Addictive

by Jessica Prince

  “Carmen!” I yell, but it’s cut off by Aldo’s deep baritone.

  “That’s it, let’s go.” And just like that, he picks Carmen up, tosses her over his shoulder, and storms off toward the break room with her screaming and cussing the whole way.

  Once they’ve disappeared, the few diners by the bar turn back to their own conversations, none the wiser; and I’m left without a buffer between Gabriel and me. With a heavy sigh, I turn my attention back to the man that I love and hate all at the same time. “What are you doing here?”

  “I needed to see you.” The sorrow tingeing his voice squeezes at my heart, but I shove it away and stand my ground.

  “There’s nothing left to say. You need to leave.”

  Ignoring my demand completely, he leans against the bar and asks, “Have you gotten my gifts?”

  “Yes, I got your gifts,” I spit at him. “And you’re wasting your money. Everything is in the trash, Gabriel. You can’t buy me with flowers and candy. There’s nothing you can do to make up for what you’ve done.”

  “If you’d just let me fucking explain—”

  “There’s nothing to explain!” I interrupt on a shout. I have to squeeze my eyes closed and take a calming breath before I can say anything else. “There’s nothing to explain,” I repeat in a lower voice. “It’s done. We are done. You need to get that. No more calls. No more texts. Stop sending gifts. I don’t want anything from you other than to leave me alone.”

  “I can’t do that, my bella.”

  My stomach clenches at his nickname for me and my heart begins an erratic beat behind my ribs. Why does he have to make this so hard? Can’t he see that this is killing me?

  “Please, Gabriel.” Pain laces my words, causing him to flinch.

  “I love you, Marley. And I’m not going away. I’ll make you understand.”

  His hand reaches into his coat pocket and the items he drops on the counter make a loud clang. Staring down at the keys and access card, I know I’m only moments away from caving. The longer he stands in front of me, the weaker my resolve becomes.

  “I told you, you can’t buy me. Nothing has changed. I’m not coming back to you.”

  A traitorous tear breaks free and slides down my cheek. He leans over the bar and gently brushes it away with his thumb, causing more to fall with the tenderness of his touch. “I’m not trying to buy you, my bella. The car was a gift. There’re no strings attached to it. You need it to get around and I’m not letting you give it back. Please, don’t fight me on this.”

  It makes me feel weak, but I can’t bring myself to argue with him. I take the keys and slide them into the pocket of my jeans, leaving the access card on the bar.

  “Take it, baby. Just in case you ever need it.”

  “I won’t need it.”

  “Take. It.”

  I want to pick it up and hurl it at his head. Even with everything between us, he still can’t curb his need to be controlling. However, instead of prolonging this fight, I pick it up and put it in the pocket alongside the keys. I know I’ll never use it; but if it will end this, I’ll do it.

  Just then, Aldo and a fuming Carmen come from the hallway. With a lift of his chin, he’s out the door without another word. When Gabriel turns to leave, everything in me wants to reach out to stop him. Fear overwhelms me at the thought of never seeing him again, even though I know it’s for the best.

  Just before he walks through the door, he turns back to me with his infamous, cocky smirk. “Don’t forget what I said, baby. I’m not letting you go.” And with that, he’s gone.

  “You okay? What did that asshole say to you?” Carmen asks as she rushes around the bar and wraps me in a tight hug.

  I don’t answer.

  I can’t.

  If I let her know just how miserable I feel now he’s gone, she’ll only worry more, and give me yet another lecture about needing to let him go. “I should be asking you that question,” I deflect as I pull out of her lung-crushing embrace. “You look like you could shoot lasers out of your eyeballs right now. What did Aldo have to say?”

  She lets out a huff and begins stacking glasses with so much force I’m afraid she might break one. “Nothing, he’s just a prick. Don’t worry about him.”

  The only person who’s ever been able to agitate my best friend to such an extent is Aldo. I’ve seen him set her off twice; and for someone with a naturally laid-back attitude, seeing her lit up like this is definitely interesting.

  “Don’t be like that, Car. You’re my friend. I’m allowed to be worried about you, too.”

