“We tried, Daddy, but Mommy said there isn’t really no secret candy world in the toilet. Natalie lied.”
Troy is in his arms when they round the corner to peek in the doorway. “The toilet is yucky, Daddy,” David says, peeking out from under the hood of his towel. I don’t even breathe much less dare to speak.
“Hey,” he directs towards me.
“Hey,” I manage to choke out.
“I guess we should talk?” Holding open a pair of underwear for David to climb into, I nod. “I’ll go say hi to the girls.”
“Hey, Dad.” Brent jumps backwards when he spots Grace coming towards him.
“Grace, uhm.”
“She’s experimenting with makeup. I’ve told her less is more, and all about natural beauty…”
“Grace, listen to your mother.”
She plants her hands on her hips and bats her six-inch long caterpillar lashes. “I did!” She huffs off and slams her door. Brent looks at me.
“I’m handling it.” I raise my palms to him.
“Natalie?”
“Sulking because I won’t let her go out on a date with Rhett.”
“Who the hell names their kid Rhett anymore?”
“Brent! It’s a nice name. Besides, I said no. Her attitude and grades both need adjustment before she can start dating again.” Jaw set, he nods. David bolts from the bathroom as soon as his nightshirt is over his head, and I sigh when looking around at the sopping bathroom. Nothing but the glamorous life for me. Maybe I could look more like Whitney if I hadn’t had three difficult pregnancies, four difficult children, a high-stress job, and actually had time to go to a gym, or get my hair done, or even get a little extra sleep to get rid of the permanent dark circles under my eyes. Anger bubbles once again in my core. All of my sacrifices: mind, body, and soul. As dependable as I’ve been throughout our marriage, and he leaves me for a shiny new whore of a model.
Pushing past him, I jog downstairs and slam the bedroom door behind me. He’s in the room right behind me, so I take a little comfort in knowing that I slammed it right in his face. I sit on the bed and hug a pillow tightly while he silently paces. After releasing a deep breath, he sits beside me on the bed. “Where do we start?” he asks. I shrug.
“I’ve never had my husband leave me for a skank before, so I wouldn’t know.”
Anger burns in his eyes. “I didn’t leave you for her, and you know it.”
“No, Brent, I don’t. I don’t know anything because you won’t tell me anything. Everything I’ve learned has come from a third party, or I overheard for myself while you were trying to get into her pants.”
“I was not trying to get into her pants, Mallory.”
“Seriously, Brent? You’re going to say that when I WAS THERE!”
“Yes, she was willing and ready, but Mallory, I never agreed to anything.”
“You sure as hell didn’t turn her down.”
“No, I didn’t.” He hangs his head. A stray tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly brush it away.
“No, you didn’t. When did it happen, Brent? When did I lose you?”
He closes his eyes, and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t like it when you word it like that. You haven’t lost me.”
“Yes, I have. You checked out a long time ago; I just didn’t realize the severity of the situation. I truly thought you were going through a phase because of how chaotic and crazy things had become with school and the kids. I expected things to settle down eventually, and that you and I would…” He shakes his head.
“No. It wasn’t that at all.”
“Yeah, I found that out when you confided more to Nate’s ex-girlfriend than to me, your fucking wife.”
“Maybe she was easier to talk to because she actually listened.”
I gasp. “Oh, really? You think I don’t listen to you? Well, that’s two of us, but guess what. I didn’t go out and try to sleep with the first person to pay attention to me.”
He squints his eyes, anger boiling over once again. “That’s because no one…” He shakes his head, raises a hand overhead, and stands. “Never mind.”
Yeah, I said some nasty things, but his comment, even though it goes unfinished, hits way below the belt. “Say it.”
“No.”
“SAY IT!”
“No. We’re supposed to be talking about the kids.”
I stand before him. “Say it.”
“Mallory, no. I’m not saying anything, so drop it.”
