two feet, and it may sound stupid to you, but it is a promise I have to keep.”

  “Clara, you don’t have to do this alone,” Evan interjected, his face lined with determination. “I realize you want to carve your own way, but you’ve got us to help you.” His dark eyes briefly flitted to Hope. “And for fuck’s sake I understand needing to keep a promise, but you don’t need to struggle.”

  “I can do this,” I assured him. “I can.” I wasn’t sure whom I was trying to convince more—myself or Evan. “I just need to find a second job, or maybe a new full-time job, and then everything will be okay.”

  Hope’s eyes filled with sadness. “You’re quitting the shelter?”

  Her question made my stomach roll.

  For the past two years, I’d worked at the Toluca Battered Women’s Shelter as a Victim Advocate. It was the same shelter where the boys and I had landed after Colin was arrested for trying to kill me.

  It was where we’d found safety when we needed it the most, but it was also where we’d found our family, something that until then, we’d never had before.

  Maddie, Shelby, Hope, Evan, Carissa, Heidi... None shared our DNA, but they were our family all the same.

  The shelter was my home, my haven.

  I didn’t want to leave, but what other choice did I have?

  “Stop it.” Hope placed her hand on my knee, giving it a slight squeeze. “I can see the wheels in that head of yours spinning, and you need to cut it out.”

  Hope had been able to read me like a book from the moment we met.

  I loved and hated her ability to do so.

  “You know we’ll understand if you move on to another job, right?” My chin wobbled as I fought to keep my tears at bay. “We never expected you to stay forever, Clara. Besides, it’s not like we’ll never see you again.” She softly elbowed me in the side. “You’re stuck with us crazy people, remember?”

  At her words, the first tear fell.

  Then the second.

  Trying to hold them back was a losing battle.

  “I don’t want to leave,” I cried. “I can’t stand the thought of not seeing everyone all the time. Not to mention, I owe you guys so much.”

  Confusion crossed Hope’s face. “Owe us for what?”

  “For saving me from him, for giving my boys the love they needed, and for taking care of me even when I am being a stubborn asshat. Like now.” Overwhelmed with emotion, my entire body shook. “But most importantly, for teaching me how to live without being terrified all the time.”

  Evan stood. Shoulders tensed, he swiped one of his palms across his jaw. “Clara,” he said, his voice gravelly. “You never need to thank us for that. Helping people is what we do.”

  I shook my head. “That may be true, but no one other than the boys has ever cared about me before. Not until y’all.” Dipping my head, I pressed a soft kiss to Ryker’s forehead. “I doubt I’ll ever be able to repay you guys for everything you’ve done for me.”

  Tears rolled down Hope’s beautiful face as she said, “You’ve already repaid us.”

  Confusion consumed me. “How?”

  Hope pushed a lock of hair out of my face and smiled. “By loving us back.”

  My heart nearly burst.

  “Hold up.” Evan squatted again, looking me in the eyes. “You want to repay me?”

  “Yes.” My answer was swift.

  “Then let me find you a new place to live. I’ll pay your bills here for the month so we have time to find you and the boys a nice place.” He plastered on his signature ‘don’t fuck with me’ face. “In the meantime, I’m putting a new deadbolt on your door. Don’t fight me on this either, Clara. I’m a lot bigger than you, and I will carry you out of here over my shoulder if need be.”

  “Evan—”

  “I don’t want to hear it,” he said, cutting me off. “If you want to pay me back for saving and loving your crazy ass”—he smiled—"then let me do this. Come on, Red. Don’t make me beg."

  Hope smacked his thigh. “That’s emotional blackmail, Big Guy.”

  “I don’t give a shit. I’ll pull out the big guns if need be.”

  My brows climbed my forehead. “What big guns?”

  When Evan’s eyes twinkled, I knew I was in trouble. “I’ll call Brantley if I have to. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to come and straighten your ass out.”

  At the mention of Evan’s twin brother, I froze.

  It had been nine months since I met him, and ever since, it had been a fight not to think about him all the time. A giant flirt with the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen, the man affected me in ways that no other had before. I didn’t understand it, but he had this pull about him that drew me in.

  And that pull? It was dangerous.

  Hell, Brantley was dangerous all around.

  With the ability to make me think crazy thoughts and act on stupid impulses, I needed to stay away from him. If I didn’t, I feared I’d do something irresponsible I couldn’t come back from.

  Something like fall in love.

  The fact that he was an amazing father to his beautiful, four-year-old daughter, Isabella, who I was already in love with, only made him that much more irresistible.

  A strong man with a loving heart, he was everything I wanted, but could never have. Damaged from the years of abuse I’d suffered at Colin’s hands, I would never be good enough for someone like Brantley.

  Where he was beautiful, I was scarred.

  Where he was full of love, I was filled with distrust.

  Where he was brimming with confidence, I was plagued by self-doubt.

  Everything about him was perfect. Unlike me.