  She sighs and drops her hands on the bar top. “Please don’t worry about me, babe. You’ve got enough to deal with right now. I don’t want to add any more to your plate.”

  Now it’s my turn to be agitated. “I’m not going to break, Carmen. I’ve dealt with too much shit in my life to let it keep me down. You’re my best friend, and if something’s bothering you, it’s bothering me, too. So you might as well tell me what he said. I’m just going to keep bugging you until you do,” I add with a laugh in an attempt to lighten the tense atmosphere.

  With a defeated sigh, she begins recounting her conversation with Aldo. “He said I can ignore his calls all I want, but I’m still going to end up in his bed eventually. And that pussy like mine’s too sweet to quit.” She slams her palms down on the bar with a loud crack. “Who the fuck talks like that, Marley? I mean, really!”

  It’s probably the wrong thing to do, but I can’t hold it in; the laughter bubbles out of me before I can control it.

  “Glad you find this so funny. Why did you even let me hook up with that asshole in the first place?”

  “Oh no! You aren’t putting this on me. If you can’t keep that nickel between your knees, that’s no one’s fault but your own.”

  “Whatever,” she grumbles as she returns to her work. “Those men aren’t our problems anymore. We’re done, got it?” she says adamantly.

  I don’t say anything in response. A part of me wishes it were just that easy…that I could just be done with Gabriel and move on. But I know better.

  “So what did he want?” she asks after a few minutes of silence, pulling me from my musings.

  I keep my head down as I answer, avoiding eye contact at all costs. “He brought the car back.”

  She stays silent for so long, my curiosity gets the best of me, and I’m finally forced to look up. “Huh,” she says casually. “Well, it’s the least he could do, right?”

  “I guess.” Stunned by her response, but no less over this conversation, I pop her butt with the towel in my hand and demand she get back to work. All I can do is pray the rest of the shift goes better than it has so far.

  ***

  Sleep has always been hard to come by…well, with the exception of those nights spent in Gabriel’s arms. Now that he’s gone, it’s nearly impossible. The rare few hours that I do get are plagued by nightmares of that last night in my mother’s house. Now, instead of seeing men in masks, I see Gabriel, clear as day. The dream starts as it always has, with masked men breaking into our house. Only this time, I don’t wake up at the part when the flames are licking at my body, threatening to engulf me. Now the dream twists into something much more sinister. The threat of dying in the fire has been replaced with images of Gabriel and his men finding me in my hiding place. The Gabriel I’ve come to know and love isn’t the one I encounter in my nightmare. This Gabriel is cold and manipulative, his gray eyes full of so much hatred. There are no signs of my Gabriel in the man staring back at me in my sleep. Every time I close my eyes, these are the visions playing in a constant loop through my mind. Every night I wake up screaming, cold sweat coating my body, tears soaking my pillow.

  I dread going to sleep at night.

  It’s been a week since he showed up at Fletcher’s. I know I should be thankful that he’s finally decided to listen to me, but every hour that passes without hearing from him is like a fresh wound to my heart. I’m a walking c
ontradiction. I want him to call, but I told him not to. I want to see him, but I know I can’t. I love him; however, a part of me also hates him and what he’s capable of. I crave him, but I can’t be with him. It’s enough to drive a person mad.

  I’ve lost track of how long I’ve been lying here staring at the ceiling fan as it whirls around and around. I came home from work last night and collapsed into bed, praying for a dreamless sleep. Just a few uninterrupted hours, that’s all I’m asking for really. Of course, I’ve never been lucky enough to catch any kind of break. The nightmare reared its ugly head and I’ve been unable to close my eyes ever since. I’ve watched the shadows on the ceiling make their trek across the walls until the early dawn light finally pushed them away completely. In the time I’ve lain here unmoving, the sun has gone from deep lavender to orange to faint pink, and finally to yellow. It’s shining through my bedroom window like a bright beacon announcing the start of yet another beautiful day, but I feel no joy as the warm inviting rays envelope my room. All I want to do is pull the covers over my head and ignore the world outside.

