The Broken Road to Forever

by Rhonda Dennis

  My teeth chatter. “You. Want. Me. To. Shower. Here?”

  He gives me one of his smiles. “Did you want to stay like that?”

  “No,” I admit. “Don’t look, okay?”

  “I won’t.”

  “Don’t let anyone in, either.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Promise me you won’t look.”

  He takes a few steps towards me. “Every bit of me wants to shower with you. I want to soap you up and savor every one of your magnificent curves, but it would only be torturous for both of us. I hate this, Mal. I hate only being able to steal a moment here and there with you. The hell with his connections. Once I graduate with my law degree, I’m done with him. I don’t expect you to wait for me. It’s way too much to ask because it’s still years away, but if you’re available…”

  “I think the chances are good,” I say with a smile.

  He leans in to kiss me, but stops abruptly and takes a step back before pointing towards the running shower. “Go.”

  Snatching the jersey from his hand, I give a slight laugh as I disappear behind the wall to wash the funk from my body.

  SEVEN

  Afraid Brent’s jersey won’t fit, I’m happy to find that it actually swims on me. I really should work at getting a better grip on my insecurities. The grin on my face is quite large as I leave the showers to find him, but I’m disappointed to find I’m all alone in the equipment room. He requested my presence, so I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t leave without letting me know. Figuring he’s simply running a quick errand, I sit atop a long countertop while towel drying my hair. That’s when I hear the heated exchange going on just outside the room. Hopping down, I edge closer to the door while trying to make out exactly what’s being said. One voice is definitely Brent’s; the other, I don’t recognize, but it’s deep, masculine, and mature. Maybe it’s the coach?

  “Every game is not going to be perfect, and you’re deluded if you think that.”

  “You’re deluded if you think I’m going to keep forking over money to support your sorry ass if you play another sloppy game like that!”

  “You didn’t think my ass was so sorry when Coach was singing my praises to you last week.”

  “That’s because you were worth something then. Today, useless.”

  “We won!”

  “No thanks to you. You could have lost it for everyone on that field because your head obviously wasn’t in the game. What is it? That piece of ass with the dad who owns the construction company too much for you to handle?”

  “Just stop it, Dad. Get out of here and leave me alone.”

  My breath catches when I hear a thud then see the silhouette of Brent’s outstretched body through the frosted glass of the door. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that, boy. You understand me? What? Are you mad? You think you can hurt me?” his father challenges.

  “I want you to leave me alone,” Brent chokes out.

  “Oh, I’ll leave you alone, all right. I’d love to see you try to make it on your own. You’re nothing without me.”

  “You’re. Hurting. Me,” I hear Brent say through labored gasps.

  “Fight back. Go ahead.”

  “No.”

  “Do it! Try!”

  “No.”

  My heart breaks hearing the exchange, and I desperately want to do something to stop it, but what? I search around for a phone to call campus police. None. Finally, I rake my arm across the shelf closest to the door, sending a slew of helmets to the floor.

  “What the fuck was that?” I hear the older man ask Brent. “Someone in there?” he yells through the door.

  I dash back to the showers just as the door flies open. “NO!” I hear Brent yelling, though it comes out raspy. His father’s laugh is evil incarnate, and as it resonates throughout the area, my blood runs cold.

  “My boy. I shouldn’t have doubted you. No wonder you weren’t there to greet me after the game as usual. You were meeting your girl for a victory celebration, weren’t you?” I hear his footsteps nearing, and it takes all I have to remain pressed against the wall. I long to run away and would give anything for a window from which to jump. “It’s okay. You can come out, little lady. Nothing to be scared of here.”

  “Dad, no.”

  “Hush, boy,” he snaps. “Come on now. Show your face. I know you’re in here.”

  My heart thunders in my chest. I’m incredibly fearful of facing the man, but more fearful of what might happen if I don’t honor his request. As if I were being led to certain death, I exit the shower, dragging my feet while slowly moving towards the demanding voice. I’m not even fully around the corner when I see his face change from harsh to severe. “Who the fuck is this?” Never in my life have I felt more unworthy of the air I breathe. His tone alone zaps all self-worth from my trembling body.