  A sharp ache pierced my heart. All my life I’d known of my deficiencies, and like anyone else, I hated being reminded of them. It hurt to look in the mirror and see only flaws and shortcomings.

  Most of the time I did a decent job of hiding my inner ugliness, but in less than twenty-four hours my deficiencies, flaws, and scars would take center stage. And it was all because Brantley was moving from Memphis to Kissler, the small town where I lived.

  Hiding from him was about to become impossible, and that realization terrified me.

  Evan waved the phone in front of my face, pulling me back to the moment. “Do I need to call him, Clara?”

  “No way, you overgrown gorilla. Don’t you dare call him.”

  “I damn sure will,” he assured me, still waving the phone around. “You’ve got three seconds to say yes, or I’m dialing his number. One... Two... Thr—”

  “Fine!” I was exasperated. “But I’m paying you back.”

  Evan grumbled something under his breath I couldn’t understand. Then, “Like hell you will.”

  I was about to argue with him—Evan could be stubborn, but so could I—when Hope tapped me on the arm, pulling my attention to her. “While we’re on the subject of Brantley...” She started.

  I groaned. Not her too.

  “He’s the reason we came over,” she continued, ignoring the way my brea
th came in quick pants at the mention of his name. “Tomorrow is move-in day for him and Bella.” Smiling from ear-to-ear, she flicked her long, silky black hair back over her shoulders. She was so dang beautiful it drove me crazy. “And well, he needs help.”

  “Didn’t he hire movers?”

  “He did.” She nodded. “But they only unload the stuff. They don’t unpack it.”

  I blinked. “Are you asking me, of all people, to help him?”

  “Yep,” she said, popping the p. “I am.”

  “Hope—”

  “I would help,” she added, cutting me off. “But Evan will have a cow.”

  “You gave birth to our son less than a month ago, Little Bit,” Evan said. “You shouldn’t be doing jackshit except sitting on the couch and healing.”

  Hope rolled her eyes instead of responding to him.

  “Shelby has to work tomorrow afternoon, and Maddie can’t do much since she’s about to have the baby any day now,” she said, her eyes pleading. “I know he’s a ridiculous flirt, but I swear he’s harmless. I’ve known him my whole life. I trust him with you.”

  “I’m not afraid of Brantley, Hope. I know he won’t hurt me.”

  “Then what’s the big deal?” she asked, crossing one leg over the other. “The last time I checked you weren’t shy.”

  The big deal was that my heart raced whenever he was near.

  “Do you have a crush on my brother, Clara?” Evan teased. “Cause from where I’m sitting it sure as hell seems like it.”

  I almost smacked him.

  “No,” I lied through my teeth. “I don’t.”

  “Are you sure?” Hope asked, her eyes sparkling.

  A second or two of silence ticked by before I huffed out a breath. “Oh good Lord,” I said, ignoring Hope’s question. “I’ll help him, but I’m not promising that I won’t jerk a knot in his flirtatious behind.”

  Evan snorted. “Go for his right knee. It’s his weak spot.”

  “What?”

  “In high school, he blew out his knee during the state championship game,” Evan said. “It’s why he didn’t play college ball. He’s had a couple of surgeries on it, but it still bothers him sometimes. So, if you ever need to take him down, go for his knee. He’ll drop like a sack of potatoes.”

  “You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?” Hope asked him. “Watching Clara take Brantley down?”

  “Hell yes.” Evan laughed, not bothering to deny it. “It would be funny as shit. Mouthy fucker has it coming.”

  Apparently, the twins’ sibling rivalry was still alive and well.

  “Thanks. I’ll remember that.”

  And I dang sure would.

  “They should be here after lunch,” Hope said. “The moving truck will be a few hours later since he paid for express delivery or whatever it’s called.”

  I ran a finger down Ryker’s cheek. “I’ll be there.”

  Hope’s eyes twinkled again, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d planned this. She wasn’t the least bit devious, but there was something about her expression that made me think she was up to something.

  Upon deeper thought, I knew she was up to something.

  Lord help me.

  “Good.” She looked toward the boys’ bedroom. “Now that everything is settled, can I see my little guys? I haven’t seen them in two days, and I miss them something awful.”

  Knowing she loved my boys as much as me, my heart warmed.

  “Liam, Declan,” I called out. “Come here you little turkeys.”

  It sounded like a stampede was making its way through my small apartment as they rushed toward us, their little feet slapping against the cheap, but clean, linoleum floor.

  “Uncle Evan!” Liam made a beeline for Evan.

  “Aunt Hope!” Declan ran straight for Hope. “You’re here!”

  Evan and Hope both wrapped their arms around my sons, hugging them. And just like that, any lingering anxiety I felt disappeared.

  We were safe, and our family loved us.

  Everything else would work out. Somehow.

  “Hey, hey,” Declan said, sliding out of Hope’s hold and moving closer to me. “Is the baby asleep?”

  “He is, so we need to whisper, okay?”