  The only thing able to pull me from the comfort of my bed is the shrill ringing of my cell phone. My heart rate spikes at the thought it could be Gabriel while my mind berates me for being so weak. The twinge of disappointment I feel when I see it’s not his name on the screen is replaced moments later with confusion. Why would my academic advisor be calling during winter break?

  “Hello?”

  “Good morning, Marley. It’s Mrs. Carlisle.”

  “Good morning, Mrs. Carlisle. What can I do for you?”

  “I was hoping you’d have time to discuss your classes for the coming semester. Now that we’ve received payment for the remainder of this year and the next, I believe it would be beneficial to you if you were to add to your course load. I know you’ve been on a payment plan, but seeing as that’s no longer an issue, there’s a strong possibility you could receive your associates degree a year earlier than was originally planned with the addition of more hours each semester.”

  “I’m sorry…what?” Obviously, my brain has malfunctioned because I’m not able to follow a damn word she’s saying. Surely, she’s made a mistake. “What do you mean, you received payment? I haven’t sent any money. I barely have enough to cover next semester.”

  I hear the shuffle of papers come through the line before she answers. “It’s showing you’re paid up until the end of next year.”

  I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “There has to be a mistake, Mrs. Carlisle. Are you sure that money isn’t supposed to go to someone else’s account?”

  More paper shuffling ensues. “No, no. It’s right here. “The memo clearly states the payment is for Marley Levkova.”

  “I don’t understand. This can’t be right.”

  “I’m sorry, Marley. I was under the impression you were aware Gabriel Bertozzi was covering the remainder of your loan.”

  What?

  “What?”

  “Mr. Bertozzi—”

  I interrupt before she can continue. “No, I heard you. Can you tell me when he made the payment?”

  “It looks like….” Even more paper shuffling. “Ah, here it is. As a matter of fact, it was sent just yesterday.”

  Damn him! Why can’t he just stop? The safe, careful life I constructed for myself has been turned upside down because of him, and he’s doing everything in his power to make it impossible for me to right it again. If he would just go away for good, the pain would eventually recede and I’d be able to move on.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Carlisle,” I reply hastily. A quick look at the clock tells me Gabriel should be at work by now. The last thing I need is to see him face to face, but he’s left me no other choice. “I just remembered I have something I need to take care of. I’ll have to call back and discuss classes with you later.” I don’t let her get a word in edgewise before disconnecting and stomping back to my room. With my hair tossed up into a messy bun, I throw on the first pair of worn jeans I come across and match them with a plain white t-shirt. I slide into my ratty Converse shoes, wrap a scarf around my neck, and put on the only coat I have—a plain black pea-coat I’m sure went out of style a long time ago—then bolt out the door.

  The second I step out of my car and look up at the high rise, which houses Bertozzi Enterprises, I’m hit with a sense of uneasiness. I definitely should have put more thought and effort into my wardrobe selection. I am totally out of my element. Oh well, too late now. Squaring my shoulders and lifting my chin, I fake a bravado I most certainly don’t feel and head into the building.

  I’m greeted by a friendly security guard that points me in the direction of the elevators that will take me to Gabriel’s floor. The ride up gives me just enough time to question my sanity. I left my apartment so gung-ho for this showdown with Gabriel, I never stopped to think about what I’d say. Now, I can’t shake the feeling this isn’t going to go in my favor. I’ve almost convinced myself it’s not too late to turn around and run back to the comforts of my home when the elevator glides to a smooth stop and the doors open directly into a huge lobby. A deep gray, granite desk is placed right in front of me and the gorgeous brunette sitting there looks up at me with a smile. Too late to turn back now.

  “Can I help you?” she asks as her eyes scan over my appearance. Her smile slowly fades away as she takes in my choice of clothing, her expression showing she knows as well as I do, I don’t belong in a place as nice as this.

  “Uh…y-yeah,” I stutter as I step from the elevator to stand in front of her desk. “I uh… I’m here to see Gabriel…I mean, Mr. Bertozzi?” The statement comes out more of a question as I fiddle uncomfortably with the frayed edge of my scarf, allowing my nerves to get the best of me. Standing here as she scrutinizes me is beyond awkward.