  “Please, Dad. Leave her alone. She’s very nice, and…”

  “You certainly are not my son’s type. Who’s your daddy, girl?” Brent’s father asks while sizing me up. The only thing that comes out is a long line of stutters.

  “Her father is a federal judge. I hope to intern for him after graduation.”

  “Ah, I see. Give your father my best,” he says, pulling a business card from his shirt pocket and handing it to me with a shit-eating grin. I simply nod. “Show me out, son?” Brent is at his side instantly. “Lock in that internship, then dump Porky. She’s bad for your image.” He was attempting to whisper, I think, but his voice very easily carries over to me. I feel punched in the gut and struggle to keep my tears at bay. Every ounce of the tiny bit of self-esteem I had evaporates. “Make sure it happens before Thanksgiving. Wouldn’t want to foot that bill if you bring her home for dinner.”

  Brent’s face is bright red, and his jaw is clenched so tightly that I expect to hear his teeth shatter. His fists are balled by his side, and though I’d love nothing more than for him to pound the ever-living crap out of the man, a bigger part of me wants for this moment to just be over and done. His father turns on his heel. “See you next week, son. Another home game, so do me proud.”

  Still visibly upset, Brent faces him. “Of course. As always, sir.” His teeth remain clenched as he speaks.

  “Relax, son. You’ll have a stroke if you stay stressed like that.” And with that parting jab, he’s gone. Brent rushes to me, catching me just as my knees buckle. We slide to the floor together, where his arms remain wrapped tightly around me.

  “I’m so sorry,” he repeats over and over while kissing the top of my head. I finally stop him.

  “You have nothing to apologize for, Brent.”

  “I should have stood up to him. I shouldn’t have let him say those things about you. I know you heard them, and I’m so sorry.”

  “Why’d you tell him my dad was a judge? I can’t help you get any internship, much less one with a federal judge.”

  “I hoped he’d leave you alone if he thought he could get something from your family.”

  “And what if he decides to cash in on that?”

  “Then I’ll handle it if and when it happens,” Brent says. I pull away from his chest to look him over. His neck is bright red where his father held him pinned against the door.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” He turns away just as I reach out to touch the tender flesh.

  “You said he didn’t hurt you in that way.” Brent lets out a pent-up breath.

  “He hurts me in every way.” I hang my head.

  “It’s not right.”

  “No, it’s not, but it’s how things are. It’s how they’ve always been. I’m trapped.” He looks away, and though I want to pull him into an embrace, I leave him. Not because I’m uncaring, but because it would crush me to see the hint of a tear in those forlorn eyes of his. How could a parent ever treat his child that way? Sure, Brent is an adult now, but it’s no easier to watch the treatment now than it is to imagine him as a young boy absorbing the same emotional and physical abuse. Mom and
I may not have much, but I know I’ll always have her love, affection, and respect. She’s proud of me, and I’d know it even if she didn’t tell me every time she sees me.

  “He’s wrong.”

  I chance a glance in his direction; his face is still pained. I give a sympathetic nod. “He is very wrong to treat you that way.”

  “I’m talking about with you. The things he said…”

  “Not everyone says things like that out loud, but it’s what most people think when they see me. It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. You’re beautiful, Mallory.” I shake my head.

  “No, not me. The girls you’ve been dating, they’re beautiful. Being told things like that is part of my life. I’m not the norm, and there are people out there who are quite vocal about it. I’m happiest when they ignore me, but there are those who make it their mission to point out the obvious. Their words shouldn’t have so much power over me, but they do. I can’t help it.”

  Brent puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in tight. “We suck, Triple P.”

  “Yes, we do,” I say with a giggle.

  “Nah. It’s not us; it’s them.” I nod.