  He nodded. “Okey-doke.” He looked back at Liam and pressed a finger to his lips. “Gotta be quiet, Liam. The baby is asleep.”

  Liam nodded in return before wrapping his arms around Evan’s thigh in some wrestling move. Evan responded by picking Liam up and tossing him over his shoulder.

  Those two…

  Declan tapped me on the leg, grabbing my attention. “Hey Mama, when can we have one of those?” He asked, pointing to Ryker. “Because I want one.”

  Hope made a choking noise as my mouth fell open. “When can we have what? A baby?”

  “Yeah. I want our family to have one of those.” He squared his little shoulders and puffed out his chest. “I’ll help take care of it. Feed it and stuff.”

  I was speechless.

  It must have been obvious that I was close to losing my mind because a laughing Evan swooped in and asked, “Did y’all eat breakfast yet?” At the mention of food, Declan’s gaze swung to him. “If not, I can go pick something up.”

  Everyone’s face lit up.

  “I want pancakes,” Liam whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

  “Me too,” Declan agreed.

  “Breakfast is settled then,” Evan said, pulling out his phone. “I’ll call and order takeout from Ruby’s.” His eyes met mine. “That fine with you, Red?”

  Still floored by Declan’s question, I only nodded in reply.

  Hope smiled as Evan ordered enough food to feed an army and then followed the boys to their room so they could all play with the new GI Joe’s Maddie had given them days before. I wasn’t sure who was more excited, Evan or the boys.

  Probably Evan.

  Moments of silence ticked by before Hope leaned forward, wrapped a single arm around her belly and started to giggle like a fool.

  I scrunched my nose. “What’s so funny?”

  Eyes dancing with amusement, she answered, “You’re in trouble, Clara.” Her voice was filled with so much happiness it almost made up for her laughing at my expense.

  Keyword: almost.

  “Between Brantley moving to town and Declan wanting a new sibling, I’d say you’re in big trouble. Like, huge.”

  I scoffed and waved a dismissive hand in her direction while simultaneously thinking, mostly likely.

  Call it foresight, call it a premonition, call it whatever you want, but I knew once Brantley and Isabella stepped foot in Kissler again, my life would never be the same.

  Turns out, this time I was right.

  Brantley

  Memphis, TN

  It was the night before our big move.

  I stood in the center of my kitchen holding a scotch filled tumbler in one hand, and a vivid photo in the other. In the nine months since I'd snapped it with my phone, a single day hadn't passed in which I didn't stare down into the faces of the two most beautiful females I’d ever seen.

  The first face belonged to my four-year-daughter, Isabella, and the second belonged to the woman who'd taken up residence in the forefront of my mind since the moment I first met her.

  Her name? Clara O'Bannon.

  Beyond beautiful and armed with a smartass mouth that would make most men run in the opposite direction, she'd captured and held my attention like no other woman had before.

  Blessed with fiery red hair, tantalizing green eyes, and a body with more curves than a backcountry road, it was impossible not to notice her. But it wasn't just her beauty and sharp tongue that made me fall hard for her.

  No, what had me twisted in so many damn knots I couldn’t think straight was witnessing first-hand how good of a mother she was to her two sons. Loving and nurturing, she was everything a mother should be, and everything my daughter would never have.

  Frustrated as hell at the
thought, I ran a palm down the side of my face.

  Ever since I'd finalized my divorce two years prior, it had just been my little princess and me. Evan had lived in Georgia with Hope since he was discharged from the Marines and my parents had moved to Florida when they retired. A year ago I'd started the ball rolling on moving from Memphis to Kissler, thinking it would be better for Bella if we were close to family.

  Now, I wasn’t so sure.

  I was excited as hell to live near my brother, right across the street in fact, but my feelings toward Clara were borderline obsessive, and I knew the more I saw her, the more those feelings would grow.

  It was something I was unsure I should allow to happen.

  After the hell Isabella and I had been put through for the last two years courtesy of my ex-wife, I was determined not to let another woman in. Yet part of me itched to chase after Clara with everything I had.

  But I couldn't do that.

  It didn't matter that she was nothing like the witch who'd toyed with my emotions and hurt my little girl repeatedly, I couldn’t go there.

  Risking Bella’s heart wasn’t something I was willing to do.

  Heart in my throat, I sat the tumbler down on the counter, and studied every inch of the picture, memorizing its entirety for what was probably the five-hundredth time.

  In the photo, Isabella sat on the center of Clara’s lap. She wore a rhinestone adorned pink dress, a silver tiara, and a faux pearl necklace. Her sparkling gaze was riveted on the woman whose arms were wrapped around her little waist.

  It was obvious from Bella’s expression that I wasn’t the only one infatuated with Clara, who in turn, wore a light blue bridesmaid dress, ruby colored lip gloss, and a silver choker. Sporting a smile that lit up her entire face, she stared down at the little girl who was my entire world. They'd both been so lost in each other that neither had noticed I was taking their picture.