  Her eyes narrow as she looks at me questionably. “Do you have an appointment Ms...?”

  “Oh, sorry, I’m Marley.” The minute my name leaves my mouth, her lips curl into a full on sneer leaving me to wonder what I’ve possibly done in the ten seconds I’ve been standing here to offend her so immensely. “I’m sorry. I don’t have an appointment. I was hoping I could just speak with him really quick?”

  The sneer morphs into a look of superiority as she tilts her chin up and clasps her hands on her desk in front of her. “I’m sorry. Mr. Bertozzi isn’t available at the moment. He’s a very busy man. I suggest you make an appointment. He doesn’t take too well with people dropping by unexpectedly.”

  I don’t know who this woman is, or if she has a problem with me specifically or just people in general, but I’m certainly not in the mood to deal with her attitude. The discomfort from seconds before morphs into anger as I look at this woman who’s clearly judged me and already found me lacking. I’ve had enough of her haughty superiority. I’m through. “You know what? Just forget it,” I tell her, trying to mimic her snotty attitude. “Sorry I wasted your time.”

  She mutters something under her breath that I’m sure is an insult as I turn and press the button to call the elevator. Before my escape is granted, however, the door to the left of the bitchy woman swings open and deep male voices fill the silent lobby.

  “Marley?”

  At the sound of Aldo’s voice, my body comes to a complete halt of its own volition, not even allowing me to turn around. I hear a loud bang, like a chair or something hitting the wall of the room Aldo just left. Then I hear Gabriel’s voice, “What? She’s here?” At the sound of it, my heart begins to beat a staccato in my chest.

  My legs finally decide to cooperate and I turn just as Gabriel steps past Aldo and into the lobby next to his bitch of a secretary. He takes a look at the lit up call button for the elevator before finally turning his eyes back to mine. “You’re leaving?” Before I can get a word in, his gaze slices to the beautiful woman behind the desk. “Yvonne, why didn’t you tell me Marley was here?” Accusation rings through loud and clear in his tone.”

  “Yes, I’m leav
ing.” I cut in sharply, pulling his attention back to me. “I was informed you’re too busy and don’t appreciate people showing up without appointments.” I cut a narrow-eyed look at the woman who is clearly Yvonne just in time to see the color drain from her cheeks. A sardonic smirk spreads over my face as Gabriel’s head shoots back in her direction, the look on his face anything but pleasant. I just hope I’m long gone before he tears into her.

  He focuses on me once again. “I always have time for you,” he tells me as he takes a step in my direction. “We can talk in my office.” He reaches a hand out tentatively, unsure if I’ll allow physical contact. Bypassing his outstretched hand, I move past him and step to the door, which Aldo is currently blocking, shooting him a glare when he doesn’t immediately move out of my way.

  With a chuckle, he steps to the side and waves me into Gabriel’s office. “Good to see you again, Marley.”

  I refuse to return the sentiment. I simply sit in one of the plush chairs adjacent to Gabriel’s desk and stare straight ahead.

  I need to get this over with and get out of here before I do something I’ll regret, like breakdown in front of Gabriel.

  Shutting the door on Aldo so that we’re alone, Gabriel walks over to the chair to my left and turns it so it’s facing me directly. Being in such close proximity, I’m able to smell his cologne, causing an onslaught of memories to bombard me. My eyes slam shut as I try to push away reminders of what his skin feels like against mine. He hasn’t spoken a word since sitting down and already my willpower is diminishing.

  “Marley,” I hear Gabriel’s gruff whisper of my name, just before his fingers grasp my chin and turn my face toward his. “Are you okay, my bella?”

  I force my eyes open and look into his deep gray ones. The look in his eyes and the feel of his skin on mine is too much. I have to jerk my face away from his hold. “Looks like you have a little Gabriel Bertozzi fan club starting out there,” I deflect with a tilt of my chin to the door, hoping to snuff out the passion and concern reflecting back at me in his gaze.