  “You talked about people stating the obvious. You do know that I have no reason to lie to you when I tell you you’re beautiful, right?” My cheeks flush.

  “I don’t know why you think that.”

  “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” I give a half smile.

  “You’ve said that to me before.”

  “Sweet, beautiful Mallory.” He shifts to place his head in my lap. “You suck as a mascot.” I burst out laughing.

  “Well, I have no intention of being mascot ever again.”

  “The fans thank you.”

  I give him a playful push against his chest, and instead of feigning pain like he usually does, he laces his fingers through mine. After grazing my knuckles across his lips, he gently places our hands atop his chest, and I feel the slow and steady rhythm of his pounding heart beneath my fingers. We sit in silence for a while, just allowing ourselves to drink in each other’s presence. The connection we have is undeniable, but so is the fact that we aren’t meant to be together. A lifetime of stolen moments isn’t fair to either of us. I let out a long sigh.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  “Everything,” I answer.

  “Care to narrow that down a bit?”

  “Okay. This. This is on my mind.”

  “What about this?”

  “I should go.”

  Brent shifts to prop up on an elbow. “Why?”

  “Because we’re torturing ourselves. Life is hard enough for the both of us without all of this.”

  “What are you saying?” I stand and walk to the corner nearest the door.

  “I’m saying that every time we share one of these moments, I fall for you a little harder, and it’s not fair. Tomorrow you’ll be walking around campus with someone who isn’t me, and I’ll have to go back to being Mallory. I can never be your Triple P in public, and I accept that. It’s just really hard to ignore my feelings, especially when I’m alone with you. It hurts to leave you, Brent, and that’s exactly what I have to do.”

  “It hurts me, too. I’ve said it before; I don’t expect you to wait for me, but if you can and will, just let me get through law school. I’ll finally be free of him, and I’ll be able to give you the life you deserve.”

  “I don’t expect you to follow through with that, Brent. So much can change between now and then. It’s a nice thought, but the same applies to you. One of those girls might steal your heart, and that would be fine.” I lower my gaze. “It wouldn’t be fine, but it would be expected, and far better accepted by your dad.”

  “Fuck him.”

  “You know I’m right.”

  “What’s right is you and me making a life together. You teaching while I work towards getting established. We can move away and start fresh anywhere we want. I’ll have no debt thanks to these scholarships, and I’ll owe my dad nothing. I’ll be free of him once I graduate.”

  “He doesn’t seem like the type to just accept that, Brent.”

  He kisses the top of my head. “It won’t matter. I want to be with you, Mallory, and one day I’m going to shout it from the rooftops. I’d do it right freaking now if I weren’t so worried about his retaliating. You’re right when you say he’s powerful. No way would I chance him taking his aggression out on you or your mom because he’s pissed at me.”

  “He’d do that?”

  “I’ve seen him do worse over less.”

  “I’m so sorry, Brent.”

  “No, I’m the one who’s sorry.” He lowers his lips to mine, kissing me so tenderly that I’m lost in his embrace.

  “I should go.”

  “Be with me, Mallory. Please. I need you.”

  “Brent, I…” His lips graze my neck then rest near my ear.

  “Please.” He drops his hands to rest on the hem of the jersey. “Let me feel you.”

  Swallowing hard, and scrunching my eyes closed tightly, it takes every ounce of courage I have to nod. I cringe while waiting for his reaction as he pulls the jersey over my head. Surely seeing me in all my glory will suppress any desire he has for me. I just hope he doesn’t make a scene. His slipping away into the night would be a far better rejection than seeing revulsion on his face, or hearing gasps of disappointment and disgust.