I shove him, but he’s so solid he barely moves. “Say it.” Tears well in my eyes.
“Last warning, Mallory. Stop pushing this.”
“Just. Say. It.” I’m about to give him another shove when he grips my wrists.
“I refuse to speak to you when you’re like this.” He releases me and moves to push past me.
“It’s because no one wants me.”
“Ah jeez, Mallory.” He huffs loudly while shaking his head. “Focus. The kids.”
I’m angry at myself for being unable to keep the control over my emotions I swore I’d have if I saw him. I’m an irate, irrational, babbling mess, and I need to pull it together quickly if I want to keep any sort of credibility. Sucking in a deep breath, I work to rein in the hurt and anger.
“You’re right. The kids. This is about the kids. We’re telling them, aren’t we? That means we’re doing this. We’re divorcing.”
“I’m not committing to a divorce.”
“What the hell is this with your lack of commitment all of a sudden? ‘I never committed to sleeping with her.’ ‘I’m not committing to a divorce.’ What ARE you committing to, Brent?”
He glares at me. “We obviously need time apart to figure out what’s best for us. I’m not saying I want a divorce, but I do want a separation.”
“Will you take the job in South Carolina if the Bucks offer it to you?”
“It’s a damn good job, Mallory.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“I don’t want us to fight or argue.”
“You hurt me, Brent. Why wouldn’t you tell me about the job? I wracked my brain to try to figure it out, and the only thing that makes sense is that you didn’t want me to know because you’ve been planning this. Nate blew it though when he started running his mouth at the reunion. You were hoping to get the job, then you’d blindside me with the news.”
“That’s all you could come up with?”
“Yes, it’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“You don’t know me at all, Mallory.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Tell me about it.”
“I’m flying to South Carolina with Nate tomorrow. I’ll be there for a few days, then I’ll return in time for Friday’s game. That will give us some more time to think things over before we tell the kids.”
“They’re going to know something’s up, Brent.”
“Why would they, unless you tell them.”
“You really have been checked out for quite a while, haven’t you? They are smart kids, and they know everything.”
“Fine. Let’s go tell them.”
“What are you going to say?”
His hand rests on the doorknob. “I’m sure it’ll come to me.” I shake my head. “Ah, I see. So I’ll fuck that up, too. Okay, you go for it. Tell them whatever the hell you want, Mallory.”
“Brent, no. Stop. It’s one thing for us to be this way to each other, but the kids are innocent in this. They’re going to be devastated. We need to do this the right way.”
“I agree.”
I tick off things on my fingers. “Okay, so we’re going through a trial separation. We love them whether we’re together or not. We’re both going to still be a big part of their lives.” I look in his direction. “We are, aren’t we?”
“Yes, Mallory. I’m still going to be part of their lives, and I can’t believe you feel you need to ask that.”
“Brent, ah, forget it. It’s like beating a dead horse at this poin
t.” He opens the door, walks into the kitchen, and yells for the kids. Of course they come running when he calls. I give a quick eye roll. The twins are first in the kitchen, jumping up and down around his feet like noisy little penguins. A striped-faced Grace is next in the kitchen. Brent scrunches his nose with disapproval.
“It’s just temporary, Dad. I didn’t get to blend very well because you called me down in the middle of the video. It’s all about contouring, you know?”
“No amount of contouring can fix that ugly mug of yours,” Natalie says, snatching an apple and sinking her teeth deep into it while plopping into a kitchen chair.
“Shut up, Natalie. You’re just mad because Mom found out you were making out with Rhett in the backyard.”
“You what?” Brent and I shriek at the same time. Natalie shoots daggers towards Grace with her eyes.
“Oh, they didn’t know? Oops.”
“You’re dead.”
“Shut up, Natalie. I’m not scared of you.”
“You should be.”
“Troy ate a spider at Aunt Iris’ house,” David chimes in.
“And a worm.” Troy beams with pride. “And a roach.”
I rest my head in my hand. “Oh, jeez.”
“All of you pipe down right now.” Brent’s voice is stern and commanding. The room goes silent. “I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Your mother and I will answer any questions you might have after I finish explaining. Understand?”
“Aww, shit,” Natalie says under her breath. Brent shoots her a warning glance, and she looks away as she places her balled fist to her lips. She knows exactly what’s about to come out of his mouth, and I want nothing more than to hug her.
“I’m going away for a few days with Uncle Nate. When I get back, I’ll be coming by to visit you guys, but I won’t be living here anymore.” The twins look confused, Grace’s mouth hangs agape, and Natalie, nostrils flared, slowly shakes her head. “Your mother and I aren’t sure if this is going to be for good or not. This is an adult problem, and we’re going to work it out between us. You kids did nothing wrong, and your mother and I both love you very much.”
“Finally had it with the frump queen over there, huh? Can I live with you?” Natalie’s words are pure venom, and they cut me to the core.
“Don’t you dare talk about your mother like that ever again. Do you hear me?” Brent’s voice is nearly a growl. Natalie looks embarrassed, but not half as embarrassed as I’m feeling. Grace begins to wail.
“You’re so mean, Natalie. And you’re bad, too. Dad’s leaving because of you! We’re never going to see him again.” The twins look at Grace, then at each other, and a fresh round of wails begin.
“We love you, Daddy. You can’t leave us,” David pleads.
“I won’t be bad anymore, Daddy. Please stay,” Troy begs. Brent squats to scoop them up in his arms where he whispers something to them then kisses each of their cheeks. Grace’s shriek-like wails fill the air.
“I’m not leaving because of any of you, Grace. Did you not hear me? Please, stop sobbing like that. Everything is going to be okay. It’ll be different, but it’s going to be okay. Grace. Grace. GRACE!” She stops blubbering to look at him. “Enough, sweetheart.” Swallowing hard, she resorts to shaky gasps while nodding.
“I’m sixteen. I can pick who I live with,” Natalie says confidently.
“No, you can’t. You’re living here with your mother, your sister, and your brothers, and you will not give any of them a hard time.”
Natalie clenches her jaw. “Already got a new woman, huh? Got it. Guess we’ll be seeing you less and less. Nice knowing you, Pops.”
Brent is losing his patience with her, and I’m not really feeling all that bad about it. Her anger is rarely directed towards him. About time he gets a taste of what I deal with on a daily basis. “Natalie, enough, and I mean it. I’ll be back late Wednesday night, so I’ll be here to visit with you guys Thursday after school. Don’t make any plans.” His comment is directed towards Natalie. She shrugs.
“Who’s going to read us our story?” David asks Brent.
“I will. I’ll read it to you right now before I leave for the night.”
“It’s not the same.” Troy purses his lips out in a pout. “Do we have to go to bed now, too?”
“No, you don’t have to go to bed. I’m just going to read you the story.”
“Okay, Daddy. I’ll get the book,” David says, squirming out of his arms.
“I’m going to get a book, too.” Troy wriggles free, as well, and they disappear up the stairs.
“Do you girls have any questions for me?” Natalie opens her mouth to speak, but Brent cuts her off. “And by questions, I mean serious questions. Not derogatory remarks, comments, or statements.” Natalie closes her mouth and slumps back into her chair with her arms crossed.
“I’ll miss you, Daddy,” Grace says, hugging him tightly.
“I’ll miss you too, Gracie Belle. You can call me anytime you want to talk.” She nods against his chest, transferring most of her makeup to his shirt.
“Natalie.” Brent holds out his arm and waves her in his direction. Reluctantly, she makes her way over to him and settles in his arms. “I’m going to miss you.” He kisses the top of her head.