  “Don’t do that,” he says, lightly running his fingers up my arms, across my shoulders, and stopping to cup my face. “Open your eyes and look at me.” I shake my head. “Mallory. Look at me,” he repeats softly, but firmly. I do, and I’m lost in the most seductive pair of eyes ever. Without a doubt, he cares about me in a way that is more than lust. Why? I don’t feel worthy in the least, but there’s no denying what I see. He’s been with many, many girls, and never once have I noticed him look at any of them the way he’s looking at me. Pulling me to stand beside him, he undresses quickly, and for the first time ever, I feel the full impact of having a nude man meld his body against mine. His warmth, his desire, his passion, all up for the taking, and I do so, greedily. My fervor turns him on even more, and he gasps when I drop my hand to cup him while sucking on his lower lip.

  “Oh, Mal,” he breathes out as I stand on tip-toe to trail kisses down his neck. His grip is tight when he lifts me onto the countertop, and I’m shocked by how effortless he makes the movement seem. He lowers his lips to my breast, and though I want to scream out, my mouth simply hangs open from the overwhelming sensation of his tongue teasing my sensitive flesh. I arch my back when I feel his fingers in between my legs. Uncertain of what to do, I trust my instincts, and slide forward while opening my thighs to give him better access. He moans when he feels the extent of my want for him.

  After giving me a slow, lingering kiss, he pushes his lips against my ear once again. “Mal, please be honest with me, sweetheart. Have you done this before?” I clamp my legs shut from the embarrassment.

  “It’s that obvious? I did something wrong, didn’t I?” I try sitting upright, but Brent nudges me back down.

  “No, it’s not that at all. It just means there are some additional considerations to weigh out.”

  “Like?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Like I shouldn’t be the one to do this, Mallory.”

  “You’re the only person I want to do this with. Brent; I’m inexperienced, but I know what feels right.”

  “Remember when you got sick at my house?”

  “That’s what you choose to bring up right now?”

  “Remember the talk we had? Mal, you might meet someone who is free to give you the world, and you’ll regret doing this with me.”

  “Never. I’ll never regret a second I spend with you, Brent.”

  “Don’t say things like that, Mallory. I can’t be the man you deserve. Not right now.”

  “You ARE the man I deserve. I want you to be my first. I’ve told you that before.” He c
loses his eyes.

  “Not here. You need better than this place.”

  “No, I need you. The place is irrelevant.”

  He pulls me to sit up, then rests his cheek upon my breast. “Oh, my sweet girl. The things you do to me. I’m going to make you my wife one day. It’s going to happen.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I know so. I’m going to give you a life so good, you’ll think you’re living in a fairy tale.” I smile.

  “I can’t believe I ever thought you were mean.”

  “I was mean. Hell, I’m still mean. My nice side didn’t come through until high school, and even then, you’re the only one who got to see it. I’m trusting you to keep my secret,” he says with a playful smirk.

  I kiss him then look into his eyes. “I’m ready.”

  His look is confident and assured as he gently nudges me back down. “It will hurt, Mal. There’s really no way around that, but I’ll stop anytime you need. Promise me you’ll tell me if you want me to stop.”

  “I promise.” I offer a nervous smile. He gives me a slow, lingering kiss, and while I’m distracted by the feel of his tongue teasing mine, he inserts his fingers once again. Mimicking his movements, I arch into his hand. My breathing becomes heavier as sensations I’ve never experienced overwhelm my senses. I’m left longing for more when he pulls away to take a condom from his wallet. Once it’s in place, he kneels before me on the countertop, then he leans forward, edging inside very slowly. The pressure builds, and the anticipation of it all leaves me trembling.

  “Look at me. Look into my eyes.” I dig my fingers into his upper arms as the pressure becomes pain, but I never look away. The hurt in his eyes matches my physical pain.

  “I’m okay,” I gasp when a tear escapes down my cheek.

  “I’m so sorry,” he repeats over and over until he’s full hilt.

  “I’m not.” Relief shows on his face, and he slowly rocks back and forth. Very gently, he makes love to me, and feeling him inside has me longing for a physical relationship I know he can’t give me. Maybe he was right, and I should’ve waited, but deep down I know this is right. No regrets. Brent is my first, and if things go the way he has them planned, he’ll be my last. Sad thing is, nothing ever seems to go as planned.