“Whatever.” She pushes away and runs up the stairs. Brent’s face shows the hurt he’s feeling, but I find it hard to feel sorry for him. My heart hurts for Natalie. She’s at a tough age and having a difficult time finding her way as it is. This, I worry, will push her over the edge. No matter the result of this, I’ll handle it. My children are my world, no matter how rotten they may be.
“I need to get back to the hotel. We’re flying out first thing in the morning.” Brent gently breaks his embrace with Grace.
“Okay, Daddy. Tell Uncle Nate I miss him.”
Brent smiles. “I sure will, sweetheart.”
“Hey, Dad.”
Brent raises his brows in her direction. “Why are you going on a trip with Uncle Nate?” He sighs, pulls out a chair, and motions for Grace to take a seat. I’m still leaned against the counter, so he pulls out another chair and motions for me to take it. I do. He joins us at the table. Though I join them, his response is directed towards Grace.
“You know that Daddy used to play college football with Uncle Nate, right? And that Uncle Nate and I were really good at what we did, but because I got hurt, I didn’t get to play professional football like Uncle Nate?”
“Yeah, and you’re sad about that.”
Brent looks a little stunned. “How did you know I was sad about that?”
“Dad, everyone knows you are sad about that.”
Brent takes in her words as he sits in silence for a while. “Well, Uncle Nate’s team needs a new coach, so they sent some people to watch me coach the high school team. They liked what they saw, so they invited me to tour their facility and to talk to them about the team.”
“They came down here to see you coach? When?” Grace asks the question I’m also curious to know the answer to.
“A few months ago. Anyway, they’re narrowing down the candidates, and I need to go back again.”
“Will we move, too, if you get the job?”
“We’ll discuss that more when and if that happens.”
She looks in deep thought. “Okay. See you Thursday, Dad. Goodnight, Mom. I’m really tired, so I think I’ll go to bed early.”
My poor, sweet girl. She’s heartbroken. “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll check in on you later, okay?” She nods. The boys come bolting down the stairs, each with a book in hand. Brent settles into the living room, with one boy on each arm of the recliner, patiently reading them each a story. They rest their heads in the crooks of his arms, pointing out certain pictures as he turns the pages. How can something so picture perfect be wrong? How can he not love this? How could he want to leave this behind? It’s because of me. It never was the kids; he loves them. It never was the job; football is his life. It’s me. I’m
the missing piece of the puzzle. Natalie is right. I’ve let myself go, and it’s beyond carrying extra pounds. I need to work on myself because I’m lost. A journey of self-pity ends tonight, and a new course has been set on self-discovery. Sneaking out of the room, I retreat to the bedroom. I have no idea how long I’m in there, lying in the dark silence, before a beam of light shines in from a crack in the door. It’s Brent, but I remain still and quiet. The door closes, and once again, I’m left alone with my thoughts.
TWENTY
The next few days drag, but I’m thankful for the time to mull over everything. It’s allowed some real soul searching, and my head is clearer than it’s been in many years. I’m hurt and completely heartbroken, but my anger towards Brent has somewhat waned. After much consideration, I’ve realized I’m partly at fault when it comes to the demise of our marriage. When we recited our wedding vows, I’d naively believed love was all we needed to get us through. How wrong had I been? At some point, one I am yet to pin point, we let our own insecurities take over the truth. Factor in four kids, no date nights, and a huge loss of communication, and that equals divorce. As devastated as I feel about my conclusions, I have a little more peace than I had the last time I saw Brent. He’d left with Nate the next day as planned, and although he’s phoned every night to talk to the children, I’ve yet to speak to him. I can’t, not yet, but I won’t have a choice today because, as promised, he’s due anytime to visit with the kids.
Watching my children the last few days, I’ve tried my best not to show them how sad I am, but I haven’t always been successful. Natalie has caught me crying a few times. She’s acted indifferent, and I’ve let her.
The twins come barreling through the kitchen. “I’m going to be first in line to see Daddy!” Troy shouts, pushing past David, who had been leading the race.
The Broken Road to Forever Page 19
